While you’re waiting, can you help the people who’ve arrived on Infomaniac via Google searches, looking for the answers to these questions?…
What is a cock supposed to look like?
Do men pee in bottles and cups?
Best place in UK for a shag?
If you know the answer to any of the above questions, please leave your answer in the comments box.
FIRST!
ReplyDelete"Best place in UK for a shag?"
Mutley's 1970's disco-themed front room.
Yes, men do pee in bottles and cups. Also on walls, in potted plants, and on ladies. And also other men. Oh, and in alleys. And on ladies in alleys. Also men pee on men in alleys. And they pee in the gutter and pretend you can't see them doing it. And finally, they pee in public pools.
ReplyDeletequestion: did they get their answers by visiting your blog?
ReplyDeleteFirst!!!!!!!!!!!
OK, I'm fooling no one.
(third)
XL: A shag on the shag carpet.
ReplyDeleteLEAH: And in Canada they write their names in the snow with pee.
BOXER: Did they get their answers by visiting my blog, you ask?
Well, regarding the pee question...
They were directed to my Portable Pee Bag For Men post in which BEAST said, I once had to pee in a plastic cup when stuck in a hidious traffic jam in a tunnel for 4 hours on the M25.I had to keep stopping and emptying the steaming contents out the window so we didnt have an overflow situation.
And GARFER said, Why would I waste money on that when an empty lemonade model does the same job for nothing? The full bottle also comes in useful for throwing at the working classes as I drive past them.
The last question is easy. Down at King's Cross and up in Hampstead Heath.
ReplyDeleteHave fun!
WooHoo! I'm first I'm first! In the words of the thingy, I think I am, therefore I am.
ReplyDeleteRe: Leah's comment. Actually, there are also places to consider such as the wastepaper bin, the wardrobe, a big bin-liner. When one has had one over the eight it is possible to forget who and where one is as one wakes up semi-comatose and desperate for the loo.
****hands out steaming cups of ahem 'herbal tea' ****
ReplyDeleteI know of 2 men who have died and a bottle of piss has been found so they don't have to walk to the bog.
ReplyDeleteThats how I want to be remembered.
What is a cock supposed to look like? Like a hen, but generally larger with more elaborate and colourful plumage.
ReplyDeleteDo men pee in bottles and cups? Men probably do, but gentlemen never do.
Best place in UK for a shag? I would say the Northumbrian coast. There are also loads of puffins, terns and other sea birds. Sometimes even cormorants!
Answer to the first one - 'Obviously not like yours or you wouldn't be asking'.
ReplyDeletea cock is supposed to look?
ReplyDeletemost men here would say "bottles, we don't need no stinkin bottles!"
best place in UK for shag...that hotel i was staying on victoria street worked well for me :)
if the question had been ..
ReplyDeleteplace for the best shag in the UK?
well, i might have been able to answer that
Most cocks are red. So that's what one can suppose I guess.
ReplyDeleteAs IDV pointed out.
Don't know. I think of the UK as a no-shag-land of tea and palingenesis.
I don't know the answers to any of these.
ReplyDeleteBut I would like to know. Especially number 3...
Please?
What is a cock supposed to look like?
ReplyDeleteLike a penis, but upright.
Do men pee in bottles and cups?
Only if there's no watersports enthusiasts around.
Best place in UK for a shag?
My garden!
1)Huge.
ReplyDelete2)Yes. They make use of any receptacle they can get their mitts on.
3)Flat 6, Slattern Court, SE5.
Sx
Scarlet:
ReplyDelete1) Oh. :-(
2) True enough...
3) Am I allowed to be in anyway fussy about who I do it with in that flat? Like that they have to be female?
Google Searches NEVER cease to amaze.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: In your case, it’s not just the question that’s easy.
ReplyDeleteGINRO: The Roadbag is perfect for guys like you.
BEAST: Contrary to what you Brits believe, a cuppa is not necessarily always the answer…especially in your case.
KNUDSEN: Don’t you just piss into your cap?
IVD: The Northumbrian coast?
Don’t you slip in the bird guano when you’re bent over a rock, arse end up?
KAZ: Good point.
ReplyDeleteNow admit that you’d like a peek at it.
DAISY: The hotel on Victoria Street?
The one with your phone number scrawled in the lobby’s loo?
CARNALIS: CarNALis!
MAGO: All right, then.
Best place for a shag in Franconia?
FAMULUS: Carnalis’ place for starters and then you might want to head over to Daisy’s hotel room.
KAPI: *listens to sound of men putting Kapi’s phone number on speed dial as we speak*
ReplyDeleteSCARLET: It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean that counts.
FAMULUS: *waits for Miss Scarlet to answer*
HEFF: What Google searches lead to Heff’s blog?
Beer, boobies and Butlik?
See, everyone is ignoring the word 'supposed'. So what is a cock SUPPOSED to look like. That's a silly question and as such, I refuse to answer it.
ReplyDeleteDo men pee in bottles and cups? Yes of course we do, all the time, just for a laugh.
Best place in UK for a shag - well, for me it's upstairs but don't all go coming around cos hopefully it won't work out that way for you.
MJ: ADDRESSES! I NEED ADDRESSES! Actually I could get by with a map reference, Google Maps image or send me an item of clothing to catch the scent from... Famulus the bloodhound...
ReplyDeleteHey,'it's just occured to me that I do indeed have addresses. They may only be IP addresses, but it's enough for me to start with...
Famulus is on the trail...
But i'm also waiting for an answer from the delightful, Scarlet...
(and thanks for the boat analogy, Mistress; that gives me much more of a chance in this sort of thing...)
You are so right. But never cheap.
ReplyDeleteTOM: We've all heard the cries of "Sweet Baby Jeebus!” coming from your bedroom.
ReplyDeleteAnd, after all, you ARE the recipient of the Betty's Utility Room 2006 Loverman Award!
FAMULUS: You are ripe for Infomaniac’s Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service.
CYBERPOOF: How much do you charge for a quick fumble in the dark, then?
roadbag® caution: "Do not swallow the superabsorbent crystals"
ReplyDeleteMust be for spitters.
Not really MJ. In order to use something like that you need to wake up knowing who you are, where you are, and what you are trying to do.
ReplyDeleteWhat usually happens though is that one staggers about in some kind of dreamland, does the business, and then crashes asleep again. The next morning upon waking the events of the night are completely forgotten...until someone thinks it's a good idea to tidy the house up a bit and discovers the waste bin a little heavier than it should be.
More than you can afford
ReplyDeleteXL: It’s not Kool-Aid!
ReplyDeleteGINRO: In other words, you’re not housetrained.
CYBERPOOF: I wouldn’t have you!
Ah, Fammy, too bad you've got man-flu...
ReplyDeleteSx
1) Are they supposed to look like anything?
ReplyDelete2) Unfortunately some grown men pee in their pants too, they often blame stella artios
3) At my exes flat apparently
No MJ. Grrrr. I am talking about being pissed out of your head on so much pop from the night before that you've turned into a zombie until you get the booze out of your system.
ReplyDeleteHonestly! I've just had a furious argument with some Americans who refused to accept the fact that English proper is proper English, rather than their Americanised version (the big clue is in the name - it's ENGLISH), and now this. Aaaaaargh!
ReplyDelete1.Generally they look like the pope
ReplyDelete2.Yes ....becuase we can
3.MY BED mwa ha ha ha ha
SCARLET: Perhaps you should ask Famulus to bend over and you can take his temperature.
ReplyDeleteHARDHOUSE: Your ex sounds like a gay bar slut.
GINRO: Du calme, mon cher. Du calme.
Here. Suck on this ‘til you feel better.
BEAST: a) More like the Pope’s nose.
c) Oh PUH-leeeeeeeeeeze.
re c .....its no use begging....theres a queue
ReplyDeleteHmmm, *sucks* that's much better *sucks*
ReplyDeleteBEAST: That's a queue for the loo.
ReplyDeleteGINRO: There's a good lad.
HARDHOUSE: Your ex sounds like a gay bar slut.
ReplyDeleteA gay cyber slut MJ
**makes his way over to BEASTs bed**
MJ: I'm already signed up for that one. I've been bidding furiously, but I seem to be outbid each time. Sadness.
ReplyDeleteScarls: Indeed. Chance of a lifetime squandered. More sadness.
Ginro: We should start a campaign to rename whatever it is that they speak to American. None of this International English or American English. What they have is a totally different language.
Now, I'm just off out to bum a fag...
HARDHOUSE: Beware Beast's stinky duvet!
ReplyDelete*steadies camera, hoping for hot man-on-Beast action*
FAMULUS: You’re off to “bum a fag”?
*steadies camera, hoping for hot man-on-Fam action*
MJ: Since I am interested neither in the American version of that sentence nor the English version, I must apologise. It was merely an exercise in language.
ReplyDelete*prepares for scolding by a disappointed Mistress*
Sorry.
Typical man-flu Fammy, one minute you're at death's door, the next you're up for bumming fags. Come on, it was a mere sniffle wasn't it. Tut. And I let you use my hanky. And I was nice.
ReplyDeleteSx
The fag was bummed in purely the literary sense...
ReplyDeleteIt took little effort, I assure you.
It's now 11pm and I can't sleep again.
Shit.
SCARLET & FAMMY: Shut up and get me some hot man-on-man action.
ReplyDeleteWhat do I have to do to see a little bum fun?
Best place in UK for a shag. It's officially Myrther Tydfill. A short drive from here.
ReplyDeleteTICKERS: Myrther Tydfill?
ReplyDeleteHome of Shaggy the Sheep?
A) as long as it is clean and hard and does the job well, who cares!
ReplyDeleteB) men seem to pee wherever they damn well please.... so cups and bottles are on the list for sure, along with any other receptacle invented
C) well, if you had asked where is the best place for a shag (and not just in the UK), I would have said Winterpeg, cuz it is too bloody cold to be doing anything else! Gotta create some body heat some how... we've got a nother 6 months of winter to endure here.
Fam, darling, come over here and I will show you how Canadian girls talk - we know the Queen's English proper.... ;)
PONITA: A) as long as it is clean and hard and does the job well, who cares!
ReplyDeleteWell, that rules out a few of our readers.
*looks at Beast*
will you be answering these vital questions? eh?
ReplyDeletemj...wtf are you doing in the men's room where i put my number?...uh...i mean...uh...what hotel? yeah that's it!
ReplyDeleteA. Rode hard and put away wet.
ReplyDeleteB. No, a real man can hold his urine.
C. Corgi Kennel, Lower Level, 3rd door on the left, Buckingham Palace.
MANUEL: I'll get my crack team of researchers on it right away.
ReplyDeleteDAISY: Who said it was the men's room?
DONN: I'd hold your urine but I'm afraid it would slip right through my hands.
Here. Just, here.
ReplyDeleteHello, Mago.
ReplyDeleteMJ: Sorry Mistress, but Man-on-Ma action just isn't my think... But I do have a friend that would love to oblige if anyone can find him a willing partner...
ReplyDeleteAnd since I'm still ill with the death throes of Manflu, neither is checking my typing.
ReplyDeletePfff.
"Man-on-Ma action" LOL
ReplyDeleteWhen I was Young & Frisky some chick told me she wanted to "Shag In An Unusual& Dirty Place." ............so i took her to Huddersfield.
ReplyDelete*laughs at Famulus*
ReplyDelete*laughs at Ginro laughing at Famulus*
*laughs at Tony, just because*