Our current leader, Prime Minister Stephen Harper
Canada is a nation in crisis.
Parliament has been pierogied, er, prorogued.
Giant pierogi
Which one of you bitches would like to take over as our Prime Minister?
So far we have one applicant: GARFER. Here’s what Garfer had to say…
I have decided to become the new Canadian Prime Minister since that Harper bloke appears to have taken his ball home.
I am much better looking that Pierre Trudeaux (who had a poncy name) …
The late Prime Minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau (18 October 1919 – 28 September 2000).
And I rock at ice hockey.
I shall ban poutine.
Poutine: the holy trinity of fries, gravy and cheese curds
And decree that Celine Dion be publicly executed.
Birthday boy Donn shall be my deputy and willing executioner.
Donn
Do any of you bitches think you could perform the job of Canada’s Prime Minister as well as Garfer states he can?
Tell us why you want to be our PM and what you’d do for Canadians.
Yay First!
ReplyDelete(Not got anything to say. Just First. Um.)
Having never been offered such power before I am going to have to go away and think deeply about this.
ReplyDeleteI cannot offer support to someone who will ban poutine. That's just not right.
ReplyDeleteI think Donn would make a great PM. Just think of all the fun the country would have! And his speeches would have everyone totally confabulated trying to figure out just what he is saying.
I hereby nominate Donn, Mr. Common Tater, to become the Head of Commons for Canada.
I wish your PM would also suspend our Congress and keep them out of mischief!
ReplyDeleteWell, having had time to think about this I have come to the conclusion that the UK would rather have your Government, warts and all, rather than the bunch of selfish lying corrupt scumbags that now inhabit ours. I mean come on, a Member of the Opposition over here got arrested for (in a nutshell) trying to expose corruption and incompetence i.e. doing his job. Would that happen in Canada?
ReplyDeleteBut if I had to take over *sigh* ok if you must force me to *sigh* although I am not given to being power-hungry despite being an evil mastermind...
1. Install giant slush-puppies on all snowy mountainous regions so people could play in the snow in their favourite flavours.
2. Erect a giant 15ft high wall between America and Canada.
3. Make English the official language of Quebec (that'll go down well, lol!)
4. Have Canadian special forces kidnap the entire UK Government (plus Tony Bleeugh and his mrs), and force them all to sit through hours, days, weeks of Celine Dion singing that song from The Titanic. Eyelids propped open with matchsticks of course. Then they'd all be airlifted to Afghanistan and dropped in the Helmland province, alone.
Can't think of anything else at the moment.
Donn doesn't have the balls for the job. I'll the the PM, executioner and booby tester all in one. I'd put Canada on the map.......... I'd get the US to bomb it thus ensuring everyone knew where it was, G'day cobber put yet another shrimp on barbie and Ken.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't want that job. The uniform is too horrid.
ReplyDeleteBingowings might look good in it but he should leave the shirt off.
I'm with Ginro and Knudsen... and Pete... I'm very supportive...
ReplyDeleteSx
i was all for garfer...but ginro brings some good stuff to the table...hell i might even defect!
ReplyDeleteIf there's a prorogue, will there be an epirogue?
ReplyDeleteI'm tired of these bland young bucks. You need a grizzled old guy like Robbie Robertson, Neil Young or Joni Mitchell.
I can't offer much, but I will say that the banning of poutine might result in a reversion to a state of nature, and not in a good way.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I've only been to Canada twice.
So I guess that if I were elected PM, I'd have to spend my time shoring up protections for poutine, and learning the difference between Quebec and British Columbia.
Upshot: please don't vote for me.
I'd repatriate all the Canada geese so England can have its ponds and lakes back.
ReplyDeleteOh and Garfer's only volunteering so he can have his own bathroom.
I Know nothing of Canadian politics....or any politics come to that...
ReplyDeleteI'm the ideal candidate I think!
I'd annexe Mexico, then build a huge bridge from Toronto to Ciudad Juárez. Anyone travelling across it would be encouraged to yell "Don't mind me, just taking the short cut!"
ReplyDeleteWith my best buddy by my side, we'd sing, sing, sing...
ReplyDeleteI'm a lumberjack and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.
(He's a lumberjack and he's okay,
he sleeps all night and he works all day)
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory,
On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea.
(He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to thelavatory,
On Wednesdays he goes shopping, and has buttered scones fortea)
I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.
I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wildflowers,
I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.
(He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, he likes to press wildflowers
He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in bars??)
I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girly, just like my dear Papa.
(He cuts down trees, he wears high heels, suspenders? and abra???)
(girlfriend: I thought you were so rugged! oh, you!!)
(walks out)
He's a lumberjack and he's okay,
he sleeps all night and he works all day.
He's a lumberjack and he's okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.....
he sleeps all night and he works all day.
Can I throw my name into the mix cuz I can see Canada from my house :-)
ReplyDeleteMy platform would consist of 13 beers in every dozen. Can't think of anything else that needs doing after we get that one done.
Quebec seems to be a nice area. Split the whole thing up I say, ask Her Royal Highness to send over some gouvernours and let the Mounties solve the rest.
ReplyDeleteI strongly object the abolishment or prohibition of Poutine. A look into history shows where prohibition leads to.
Free Canada, built your own!
I think MJ has abandoned us again :( Should someone call social services? After all, someone has to look after us.
ReplyDeleteGeorge W will be out of a job soon... would you all like him to come there are really fuck it up?
ReplyDeleteKAPI: Nothing to say?
ReplyDeleteGood. There’s already enough hot air on Parliament Hill.
GINRO: Don’t hurt yourself.
PONITA: With Donn as PM, Monica Bellucci would be our first lady.
XL: Is it so difficult to keep Martin Sheen in line?
GINRO: Install giant slush-puppies on all snowy mountainous regions so people could play in the snow in their favourite flavours.
Capital idea! As long as you avoid the lemon flavour.
Because as Frank Zappa sang…
Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow.
KNUDSEN: Booby tester?
ReplyDeleteYou realize that Pamela Anderson is Canadian, don’t you?
By the time you’re finished testing her ample bosom, you won’t have any time left to test the rest of the nation!
CYBERPOOF: We haven’t had a PM with style since Pierre Trudeau.
He wore a signature red rose in his lapel and, well, just LOOK at that photo of him.
SCARLET: You are supportive like a good underwire bra.
DAISY: Come on up.
We’ll gladly trade Celine for you.
GEOFF: Or Gordon Lightfoot.
He’d keep the breweries and distilleries in business.
LEAH: The difference between Quebec and B.C. is that you can’t get a decent order of poutine in British Columbia.
ReplyDeleteWesterners just don't get it!
KAZ: Garfer will be disappointed to learn that we don’t have indoor plumbing in Canada.
TICKERS: Not knowing anything about Canada puts you in good company.
American singer Britney Spears, for example.
When asked the best part of being famous, Britney replied, "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
FOOTMAN: Brilliant idea yet I refuse your application based on the fact that you haven’t watched Coronation Street since Eddie Yates left.
How can you rule a nation when you are not au courant?
TONY: The forest industry will love you but all the tree-huggers will take issue.
You’d be a controversial choice.
NWT: 13 beers in every dozen?
ReplyDeleteI’ll drink to that.
You have the McKenzie Brothers seal of approval.
MAGO: Poutine is the glue (it has the consistency of wallpaper paste) that holds this nation together.
GINRO: It’s not even 9:00 a.m. here.
Can’t a bitch enjoy a cup of coffee and a leisurely Sunday morning without the authorities being alerted?
BOXER: Dubya?
Shut your pie hole.
Boxer: Put George W on a bus and send him here to Winnipeg. We have someone who will take care of him once and for all.
ReplyDeleteNWT Runner: Aren't you still part of Canada up there ? Or have you defected to Alaska?
CP: Eros would look great in that uniform - definitely minus the shirt, though! (Harper is such a dork...)
Tim Footman: A direct bridge to Mexico! Then we could just zip down there whenever... like now... for the whole winter... cuz it is too f*ckin' cold up here!
Ponita for Governor General!
ReplyDeleteShe's really on top of things.
mj...i can't sing...but i do have other talents ;)
ReplyDeleteYes.. I am a Triumph..
ReplyDeleteSx
I'm sorry I couldn't focus on that photo since you posted that nightmare inspiring photo of Celine Dingdong below.
ReplyDeleteEven the lovely hockey players and Donnnnnnnn were clouded by her.
Someone should definately do something about that.
Celine has lived in the US for years now - Florida? so she really is their problem now, not ours...
ReplyDeleteSo don't worry yourself, CP....
She's like a bad dream that's floating in the ether... although she was just here in Winterpeg on tour.
I didn't go see her.... I have more class than that.
DAISY: Your impressive list of talents were scrawled on the washroom wall of the hotel on Victoria Street, under your phone number.
ReplyDeleteSCARLET: A structural engineering marvel.
CYBERPOOF: What you need is more photos of Celine Dion.
PONITA: Is Celine in Florida now?
Last I heard she was holed up in a big compound in Vegas.
But if it’s Florida, even better.
The farther south of the border, the better.
I would do it because Prime Ministers get better holidays than Teachers, exhorbitant unwarranted pension plans, access to Mounties 24/7, and I would have a better than even chance of being Indentured.
ReplyDeleteOoh plus I'd get to hang out with our foxy little Governor General!
Grrrr.
DONN: Ooh plus I'd get to hang out with our foxy little Governor General!
ReplyDeleteYou mean Ponita?
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNo, that's not what I need. It also doesn't matter if she lives in Florida or Vegas (well I am going to Vegas next year so maybe a little) she just shouldn't be shown anywhere.
ReplyDeleteEver.
CYBERPOOF 4 CELINE
ReplyDelete4 EVER :-)
HAHAHA at Beast at CyberPoof!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be pm but I did want to be 37th.....so yah me
ReplyDeleteI'll do it if I get to take Celine Dion from behind.
ReplyDeleteNot that I have a thing for her, but it would be a story to tell at the bar afterwards.
My puppies are available for the job of PM, and I could use the extra income. They promise to energetically address any problem which comes their way, and though they won't solve anything, they won't make anything worse and they'll look mighty cute doing it.
ReplyDeleteMANUEL: But you’re number one on my list of Alluring Arses.
ReplyDeleteMAXI: There’s nothing to grab onto.
If Celine turns sideways she disappears.
PHLEGMFATALE: Welcome back!
It’s been ages since we’ve heard from you!
Mr. Trudeau was an interesting character. And he had a very interesting wife.
ReplyDeleteMAGO: Scroll down the page here to see Margaret Trudeau’s beaver.
ReplyDeleteDon't underestimate Mr. Hunter. He is a Stephen for God's sake.
ReplyDeleteHmhm, she's sixty now, made her bipolar public and does charity. On that notorious photograph she looks a little like la Hepburn.
ReplyDeleteI nominate Brian Mulroney's son, whatever his totally plastic name is to describe his totally plastic persona, for PM.
ReplyDeleteAnyone would be better than Harper. I don't know if we could stomach a PM with breasts, though.
We'd solve too many problems, then. So unfortunately, MJ, you're disqualified.
CHAMP: I thought you were in Africa and I could get away with such a statement.
ReplyDeleteMea culpa.
MAGO: Audrey or Katherine?
WW: Justin Trudeau could be deputy PM.
Personally, taking WW's comment and running with it, I think every politician elected to Parliament should have breasts - and be female (no moobs allowed).
ReplyDeleteMaybe that way, the country would be run more effectively, instead of having testosterone laden shouting matches on Parliament Hill where nothing ever gets accomplished.
Just my two cents' worth....
I hate politics. *sigh*
---------> has not defected to Alaska, but can see Canada (lots of it!) from my house. Alaska is too far. I see lots of NWT, which is all in Canada.
ReplyDeleteNow it's Sunday Night Whiskey Time - a NWT tradition :-)
PONITA: Oh you WOULD stick up for WW's wacky ideas.
ReplyDeleteYou WinterPeggers all stick together...like a tongue to a metal pole in winter. Ha!
NWT: I've been drinking rum & egg nog tonight AND wine. I may have a hangover in the morning.
Must get the Blogging Roundup sorted before I keel over.
1) I will blame all of Canada's problems on God's Favored Nation, the USA.
ReplyDelete2) I'll declare "squeegee kid" to be a legitimate occupation.
3) I'll eat truckloads of doughnuts from that franchise named after some hockey player.
4) I'll whine a lot.
5) I'll explain to that STUPID IGNORANT MEDIA-CREATED WHORE ALANIS MORRISSETTE WHAT THE WORD "IRONIC" MEANS! Newsflash, you toothy hoser! A fly in your Chardonnay is unfortunate. If you drink it, that's gross. It is NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT "ironic"!!!!!
6) I'll make Morrissette and Dion fight it out in a topless Steel Cage Death Match.
I did NOT stick up for WW's idea - he said we could NOT stomach a woman PM.... I think that is exactly what we need!
ReplyDeleteBut we WinterPeggers do stick together - can't help it if the freezer burn frosts us up and crystallizes us into a big icy blob.... have to wait until May to thaw out.
TROLL: Regarding #6...
ReplyDeleteCould you throw Avril Lavigne into the ring?
PONITA: I am not responsible for the mixup as I have been drinking.
See my comment to NWT.
Katherine of course!
ReplyDeleteAnne Murray for Prime Minister!
ReplyDelete