Monday, May 26, 2008

How Not To Decorate Competition

Grab your cameras.

Infomaniac is holding a How Not To Decorate Competition!

You’ve already seen my gnome and my clown painting (scroll down after clicking the latter, it's worth it). Now let me see yours!

No matter how tastefully decorated your home may appear, all of you have a hideously ugly item of décor on display. Or something so tasteless it’s not even fit for re-gifting.

Princess Di figurine: Most Brits have one of these taking up space on their side tables

HOW TO PLAY: Send me a photo of the most ghastly item of décor in your house. You’ll find my email address in my Blogger Profile.

Tell us a little about the item…what it is, where you got it, why you haven’t binned it by now, etc.

DEADLINE: Friday, May 30th, 2008 by the stroke of midnight PDT (Pacific Daylight Time.)

Don’t know what time that is in your neck of the woods? Here’s a World Clock to help you. You do the math.

VOTING: Voting takes place on Wednesday, June 4th.

I’ll post all your gawd awful photos on that day.

You’ll tell me, in the comments section, which item is the most hideous.

The owner of the fugliest item wins a prize.


Send us your garish, your gaudy, your ostentatiously ornate.

You’ve got all week you lazy bitches, so go on. Get to it.

Note: No new posting ‘til Wednesday.


  1. You asked for it, Baby! (Finally, he says, a post without 23 penises plopping about)

  2. WW: You’d be hard pressed to find something in your house that DOESN’T qualify for this contest!

    You say there's too many penii on this blog, Frobi says there aren't enough...

    There's no pleasing you bitches.

  3. time to pull out the crappy chihuahua gifts people insist on giving me. I have no idea why.

  4. You've seen my decor. I only have beautiful Danish designer stuff.

    I'm outraged you'd think I have something garish hidden away or even worse, on display.

    Such insinuations

  5. What about that really ugly plate of yours MJ.

    You forgot to include that

  6. Most Brits most certainly do NOT have any of that tacky Princess Di shite!

    It's made purely for the export market - stupid yanks and Canucks buy the stuff by the cargo-plane load.

    We (Tazzy and I) have nothing garish, gaudy, ostentatiously ornate. Even if we wanted to, we wouldnt be able to have any - IVD has bought it all and has a house stuffed to the rafters with the stuff.

    Go on - ask him about his Mother Teresa bum-blessing toilet seat.

    Or his singing and dancing plastic flowers troupe that perform nightly before bedtime.

  7. Eww! Jesus has a light switch for a penis. And look: He's just waiting for that little girl to turn him on, the filthy paedo.

  8. Your title should be "How to decorate badly". I read this nonsense hoping to find tips on how to avoid decorating, instead I wasted a few more seconds of my life reading this piffle. Does anyone know of any nice blogs?

  9. * gasps in horror at sharing the STC with Piggy & Tazzy *

    * also gasps in horror at the vile and slanderous insinuations that they've cast *

  10. OMG. Is it Share the STC Day all of a sudden?

  11. I am Polishing My Knick~ Knacks as i type...........

  12. Pffft , Like none of us remember Piggy and Tazzy's curtains

  13. BOXER: Let me see your puppies.

    CYBERSLUT: If not garish, then girlish.

    Should be plenty in that department.

    PIGGY: If you don’t submit something, I’ll be forced to publish that photo of your pig splooge bin.

    IVD: What’s this about your Mother Teresa bum-blessing toilet seat?

    *doubts its powers to return elasticity to IVD’s stretched rectum*

    VICUS: Piggy and Tazzy have a nice blog.

    And (bonus!) they avoid decorating.

    IVD: Just shut up and send your picture.

    TONY: You’re polishing your Polish knick knacks…ha.

    CYBERPOOF: STD in your case.

    BEAST: I have pics of Tazzy and Piggy’s curtains so if they can’t be arsed to send anything, I’ll post them.

    Are you submitting a photo of your fireside rug?

  14. I don't have any STDs thankyouverymuch

    and nothing girlie either. I threw all my garish, hideous, tasteless, gaudy and ostentatiously ornate things a long time ago.

    Oh how about christmas stuff? I have that odd christmas tree on top my DVD racks. Does that count, or is that like everything else I have, very tasteful?

  15. This fish ... I hope it is the plastic and singing variant? It was sold in a "baumarkt" (OBI or what the name was) as "Die singende Forelle". NO, I do not own one!

  16. Oh, OK. I've just taken the picture. It'll be on it's way shortly...

  17. CYBERPOOF: Your Christmas tree is remarkably tasteful so instead of submitting, you can judge others harshly.

    MAGO: Yes, Big Mouth Billy Bass sang "Don't Worry, Be Happy" and "Take Me to the River."

    I know because I had one.

    IVD:*taps fingers waiting*

  18. Knowing yer readers I'm sure they have the worse Tiffany lamps ever. I have a Princess Di rubber doll and toilet seat I'd love that figurine, she was lovely wasn't she?

  19. KNUDSEN: A Princess Di rubber doll?

    Good company for your inflatable Queen Mum.

  20. I have one of those fish proudly displayed in my den.

  21. I'll get right on it. I just have to find it.

  22. RICH: But do you sing along with Big Mouth Billy like I did?

    T-BIRD: Time's up!

  23. The queen mum was a very special lady.

  24. KNUDSEN: I draw the line at you playing with the Camilla doll.

  25. I sent an email before I posted here. It's about an awful panther poster MG insists on having in the house.

    Ask T-Bird, she's seen it with her own eyes!!!!!

  26. I 'gutted' my Bigmouth Billy Bass and leave it in our ornamental pond so that the Raccoons have something to play with at night.

    Are there categories? I'd hate to see my crushed velvet Matador 'painting' knocked off by a common knicknack.

  27. DORA: Yeah, blame somebody else why don’t you?

    That panther makes you a contender!

    DONN: My velvet Elvis painting trumps your matador.

    You don’t stand a chance as your pal WW has entered the race.

    Go on. Send me something anyway.

    I could use a laff.

  28. oh, i'm so in...
    going to charge my batteries...
    where should i start?

  29. Can it be something um "home made"? My grandmother gave me the most gawdawful plaque she made.....

  30. CHER: You’re asking me where to start as you’re charging up your batteries?

    Well first you get a firm grasp on the vibrator and then…

    Why don’t you talk this over with a professional sex therapist.

    LOST: Homemade counts.

    Send it in!

    (Yet another reader trying to put the blame on someone else)

  31. haha, i love rereading a sentence and realizing how many different ways it can be taken.

    this contest is actually a bit of a challenge for me. Considering my house has nothing on the walls and is pretty much nick-nack free. But i did just take a couple pictures of things that probably won't get me a basket of free junk, but at least i can get it off my chest that i hate these things that were given to me. and for that, i thank you...

  32. I thought the Camilla Doll would be a horse. Like there are sheep dolls...

    I was a little bit disappointed and very relieved

  33. i'll look around and see if i cant find something reflective to photo for you in the buff...

  34. CHER: If any of you think you’re getting a basket full of crap, you’ll be disappointed.

    If you win, you get one prize only.

    If YOU win, Cher, at least the postage will be cheaper than when I sent those tiny fezzes to those Yorkshire poofs, Tazzy and Piggy.

    CYBERPOOF: Maybe she’s actually a tranny and she’s hung like a horse.

    VOICES: *hides all the mirrors*

  35. Oh, what fun!

    Not sure I can top the Jesus light switch...that's a classic. You could make a huge amount of money on eBay by selling that thing.

    I'll be sending you something ghastly!!

  36. RANDOM: I bet you will!

  37. *looks for that special item in closet that will win the contest*

  38. VOICES: After visiting Beast's blog, I'd have to say that YOU'RE the special item in the closet.

  39. i'll wear my "i love bananas" bib and ring his door bell, if you know what i mean. wink wink... perhaps he can take my picture!

  40. I cant find anything that could be described as bad taste in my house.
    I used to have a glow in the dark virgin mary filled with holy water in my downstairs bog , even that seems to have gone walkabout

  41. VOICES: If you're going to wear a bib, you may as well wear the big diaper that goes with it.

    BEAST: I'll just repost the photo of your fruit bowl then, shall I?

  42. only if i can wear the wig beast has me in on his page... im starting to feel taken advantage of....

    *looks around house for something to throw at screen*

  43. Oh, please don't, MJ. Last time you posted Beast's 'fruit bowl' I had scurvy a few days afterwards.

  44. VOICES: Temper, temper.

    Is it that time of the month again?

    IVD: Scurvy?

    You should have sucked on the lime instead of the banana.

  45. Ah its IVD fresh from his modelling stint at the House of Beast
    I could be the new Annie Leibotitz

  46. BEAST: LeiboTITZ.


  47. everything i own is in bad taste. where do i start????

  48. NATIONS: Here's what you do.

    Blindfold yourself.

    Have the Yummy Biker spin you round and round 'til you feel like you're going to puke.


    Whatever you vomit on, take a picture of that and send it to me.

  49. T-Bird, where the fuck are you backing me up on this??? I would have burned it long before now if I owned that piece of trash....

  50. Jesus H. Christ! The light switch has a stiffee.

  51. PIXMAKER: You know you want to flick it.