Saturday, May 17, 2008

Manna From Heaven

On my way to work yesterday, I found a twenty-dollar bill on the sidewalk.

You foreigners can stop scratching your heads as I’ve done the conversion for you as follows:

20 Canadian Dollars = 10.26348 British Pounds, 12.91195 Euros, 21.14905 Australian Dollars or 20.01081 US Dollars.

I have not yet decided how to spend this windfall.

No, I will not be mailing it to you. Get your own money tree.

Nor will I be doing the right thing and contributing to charity.

Nor will I be practical and pay a bill.

Instead, I plan to spend it frivolously.

Suggestions welcome.

And what would you do if you found this sum of money?


  1. Oh god, I get excited when I find money in the pocket of a coat or something I haven't worn in awhile, it's been ages since I've found anything big on the street. I don't know what you should spend it on, but I hope whatever it is is fun.

  2. Spend it booze you daft bint.

    Fuckin' stupid question.

  3. BOB: You'll need another tie since the one you have on now will soon belong to me.

    I suggest you do a posting on your tie collection.

    And while you're photographing each and every tie, make sure you take a photo of your bare arse and email it to me by sundown.

    DINAH: A Loonie fell out of my top and I thought I'd hit the jackpot.

    GARFY: Not surprisingly, booze was my first reaction.

    I took it as a sign.

    I looked skyward and said, "You WANT me to drink!"

  4. You could spend it on soap to wash your dirty, filthy mouth out?

    I'd spend it on a book (that I probably won't read for months) or something for the garden, probably a massive plant pot for my magnolia tree.
    Oh gods I'm boring and old.

    P.S. Queeny looks much happier on your bills than our notes. I wonder why?

  5. Piggy and Tazzy6:37 AM, May 17, 2008

    You wont be able to spend it on anything, what with 'SPECIMEN' splashed right across it.

    I demand you show us the actual one you found. It might be the one I lost in 2002, in which case I want it back.

  6. Get your nose pierced - I've always fancied doing that.
    Or buy a bottle of fake to celebrate the summer.

  7. IVD: I’m sure you’d waste it on more hair product.

    Have you managed to wash out your last shellac treatment?

    Or you’d buy “fairy” lights for your garden.

    PIGGY: You can have a look at the actual note I found if you fish it out of my bra.

    And speaking of specimens, did you get your lab tests back yet?

    Don’t worry. Penicillin cures everything.

  8. KAZ: YOU get your nose pierced and get back to us on how that goes.


  9. GEOFF: I'd rather pay for Pete and Amy to go away.

  10. Wash out? The man with the blow torch has only just got started!

  11. KAZ: Take me with you to Spain next time you go and I'll get a real tan.

    IVD: Tell you what.

    I'll give you the twenty if you'll shave your head and post photos.

  12. Buy chocolate! I was going to say buy a lottery ticket but realized that is like giving it away.

  13. Um. Chocolate, booze and earrings.

  14. Holy crap - anonymous posted at the same time and suggested chocolate. You'd better not be by evil doppelganger!

  15. ANON: Chocolate is the devil's food.

    Did Satan send you here?

    Are you trying to inhabit the mind and very soul of T-Bird?

    T-BIRD: I must purchase the magical earrings to ward off the evil chocolate anonymous devil!

  16. something fun, sugar! its found money, you didn't expect it, so indulge yourself! xox

  17. I'd go with the booze ... or a good cheap porn.

    Or both. Both together work nicely.

    Not only do the gods want you to drink, they want you drunk and watching porn. Bonus!!

  18. Squeegee and a squirt bottle. Start your own bidness.

  19. SAVANNAH: Thanks and I’ll raise my glass of $20 hooch to you.

    MAIDY: Both booze AND porn?

    What kind of cheap booze and porn can $20 buy?

    Bum wine, that’s what.

    And a DVD of IVD down at the docks fellating Finnish sailors.

    TROLL: The market for squeegee people here is saturated.

    Obviously you’ve never stood at the corner of Main and Terminal.

    But while you’re here, do you want to watch Maidy in some cheap porno?

  20. Talking of specimens and The Queen, I wonder if she's ever had to produce one and if so who held the bottle?

  21. While the tie collection is not that bad an idea, I don't know if I've got that kind of time.

    As far as the arse photo, I don't that I have that kind of lens!

  22. go take a look now, sugar1 ;-) xoxoxox

  23. GEOFF: It’s common knowledge that the Queen does not urinate nor defecate and she most certainly doesn’t fart either.

    Is treason still grounds for beheading in England?

    If so, it’s been nice knowing you.

    BOB: I’m sick and tired of your excuses.

    It’s unbecoming of a man who wears a tie.

    Hop to it.

    SAVANNAH: Enjoy your wander around town and don’t get caught in the rain.

  24. Hey, I like WOPPERS! Especially the malted milk kind. I'll have to head the warning and not look at ARMPIT SEX at work. As if the milkshake being spilled there wasn't enough, she had a garden growing there!!! Now I need to go shave my arm pits. Oh, I've seen ya on I.V. I just didn't think I was witty enough to join your ranks just yet, but may things will change. Thanks for visiting me.

  25. CECILE: Look, YOU’RE the one who had DOGS HUMPING on your blog!

    I had to look away fast.

    Hey, Levon Helm is from Arkansas, isn’t he? He kissed me once. But just once. I guess that was enough.

    Y’all come back soon.

  26. on no! did i miss out? am i too late? did you spend it?
    well, here are my suggestions.
    *I'm not sure how much hookers are, but i bet you could at least get a little finger action with that 20.
    *I'd full on walk up to my least favorite person, throw a glass of tomamto juice on them and stick the 20 to their forehead for the dry cleaning
    *blow it all in a dollar store on crap that you will never use or will break after your first use.
    *send your self some flowers and write a really roanchy card, but don't sign it. then have it delivered to a place where this would be really contravertial, like say your bosses office, by accident
    *blow the whole wad on tissue.

  27. My exclusive DVD cannot be bought for a mere twenty. Dollars *or* pounds!

    Perhaps you should heed Cher's suggestion of buying $20 worth of crap then give it away in a competition (that I won't enter)?

  28. I was going to say go to the movies and buy one of those big things of popcorn/pop/candy, but then I realized it's $20.00, so that's not enough.

  29. CHER: London Drugs has a sale on Wet Wipes.

    I'll need the economy size pack to clean up after you lot.

    IVD: YES!

    I'll hold another competition and buy loads of cheap tat to give away to the winners.

    And you WILL enter, my pretty. Oh yes, you will.

    One of the prizes could be the porno DVD you star in... IVD Does The Docks.

    BOXER: I once spilled the trash-can-sized popcorn all over the cinema lobby.

    What a waste of $20.

    I'll check out your MM rules when I get home from work tonight.

  30. oooooooooooooooooooooh! a CONTEST!
    NOW you have my undivided attention.
    Plus, I love crap, so I'm so in.

  31. Send it to Burma or China ya selfish shite or to me as the Queen (yer ruler) looks very hot on it.

  32. is that true that the american dollar has fallen so short its now damn equal with cannuck buck?!?!? fuck... i think you should spend it on fruit and condoms. you might get a visit from beast!

  33. CHER: Yeah yeah, keep your shirt on.

    There will be a compo but I need time to prepare.

    These things don't happen overnight.

    It's not like I have a workshop full of elves here, you know.

    KNUDSEN: The Queen's grandson married a Canuck today.

    The Queen is too busy planning the next generation of Royals to bother with the likes of you.

    If you'd acted sooner with her, there could have been a Knudsen on the throne by now.

  34. VOICES: Damn you slippery snake in the grass sneaking in like that!

    Where is The Beast today?

    Maybe he's gone out fruit shopping himself as it looked like he was down to only one banana.

  35. I would buy a Lottery Ticket (on the basis that it was My Lucky Day
    You still have LIZ on your notes!!!!

  36. Easy one MJ - I'd buy beer. How Canadian, eh? Or - I'd buy you a beer, but it's your twenty bucks, so maybe you can buy your own beer. Or buy me a beer. Both of us a beer? But beer for sure.

    And yah - I've been away for a couple of weeks. Back now. Beer.

  37. TONY: Yes, we still have Liz on our notes here in The Colonies.

    Are you charmed by our quaintness?

    NWT: I wondered where you'd been.

    I thought perhaps you'd had an unfortunate incident involving a polar bear or a musk ox.

    I'll have more to say about beer tomorrow.

  38. I am at Ma Beasties . Its Beasties Birthday Bonanza weekend :-)
    Be back tomorrow

  39. Would that 20 but me an Inuit squaw complete with welcoming igloo and complimentary seal blubber?

  40. You can go on a dollar store shopping spree OR go to the dollar theater to see those movies you thought were probably crap when they premiered. You may just have enough to make jello shots!

  41. ahem....four sets of well done fillet badges.......

  42. BEAST: Oh thank heavens you're okay.

    I imagined a culinary mishap of epic proportions resulting in chickpea curry exploding all over your kitchen.

    And you without a splatter screen.

    GARFY: If you can provide a sled dog team in return.

    Cautionary note: Watch out where the huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow.

    Enjoy your blubber chewing.

    EROS: I heard you're making raspberry jello shots so why don't you just send me the airfare to Texas?

    MANUEL: You're too late.

    I spent all my money at The Knudsen Shop.

  43. I second the armpit sex suggestion. Get some more armpit sex photos with it.

    Anon hasn't tried to steal my soul yet - it must be my lucky earrings.

  44. More Pits!!!
    More Pits!!!
    More Pits!!!

    And $20 will only get you a handie down here in the States.

  45. T-BIRD & BOB: There are more pit pics to come but I like to give you time to forget them and then spring them on you suddenly one day when you least suspect it.

    BOB: Pffft.

    In my old neighbourhood in Toronto you could get a five-dollar blowjob.

  46. Three toonies AND change back... what a bargain eh?

  47. BOB: Infomaniac is all about the bargoon.

  48. keep my shirt ON? wait a minute, what kind of competition is this going to be? we have to wear shirts?

    i know these things take time. I've had a couple myself and they are a lot of fun to do. make sure you let me know the second the rules are up!

  49. CHER: I selected the theme for the contest a few months ago but haven't got round to writing it up yet.

    You really wanna win cheap crap badly, don't you?

  50. i'm just very drawn to cheap crap. hense... the name I'm known to those who know me well"Dr. MakeDo." and the undeniable evidence that is my life.