Wednesday, January 09, 2008

What’s Cooking?

Now will he sit under a medlar tree,
And wish his mistress were that kind of fruit
As maids call medlars, when they laugh alone.
O Romeo, that she were, O that she were
An open-arse and thou a poperin pear!

-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

What’s on the menu here in this scene? Open-arse (aka medlar)? Spotted dick, perhaps? Passion fruit? Bangers and mash? Tube steak?

What’s on the menu tonight at your house?

Are you eating in or eating out?


  1. The Musée du Louvre called..
    they want Jan van Eyck's The Virgin with Chancellor Rolin back by Monday..or else!

  2. It looks like her arm has had the skin ripped off of it. I hope this chap didn't do this in his fit of ardour. I remember seeing arms like this in biology class - we had to learn the muscles. It was a lot of work. Maybe this chap is having more fun.

    The two logs meeting and causing fire is interesting too. I've never made a fire like that. If I could - maybe I could have some young woman on a table sometime. Just a thought.

  3. HE: You geev me cirrhosis of the Louvre.

    I am getting plastered een Paris.

  4. NWT: How dare you sneak in through the back door?

    You have much to learn about freakshon.

    Oh merde, now I'm talking like Inspector Clouseau.

  5. I ate out last night.

  6. Raw egg, complete with shell, ground into the toilet floor by the high heeled boot of my Mistress....

    No...hang on......

    That was yesterday, today is fagots, mushy peas and chips.

  7. It looks like mashed potatoes on the plate - I hope they were careful not to get pubes in it..

  8. William Shakespeare is so over rated. I'm eating Haggis because thats what Scottish people eat.

  9. Whoa I love the arts I am masticating on pizza thank you for asking. You are a most considerable hostess.

  10. CONNIE: I hope you’ve budgeted for all the eating out Tatas says you’ll be doing this year.

    LADYMUCK: Is the pizza boy involved?

    See link in my comment to Brad.

    TICKERS: Are you allowed to use your hands tonight?

    MUTLEY: If it IS pubes, they could use them to floss after the meal.

    KNUDSEN: All hail, great chieftain o' the pudden race!

    Will you be having some of Eddie Waring’s lumpy oatmeal too?

    BRAD: Is it a big sausage pizza?

  11. Knife and fork tonight.
    I am civilized.

  12. TICKERS: I've just been over to Mutley's and was shocked to see that you've had sex with the cutlery drawer!

    So which utensil was the best?

  13. that's a waiter at his work......I can tell....go for it fella......

  14. MANUEL: I am reminded why Anthony Bourdain decided to become a chef (but perhaps in your case a waiter)...

    "The wedding party came in and the bride stopped by the kitchen in her wedding gown," he said. "And shortly after I looked into the garbage area behind the restaurant and there's my chef and the bride having sex. That looked pretty cool to a 17 year old - a horny 17 year old."

  15. MJ: You were right to include Tatas in the eating out. It doesn't cost a penny though.

  16. That sausage pizza looks great

    I think I'll have one of those tonight. I was going to have fish but..

  17. I requested 'retro decadence' not ancient pornography.
    it's obviously incestuous as well -they have the same face.

  18. CONNIE: Tatas’ fish taco stand is open for business 24/7.

    CYBERPOOF: I had you down as a confirmed sausage-eater.

    I’m surprised you would even consider seafood.

    KAZ: Shall I dust off my daguerreotype camera, you thankless wench?

  19. I said fish, not seafood

    Salmon infact - mmmmmm

  20. Well, whatever I eat, I can assure you it'll not lead to the same predicament as Millie Jackson, and it'll be something that'll keep my end clean enough for the masses to get down on their knees to worship...
    After all, cleanliness is next to...oh, excuse me, the faithful have arrived with offerings...

    *eyes the kool aid suspiciously*

  21. Methinks Geoff Chaucer got it right in describing you though.

    "This white top advertises my old years,
    My heart, too, is as mouldy as my hairs,
    Unless I fare like medlar, all perverse.
    For that fruit's never ripe until it's worse"

    You pedlar in medlar!

  22. Menu? My house?

    Potatoes, gammon and cauliflower cheese.

    And a Jameson's chaser of course.

  23. CYBERSLUT: May I suggest the fish tacos at Tatas’ Taco Shack?

    BINGOWINGS: "Don't drink the purple Kool-Aid!"

    SID: And methinks William Shakespeare got it right in describing you...

    Macduff: What three things does drink especially provoke?

    Porter: Marry, sir, nose painting, sleep and urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes: it provokes the desire, BUT IT TAKES AWAY THE PERFORMANCE. Therefore, much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery: it makes him, and it mars him, it sets him on and it ' takes him off; it persuades him, and disheartens him; makes him stand to: in conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.

    Macduff: I believe drink gave thee the lie last night.

    -William Shakespeare, Macbeth

    Enjoy your meal, Mr. Potato Head. And the subsequent “brewer’s droop.”

  24. I'm not really into fish tacos but thanks.

    If I was to pick a taco shack then as much as I adore Tatas, I think I'll go for KAZ taco shack as she serves the good drinks

  25. Had a Flirtini in town last night (they were on special offer) and I drank to you Cyberdane.
    But I don't do taco shack.

  26. Thank you Kaz

    As you know I'm not into fish tacos you are perfectly safe

    How did you like the drink?

  27. CYBERSLUT & KAZ: Pardonez-moi for interrupting your little tête-à-tête as you plan your rendez-vous.

    I just want to mention that rumour has it that Kaz has the finest taco north of The Thames.

    Carry on.

  28. It's the drawer it's self that holds erotic interest, in spite of, not because of the cutlery.

    What kind of a pervert do you take me for?

  29. I am having grilled Halloumi cheese in wholemeal pitta bread with a rocket and spinanch salad and mango chilli chutney washed down with a cheeky glass of wine.

  30. TICKERS: I've heard it's not just what comes out of the cutlery drawer that interests you, but what comes out of the closet.

    What kind of perv do I take you for?

    One that rifles through people's drawers.

    FROBI: A nice change from beetroot sarnies, then.

    Does beetroot make your pee pink?

  31. Oh I see, Slag me off while I'm not around.


  32. my dinner was a pint of goopey white stuff rich in protein.

    get your mind out of the gutter, i'm talking about yogurt!

  33. TATAS: Calm down, Boobzilla.

    CB: I thought you were talking about Tazzy's rice pudding.

    Smooth, rich and creamy.

    Ambrosia of the Gods.

  34. Boobzilla. I'll have to Bitch slap you. Your more Gobzilla.

  35. I almost always eat IN. Homemade is always better. Even left-overs. But don't take that too far.

  36. What's on the menu? Pork.

    Tenderloin to be exact. I'm off grains at the moment in my efforts to reduce the jowls I've been told I have.

  37. TATAS: Just get those Freakin' Green Elf Shorts on and shut yer trap.

    Have you identified which stain is mine yet?

    WW: Anyone who's visited your blog has seen the state of your kitchen (I'm thinking about behind the fridge, the unidentifiable science projects IN your fridge, your "oven of doom", etc.)

    So I'm not sure eating in is your best option if you don't want to poison yourself.

    Do people actually accept dinner invitations from you?

    RIMMER: Speaking of pork, was it Piggy who told you that you have jowls?

    It wouldn't surprise me if it was him.