Thursday, January 10, 2008

Todger Trauma

Penile perils abound as the following news items so painfully reveal.

At Ease, Soldier!

Typical appearance of a fractured penis

A young married soldier sustained penile fracture secondary to rolling over onto the erect penis whilst asleep in bed.

Surgery was performed and the patient recovered.

With This Ring

A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.

According to the nurse attending, the patient’s girlfriend found the ring in the pocket of his trousers.

She got so angry that she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring onto his penis whilst he slept.

Wee Man Stuck in Hoover

A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh Fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or 'Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf', was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E [accident and emergency ward] with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.

Pencil in Penis Backfires

Pencil dick

A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after sticking a pencil inside his penis to keep it stiff during sex.

Zeljko Tupic, from Belgrade, told doctors he had experienced erectile difficulties in the past.

So as he prepared for a night with his new lover, he decided to insert a thin pencil into his penis.

Tupic had to cut his sex session short when the pencil shifted and became lodged in his bladder, forcing him to call an ambulance, the daily Kurir reported.

Doctor Aleksandar Milosevic from Belgrade's Zvezdara hospital, who succesfully removed the pencil, said: "At first the patient did not tell us what really happened, but x-rays proved the truth.

"Tupic said he had no idea there were things like Viagra available but agreed that in future he will try pills before he takes any more chances with pencils."

Broken penis? Or Smunty's bendy bit?

Unless you are an experienced Puppetry of the Penis Master, please treat your meat with respect.

Accidents happen.


  1. "When a man looses his 'boner', where does the bone go?"

    This was a question, asked by a grown woman I know at a hen party.

  2. TICKERS: Lost penis bones go on display at Ripley's Believe It or Not Museums.

  3. That last one is definitely Smunty's.

    We know.

    Carly has shown us that x-ray before.

  4. And its not even filthy friday... did than mans dick shrink when he stuck a pencil in it? Looks very - well - thin...

  5. PIGGY: I'm told the BMA uses Smunty's x-ray as a textbook case at their conferences.

    MUTLEY: What brings you here on a Thursday?

    That's not the Serb's penis. I wanted an illustration of a pencil dick so I reached into my bag of dick pics and found it.

    However, that really IS Smunty's bendy cock in the last pic.

    BITTERSWEET: Congratulations. You've just won the "Describe the dick in 25 words or less" contest.

  6. Fractured penis?

    That last pic is the failed result of surgical straightening on Smunty.

  7. Connie I heard it fractured after a liaison with a tight arsed alsation.

    Prince is now safely with the RSPCA

  8. That is just too painful to watch

  9. RIMMER: Too late. We already have a winner in the “Describe the dick in 25 words or less" contest.

    CONNIE & SID: Rumour has it that Smunty got it stuck in a gloryhole.

    CYBERSLUT: Would it help if I sprinkled them with glitter?

  10. I broke my willy once when it fell to the ground and I stood on it.

    It wasn't that it was long I just had it severed in a car door.

    I grew back thicker and more curly.

  11. KNUDSEN: Severing your willy goes above and beyond the call of duty.

    When they put out a call for organ donors, that's not the organ they had in mind.

  12. some men should learn to take care of their precious.......mine is kept in a jar above the fire......just where she can keep an eye on it......

  13. MANUEL: Your willy’s in a jar?

    Like Rasputin’s penis?

  14. Did the wedding ring man have very fat fingers? Just asking ....

  15. ELLIE: Unfortunately not.

    His nickname was Wee Willy.

  16. These penis pics are strange. I like the hot asian nurse though.

  17. MARKY: The hot Asian nurse is a ladyboy.

  18. I did not know they really contained a bone, I am affected with sudden and great wonder or surprise.

  19. BRAD: "The human penis differs from those of most other mammals. It has no baculum, or erectile bone; instead it relies entirely on engorgement with blood to reach its erect state."

    We need to sit down and have a talk about the facts of life, son.

  20. Personally I would never stick my baculum in a vaculum.
    I am the walrus,
    goo goo my joob!

    These horrid photos gave me a numbing sensation in my swimsuit area..
    and not the good kind of numbing..
    num, num, num.

  21. I love that you have a bag of dick pics. When you need vadge, do you go on a cunt hunt?

    Sorry, waxing poetic today... couldn't resist.

  22. HE: The numbness in your swimsuit area is because your trunks are too tight.

    I can tell what religion you are!

    PEEVISH: I don’t need vadge. Maidy needs vadge. You have us confused.

  23. I've heard of black dicks but this is untouchable! OUCH>>>>>>

  24. MYTOES: Let his experience be a lesson to you.

    Now go make merry.

  25. I don't need to look like that. It's got a disease! I don't need a pencil either nor would I try I'm still strong and true at attention.