The grand prize is courtesy of Ms. First Nations so listen up, Bitches, as she tells you all about it!...
Does your devil-may-care, jet-setting lifestyle allow for wacky weekend getaways in exotic locales? Then this SUPER DE DUPER TOP SECRET GRAND PRIZE can be yours for the price of travel:
THE DINNER OF A LIFETIME
hosted by
FIRSTNATIONS and THE BIKER
You - yes you!! can experience the legendary culinary delights of the Rancho FirstNations table! "How in the name of Thor and all the gods can this be made fact?" you ask.
RULES
1. You win the Recipe Compo!!!!!! and you're all happy and shit. Then...
2. We email back and forth and arrange a time for you to be here!!!! and I explain to you 150 times where Sumas is and that yes it really does exist and refer you to Google Maps until you're convinced. Then:
3. YOU MUST arrange for your own transportation and lodging. All we're doing is making you dinner. But just try and pull some bullshit 'Whoopsie lost my money! However will I get home?' crap. G'head. Try. Yeah, we'll gimp you.
There are two surprisingly nice places to stay nearby
a. Sumas Mountain Lodge, which doesn't seem to have a regular website which is a shame because it's actually a really nice place to stay; I've checked it out in person....and
b. The Kale House in Everson,
...which I've also checked out in person and which is also very nice,
....and several more that absolutely suck, particularly the B&B Border Inn, which you should AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE.
Tell ya what; we won't even mind if you, say, arrive in a motor home and want to park in the driveway overnight...s'ku!! Or if you just want to crash out on the couch or the living room floor, or in a tent in the back yard, or even in the Short Bus, (although I wouldn't if I were you because I know things about that mattress that you don't.) We understand. You'll be too overcome by the sheer fact of having experienced the most amazingly awesome meal you've ever had and nobody wants you out on the roads or trying to interact with the public like that, all staggering around crying and shit, splattered with mustard and drool. It's OK. Just as long as you realize that neither one of us will be giving up a bed for you.
YES IT'S TRUE: WIN THE INFOMANIAC RECIPE COMPETITION AND I'LL COOK YOUR ASS DINNER!!!!!
Gulp! Why do I keep hearing the theme from "Deliverance"? Jx
ReplyDelete...because dinner at Rancho FirstNations will be served to the winner IN A BANJO.
Delete...by a mentally challenged gentleman in assless chaps.
Why do I regret having alraedy sent my submission to the contest?
ReplyDeleteCan't we just give the prize to Lx right away?
Because LX needs to be fitted for assless chaps.
DeleteKabuki no longer visits Nepal. Sorry. It's full of tourists and communists.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Delete...Nepal?
DeleteOh daaaaang. THAT explains why I have to keep cleaning dead sherpas out of my bug lite.
Sumas ... what is a Suma? I think FirstNations is the only person outside Franconia who is able, capable and maybe even slightly interested in making Klöße.
ReplyDeleteI've never cooked anything with an umlaut before. Let alone one of those 'B' things.
DeleteSOrry, what "B"-things are you talking about?
DeleteDas eszett, Mago, that damn thing I spent so many years trying to learn and once I finally mastered its use, you decided it was time to do some kind of a grammar reform. Damn neue Rechtschreibung. Damn!
Delete"I'LL COOK YOUR ASS DINNER"
ReplyDeleteUh, is this involving some sort of cannibalism?
No, it means that I'm only preparing supper for your bottomOH GOOD GRAVY MARIE PEOPLE.
DeleteFor future reference, let me direct you to the Frye and Laurie skit 'American Ass'.
A blogger friend of mine, wants to know if there is a cash prize alternative, before he submits.
ReplyDeleteNo, but MJ will send you a postcard she crafted out of cheese from the tree in her backyard.
DeleteMaybe mistress could offer THIS as a consolation prize.
ReplyDeleteStart folding that Velveeta, MJ!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletepersonal & confidential memo mj:
ReplyDeleteyou do want people to enter this "contest"...right?
Oh, how you'll all live to regret your jesting comments once the winner returns from a magic weekend at the Rancho with all their limbs intactI MEAN with a gut full of rockin' eats and a liver turned paisley with recreational substances!!! How JEALOUS you'll all be! But no, thats fine...carry on.
ReplyDelete...because all funny aside, kids, I genuinely did mean this as a real offer. We'd be proud to host any of you, and we really do put out amazing food here at the Rancho. But thats fine...really...*snif*...
ReplyDelete