Or as if Cthulhu is poised to pounce upon you from behind her front door.
Or as if THIS is her kitchen…
The reality, Bitches, is that Ms. Nations lives in this charming rural idyll…
[photo by Ms. Nations]
AND she’s a creative, kooky and wonderful hostess who can probably cook you under the table. She’s so good that SHE’LL probably win the Kitchen Queen Contest and so there won’t be any prize for HER since none of you other Bitches have offered up such a fabulous “SUPER DE DUPER TOP SECRET GRAND PRIZE.”
If you’re not feeling the love after dinner (but we’re sure you WILL,) why not excuse yourself and drop in at the local Sumas saloon just down the road?...
[photo by Ms. Nations]
Anyway, no one is holding a gun to your head to MAKE you accept the prize (even though it's America and we KNOW how THEY are about firearms,) so just go ahead and enter the contest.
Let’s allow Ms. Nations to have the final word…
“Oh, how you'll all live to regret your jesting comments once the winner returns from a magic weekend at the Rancho with all their limbs intactI MEAN with a gut full of rockin' eats and a liver turned paisley with recreational substances!!! How JEALOUS you'll all be! But no, thats fine...carry on.”
"...because all funny aside, kids, I genuinely did mean this as a real offer. We'd be proud to host any of you, and we really do put out amazing food here at the Rancho. But thats fine...really...*snif*..."
well, one does get the feeling that the 'tween course palate cleanser will arrive with the proviso, squeal like a pig.
ReplyDelete...and of course you're correct; it's one of the reasons we live next door to a grade school...FOR THE VEAL.
ReplyDeleteNice to know that I have the Canadian Mafia on my side, though! Consider yourselves summarily DRIVE-BY CHEESED.
*rolls giant wheel of Cheddar across the border*
ReplyDeleteand as it rolls, it kind of squeaks 'n squeals like a pig.
Deletei rest my case.
of course, i do love veal, especially when it's
school milk fed.
The Crocs on the basteds who made First Nations cry - the only person in the world who has Tabasco for breakfast!
ReplyDeleteBTW FN, have you ever tried Bambergian Beer, called Schlenkerla? It may look like Tabasco but is sweeter and pretty smokey.
Never heard of it, but if it's beer I'll have to try it! NOBODY MADE ME CRY. I just have a fiendish cold. Seriously. Spent the weekend hanging out with filthy bikers, woke up with the plagueKERSHNEEZLE.
DeleteDid I win yet?
ReplyDeleteSend in a damn recipe. You might.
DeleteSubmitted my recipe to The Mistress last week.
DeleteThen....ok then. *nods in a determined way, then resumes splitting wood for the JenAire*
Delete...KAWEEFSHER! KAWEEFSHER! SCHNERKEEZLE!*snurrk*
ReplyDeleteAre you trying to play the guilt card on us?
ReplyDelete...yes.
ReplyDeleteMmmm....
ReplyDeleteBraised Cthulhu & hot pepper sauce....
Locally sourced, 100% organic Cthulhu. Keeping that carbon footprint small while preparing the way for the Great Old Ones (or at least preparing one of the Great Old Ones...)
DeleteY'ever noticed how once every so often this blog just goes completely off the rails? This is one of those times.
ReplyDeleteI'll try and magic the vibe back: Eenie meenie, chili beanie!!Foreskin, shaved balls, old scary man-bits full of saline...
Ms.NATIONS: Your incantation worked!
DeleteSee comments from kabuki and Peenee when you awaken.
while completely not worthy, kabuki would consider it one of life's best highest honors to dine with FirstNatiions. Who absolutely would not stand kabuki up like that harridan Ms Lethal. (kabuki wipes away the stinging tears) Has anyone tried Kabuki's chocolate pie? dreamy
ReplyDeleteHow did I miss all this? I skip the interweb one night and the drama just bursts forth. I, too, would be delighted to hit the FirstNations Glamourous Life. Just remember, my parole officer is allergic to shellfish.
ReplyDelete