Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Jill vs CyberPete Smackdown!

It’s a tiebreaker, bitches!

Jill and CyberPete have tied in the battle for the High Maintenance Queen crown and now they must battle it out in a no holds barred smackdown!



This promises to be the bitchfight of the year, ladies and gentlemen!

Book NOW for your ringside seat as seating is limited.

Bring your own booze.

Free condoms and corndogs with price of admission.


Corndogs provided by runner-up Ms. Nations


Who will take home the crown?

Place your bets for Infomaniac’s next High Maintenance Queen.

Who is your money riding on?




Note: A big round of applause for our losers runners-up: Michael Guy and First Nations (tied for 1st runner-up) and Kevin (trailing toilet tissue from his heels as he attempts to catch up to Michael and Ms. Nations.)

40 comments:

  1. FIRST!!!

    Lets see the fake fur fly, ladies!!!!

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  2. Move over bitches!

    Why do we have to go through this? This is ridiculous.

    MJ you cheapskate just get Jilly and I our pressies and be done with it.

    Hey FN. Can I have my Valium and vicodin back?

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  3. I vote (again!) for Cyberpete.

    I have no idea why.

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  4. I now vote for Cyberpete - that sort of insanity deserves rewarding :)

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  5. I'll have some corndogs, please!

    *Fills condoms with water and hurls it at the competitors*

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  6. NATIONS: FIRST!!!
    Lets see the fake fur fly, ladies!!!!


    Yeah, c’mon Jill…

    Rip CyberPoof’s merkin off!

    CYBERPOOF: Move over bitches!
    Why do we have to go through this? This is ridiculous.
    MJ you cheapskate just get Jilly and I our pressies and be done with it.
    Hey FN. Can I have my Valium and vicodin back?


    There’s only one pressie, that’s why!

    BOXER: I vote (again!) for Cyberpete.
    I have no idea why.


    Because he bribed you?

    DAMIEN: I now vote for Cyberpete - that sort of insanity deserves rewarding :)

    Or locking up.

    EROS: I'll have some corndogs, please!
    *Fills condoms with water and hurls it at the competitors*


    For a more splashworthy effect, you might want to try bigger condoms.

    Those are the ones that were meant for CyberPete.

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  7. I vote for Cyberpete.

    He makes good cocktails.

    *sidesteps the hurled condoms*

    You throw like a girl Eros.

    :-P

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  8. cyberpete! i vote early and often for him! xoxoxo

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  9. ROSES: I vote for Cyberpete.
    He makes good cocktails.
    *sidesteps the hurled condoms*
    You throw like a girl Eros.


    I’m surprised you were sober enough to type that.

    SAVANNAH: cyberpete! i vote early and often for him!

    May we remind you that you can only vote ONCE.

    - The Management

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  10. If...Jill, Queen of all things Hedonistic...decides to continue gracing you heathens with her beauty...she demands all penis wielding houseboys stand erect NOW...and all sniveling, second-rate bitches pour some champagne for Jill and her favored subjects. Then, you low-rent bitches may oil her body and paint her toe nails...first by licking them very slowly...one at a time. Those bitches not in service to Jill are to act as fluffers so that her houseboys remain nicely ornamental. This may bore me after awhile...Jill expects new diversions at 30 minute intervals.

    Proceed!

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  11. JILL: I think I just heard a “SCHWING!” from Donn.

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  12. JILL: Donn has no choice but to stay.

    If he gets up from behind the table all will be revealed.

    Speaking of which...

    Is this table levitating?

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  13. Well, I do like to be called "low-rent"...

    what a quandry.

    I like 'em both. Can I have a corn-dog?

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  14. LEAH: Not only may you have a corn dog…

    You can have a horn dog!

    *cues walk-on role for Donn*

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  15. Unless one of these harpies is going to make my dinner and iron my shirts they are of no interest to me
    ***internet searches for Russian Brides.com......mmmmmmm decorous and industriuos****

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  16. beast...sounds like your going to go hungry while looking disheveled.

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  17. (The Boggler throws his vote to jill.) Crawl for it!! (flying condom smacks into face)

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  18. It has to be Pete.
    I never knew what a corn dog was until today.
    I don't think it's held me back too much.

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  19. BEAST: Unless one of these harpies is going to make my dinner and iron my shirts they are of no interest to me
    ***internet searches for Russian Brides.com......mmmmmmm decorous and industriuos****


    Shouldn’t you be up to your stinking armpits in dirty dishwater at Café C?

    JILL: beast...sounds like your going to go hungry while looking disheveled.

    Allow me to explain a little about the BEAST.

    He’ll never go hungry as he works at Café C where there is all-you-can-eat ‘Ma Beastie’s Chickpea Curry’ at his disposal.

    Do NOT stand directly behind him after he’s been fed.

    As for looking disheveled, that is the least of his worries.

    His personal hygiene is really the matter at stake here.

    He hasn’t done a load of laundry in his life so those shirts that need ironing, to which he refers, have been pre-worn many times and are sat rumpled on his bedroom floor.

    A room you do NOT want to enter as it contains the dreaded STINKY DUVET.

    Need I go on?

    BOGGLER: (The Boggler throws his vote to jill.) Crawl for it!! (flying condom smacks into face)

    We applaud your forcefulness.

    *presses stiletto heel into The Boggler’s backside*

    KAZ: It has to be Pete.
    I never knew what a corn dog was until today.
    I don't think it's held me back too much.


    You can thank Ms. Nations for the corndog moment.

    Have you not seen her corndog tattoo?

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  20. My money is on Cyberpete...just look at those heels! Corn dog, please.

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  21. MICHAEL GUY: Oh fiddle fuck... dang!

    In Canada we would express this sentiment as fuddle duddle.

    Now, now… it’s not all bad…

    Runners-up will receive a fruitcake!

    RANDOM: My money is on Cyberpete...just look at those heels! Corn dog, please.

    And he can run in them!

    Backwards!

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  22. Jay-zuzz you bitches make me laugh. Well, I don't know what's gotten into CyberPete to all of a sudden NOT act like a high maintenance queen and is trying to "play nice" and "be fair" but like three day old fish, I'M NOT BUYIN' IT.

    Therefore, my VOTE STAYS WITH THE REDHEAD VIXEN, EMPRESS DOWAGER HIGH MAINTENANCE QUEEN JILL.

    And La Diva will be eternally grateful if she let's me be her personal bartendress and sidekick.

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  23. LA DIVA CUCINA & JILL: Our UK readers will not be impressed when they hear that Jill is a GINGER!

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  24. Here comes the schwing vote for Jill.

    You should have sent the FGES Petey :)
    I still luv ya.

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  25. DONN: Here comes the schwing vote for Jill.
    You should have sent the FGES Petey :)
    I still luv ya.


    *stands well back of Donn’s dong*

    MAGO: Jill.
    Interesting feed.


    Feed? Or feet?

    Mistress MJ had better not catch you massaging Jill’s feet.

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  26. "LA DIVA CUCINA & JILL: Our UK readers will not be impressed when they hear that Jill is a GINGER!"

    Those without teeth should not judge so harshly.

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  27. LA DIVA CUCINA: Those without teeth should not judge so harshly.

    Are you suggesting the Brits have bad teeth?

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  28. Ah yes, the British Book of Smiles, such a treasure! tee hee!

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  29. LA DIVA CUCINA: Ah yes, the British Book of Smiles, such a treasure! tee hee!

    I don’t know what you find so funny.

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  30. Molvania is a part of the British Isles?

    Did she mention feet? *fluttering*

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  31. MAGO: Molvania is a part of the British Isles?
    Did she mention feet? *fluttering*


    Mistress MJ is serious when she says to keep your mitts off Jill’s feet.

    You are Mistress MJ’s Official Masseur and that is that.

    Don’t make me send you to the oubliette.

    Or Molvania.

    BITCHES: Mistress MJ must step out for awhile.

    We trust no hanky panky will ensue in her absence.

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  32. I place my money on Jill.
    Women always come out on top.

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  33. May I order two of those delicious looking 'corn dogs' ? Now tell me. What exactly do you do?

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  34. MAGO: Nno ... not Molvania.

    You heard me.

    JASON: I place my money on Jill.
    Women always come out on top.


    What you’re really saying is that most of you men are bottoms.

    MUTLEY: May I order two of those delicious looking 'corn dogs' ? Now tell me. What exactly do you do?

    Those corn dogs are not Fray Bentos products, I must warn you.

    ReplyDelete