Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Meet Hot Bloggers!

Looking for Mrs. or Mr. Right? Or maybe just Mr. RIGHT NOW?

Then fill out the application form pictured below for the Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service.


(click if you’re old and can’t read it)


MEN: Just tell us the kind of women you wish to meet.

If you’re a gay man or maybe just a bit poofy, tell us the kind of men you wish to meet.

WOMEN: We regret that we here at Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service are operating on a shoestring budget.

Therefore, we can’t afford to create separate application forms for the ladies.

We ask you to cross out “Men! Men! Men! Men!” and replace it with “Women! Women! Women! Women!” and then fill out the application form telling us what kind of MEN you wish to meet.

It’s really that simple!

The staff here at at Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service are standing by, waiting to review your applications...




Note: Boring election post beneath this one.

46 comments:

  1. Name: Eroswings
    Address: Eros Den
    USA! USA! USA!


    About myself:

    I'm in the service industry, and I aim to please all my clients satisfactorily. My mission statement: Come happy, leave with a smile.

    What kind of woman am I looking for:

    I would like a woman with a vagina--preferably her own. Also, a rich woman would be a big plus, but I welcome independent working women--like that secretary with what looks like a clean, smooth work space. I wouldn't mind helping her with some heavy dictation and taking care of her inbox.

    I would also prefer disease free--or at least a letter from the doctor verifying no chance of infection at this time.

    I can't guarantee love, but for the right incentive, I can luv you a long time!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh lets face it
    Given enough drink I will go for anything standing on two legs

    ReplyDelete
  3. I want a rich blonde nymphomaniac who lives above a pub.

    Sorry to be so predictable.

    ReplyDelete
  4. NAME: Kooka

    ADDRESS: 54 Gumtree Lane

    CITY: Melbourne ZONE: 3 hour parking

    STATE: of euphoria
    _______________________________
    What kind of woman am i looking for?

    The lady in the photo will do for starters.

    When will I be receiving my letters and will they be French??

    ReplyDelete
  5. Name: Kapitano
    Address: Average
    Hair: 43
    Age: n/a
    Status: (as above)
    Profession: 3.1415926
    Income: Thursday

    I am looking for a woman with a brother. Or a son if she's older. A nephew would be nice.

    He should have his mother's eyes and his father's indulgence. Spectacles that make him look like a sweet and helpless puppy would also be an advantage.

    The woman should be either broadminded or not very observant. She should enjoy cooking, homemaking, and being elsewhere for long periods.

    Ladies with male relatives in acting or service professions will receive preference.

    ReplyDelete
  6. i think i will just stick with my dogs...thanks anyway mj...i only have to feed them twice a day...let them out to do their thing a few times a day...and they snuggle me all night and love me all day...plus they don't talk...works for me!

    ReplyDelete
  7. HA! Eroswings..awesome letter, "preferably her own" HA!
    How is it that you are able to comment in italics or bold at will?Will you teach me Yoda?

    MJ I got scared off because it sounded more like slave trading. The Eurotrash Slavers who raid the Coastal African villages state;
    "This kind of offer will not be repeated if we can get enough men for our women." You know how those Sailors begin to prefer men after a few months at Sea...ever been to Sea?

    And then it sounds as if the American Colonials only want to trade in couples "No Man Is Any Good Without A Woman" because Massa likes to get 'cookin' in dee kitchen while dee men is workin' in dem fields all dee live long day.

    ReplyDelete
  8. MJ, you could have at least taken the picture of me looking AT the camera so everyone could see my pretty blue eyes. And actually typing on the paper instead of throwing it in the garbage.... I CAN type, you know! I'm not just a pretty face and a pair of nice bazooms!

    ((harrumph! stomps off in a huff, jiggling nicely))

    ReplyDelete
  9. Do Not Send Money. Cash on delivery?

    ReplyDelete
  10. EROS: You’ve only gone and excited my steno pool with your exciting profile.

    My secretaries are all a titter.

    Especially this one.

    BEAST: We’re all breathing a sigh of relief that you specified TWO legs.

    GARFY: A rich blonde nymphomaniac who lives above a pub?

    You can’t have Liz McDonald as she belongs to our Geoff.

    Bet Lynch, perhaps?

    KOOKABURRA: I can assure you you’ll get responses from women.

    Who could resist 3 hour parking?

    Our service provides complimentary French letters to all applicants.

    ReplyDelete
  11. KAPI: Your profession, though irrational, is sure to attract spectacle-wearing academics.

    DAISY: Your dogs don’t talk?

    So I guess none of these dogs belong to you?

    DONN: Eroswings kindly offers tutorials on bolding and italics.

    Sadly, I was not his star pupil and had to be held after class for detention.

    The only slave trading here is when I recruit various Infomaniac bitches to scrub my floors.

    PONYGIRL: Great!

    I’ll hook you up with Eroswings who’s looking for someone to take dicktation.

    LEAH: Just send us your credit card details.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hell, I'll just take the receptionist in the picture. She looks fine to me.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm with Daisy - I'm sticking with my dogs - they are loyal, don't talk back, eat whatever I feed them and even though they do pee on the floor (at times) it's not as bad as finding the toilet seat left up.

    ReplyDelete
  14. MJ, I've checked out that link, but it appears that particular receptionist, while well dressed, lacks the current one's huge talents (nor does he have her vagina).

    Donn, I have a blog post dedicated to formatting comments. It's on my blog, on the right, under the section heading of "Helpful Hints". Here's a direct link.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Donn I shall answer for Eros as he showed me how to do this on his blog. highlighting and bolding using the normal html commands by enclosing the word or phrase "" and close with " to italicise and "" and "" to boldicise .(You obviously dont need the " " when you do it for real i just had to do that so that the dumbass compooter didnt thing it was html) . Works on posts and comments ....see what i did there :-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. ha ha ha the dumbass computer has replaced the html commands with the word and

    ReplyDelete
  17. i give up , over to you eros

    ReplyDelete
  18. HEFF: Would you bitches quit trying to steal my staff?!

    BOXER: I’m convinced you’re responsible for this.

    EROS: I tried the italics thingy you taught us and failed.

    I need you to tutor me privately.

    BEAST: Oh crap. Beast can do it but I can’t.

    So ashamed.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Name: Random Chick
    Address: Lost
    Hair: I've got some.
    Age: 41
    Status: What?
    Profession: Drunken Blogger
    Income: $2.00

    I am looking for my sanity. Can you help me find it? I don't care if it is a man or a woman. I just need it right now. Okay?

    ReplyDelete
  20. I've done my bit. If my bit is to steal your application thing and post it on my own blog.

    ReplyDelete
  21. names: cheese and voices
    hair: heh heh...
    income: gobs of cash laying about
    age:old enough to be parents/young enough to be carded at the pakage store
    status: looking for that special house helper


    yeah, she would be for the both of us, you know pretty to look at, lots of places to stick wads of cash that we leave laying around, clean house, entertain us when we are not whapping away at each other... etc...

    ReplyDelete
  22. RANDOM: Would you like a date with Eroswings?

    He’s available NOW and he also does private tutoring…if you know what I mean.

    CYBERPOOF: Desperate measures for a desperate man.

    VOICES: Random’s up for grabs if you’re not fussy.

    I don’t know how she’d feel about being “wiener whapped” though.

    ReplyDelete
  23. MJ, I'll try to show how to do the italics thing step by step:

    1. TYPE <
    2. TYPE i
    3. TYPE >
    (DO NOT HIT SPACE BAR! Just follow next step)
    4. TYPE word(s) to be italicized (AND DO NOT HIT SPACE BAR! There should be NO SPACE after the last word you want italicized. Just follow next step)
    5. TYPE <
    6. TYPE /
    7. TYPE i
    8. TYPE >
    9. CLICK Preview button to see if it worked. CLICK Publish if happy.
    10. If you want to use bold, just follow the same steps, except replace i with b.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I DID IT! I DID IT!

    *waggles arse at Beast*

    ReplyDelete
  25. EROS: Does this mean our private tutoring session is cancelled?

    ReplyDelete
  26. but can you bold letter your italics?

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ha Ha eros , thats th way to demonstrate it without the dumbass computer translating it as something else MJ is a THICKO

    ReplyDelete
  28. VOICES: I don't need the fancy bells and whistles, thank you.

    CYBERPOOF: Stop showing off.

    Or I'll tell everyone you're not really 26.

    BEAST: That's "th" way?

    Th?

    Have you suddenly got Jamie Oliver's thick tongue stuck in your head?

    ReplyDelete
  29. BEAST: Maybe you should TRY!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Ok, I'll stop. But only because nobody likes a show-off.

    Because I really am 26

    ReplyDelete
  31. Congratulations! Gold Star! It would appear you no longer need private lessons; the private tutoring has become an open study group with lots of participants spewing their thought contents.

    As for Inner Voices question, yes, you can bold and italicize at the same time!

    Same steps with a few additions:

    1. TYPE <
    2. TYPE i
    3. TYPE >
    4. TYPE <
    5. TYPE b
    6. TYPE >
    (DO NOT HIT SPACE BAR! Just follow next step)
    7. TYPE word(s) to be italicized (AND DO NOT HIT SPACE BAR! There should be NO SPACE after the last word you want italicized. Just follow next step)
    8. TYPE <
    9. TYPE /
    10.TYPE b
    11.TYPE >
    12.TYPE <
    13.TYPE /
    14.TYPE i
    15.TYPE >
    9. CLICK Preview button to see if it worked. CLICK Publish if happy.

    Just remember, if you started with i tag, then you should finish with i tag. If you started with b tag, then your last step should be b tag.

    ReplyDelete
  32. eros, thanks! i knew it could be done... even though mj doesnt need all the fancy stuff. heh heh.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Is now a good time to mention there's over a hundred other tags?

    ReplyDelete
  34. Oh dear. I've just spent 15 minutes trying to think of the kind of men I'd like to meet. No wonder I don't have a boyfriend.

    * revisits the Jake Gyllenhaal Celebrity Arse post in frustration *

    ReplyDelete
  35. BITCHES: Could we get back on track here?

    *thank you, IVD*

    Mistress MJ hereby declares tomorrow, Thursday, as Blogging Tips & Tricks Day on Infomaniac.

    So all you HTML wizards and geekoids with hot blogging tips can visit tomorrow and continue the discussion.

    ReplyDelete
  36. oooo.... tits!!!! i love tits!!! hot blogging tits... so sweet... thanks mj!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I am not turning tricks tomorrow I have a bad back

    ReplyDelete
  38. ok, so enough of html...when the fuck did jimmy's site go invitation only?
    i.a.crushed.
    i.wasn't.invited.
    dammit.

    xxoxoo

    (i need a date for a blacktie event on saturday.*sigh* the MITM was supposed to be here.)

    ReplyDelete
  39. YAY, number 44!

    Red head.

    Naked.

    With a twin.

    Confused boundary issues.

    That pretty much covers it.

    ReplyDelete
  40. nooooo, but that movie will make me responsible for me saving more chihuahaus. Can you help me start a dating service for dogs who were adopted by stupid people?

    ReplyDelete
  41. VOICES: TIPS not TITS!

    *adjusts blogging tits and flounces off*

    BEAST: There have been no offers for your tricks anyway.

    I couldn’t GIVE you away if I wanted to.

    SAVANNAH: I wasn’t invited either.

    Would you like a date with Beast?

    I can’t GIVE him away.

    MAXI: Ginger twins?

    The Proclaimers?

    BOXER: Don’t match up the stupid people with other people or they’ll breed more stupid people.

    Did that sound stupid?

    ReplyDelete