Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Your Pussies and Bitches

This post is dedicated in loving memory of OPIE: beloved tater dog of Ms. Nations



Now digging spuds in that Great Garden in the Sky.



BEAST

Here we have Alfie and Lloyd, two hounds belonging to the mad Mr C yet occasionally under the care of Beast…


Alfie: a Pharoah hound

Alfie looks like he’s just caught site of a buck naked Beast. Fright night!



Lloyd: A pit bull cross

Beast, what is that blue plastic thingy by Lloyd’s head? An inflatable device to resuscitate him after he’s smelled your stinky duvet?



The Hounds of Hell


Look carefully as this is the only time you’ll find bitches in Beast’s tiny bedsit.

In fact, both hounds look as though they’re sharing his bed, don’t they?

Lloyd looks as if he’s about to barf on that dreadful fireside carpet, which could only be an improvement to the design.

Honestly, Beast. Call in a decorator.



Inexplicable DeVice (IVD)

Aside from a gigantic spider that IVD found in his bath, Beaky the blackbird is as close to a pet as he gets…


Beaky feasting on sultanas

I should explain to newcomers that our IVD is a witch and Beaky is actually his familiar.

IVD describes Beaky as a “selfish, snobbish, imperialist, stuck up blackbird” who “doesn’t like fingers, children, clean cars, greasy hair and that high-pitched squeal that babies make”.



RANDOM CHICK




“His name is Rhett, as in Rhett Butler. He is crafty and can catch lizards like nobody's business. I have found several lizard carcasses lying about the house due to his hunting skills. He also has an annoying habit of running across my head in the while I'm sleeping because he is freaking out about something that goes bump in the night. The hubby thinks it's funny because he only runs across my head. I do not.”

Should we ask Random Chick to explain the pose? Is he imitating mommy?



INNER VOICES


Beau (left) and Charlie (right)


“My dogs have been without female contact of there own species for so long they have reverted to a prison style love affair... both taking turns being top and bottoms... they clean each other and sleep in one dog bed even though we have two.

Beau a.k.a., beautard, shitlips, meathead, etc... is a bit accident prone as some of you may have read in the past most recently we found out that the neighbors animals were being attacked by a massive bob cat and not a mountain lion... explains why we still have beau around and why we are not looking for him hanging in the trees.

Charlie a.k.a. chucky, chuckstick, fucking dog, etc... likes to steal anything and everything off the kitchen counter, dining room table, coffee table, etc... anything he can get his fucking paws up on.. he likes eating sandals, socks and cheeses leggings occasionally, including crotch but not exclusively.

Charlie once ate a rotting deer leg when we were staying at a friends house and unloaded five gallons of doggie ass water into cheeses subaru dashboard, seats, center console, door pockets... the joys of dog ownership eh?”


CYBERPETE

CyberPoof tells us, “I'll send you a photo of my parent’s dog. I'm not allowed to have pets.”

One wonders what THAT means but anyway, here’s Herman the German…




Herman the German's puppies



CECILE

Cecile hails from Arkansas and as befits the backwoods Ozark hillybilly image, here we see her brother and sister’s dogs mating…


Sadie and Gabe, the two little dogs that could and did


And now we’re treated to Cecile’s own three mutts…


Java Dog, the new waterless dishwasher system that is not only environmentally friendly but fuel efficient too.



Java (left) and Apollo (right) "Take a picture of my good side."


XL

Note to XL: Lola and RJ want to live with Mistress MJ.


Lola (too Siamese for her own good) and RJ (favorite cologne: Old Mice)

Lola and RJ are occasional guest bloggers on XL’s blog and I look forward to the day they take control of the keyboard and demand their own blog. And demand to move to Canada.



DAISY



Let’s hear what Daisy has to say about the bitch in her bed…

“I got up and got coffee early (3am) one morning...came back and Cosmo had gotten herself covered like this in my bed...she is terribly demanding as you can tell and takes the middle of the bed forcing me to sleep on the edge, little bitch that she is.”

But wait! There’s more!

Two more dogs in Daisy’s household…


Peaches the beagle


Daisy the Maltese

Miss Daisy, will you be taking your dogs to visit Alfie and Lloyd in England?



PRUNELLA JONES


Sassy Shirley the Easter Beagle



Jackie Waffles the world's naughtiest kitten (that's Pru’s bra he's chewing on)



Jorge the spider. Jorge is Pru’s favorite because he never poops.



LEAH

Next up: The elder statesman of our group…

Pippin

“Here's a picture of my dog, Pippin. Some might call him homely; I find him intoxicatingly handsome. He's portly, geriatric, and will definitely bite those who come too near.”


AND FINALLY…


BOLLIX (JIMMY BASTARD)


“Finley” the Cocker Spaniel

I cannot reveal my sources but I’m told that Jimmy Bastard cuddles Finley when they’re watching telly and that the pair resembles Beauty and the Beast.


“Jimmy” the Jack Russell

My spies also inform me that “Jimmy sleeps on the floor next to Jimmy Bastard’s side of the bed. He goes to work with Jimmy Bastard, he gets walked, fed, spoiled, bathed, brushed, not to mention sleeps on the dashboard of his van when they are on site.”

Does anyone else find it odd that Mr. Bollix’ Jack Russell shares not only HIS first name, but the name of his pleasure piston as well?

Mr. Bollix has taken me aside to whisper that he wishes he could lick his own balls like a wee doggie.



And with that we conclude our pictorial presentation of your precious pussies and bitches.

Infomaniac asks all of you to always treat your animal friends with kindness and affection and to give generously, if you can, to the animal charity of your choice.

Now bark like a dog, bitches!

43 comments:

  1. I am faint from the collective adorableness!

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  2. Quack.

    I shouldn't even be allowed to comment...I didn't send pictures and I didn't bark.

    AND, I'm third.

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  3. Awww, such awesome fotos of furry and feathered friends. There is entirely too much cuteness preventing a short comment. Here's my review:

    1. First Nations beloved Opie: Why does this look like a mug shot? The guilt on Opie's face makes me wonder what naughty, quite possibly illegal things Opie has been up to?

    2. Alfie and Lloyd...hmmm; is Mr C a fan of Eyptians? I only ask because Alfie is a pharaoh hound and Lloyd's of London is owned by an Egyptian. The pic of them on the sofa shows they seem to be afraid of touching the floor!

    3. Beaky, cheesy crackers! Them be some sharp talons! I think the Beaky had headed south (towards Hell) for winter.

    4. Yes, Random Chick, what's going on with Rhett's money shot? This pic is very amateur home made porn! Who took this picture? Was Rhett submitting a foto for Playcat magazine?

    5. Beau and Charlie: Gay. They're Here! They're Queer! They show No Fear!

    6. Herman the German and pups are cute! They even have cute toys! Cruella DeVille would luv to turn them into a coat!

    7. Cecile's dogs: Those horndogs from the mountains! I think Java is sniffing for illegal substances!

    8. Lola and RJ look very regal.

    9. Daisy has quite the dog pack! And that's a lot of poop to pick up after!

    10. Sassy looks ready for Halloween; Jackie looks like a lion; and Jorge is the perfect alternative to fiber for constipation.

    11. Pippin looks to be enjoying life.

    12. Finley and Jimmy look very precious and cute! They could crap and pee anywhere and never get in trouble!

    Such a great post! Don't forget to remind your readers about the benefits of neutering and spaying. It might be a good idea for their pets, too.

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  4. Very cool. I feel as if I have met the families of those who frequent this place. Well done.

    B

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  5. An excellent petastic post , but one feels it was just a vehicle to make rude remarks about my rug ...harumph

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  6. Ah, shit. Jackie Waffles has just confirmed my spinsterhood. Stupid adorable, cute, naughty kitten.

    Instead of treating my animal "friend" with kindness and affection, can I not generously give Beaky to the animal charity of my choice?

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  7. Aren't they all adorable?

    Lovely, lovely, lovely - unlike people, who are generally horrible.

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  8. They say that owners resemble their animals. I looked hard, but I couldn't find a cunt that would fit on a lead.

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  9. eroswings...i have a huge backyard!


    mj...my bitches will not be traveling with me...we ALL need a break...:)

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  10. LEAH: It’s the Infomaniac version of Cute Overload!

    MAGO: You’re going to hell in a handbag.

    BOXER: You missed a golden opportunity to dress your Chihuahuas up in miniature sombreros for us.

    EROS: Excellent observations.

    But notice how Beast evaded your question.

    I’m still anxious for question number 4 to be addressed.

    CSI: Their better halves, wouldn’t you say?

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  11. BEAST: Attention everyone!

    The sole purpose of this posting was to bring shame to Beast’s home décor.

    Call in Colin and Justin!

    And while I’m at it, I’ve booked a style appointment for you with Trinny and Susannah.

    A complete Beast makeover!

    IVD: You and Jackie Waffles would make a perfect pairing.

    Jackie with his oversized paws and you with your freakishly bendable digits.

    FROBI: I’m sensing issues.

    Group therapy starts at noon.

    BOLLIX: Ah but you wiggle your arse in the same cute way as they do.

    DAISY: Here’s a project to take on.

    Make your own dog waste composter, also known as a dog-dooly.

    You’ll think of Eros every time you scoop.

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  12. they are all really cute except Beaky the empirialistic blackbird.

    In regards to Bingowings comment, even I would make a coat out of Hermans spawn. They look so soft

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  13. obviously as I am also terrified of spiders, I am not a big fan of Pru's framed one. YIKES!

    No offense

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  14. very nice!!! fun post and am wondering as well about randoms cats positioning... pets do resemble their owners after a while...e

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  15. CYBERPOOF: Do you remember Pru’s spider from our How Not to Decorate Competition?

    VOICES: This is clearly a case of monkey see, monkey do.

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  16. This is prolly as close as you will ever get to posting a worksafe product...
    were you reading the labels on all the medicine that you've been chugging?

    Let's see now, Side Effects usually include:
    anxiety
    bladder & rectal irritation
    changes to apetite, memory, concentration, muscles, nerves, teeth & gums
    constipation
    depression & diarrhea
    fatigue & flatulence
    hair loss or gain
    nausea & vomitting
    swelling of brain tissues

    and OH here it is
    'kinder-gentler pussy posting'

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  17. Just a minute! The photo of Jimmy the Jack Russell has changed. This new one appears to have a conjoined cat twin.

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  18. DONN: Next week on Infomaniac: Wildflower pressing and decorating with pipe cleaners and dried macaroni.

    Get out your glue gun!

    IVD: Well-spotted.

    I felt it was more fitting to include a pic of Little Jimmy, er, JIMMY, pressed up against a pussy rather than on his lonesome.

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  19. Hey, where is Mistress MJ's kitty? (No, the cat.)

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  20. To answer Bingowings question ....not that I am aware of , Alfie was found running around on the side of a motorway , so he kinda found Mr C and Lloyd was from a rescue centre and already named. So maybe a celestial egyptian theme is emerging for Mr C to follow

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  21. Miss MJ I wouldnt waste time and effort on a Beast make over.....you can't polish a turd , as Granny Beastie used to say :-(

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  22. XL: Scroll down to second pic.

    BEAST: Mistress MJ remains hopeful that the Beast can be magically transformed.

    *sings Billy Joe Shaver tune*…

    I'm just an old chunk of coal
    But I'm gonna be a diamond some day

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  23. I just leurve IVD's blackbird.
    Beaky and I have so much in common i.e.“selfish, snobbish, imperialist, stuck up who “doesn’t like fingers, children, clean cars, greasy hair and that high-pitched squeal that babies make”.
    Trouble is I love cats too.

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  24. *snif* Thank you, MJ *snif*

    eroswings: that isn't guilt. that is an expression of longsuffering endurance aside to the audience. This was a little dog with so much sangfroid, self posession, native calm and tolerance, he made Stephen Fry look positively hyperactive.

    cherish your friends, everybody. regular vet checkups.

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  25. KAZ: I’m with you and Beaky on your list of dislikes but I quite like fingers.

    As long as the nails are clipped.

    *eyes glaze over and head lolls back*

    Oh excuse me, where were we?

    NATIONS: Opie was one-of-a-kind.

    The King of the Dugongs.

    *sobs and hugs Ms. Nations*

    Oooh, that feels good in a strangely deviant way.

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  26. NATIONS: Remarkably realistic.

    Is that a "FRANKENBRA" you're wearing?

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  27. OMG! (thud)

    Sorry, I just OD'd on cuteness.

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  28. PRU: The only antidote for cute overload is to look at Beast’s bare bottom.

    Scroll down to second pic down.

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  29. My email has failed. Miko my cat is my last post.

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  30. sniff sniff.......I wish I had a pet and not a cactus......

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  31. There are some great pet shots here.

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  32. Frankly I'm shocked. There I was, troosers around my ankles, tissues in hand, waiting to enjoy Mistress MJ's latest porn offering. Nothing.. not even the odd tweaked nipple. Not a fucking sausage.

    I should never have taken you to church on our first date.

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  33. mj that looks like work...i might even break a nail! i'll just let them shit freely in the back yard...i know where they go the grass is greener there...perhaps there is a lesson in that!

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  34. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  35. Man, I'm waaaay late to this one...how did you know that I often sit around like my pussy, Rhett, on the couch?

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  36. I saw at least two of those dogs on America's Most Wanted!

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  37. Can't we get rid of these creatures now? A nice shooting in the backyard and selling the carcasses to the chinese takeaway seems proper to me.

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  38. TICKERS: We’ll put the beautiful Miko in next year’s entries.

    MANUEL: You could have had a spider, as I recall.

    TICKERS: But not yours! Next year, eh?

    BOLLIX: And you, sir, shouldn’t have fingered my rosary.

    DAISY: What a princess.

    SAVANNAH: xo back atcha.

    RANDOM: We enjoyed talking behind your back in your absence.

    UBERMOUTH: We’ve missed you.

    Were you in prison?

    That would explain how you know so much about the Most Wanted list.

    MAGO: You’re in my bad books for that comment.

    Get on your knees and beg forgiveness.

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  39. Thanks to everyone who participated!

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  40. princess hell! i am queen baby!!! opps forgot the accents on this blog...didn't mean to offend...

    psst mj i am queen hehe

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