Your Pussies and Bitches

This post is dedicated in loving memory of OPIE: beloved tater dog of Ms. Nations…



Now digging spuds in that Great Garden in the Sky.



BEAST

Here we have Alfie and Lloyd, two hounds belonging to the mad Mr C yet occasionally under the care of Beast…


Alfie: a Pharoah hound

Alfie looks like he’s just caught site of a buck naked Beast. Fright night!



Lloyd: A pit bull cross

Beast, what is that blue plastic thingy by Lloyd’s head? An inflatable device to resuscitate him after he’s smelled your stinky duvet?



The Hounds of Hell


Look carefully as this is the only time you’ll find bitches in Beast’s tiny bedsit.

In fact, both hounds look as though they’re sharing his bed, don’t they?

Lloyd looks as if he’s about to barf on that dreadful fireside carpet, which could only be an improvement to the design.

Honestly, Beast. Call in a decorator.



Inexplicable DeVice (IVD)

Aside from a gigantic spider that IVD found in his bath, Beaky the blackbird is as close to a pet as he gets…


Beaky feasting on sultanas

I should explain to newcomers that our IVD is a witch and Beaky is actually his familiar.

IVD describes Beaky as a “selfish, snobbish, imperialist, stuck up blackbird” who “doesn’t like fingers, children, clean cars, greasy hair and that high-pitched squeal that babies make”.



RANDOM CHICK




“His name is Rhett, as in Rhett Butler. He is crafty and can catch lizards like nobody's business. I have found several lizard carcasses lying about the house due to his hunting skills. He also has an annoying habit of running across my head in the while I'm sleeping because he is freaking out about something that goes bump in the night. The hubby thinks it's funny because he only runs across my head. I do not.”

Should we ask Random Chick to explain the pose? Is he imitating mommy?



INNER VOICES


Beau (left) and Charlie (right)


“My dogs have been without female contact of there own species for so long they have reverted to a prison style love affair... both taking turns being top and bottoms... they clean each other and sleep in one dog bed even though we have two.

Beau a.k.a., beautard, shitlips, meathead, etc... is a bit accident prone as some of you may have read in the past most recently we found out that the neighbors animals were being attacked by a massive bob cat and not a mountain lion... explains why we still have beau around and why we are not looking for him hanging in the trees.

Charlie a.k.a. chucky, chuckstick, fucking dog, etc... likes to steal anything and everything off the kitchen counter, dining room table, coffee table, etc... anything he can get his fucking paws up on.. he likes eating sandals, socks and cheeses leggings occasionally, including crotch but not exclusively.

Charlie once ate a rotting deer leg when we were staying at a friends house and unloaded five gallons of doggie ass water into cheeses subaru dashboard, seats, center console, door pockets... the joys of dog ownership eh?”


CYBERPETE

CyberPoof tells us, “I'll send you a photo of my parent’s dog. I'm not allowed to have pets.”

One wonders what THAT means but anyway, here’s Herman the German…




Herman the German's puppies



CECILE

Cecile hails from Arkansas and as befits the backwoods Ozark hillybilly image, here we see her brother and sister’s dogs mating…


Sadie and Gabe, the two little dogs that could and did


And now we’re treated to Cecile’s own three mutts…


Java Dog, the new waterless dishwasher system that is not only environmentally friendly but fuel efficient too.



Java (left) and Apollo (right) "Take a picture of my good side."


XL

Note to XL: Lola and RJ want to live with Mistress MJ.


Lola (too Siamese for her own good) and RJ (favorite cologne: Old Mice)

Lola and RJ are occasional guest bloggers on XL’s blog and I look forward to the day they take control of the keyboard and demand their own blog. And demand to move to Canada.



DAISY



Let’s hear what Daisy has to say about the bitch in her bed…

“I got up and got coffee early (3am) one morning...came back and Cosmo had gotten herself covered like this in my bed...she is terribly demanding as you can tell and takes the middle of the bed forcing me to sleep on the edge, little bitch that she is.”

But wait! There’s more!

Two more dogs in Daisy’s household…


Peaches the beagle


Daisy the Maltese

Miss Daisy, will you be taking your dogs to visit Alfie and Lloyd in England?



PRUNELLA JONES


Sassy Shirley the Easter Beagle



Jackie Waffles the world's naughtiest kitten (that's Pru’s bra he's chewing on)



Jorge the spider. Jorge is Pru’s favorite because he never poops.



LEAH

Next up: The elder statesman of our group…

Pippin

“Here's a picture of my dog, Pippin. Some might call him homely; I find him intoxicatingly handsome. He's portly, geriatric, and will definitely bite those who come too near.”


AND FINALLY…


BOLLIX (JIMMY BASTARD)


“Finley” the Cocker Spaniel

I cannot reveal my sources but I’m told that Jimmy Bastard cuddles Finley when they’re watching telly and that the pair resembles Beauty and the Beast.


“Jimmy” the Jack Russell

My spies also inform me that “Jimmy sleeps on the floor next to Jimmy Bastard’s side of the bed. He goes to work with Jimmy Bastard, he gets walked, fed, spoiled, bathed, brushed, not to mention sleeps on the dashboard of his van when they are on site.”

Does anyone else find it odd that Mr. Bollix’ Jack Russell shares not only HIS first name, but the name of his pleasure piston as well?

Mr. Bollix has taken me aside to whisper that he wishes he could lick his own balls like a wee doggie.



And with that we conclude our pictorial presentation of your precious pussies and bitches.

Infomaniac asks all of you to always treat your animal friends with kindness and affection and to give generously, if you can, to the animal charity of your choice.

Now bark like a dog, bitches!