Monday, August 27, 2007

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

This edition of The Roundup concentrates only on the big stories that happened this week. Complaints? If so, this is all I have to say…




The big news items were as follows:

1) Piggy’s arse
2) IVD’s mysterious disappearance
3) First Nations' entry into the Knudsen Nation


PIGGY’S ARSE:


Always a topic of conversation at dinner parties, our lead story is Piggy’s Arse. This has to be THE flabbiest lump of lard I’ve ever seen.

Observe for yourself…






Thanks go out to Smunty the Cabin Boy for this photographic deed of derring-do. Smunty, our intrepid photographer, braved the gaseous fumes emanating from this mound of misshapen flesh so that we might gaze upon the horror for ourselves.

Those wishing a diversion can play “Connect the Dots with the Liver Spots.”

And ace reporter SID reveals that Piggy’s sadsack arse received international coverage when National Geographic hit the newsstands…





Thanks SID. Though I chose not to use the 3-D glasses that came with that issue.




THE MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE OF IVD:



IVD in happier times before he became responsible for The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts



IVD (Inexplicable DeVice) has been strangely silent lately. We’ve waited weeks for that little fairy to don The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts and to hold the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition as so many of us have bravely done before him.

Ace reporter SID was on this case like shit to a blanket.

SID’s heightened powers of deduction, combined with copious amounts of whiskey, led him to conclude that IVD suffers from PSS: Pre Shorts Syndrome.




IVD attempts to bury The Shorts



I’ve been doing a bit of detective work myself and discovered that IVD’s been arrested for stealing bras, knickers and stockings!

Using the alias of Robert Boyd, IVD held up staff at a Belfast lingerie shop disguised in a wig, hat and glasses.

And here’s the clincher…

He told the court he had been involved in a role-playing game at the time, and his character was an elf named Beho. He denies robbery but says he may have blurred reality and fantasy.





If IVD makes bail, chances are he’ll skip the country in an attempt to avoid posting The Shorts compo. How can he resist with an offer like this?…








FIRST NATIONS:





Earlier this month, I was inducted into what I thought was an exclusive club: The Knudsen Nation. And proud I was.

But then that cunt Eddie Waring snuck in under the radar and got himself a VIP pass.

And now that First Nations has made the A-list, it’s obvious that Knudsen is letting in the riffraff.

Congratulations, FN. I don’t know what services you’re providing to Old Knudsen to merit membership but good on ya.



I can’t leave you with retinal burn from that photo of Piggy’s arse so I offer you Tazzy’s beauteous botty…



Tazzy slips out of his control-top mantyhose

45 comments:

  1. YAY first!

    Well it's way too early in the morning for Piggys arse.

    I didn't dare to inspect further, I will leave that up to you MJ, but what does that tattoo say?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I could swear that tattoo says Arsenal - very appropriate.
    But not from a Yorkshire lad.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Arsenal.

    A definition.

    A stock of weapons, especially all the weapons that a nation possesses contained within.

    *explains everything*

    ReplyDelete
  4. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you and your friends this month end, sister.

    ReplyDelete
  5. BITCHES: Please take note of MM’s blog.

    A church group is trying to save our souls.

    See my comment below.

    MM: I notice that your church is located on “Straight Street.” Most of my readers will require a map and a compass to find it and even then, I’m sure they’ll lose their way.

    Well all except one. SID should know all about Straight Street, good little Catholic boy that he is. Although he DID pick up a Barbara Streisand tape at a car boot sale on the weekend.

    Anyway (Piggy’s fave word…he’s the one with the flabby arse) good luck with your Friday devotion. I suddenly feel an urge to do one of my “Filthy Friday” postings.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ah! Now I get it!

    You could've explained the cryptic emails, bitch.

    *not guilty*

    *but find it highly amusing*

    ReplyDelete
  7. PIGGY: *plots against dirty plottes*

    ReplyDelete
  8. Nice one Piggy!


    *Plans to visit Kenema*

    Hell for the heathen prostitute it is then?

    ReplyDelete
  9. The Mongs?

    I would have thought you were a Mong already MJ.

    To bad you can't comment.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh you CAN comment, this should be fun!

    Also thank you for clearing up the Piggy tattoo. it's also a football club no?

    ReplyDelete
  11. SID: I'd like to give you an enema in Kenema.

    CYBERTWAT:Yes, it's also a football club but SID was correct in his reference to a stockpile for weapons. Arms, specifically. I imagine Piggy's had quite a few arms up there.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Erm...

    My Arsenal tattoo is in reference to Arsenal Football Club (click) you cheeky cunts.

    I soooooo hope The Mongs make MJ recite 16 squillion Hail Mary's.

    And that she bursts into flames just before completing them.

    ReplyDelete
  13. PIGGY: I'll recite the Hail Marys as I'm fiddling with SID's rosary beads.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I still can't get over the church being called

    mongs

    how priceless is that. They are now trying to save me too

    ReplyDelete
  15. CYBERSLUT: Good luck in saving YOUR filthy sodomite soul.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Why thank you

    I hear I'm part of your woman's cult

    I was never informed of your praksis - feel free to elaborate

    ReplyDelete
  17. Can you imagine the queue outside the confessional if MJ goes in?

    ReplyDelete
  18. No.

    I can imagine the priest turning to drink though.

    More than they normally drink, that is.

    Which would be more than MJ does.

    ReplyDelete
  19. CYBERPETE: Praksis?

    Speak English, please.

    SID: That’s if the priest ever finishes with YOU inside that confessional.

    Shove over.

    And remain on your knees.

    PIGGY: Pour me another glass of that sacramental wine.

    ReplyDelete
  20. So that's why they named it Buck fast wine?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Shut the fuck up. It's mine and I'm keeping it to myself.

    The priest won't need it. He'll be far to busy with you.

    Interesting tete-a-tete taking place between CyperPete and MM taking place over there I notice.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think he will be the first to be saved,hope he doesn't run into those Mormons again eh Piggy?

    ReplyDelete
  23. SID: And all this time I thought it was called Fuck Fast.

    Something you would know about.

    PIGGY: It's heating up over there with MM and CyberPete.

    I should never have gotten involved.

    SID: Yes, The Dane will be first.

    I won't succumb to salvation.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I will not become whatever become whatever they cater to over at MMs... Scary stuff really, being on Straight street and all

    I pray on my knees and to something a little harder and larger than some amusing idea about burning bushes (how much did god hate that bush eh?)

    MJ I can't speak English, sorry it's just one of those words that should be easiely translated. Something like....what does one do in your cult, as in worshipping and hazing?

    ReplyDelete
  25. The Dane will be first?

    I am Hiro or well Hero.

    Save the cheerleader, save the world

    ReplyDelete
  26. CYBERCUNT: All you need to know is that you should fall into place along with SID and get down on your knees and worship me.

    And bring wine.

    ReplyDelete
  27. And half a packet of Hob Nobs

    ReplyDelete
  28. SID: What's the £0.25p for?

    *regrets asking already*

    ReplyDelete
  29. Oh mistress of the womans cult

    I bring you £1 bottle of wine, a pack of Bastogne Duo and a £2 coin

    *bows head and waits to be baptized*

    ReplyDelete
  30. The 25p goes in the slot.

    Then the animation starts.

    ReplyDelete
  31. And the sound of a thousand trouser zips are heard.

    ReplyDelete
  32. mmmmmmm

    the sounds of the gates of heaven opening

    ReplyDelete
  33. There's nothing heavenly about MJ's cunt.

    Or what's behind SIDs zipper.

    *vomits at thought of either*

    ReplyDelete
  34. CYBERTWINK: There’s a good boy.

    *anoints CyberTwinkie with Buckfast wine*

    PIGGY: My slot is too small for a 25p coin.

    SID: *notes that yours are the first trousers to unzip*

    *hopes it gets caught in the zipper teeth*

    CYBERTWAT: Gates of heaven?

    Why that’s a lovely way to refer to my sweet bits. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  35. PIGGY: *hopes that the image of both remains with you all week*

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oh ew ew ew

    Piggy meant yours and SIDs bits?

    ew ew ew

    I was being a little more general

    ew ew ew

    ReplyDelete
  37. you had to beg.
    I WAS ASKED. SO HA.




    my life is so sad.



    crossing the Lions Gate Bridge yesterday we passed a sign saying 'danger- MJ-next three exits' and noticed a lot of heavy equipment turning off into a huge dark tunnel of some sort..luckily we were going to Ikea.

    ReplyDelete
  38. CYBERTWAT: Mmmm. MJ/SidBits. Now with 20 per cent creamier filling.

    FN: I DID NOT BEG! I WAS ASKED TOO!!!

    *wonders if Knudsen is trying to pit us against each other for his own warped old man desires*

    Yeah my tunnel needed servicing. What about it?

    ReplyDelete
  39. Seeing Piggy's ass is the best campaign for celibacy.

    ReplyDelete
  40. AWA: Notice how no one commented on how lovely and firm Tazzy's botty is.

    Piggy's monstrosity stole Tazzy's thunder.

    PRU: YOU'RE the one who posted a pic of the Jello Wrestling Champion. How am I supposed to erase THAT image from my mind?

    ReplyDelete
  41. wonders if Knudsen is trying to pit us against each other for his own warped old man desires

    Is it working?

    ReplyDelete
  42. KNUDSEN: You twisted old bastard.

    ReplyDelete