A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.
This edition of The Roundup concentrates only on the big stories that happened this week. Complaints? If so, this is all I have to say…
The big news items were as follows:
1) Piggy’s arse
2) IVD’s mysterious disappearance
3) First Nations' entry into the Knudsen Nation
Always a topic of conversation at dinner parties, our lead story is Piggy’s Arse. This has to be THE flabbiest lump of lard I’ve ever seen.
Observe for yourself…
Thanks go out to Smunty the Cabin Boy for this photographic deed of derring-do. Smunty, our intrepid photographer, braved the gaseous fumes emanating from this mound of misshapen flesh so that we might gaze upon the horror for ourselves.
Those wishing a diversion can play “Connect the Dots with the Liver Spots.”
And ace reporter SID reveals that Piggy’s sadsack arse received international coverage when National Geographic hit the newsstands…
Thanks SID. Though I chose not to use the 3-D glasses that came with that issue.
THE MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE OF IVD:
IVD in happier times before he became responsible for The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts
IVD (Inexplicable DeVice) has been strangely silent lately. We’ve waited weeks for that little fairy to don The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts and to hold the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition as so many of us have bravely done before him.
Ace reporter SID was on this case like shit to a blanket.
SID’s heightened powers of deduction, combined with copious amounts of whiskey, led him to conclude that IVD suffers from PSS: Pre Shorts Syndrome.
IVD attempts to bury The Shorts
I’ve been doing a bit of detective work myself and discovered that IVD’s been arrested for stealing bras, knickers and stockings!
Using the alias of Robert Boyd, IVD held up staff at a Belfast lingerie shop disguised in a wig, hat and glasses.
And here’s the clincher…
He told the court he had been involved in a role-playing game at the time, and his character was an elf named Beho. He denies robbery but says he may have blurred reality and fantasy.
If IVD makes bail, chances are he’ll skip the country in an attempt to avoid posting The Shorts compo. How can he resist with an offer like this?…
Earlier this month, I was inducted into what I thought was an exclusive club: The Knudsen Nation. And proud I was.
But then that cunt Eddie Waring snuck in under the radar and got himself a VIP pass.
And now that First Nations has made the A-list, it’s obvious that Knudsen is letting in the riffraff.
Congratulations, FN. I don’t know what services you’re providing to Old Knudsen to merit membership but good on ya.
I can’t leave you with retinal burn from that photo of Piggy’s arse so I offer you Tazzy’s beauteous botty…
Tazzy slips out of his control-top mantyhose