Infomaniac Devotion Day

A reminder to visit this church group today as they are holding an Infomaniac Devotion.







On August 31 we will hold our Devotion Day. We invite you all to take part by offering a few minutes of your time to pray for her soul and for her forgiveness.




Cherie joins thousands around the world in saying a prayer for us.



Clearly, their work is cut out for them if they wish to convert the likes of us.


The following is a sampling of some of the comments they’ve made regarding Infomaniac and Infomaniac readers…


One with the most vile content blog I’ve come across yet.


She’s clearly obsessed with sex and related stuff. Almost every entry in her blog being littered with sexual innuendo and seriously bad language. Not only that but everyone commenting on her blog is just as abusive.

I’m really stunned that Blogger lets them away with this stuff.






Y’know, I find it really hard to believe that site is run by a woman. I’d have expected it if it had been some old man, but a woman? I’m starting to wonder if she’s a hooker or something.

This woman has really excelled herself this time. I wont even mention what I’ve been reading over there today but I’d suggest she gets herself off to see her shrink and quick.

I said a prayer for her today. I hope she finds something in her heart that can cure her of the evil thoughts in her head. I’ll be praying for her again tonight. May the lord help her and cleanse her thoughts and soul.







Strange is the word I would use to describe my thoughts about the blog I’ve become strangely transfxed with. Partly because I find it difficult to imagine a woman creating such a thing. Also partly because she seems to attract other like-minded individuals equally depraved.

Homosexuals, protitutes, perverted-minded old-folks and no doubt some youngsters.







I took the opportunity to revisit the weblog of the Infomaniac Woman in the hope that she had seen the error of her ways. I was hopeful that she would have turned the corner with her vile phase of reporting and felt great sadness to note that things remained as they were before our departure.

Myself and the Brothers will resume our prayers and hope that the good Lord brings reflection into her heart and those of her equally depraved visitors and participants in her internet based cesspit.








So bitches, there you have it. Today is the day that church group dedicates to saving our souls.

Go on over and see for yourself.

And if some of you don’t return, I’ll know you’ve been rescued from the eternal damnation of the Infomaniac “cesspit.”




Pervs! All of you!

Caption This!

G’won. You know you want to.

Beheadings and Birthdays

Yet another day where I won’t have Internet access to visit your blogs or laugh at your witty repartee in the comments.

I may as well be in Hell. Which is precisely, as you know, where we’re all going according to this church group.






The only good thing to come out of their saving-souls website is the interfaith festival notifications. I learned that on August 29th we celebrate the Beheading of John the Baptist.







John the Baptist’s head has allegedly been found not once, not twice, but three times. Since no one can agree on the head’s location, why don’t you give it shot. Where do you think the head could be? And are you doing anything to mark this occasion?



On a more cheerful note, happy birthday to Billy of ¡Oye Billy!





Billy, you mentioned you don’t have any red pants. So here’s your pressie!

HobNobs and Hellfire

I’ve put on quite a few pounds thanks to you lot getting me hooked on HobNobs. And as you can see, I’ve had to take up smoking to curb my appetite.






In other news, a church group has contacted Infomaniac to inform us that we’re all a bunch of sinners in need of salvation. And they intend to pray for us at an Infomaniac Devotion on Friday, August 31st.







Why, just the thought of it has me speaking in tongues, rolling in the aisles and handling serpents. Especially handling serpents.







I’ll be away on business all day today and won’t be able to consult with you over this. So leave a comment and let me know if you think there’s any hope for our salvation or whether we’re all going straight to hell.







Though really, you’re all my sweet angels, aren’t you?

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

This edition of The Roundup concentrates only on the big stories that happened this week. Complaints? If so, this is all I have to say…




The big news items were as follows:

1) Piggy’s arse
2) IVD’s mysterious disappearance
3) First Nations' entry into the Knudsen Nation


PIGGY’S ARSE:


Always a topic of conversation at dinner parties, our lead story is Piggy’s Arse. This has to be THE flabbiest lump of lard I’ve ever seen.

Observe for yourself…






Thanks go out to Smunty the Cabin Boy for this photographic deed of derring-do. Smunty, our intrepid photographer, braved the gaseous fumes emanating from this mound of misshapen flesh so that we might gaze upon the horror for ourselves.

Those wishing a diversion can play “Connect the Dots with the Liver Spots.”

And ace reporter SID reveals that Piggy’s sadsack arse received international coverage when National Geographic hit the newsstands…





Thanks SID. Though I chose not to use the 3-D glasses that came with that issue.




THE MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE OF IVD:



IVD in happier times before he became responsible for The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts



IVD (Inexplicable DeVice) has been strangely silent lately. We’ve waited weeks for that little fairy to don The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts and to hold the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition as so many of us have bravely done before him.

Ace reporter SID was on this case like shit to a blanket.

SID’s heightened powers of deduction, combined with copious amounts of whiskey, led him to conclude that IVD suffers from PSS: Pre Shorts Syndrome.




IVD attempts to bury The Shorts



I’ve been doing a bit of detective work myself and discovered that IVD’s been arrested for stealing bras, knickers and stockings!

Using the alias of Robert Boyd, IVD held up staff at a Belfast lingerie shop disguised in a wig, hat and glasses.

And here’s the clincher…

He told the court he had been involved in a role-playing game at the time, and his character was an elf named Beho. He denies robbery but says he may have blurred reality and fantasy.





If IVD makes bail, chances are he’ll skip the country in an attempt to avoid posting The Shorts compo. How can he resist with an offer like this?…








FIRST NATIONS:





Earlier this month, I was inducted into what I thought was an exclusive club: The Knudsen Nation. And proud I was.

But then that cunt Eddie Waring snuck in under the radar and got himself a VIP pass.

And now that First Nations has made the A-list, it’s obvious that Knudsen is letting in the riffraff.

Congratulations, FN. I don’t know what services you’re providing to Old Knudsen to merit membership but good on ya.



I can’t leave you with retinal burn from that photo of Piggy’s arse so I offer you Tazzy’s beauteous botty…



Tazzy slips out of his control-top mantyhose

A Buncha Pussies and a Bitch

MJ’s incredibly gorgeous pussy


Last week I requested photographs of your pussies and other critters that share your household.

By “critters that share your household” I did not mean roaches and silverfish but thanks anyway.


TAZZY AND PIGGY:

Let’s start with Yorkshire’s Biggest Poofs’ biggest pussies, Lucky and Tigger. Tazzy and Piggy have two other pussies but they were not available for comment. I’m sure, however, that they’re plotting escape to Canada.



Lucky



Tigger




CONNIE AND TATAS:

We all know Connie’s a pussy man so it was no surprise when he sent in a photo of his wife's pussy.

I assume that is Connie’s wife “Tatas” in the photo with her pussy but it could be someone he's pulled from the pub for all we know.

There would appear to be some sort of storyline in this photo essay but I don’t want to over-analyze it.













THE SMUNTS:

Steve sent in these pics of The Smunts’ pussy but not without some confusion on Carly’s part.

When Carly heard of my request for pussy pics, she almost sent in a photo of her, as Steve put it, “rather herbaceous minge.” Close one!







OLD KNUDSEN:

Old Knudsen has more pussy than he knows what to do with and we couldn’t possibly picture them all here. So instead he’s sent in a pic of his bitch.





“Here is my big black bitch. Her name is "Cunty" which is an Old Scots Gaelic word meaning "four legged wife" well it should be. She is part Lab part Pit bull and a more harmless friendly dog you'd never find I just wish she wouldn't dig up the garden, she dug up the man from the Council last week.”


Thanks to Tazzy and Piggy, Connie and Tatas, Steve and Carly, and Old Knudsen for sharing this magic moment with us.

Vintage Sex Slang Quiz

Take the Vintage Sex Slang Quiz.

I scored 9/10. Beat that, bitches!

If you know any archaic sex slang that’s not included in this quiz, tell us about it.

And what the hell would you call what’s going on in that pic?

Gingers Facing Extinction

Gingervitis



Redheads are a dying breed and could face extinction by 2060.







If the gingers really want to save themselves they should move to Scotland.

An estimated 40 per cent of Scots carry the red gene and 13 per cent actually have red hair.




Gingers Poster Boy Piggy


Ginger actor Carrot Top says of redheads, “They say it’s a dying breed. A woman asks me how that can be. And I say that’s because no one’s sleeping with us.”

If you could live to see any human physical characteristic become extinct, which one would it be?

Copulation Street

Eating Betty’s “hot-pot”


Find out what really goes on behind the curtains on Coronation Street.






Don’t miss the three-way between Mike, Deirdre and Ken!




Those filthy buggers!



Read how Rita and Sally catch Norris wanking!





All this and more at Coronation Street: The Erotic Version.




Lower, Vera luv. Lower.

Album Cover of the Week

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

I tried to get ‘round to all of you but listening to Taz and Pig’s long, drawn-out podcast took my entire Sunday evening so apologies to those I’ve missed.





The great British Biscuit Trial continues as I crunched my way this week through a packet of McVitie’s Dark Chocolate Digestives.

All this biscuit-munching may result in an arse like Piggy’s if I don’t limit my intake…





Ha! You thought I was going to post this photo, didn’t you?…





Let’s see what the rest of you have been up to…


TAZZY AND PIGGY:



Piggy and Tazzy: mongs with mics.


If you have fuck-all to do with the next 50 minutes of your life, give a listen to Taz and Pig’s podcast.

Actually, just listen to the first few minutes as I, MJ, do the introduction and I lead in with one of my favourite songs, “Be My Baby” by the Ronettes. Everything else on the podcast is shite.

So for those of you who rightly can’t be bothered to listen to the whole boring podcast, apart, of course, from my intro, here’s the gist of it…

Taz and Pig slag us all off.

IVD, the “poor skinny little fucker” is urged to “pull your finger out of your bony arse and get a fuckin’ pic of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts on your blog.”

SID’s hard-on is a topic of conversation as SID is assumed to be “playing the podcast in his car, fiddling with his willy as he drives along the motorway” in his “soggy crotchless panties.” Now that I believe. Let’s hear more about his thigh fat next time though, eh boys?

Piggy relates how he made the Smunts’ children cry and he describes them as “little bastards” who may not be Smunty’s kids at all. It’s also revealed that the Smunts’ house is infested with fleas and that the Smunts make a shite cuppa tea. And, no surprise here, we learn that Taz and Pig had to fight Smunty the Cabin Boy off in the sauna.

Taz and Pig wager on who will win in the “Two Dirty Slappers” Maidy/MJ bitchfight. Their money’s on Maidy, that “lazy bitch who took three fuckin’ years to read Harry Potter” and whose “gaping cunt looks like two bits of sloppy liver slapping together.”

We are treated to hearing Piggy fart on the microphone instead of his usual M.O. of farting under the quilt or on Tazzy’s thigh.

We learn that Tazzy has a “silky anus.”

Lots of “mmm,” “aye,” and “oink” as Taz and Pig are incapable of speaking English without all of us consulting our Yorkshire-English dictionaries.

And finally, you two can fuck off with your planned Sunday night podcasts versus my Monday morning Blogging Roundups. I’d put a stop to that idea right now if I were you.

And who are you calling a dirty slag?

Mmm. Aye. Oink.




SID:


SID humping hugging a tree.


The Oirish Cunt heaved his fat arse to the top of Slieve Donard where, unfortunately, no one pushed him off.




GEO:





Geo poses his young daughter’s Barbie dolls in compromising positions as they simulate a Maidy/MJ bitchfight.

The perv.



MAIDY:





Dumbass mistakes the open window on her vehicle for a clean window and flings her leather card carrier out.



KAPITANO:

Kapi lists a variety of subjects in the school curriculum…

Nature Study



Women's Health



American History





KAZ:





Kaz reveals that on the night that Elvis died, she was table dancing in a seedy underground nightclub in Belgium.



THE SMUNTS:



Piggy (Gollum) and Carly’s mammoth mammary.


Plenty of piccies of The Smuntyville Horror Part 2 aka Tazzy and Piggy visit the Smunts.




BETTY:



Clive Jenkins: Hot? Or not?


Betty asks, “WHO WAS THE MOST ATTRACTIVE TRADE UNION LEADER?”



GEOFF:





Geoff critiques forthcoming attractions at the Dartford Orchard Theatre.




FIRST NATIONS:





FN continues her holiday travelogue. That’s her above as a local farmer urges her to try his corn.




EDDIE WARING:





British ex-pat Waring wastes his money on American beer.

“I drank 5 fuckin' pints and probably pissed 15 times, all I got was a headache.”




BILLY:





Billy asks who would you do if you batted for the other team.




IVD (INEXPLICABLE DeVICE):





IVD is awol (stalling for time to avoid posting The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts compo) as he’s servicing the employees of the London Underground.




OLD KNUDSEN:



Graham Norton's arse.


Knudsen presents tits, arse, and the Gangs of Glasgow.




TICKERS:





Tickers snuggles (but with who? a sheep?) whilst wearing an old dog coat and eating cauliflower cheese.




AWAITING:





Our Mississippi Mama Awa is back!

And she’s brought her bigass titties with her.



AND FINALLY…



MJ’s pussy


Remember to email me pics of your animal friends this week. I’ll post ‘em on Sunday, August 26th.