Monday, December 03, 2012

Behind the Scenes at the Kitchen Queen Contest

Infomaniac let's you peek behind the curtain to see the goings-on at the Kitchen Queen Contest.

Here we see Norma attempting to bribe the judges with her Salty Ding Dong



Here we see the other four winners talking behind Norma’s back (planning to cut a bitch)…



Here we see Ms. Nations devouring Cookie’s famous Sweet and Sour Brisket


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Here we see Cookie’s reaction when her name is announced as grand prize winner…



Here we see Cookie rush the stage to accept her prize…


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Here we see Mr. Peenee, (Miss Runner-Up) wearing Cookie's crown after he's tripped her on her way back to her seat...



Here we see Mitzi’s reaction when her Jammy Rings fail to make the shortlist…



Here we see Huggy Jon who has “no comment” after a judge sat on his vol au vent


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Here we see Topher planning to "pie" the winners with his Blue Ribbon Apple Pies


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Here we see a vigilante committee of disgruntled contestants planning to take the Fab Five DOWN…



And finally, here we see Mistress MJ cleaning up after the contest is finally over…



Thanks for one hell of a swell contest, Bitches!

NOTE: Check out Cookie's "We're All Winners on Infomaniac" post here.

44 comments:

  1. I think that's Norma with this very large 45 at the committee ...

    And: Förscht!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But Norma is part of the "Fab Five" winners' circle.... the vigilante committee is made up of Bitches who DIDN'T win.

      *suspiciously casts eyes towards Ute, Huggy Jon, Mitzi, First Nations, Topher and Mr. Peenee*

      Delete
    2. I'm too busy pie holing everyone to attend a vigilante committee meeting.

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    3. TOPHER: Revenge is a dish best served cold, as they say.

      I’d offer to hold Norma down for you but her “pie hole” is a wide open target.

      Delete
  2. I think Herr Mago's blue wurst could have been a contender...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're all disappointed that we didn't see Herr Mago's blue sausage.

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    2. I bet the butcher tied a blue ribbon around that package.

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    3. NATIONS: I bet he had to use extra ribbon.

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  3. Could I have clicked over here when the contest started? No. Of course not. I come along when it's all said and done and the votes are counted. Excellent metaphor for how my life has unfolded.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Try to keep up, Mr. Banishment.

      Delete
  4. come over NOW and try the comments section.


    please, MJ

    xoxoxoxoxox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is there a martini in this for me if I do, Miss Savannah?

      Delete
  5. I had to run to the stage, Norma was chasing me with his rusty chef's knife. It's a miracle that the police didn't find floating in the pool.

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    Replies
    1. COOKIE: Well, it’s no secret that Norma’s “knife” has grown rusty with lack of usage.

      Delete
  6. ❉ why it's our very own "untucked!"

    ❉ i'm feeling a wee bit of bitterness as
    i sashay thru the room.

    ❉ relax. my "knife" would never get
    close to cookie's flabby brisket.

    ❉ poor peenee. does she even have the strength
    to pick up one more potato and cup it in
    her hand?

    ❉ alas, mago's zeppelin...we'll never know.

    ❉ topher, it's the crust i can't abide.

    ❉ mistress, are you mellowing?
    only one broom?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NORMA: Watch it or I’ll lodge my other broom up your “pie hole.”

      Delete
    2. lodge?

      is there an infomaniac lodge? is it
      all HOmey, swathed in flannel?
      is there an 800 number i can call to
      book reservations?

      Delete
    3. NORMA: I’ve booked a night for you in the Oubliette.

      Delete
  7. Daaaamn; is that what Topher looks like? Come pie me, sweetness.

    You know what, that brisket was Just that good. and I didn't have to bring the donor animal down with a flaming arrow for a change,either. Rawk!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Replies
    1. You appear to have evolved into my friend Myra DuBois... Jx

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    2. Spot on, Jon.

      I’d love to catch her act.

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    3. I see her every Saturday, Drag DJ-ing at our regular pub Halfway to Heaven! Next time you're in London, I could take you to the RVT for one of her remarkable shows... Jx

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    4. I thought it was Iris from the League of Gentlemen.

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    5. MITZI: You think she looks like Iris from The League of Gentlemen?

      hahahahabananahahaha!

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    6. See what I did there, Mitzi?

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    7. JON: OMG, I clicked on your link and there you are with Frances Barber!!!

      I loved her as April in “Having It Off.” And, of course, in “Beautiful People” as you mentioned in your post.

      Seriously, Jon…is there anyone you don’t know?

      Since I don’t have a trip to London planned any day soon, I’ll have to settle for seeing if I can find some YouTube clips on Miss DuBois.

      Oh, and OF COURSE you know HER too!

      Delete
    8. Sweetie, daaaahling - one tries to mix in the best company. Errr...

      Why am I here?!

      Jx

      Delete
  9. And may we remind you Bitches of something Mitzi said earlier…

    The jammy rings have been heavily laced with arsenic hahahahabananahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  10. If you write the word banana amongst the ha'ha's no one seems to notice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MITZI: I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t notice the banana.

      And it’s not the first time I’ve had a banana slipped in without noticing.

      Delete
  11. Are you gonne keep that vol-au-vent stuck to your ass during the entire award ceremony, MJ?

    Actually, I'm under the table getting some extra cream from Topher's stand-in!

    How do I know he's a stand-in? Cause there's no way an Infomaniac bitch can be so good looking!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HUGGY JON: You’re good looking. I’ve seen your picture. You’d be surprised how many Infomaniac Bitches are head-turners.

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    2. Head-turners in an "Exorcist" kind of way!

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    3. I knew ONE of you would take that the wrong way!

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  12. What's that expression? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach? Or was that assh*le? I'm terrible with colloquialisms and blowjobs.

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    Replies
    1. BURT: This sort of thing is why we’ve missed you around here.

      Delete
  13. ...and clearly i was in the loo after digesting too much poulet au paprika.

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    Replies
    1. KEVIN: Vomiting like a supermodel?

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    2. how else does one stay so fantastically/dangerously thin?

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  14. OMG, the pie-man is soooo cute !!! And that last photo is interesting .. is Joan actually TALKING to the floor ? "I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt!" Perhaps she's talking to whatever is in the lower-right corner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is that you Margaret? Forgetting to sign in again?

      Delete