Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Invasion of the Penis Snatchers

This was the happy scene poolside this weekend before the

Minutes later penis panic ensued.

Tim was the first to report losing his tackle …

Whither went my willy?

An angry Bollix reported his meat and two veg missing later that day…

Bring back me bollocks, ya filthy bastard!

Infomaniac is issuing an All Points Bulletin (that’s “All Ports Warning” for you in the UK) to inform you that there is a penis snatcher on the loose!

Penises are not the only items to have gone missing.

CyberPoof is flapping his arms about after reporting his missing strappy sandal.

Did anybody else lose anything at the party?

Anyway, back to the missing genitals.

Could this be an example of Koro?

Or could it be the work of a long, lanky, bikini-clad queen with a chip on her shoulders?

The suspect

Heff was also an unfortunate victim of the penis snatcher. Undaunted by the crime, Heff created a makeshift penis in an attempt to seduce one of our female guests …

If anyone has any information on this crime or knows the whereabouts of the suspect, bring him in for questioning.

And punishment by Mistress MJ…


  1. that's a smart looking suit you're wearing. Red is your color.

    Oh. And.


  2. I can hear them singing..

    Hello Dolly,
    What the hell, Dolly?
    It'd be nice if you had a crack and we had schlongs.
    Then we could swell, Dolly,
    Screw like hell, Dolly,
    But we're still Koro,
    Can we borrow,
    One of, your strap-ons.

  3. "Barbie and Ken's marriage
    was a total failia,
    because neither one of them
    had any genetalia"

    or, sentiments to that effect: I'm
    only misquoting someone else, until
    the mirth disipates.

  4. Hey! I lost something too: An opportunity.

    * grumbles about ErosWings stealing my man *

  5. What about the "franks and beans"?- that's one of my favorite colorful names for the missing bits in question.

  6. Well, IDV, perhaps if you had spent less time synchronized swimming, you'd've had time to hang out with the rest of us fellas...Of course with the presence of CP, it was only natural that a fight break out to determine who's the Queen Bee of this little hive.

    I did not steal anyone's man parts...call Angelina Jolie and Denzel Washington; there seems to be a Bone Collector on the loose.

    Luckily, I kept mine close and treated them like the jewels they are: valuable and beautiful to behold.

    As for the missing strappy sandal, was there a one legged party goer present? I don't recall.

  7. what an odd coincidence. I wrote a post about koro yesterday

  8. Perhaps Cynthia plaster caster is on the loose again, and really means business this time.

    I was hiding in the shower block, so know nothing.

  9. Can't complain. All still there and in good working condition.

  10. MJ, we all know it was you and you're just trying to divert attention away from yourself - you filthy cock bucket.

  11. mj...i saw a group of pricks walking down the street yesterday...perhaps you should have a go at them :)

  12. BOXER: You're number one!

    Back on top of your game!

    Eros is secretly seething with rage but is focusing instead on the missing man bits.

    DONNNNN: Find her an empty lap, fellas.

    That will cost you five dollars.

    GRUMBLOID: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    Come back again to prevent a dearth of mirth.

    IVD: *peeks under IVD’s petticoat to see if he’s hiding assorted man bits under there*

    No, nothing to speak of.

    MUTHA: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    Has Donnnnn been giving out discount tickets to visit Infomaniac or what?

    Would you like an order of Beefy McManstick to go with your frank ‘n’ beans?

  13. EROS: A peg-legged drag queen should be easy enough to spot in this crowd.

    *looks around at Infomaniac guests*

    But then again, maybe not.

    NURSEMYRA: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    You're Joe's friend, aren't you?

    Your koro item is very well researched and illustrated.

    I must return to your blog again!

    GARFY: Funny you should mention the shower block as I snapped your pic in there when you weren’t looking.

    Stay tuned for further developments.

    MAGO: I'll be conducting a personal examination to judge for myself.

    MAXI: Cock bucket?

    Ah fuckit.

    DAISY: Were they dickheads?

  14. mj...so much so i came up with a song for them...
    dickheads dickheads rolly polly dickheads
    dickheads dickheads can't eat them up yuck!

  15. MJ, I don't mind the lady being on top. A gentleman always lets a lady come first!

  16. ***closes freezer door on stolen genitalia wraped in clingfilm****
    ****Cackles evilly**

    Thats the coctail nibbles sorted at cafe C for the next few weeks

  17. I hope Beast isn't keeping them next to the Tesco's Value frozen sausages.

  18. *stands in line for punishment*

    Have you noticed how several of those chaps have their fists cupped just so, as if in a sympathy grip for the missing organ? Awwww

  19. Since your pool party I seem to have lost those lovely boobs.
    I'm flat as a pancake again!

  20. What a sad, sad story.

    I hope you catch the meanie who stole them.

  21. This has been very distressing for me and my wife. The loss of the Bastard Family jewels is devastating as they cannot be replaced. Mrs Bastard is particuarly upset as it was during the evening of her birthday sex ritual we first discovered that my equipment was missing.

    I would ask that anybody finding the jewels (contained in a pig skin substance like sack) and my penis (about the length and width of a full Italian salami without the garlic) should contact their local Polis and claim the reward offered for their safe return.

    For a fuller description in detail of my penis (including the taste), please contact Infomaniac at the usual address.

  22. *looks in back of pool/truck and notices several floating pink objects. slams brakes and empties pool on beasts front yard. drives away and calls police about beasts new lawn party.*

  23. I think all the penises (peni?) are flying around in a Tardis somewhere above Albuquerque, and it's the devious work of Mr. Fukushima.

  24. DAISY: Catchy little ditty.

    Did you sign a recording contract yet?

    EROS: I always sensed you were a bottom.

    BEAST: What are you using as a dipping sauce?

    TICKERS: Tainted meat recall!

    *depending whose missing bit it is*

    CARNALIS: Isn’t it second nature for men to have their hands cupped at all times lest their willies accidentally slip into their hands?

    Now get over my knee, young lady.

  25. KAZ: Sent your falsies out to the cleaners, did you?

    Are you going for a 1920s flapper look?

    CYBERPOOF: You’re rather reserved today for someone who’s missing a favourite strappy shoe.

    How did you make it home, hopping about on one foot?

    And are your bits still intact?

    BOLLIX: The Strathclyde Police have a lead on a restaurant in Glasgow serving suspicious haggis.

    VOICES: Hey everybody!

    Party at Beast’s house!

    *picks up a pink object and flicks it at Voices’ head*


  27. ***sends kaz two carrier bags full of lime jelly***
    See what you can do with these :-)

  28. BEAST: What are you doing here?

    You should be making preparations for your party!

    We'll all be over there asap, you know.

  29. *dodges flying "pink thing" and throws one back at mj*

  30. Handy Heff DOES WHAT HE HAS TO DO, LOL !

  31. LOL @ Handy Heff. Isn't that a new toy all the kids want to Christmas?

  32. VOICES: *pink things embeds itself in Mistress MJ's forehead, giving her a unicorn-like appearance*

    HEFF: Everyone knows you're handy with tools.

    I think Random Chick has a clogged drain.

    Shall I send you round?

    RANDOM: Maybe if you're a good girl, you'll find one under your tree.

  33. anyone want to come to a barbecue?
    I've got hot dogs!
    lots and lots of hot dogs!
    yes, i gotta lotta weiners here!

    *runs off laughing maniacally*

  34. *comes back from beasts, as his house is boring*

    nice head piece mj! it seems nations has some pink things at her house as well!

    *heads over to nations to see if any of hers are recognizable*

  35. NATIONS & VOICES: Agreed that Beast's house is boring today.

    I think he's got his period again.


  36. My bits are certainly here.

    I threw a diva tantrum at IDV in private and he relinquished my shoe.

    Now if I could only find my underwear.

  37. Canada is truely The Land Of Plenty!

  38. On the plus side, at least it now appears that I could carjack Barbie's Ferrari…

  39. At your service, Mrs. Glick ...

    Sometime all full with feasting on your sight
    And by and by clean starved for a look.

  40. Well done, even for a Canadian...

    (WCSN rises to his feet, and does the "slow clap.")

  41. CYBERPOOF: Your panties are on the ceiling.

    TONY: It’s a cornucopia of cock.

    TIM: You won’t get far without your “TimBits”.

    MAGO: Care for a cocktail wiener?

    CHAMP: The Champ is back!

    *prepares combs and brushes to groom The Champ’s body hair*

    I'd get that clap looked after if I were you, Champ.