Thursday, September 04, 2008

Claim Your Cock!

A happy Infomaniac reader with his recovered Roto-rooter…



Are you missing your genitalia as a result of the Invasion of the Penis Snatchers?

Could one of these fine specimens be yours?...




If you can correctly identify your manhood, drop by Infomaniac and we’ll gladly reunite you with your missing member.

Mrs. Bollix correctly identifies Bollix’s crown jewels…




Although the perp has yet to be captured, Inner Voices was seen driving away from the pool party with a truckload of pink parts…





Unclaimed penises remain the property of Infomaniac and will be turned into decorative necklaces for Mistress MJ…

44 comments:

  1. Thank goodness mine were not stolen. I'm just here to make sure that justice is served and that criminal gets it in the end!

    ReplyDelete
  2. i had a whole joke written about mr. justice being served and getting it in his end but for some reason i didnt post it...

    *finds self going soft*


    errrr.....

    wait what???


    *glad that dangely pink thing of his isnt in a neck lace on mj... secretly laughs along with mrs.bollix at mr.bollix*

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  3. Once again, I am so glad I was born a woman.

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  4. Love that necklace mj.
    Does it light up and flash??

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  5. If its made from the genitals of MJ's usual readership it will Kaz , but only when you whip open your pacamack

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  6. I saw a red set of those truck balls yesterday. Goddamn rednecks.

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  7. EROS: Should I offer a reward?

    A night with Eros sounds good.

    VOICES: Thank you for your input.

    Now would you please put your legs together?

    BOXER: You’re a woman?!

    KAZ & BEAST: Perhaps you’d like to take your act on the road?

    TATAS: Good to know you have a set of working testicles.

    Remember to have them checked regularly to assure they continue to function properly.

    XL: Otherwise known as Bumpernuts.

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  8. TATAS: Oh dear, you said "cock", didn't you, not "testicles"?

    What a cock-up.

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  9. Mine's the one with the cankers on it. You can keep it if you want.

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  10. Damn, it's a virtual sausage-fest over here !

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  11. I was going to comment and then decided not to. I think it was the cock necklace that did it for me.

    Do they light up?

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  12. You clearly purchased that necklace at a perverts car boot sale.

    I assume you wear it with pride as you sashay along scoffing at todgers.

    It's just penis envy if you ask me.

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  13. Is that reward of ErosWings still going? If so, I might have some information...

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  14. TICKERS: Surely you can’t compete with IVD’s warty wand. (scroll down to second pic).

    Unless you’ve been keeping him company down at the docks?

    HEFF: Lob your own pepperoni on the table and join in!

    CYBERPOOF: They light up after sex.

    But they don’t inhale.

    GARFY: All this todgerscoffing is tiring me.

    *fans self and reclines on chaise*

    Bring me a mint julep.

    IVD: Win a night with Eros!

    Now, what do you know?

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  15. Get your weiners while they last...I've got enough of my own over here thank you very much.

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  16. My has fallen off due to lack of use...if you find it in your booty bags just leave it on a shelf somewhere, I will find it.

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  17. CYBERPOOF: Do they swallow?

    You should know.

    You’re the expert.

    RANDOM: So you have lots of wieners over at yours.

    You don’t have to brag about it.

    MUTLEY: I suspect the real reason your weenie has fallen off is because you purchased a PELOOP from Miss Mu and didn’t read the instructions properly.

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  18. I suppose I am.

    Still I'm not quite sure.

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  19. In reply to Mistress MJ and anyone else who laughed at my small willy... you wouldn't think it was funny if I stuck it up your chocolate highway!

    Do you think my bum looks big in that pic?

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  20. *closes legs only to find out mj has stolen his as well! hey wtf!

    *realizes its just tucked between his legs*

    hows it look?

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  21. CYBERPOOF: I’ll just leave you to ponder.

    BOLLIX: Mistress MJ likes a big arse.

    Yours looks like it could use a good slap.

    If you’re self-conscious about your wee willy, you can always try this on for size though it seems a bit of a mouthful.

    CATSCRATCH: Hey fellas!

    Did you hear what she said?

    Party over at Catscratch’s!

    VOICES: I see you have blue balls.

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  22. One of lifes great mysteries I'm sure.

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  23. hmmmm, not a bad idea. Do they come in tripe flavours? I'm gonnae treat my faithful mutt to a new toy. Be a shock for the postwoman when he bounds up with one of those in his mouth.

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  24. Do you have one that comes in Hair? (Remember, hair is the new black.)

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  25. CYBERPOOF: Certainly.

    BOLLIX: More than a mouthful is a waste and besides, we don’t have time to comparison shop for flavours.

    The World Champ (below you) is in need of big, strong men (albeit with small willies) to assist him on his epic journey.

    Will you join us?

    CHAMP: One that “comes in hair”?

    That would be quite sticky, don’t you think?

    As I’m in charge of grooming you, I must consider such things.

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  26. Found mine - it had fallen down the back of the sofa. I should now really inform the police that they won't need that warrant to raid IDV's house … but it's more fun not to.

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  27. That necklace is... breathtaking. I think I want one. It'd go great with these earrings I have.

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  28. TIM: No need to call off the police.

    Imagine the thrill when IVD sees all those men in uniform!

    T-BIRD: You can keep your jewels in this scrotum pouch.

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  29. I brought some scrotum pouches last year for my christmas presents (I think I gave one to Frobisher) , it was a bit dissapionting , I was expecting something saggy and hairy , but it was just like a normal coin purse :-(

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  30. *mumbles something about not having blue balls and fills mjs pool back in from rear of truck. laughs to self and drives away*

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  31. VOICES: You came through the back door...AGAIN!

    Blast you!

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  32. This necklace reminds me of the blinking ties/cravats of the sixties and seventies ...

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  33. so this is where my blog searching brings me. LOL penis envy has a whole new meaning now.

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  34. Sure it's funny...
    'til someone loses a nutsack.
    This type of aggressive Feminism makes my everted Hemipene, invert,
    you know turtle.

    Coolio has an awesome song called Keep Your Hands Off My Muthaf*ckin' Nutsack..I think he has about 5 other songs on that album with the word Nutsack in the title...
    weird eh?

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  35. MJ, such creative use of anal beads and penises to make fashionable jewelry. You should launch your jewelry line on HSN or QVC. The masses would eat them up.

    Olga TTB, I can help you get a pearl necklace if you'd like. In fact, I'm sure a number of Infomaniac readers can give you a bunch of pearl necklaces in one setting...

    Well, IDV, as the night is half over (and really over where you're at), I'm afraid I shall spend the night alone doing the neighborhood watch. The reward expires at midnight I'm afraid.

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  36. Eroswings - do you just hang around this blog until MJ posts?

    who does THAT?

    so, why do you think she's so late tonight? Hot date?

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  37. MAGO: Are you sure they were really blinking?

    Or were you just very high on acid?

    JUSTAGIRL: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    I see by your profile that you like Coolio.

    Perhaps you can tell us how many references he makes to “nutsacks” in his lyrics?

    OLGA: I’m reading between the lines and you’re a very naughty brassiere!

    Pay no attention to Eroswings.

    DONNNNN: Ha! It has a little helmet!

    And all your talk of nutsacks is making me squirrely!

    EROS: Poor IVD.

    You didn’t say there were conditions!

    And you DO realize you’re flirting with a BRA, don’t you?

    BOXER: Just a minute. I'm typing as fast as I can...

    I just got home!

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  38. MJ, you are quite simply the most filthy and gorgeous lady I have ever intermawebbed!

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  39. T-BIRD: Oh I bet you say that to all the bloggers.

    ReplyDelete