Our Donn (pictured above) has offered to flaunt his fiddlestick here on Infomaniac!
Previously, Mistress MJ had threatened to post pics of naked old men on this blog for the rest of her blogging days unless each and every one of you sent in pics of your pricks.
Donn, fearing a lifetime spent staring at wizened old weenie, piped up, “I’ll do anything to stop you posting pics of those nasty old men!” and gallantly produced a pic of his pyjama python.
Do you recall seeing Tickers’ alleged anaconda?...
Tickers’ todger
Well, Tickers’ tiny todger pales in comparison to the Donn Ding-a-ling…
Newcomers to Infomaniac may well scratch their heads and ask, “Who is this Frobisher you speak of?”
Veteran Infomaniac bitch Mr. Frobisher has been holidaying in Spain for several months; hence the shocking lack of updates on his blog and the can’t-be-bothered-to-comment attitude here on Infomaniac.
Frobi’s been too busy shagging rent boys, having his wigs backcombed, and making meatloaf to do something as pedestrian as blogging.
But let’s get down to the meat of the matter.
Frobisher’s meatloaf is legendary. It’s even more celebrated than Ma Beastie’s Chickpea Curry!
Frobi’s famous meatloaf (stolen from Ms. Nations and modified for a British palette)
In celebration of Frobi’s birthday, Infomaniac has ghost written his autobiography entitled, “Life, Loves and Meat Loaf: A Cook Book for the Bachelor-Minded Male”…
Note that for the sake of his old ma in Dorset who hasn’t given up hoping Frobi will give her grandchildren, I’ve surrounded Mr. Frobisher with beautiful beach beauties.
However, I’ve subtly displayed secret symbolism with the huge baguette!
Read into it what you will.
But the fun’s not over yet! In lieu of a birthday cake, Infomaniac has prepared a very special meatloaf.
Birthday gal KAZ has to share her special day with a penis competition.
And she doesn’t even get first billing.
Nonetheless, have a drink on Infomaniac and toast our favourite Mancunian.
Now bend over and take what’s coming to you, Kaz…
You're absolutely fabulous, sweetie dahling.
p.s. It’s also the birthday of blogless Infomaniac bitch Alasdair but he’s travelling at the moment, probably in a pub as we speak, and unable to join us.
Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac entitled Domestic Dispute of the Day in which we examine domestic quarrels that got out of hand.
THE DOMESTIC DUO: Briana Lin Pouncy, 20, and her boyfriend, Joseph Boykins, 21.
The pugnacious Ms. Pouncy
THE DISTRICT: Fort Worth, Texas, USA.
THE DISPUTE: Ms. Pouncy bit Mr. Boykins, broke a picture frame across his face and swung at him with a sword during an argument about him not doing the dishes.
Mr. Boykins told police that he and Ms. Pouncy had become involved in an argument because Ms. Pouncy was upset that the dishes were not clean. She told Mr. Boykins to leave the apartment, which he refused to do.
Ms. Pouncy then tried to physically remove Mr. Boykins. During the ensuing struggle, Ms. Pouncy bit Mr. Boykins' right shoulder and broke a picture frame across his face, causing visible cuts.
She then grabbed an approximately 2-foot sword and swung it at Mr. Boykins, missing him.
THE DISCIPLINE: Ms. Pouncy was released from jail after posting a $10,000 bond. She faces an aggravated assault charge.
Although Mistress MJ has a team of houseboys at hand, she prefers to do the washing up herself as she considers it quality downtime in which to daydream of shoe shopping excursions in Paris and Rome ... and men's bottoms.
Besides, it gives the houseboys a break betwixt preparing her dinner and serving her evening cocktails.
But for the rest of you, this situation begs the question…
Hearken back to the days when you were once an Infomaniac neophyte.
Do you remember the first day you tread hesitantly onto Infomaniac’s pages?
Or, like Inner Voices, did you blatantly jump in head first, leaving a trail of piss behind you?
In any case, you were all once Infomaniac virgins.
And so we find ourselves today with a pair of virgins to be sacrificed on the altar of Mistress MJ: Walker from Canada and Treespotter from Indonesia.
Our newcomers may well be wondering what portal of doom they’ve entered.
They may be curious as to how to conduct themselves; the proper etiquette befitting an Infomaniac bitch; rules and regulations to follow; policies and procedures; jargon and lingo and hazing rituals and such.
It is your duty as Infomaniac veterans to inform our new readers (and any folk who may be lurking cautiously) as to what to expect here on Infomaniac.
Go on then.
Give our new readers a crash course in INFOMANIAC FOR BEGINNERS.
Note: New readers and lurkers may jump in at any time with questions or concerns.
It has come to Mistress MJ’s attention that two of our readers are dealing with serious health issues.
XL is having prostate problems. Bend over, darlin', and I’ll give you a second opinion…
And Robyn has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Mistress MJ kicks your cancer in the crotch, Miss Robyn. I tell it to fuck off, right now.
No doubt there are others amongst us experiencing difficulties of all sorts. Therefore it is Mistress MJ’s duty to cheer you all up with a little ditty that never fails to lift her spirits. It’s even better than Fukitol!
For the benefit of the accent-impaired Yanks in the audience, I have taken the liberty of transcribing the lyrics, below the video. (song starts after a brief spoken word segment)…
Always look on the bright side of life. [whistling] Always look on the light side of life. [whistling] If life seems jolly rotten, There's something you've forgotten, And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps, Don't be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing. And... Always look on the bright side of life. [whistling] Always look on the right side of life, [whistling] For life is quite absurd And death's the final word. You must always face the curtain with a bow. Forget about your sin. Give the audience a grin. Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow. So,... Always look on the bright side of death, [whistling] Just before you draw your terminal breath. [whistling] Life's a piece of shit, When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true. You'll see it's all a show. Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you. And... Always look on the bright side of life. [whistling] Always look on the right side of life. [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling] Always look on the bright side of life! [whistling]
I’m glad you’re all having a laff while chaos reigns around us. The Penis Snatcher has struck again! I bent over to pick up the soap and came up with missing genitalia. Right. Go on and enjoy your hot dogs, you miserable bastards.
Help yourselves to our appetizers as we sort this out…
