Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Sidewalk Traffic Tickets

The Internet Slacker in Toronto has created fake sidewalk traffic tickets to hand out to those who commit sidewalk violations.

(Click on image to enlarge)

What violations would you add to this list for your corner of the world?

Via [Torontoist]


  1. "Fat girls wearing crop tops violation" would be top of my list. Imagine the Michelin man wearing a shrunken tank top vest and you get an idea. Acres of corned beef flesh on show. Have they no shame?

  2. Frobi: This falls under a separate law enforcement group, i.e. The Fashion Police. I encourage you to make up "fashion crime tickets" and hand them out to offenders.

  3. Kiddies who aren't on a leash.

    And a special law to ban Paintball salesmen...

    "Hi, sir! Have you ever played Paintball?"

    "Piss off! Do I look seven years old?"

  4. Geoff: And leashes on the offending parents while we're at it.

    Paintball salesmen? This is the first I've heard of them. Are they the rejects from the vacuum cleaner sales office?

  5. Any parent who speedwalks with one of those enormous pushchairs, running over people's feet (the bigger the pushchair, the bigger the fine). Violation with double or triple buggies should result in a prison sentence.

  6. Betty: I hereby appoint you Sidewalk Police Commissioner for your zero-tolerance policy. I almost got mowed down yesterday by one of those double-wides.

  7. I truly believe that if you ride your bike down the sidewalk, it should be confisicated from you and given to your ex.

    Yeah, the ex you wil have a bone to pick with until the day you die - that ex.

    I cannot even tell you how much I HATE these people. Especially when they ding-ding their stupid fucking bike bell to tell me to get out of their way.

  8. Jacqueline: The sidewalk cyclists are rampant in Vancouver. Thus giving cyclists a bad name when they really can't afford to go any lower on motorists' lists of traffic offenders. My mother's friend was killed by a sidewalk cyclist.

  9. wearing:
    wife beaters ugh!
    sweat pants?
    boob tubes greater than 70" in diameter
    picking your nose at an intersection
    asking me for money FO!
    having a puppy sweltering in the heat to evoke sympathy when you ask me for money FO & Die!
    not wearing deoderant
    gawking at my daughters SMACK!

    I'll be here all day....

  10. Paintball salesmen are failed chuggers.

    "Hi, sir! Have you ever played Paintball?"

    "For charity? I've seen you before."

    "It's a fair cop. I can't sell anything."

    "There there."

  11. HE: Go on. I'm with you. Especially this one:
    "having a puppy sweltering in the heat to evoke sympathy when you ask me for money." Pisses me right off.

    Don't stop now, HE. You're on a roll.

    *pauses to Google "chugger*
    Chugger: aka charity mugger. i.e. A specific type of street fundraiser that solicits long-term arrangements such as standing orders or direct debits rather than cash.

    Thank you Geoff for contributing to my vocabulary (once again.)

    In Canada we have the usual street fundraisers but also the fakers who pose as legitimate street fundraisers but who are actually pocketing every cent you give 'em.

  12. her in sumas?
    using the sidewalk, i guess. nobody out much on the main street (singular, yes.)
    -setting up large, elaborate camps of rubbish and bottled pee around the newspaper stands so i have to wade through your collection and rebreathe your nasty bum funk ass air just to get a paper.
    -standing far back in a doorway mugging women as they pass with a sudden, shouted comment !i wanna eat your pussy! c'moe here, i wanna fuck your ass!' and etc.
    -visibly, audibly, leaking gasses, fluids and semi-solids as you ramble along. not only bums, freaks and clones, either; i mean kids with drippy ice cream cones, old farty ladies who need to change their ostomy bags, drooly toddlers, people released from the emergency ward prematurely.... oh yes. oh yes!!! theres many a reason i no longer live in the big city!

    *ahem* well. i'll stop now....

  13. First Nations: I'm making a note to send the Sidewalk Police over NOW!