Bye Bye, Bitches

Infomaniac is closing indefinitely.

Thanks for all the laffs.

And in return, I hope I’ve provided "a little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants."







Maybe I’ll swing back this way again some day.

Frank and Beans

Recently, Infomaniac reported on the horrors of Todger Trauma.

We neglected to mention a common penile injury we like to call the “frank and beans incident” where your bits get stuck in your zipper.

Have you or a loved one ever got your frank and/or beans stuck in a zipper?

What to do if this happens to you?

You could apply WD-40 as pictured above, call for the Jaws of Life, or follow these simple instructions.

What Have I Missed?

I’m back from a brief break and have a day to relax before returning to work.

Once my nails have dried, I’ll be over to your blogs to catch up.

In the meantime, tell me if I’ve missed anything.

What have you been up to these last few days?

All Tied Up

Infomaniac is all tied up. Back soon. Probably on Monday.

Filthy Friday

(cleek to make beeg)

Book Title of the Day

I think we all know of these, don’t you?




Gay Whore by Jack Love.

Happy Birthday, Kapitano!

Kapitano, for those of you who don’t know, is Hugh Laurie’s younger and sexier twin brother.

Kapi's off to the dentist to have his tooth pulled so we won't be serving the usual birthday cake.

Liquid lunch instead with a toast to the birthday boy.

Arse-Kicking Machines

User-operated amusement apparatus for kicking the user's buttocks



Bend over, rotate the crank, and the boots on the blades of this apparatus will give you a good kick in the arse.

Butt hold on! This guy…




Bob Booth


… claims to have the World’s Only Ass-Kicking Machine.




Alleged “World’s Only Ass-Kicking Machine” in Wirtz, Virginia.



“Bob reported that at least once, the thing "started up by itself," and, well, kicked his ass.”


And yet another arse-kicking machine found on eBay. Possibly belonging to Heather Mills…






I can’t keep up with the arse-kicking technology!


What use would you have for an arse-kicking machine?

Album Cover of the Week

“Julie’s Sixteenth Birthday” by John Bult.




I wonder what Julie got for her birthday.

More Irish Porn

You old-timers will remember my filthy Irish Porn posting of yesteryear.

The United Nations has declared the year 2008 as the International Year of the Potato.

In celebration, Infomaniac is pleased to present...


MORE IRISH PORN!





















Sensitive readers please avert your eyes as we move into the S&M portion of our presentation…












Taking the potato fetish to new levels, we observe a real-life Mr. Potato Head perv in the privacy of his home…







And finally, a little live, hard-core action for you.

Watch, if you dare, as potato after potato is vigorously rubbed and stroked again and again with Tater Mitts.

“Simply rub with a few quick strokes” and strip it down.

Mmmm… them’s some HOT potatoes!

Book Title of the Day

Hot Pants Homo

Sudsy Saturday

This post is for all you whinging wusses who demanded more smut on this blog yet couldn’t take it when the filth was served up to you on a platter.

Enjoy the cleanliness of today’s post.

There’s something here for everyone.

Filthy Friday

Todger Trauma

Penile perils abound as the following news items so painfully reveal.




At Ease, Soldier!


Typical appearance of a fractured penis


A young married soldier sustained penile fracture secondary to rolling over onto the erect penis whilst asleep in bed.

Surgery was performed and the patient recovered.




With This Ring





A man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his penis.

According to the nurse attending, the patient’s girlfriend found the ring in the pocket of his trousers.

She got so angry that she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring onto his penis whilst he slept.





Wee Man Stuck in Hoover





A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh Fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or 'Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf', was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E [accident and emergency ward] with a vacuum attached to me," Blackner said.








Pencil in Penis Backfires


Pencil dick


A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after sticking a pencil inside his penis to keep it stiff during sex.

Zeljko Tupic, from Belgrade, told doctors he had experienced erectile difficulties in the past.

So as he prepared for a night with his new lover, he decided to insert a thin pencil into his penis.

Tupic had to cut his sex session short when the pencil shifted and became lodged in his bladder, forcing him to call an ambulance, the daily Kurir reported.

Doctor Aleksandar Milosevic from Belgrade's Zvezdara hospital, who succesfully removed the pencil, said: "At first the patient did not tell us what really happened, but x-rays proved the truth.

"Tupic said he had no idea there were things like Viagra available but agreed that in future he will try pills before he takes any more chances with pencils."





Broken penis? Or Smunty's bendy bit?



Unless you are an experienced Puppetry of the Penis Master, please treat your meat with respect.

Accidents happen.

What’s Cooking?

Now will he sit under a medlar tree,
And wish his mistress were that kind of fruit
As maids call medlars, when they laugh alone.
O Romeo, that she were, O that she were
An open-arse and thou a poperin pear!

-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet


What’s on the menu here in this scene? Open-arse (aka medlar)? Spotted dick, perhaps? Passion fruit? Bangers and mash? Tube steak?

What’s on the menu tonight at your house?

Are you eating in or eating out?

Album Cover of the Week

“Back to the S**t” by Millie Jackson

How Clean Is Your Arse?

Is your arse minty clean?





Can you do this with confidence?...








If not, don’t come back here ‘til you have a tidy tush.








So what are you doing to ensure everyday freshness?

Smut-Free Sunday

Can’t you bitches have clean thoughts for just one day of the week?

Gay Bar Slut

Which one of you bitches is the

Filthy Friday

Arse and smut.

According to yesterday’s Infomaniac reader survey, that’s all you lot care about.






How fortuitous, then, that today should be Filthy Friday.

How’s this for smutty arse action?…







I believe it even fulfils Kaz’s “retro depravity” requirement as it looks like it’s ripped straight out of the pages of a 1970’s gay porn mag.

You bitches make me feel dirty. Like I’m your personal smut peddler.

So much for the PG-rating I was hoping to attain on this blog.

Reader Survey

With another action-packed, fun-filled year ahead of us, Infomaniac asks for your feedback on the content of this blog.

What would you like to see here in 2008?

*Suggestions welcome.


COMMENTS FROM A PREVIOUS READER SURVEY

More cock and bum fun, please.

-- Piggy and Tazzy

Yes, yes, more arse action.

-- Inexplicable DeVice

More glamour. And go-go boys!

-- CyberPete

I’d like a scratch ‘n’ sniff sticker installed on yer avatar.

-- Old Knudsen

Set up a cake trolley.

-- SID

This blog is rubbish.

-- Smunty




*Infomaniac will, as usual, ignore all advice.

Happy Birthday, Mutley!

Infomaniac starts the New Year with a birthday bang for Mutley the Dog.





Mutley comes to us all the way from a bedsit in Brodpirt - "a town of many curious customs and contradictions and currently infested with radioactive howler monkeys."

As you know, Infomaniac requires male readers to submit photographs of their bare arses. No photo? No birthday posting.

Mutley has not disappointed me. Take a look for yourself…





Mutley’s arse



Good boy, Mutley, good boy!

For being so obedient, Mistress MJ rewards you with a very special birthday pressie. The lovely Bonita…








Everyone join me in wishing a happy birthday to our Mutley!



Reminder #1: Let me know your birthday (if you haven’t already) so that you too will receive a special Infomaniac birthday posting this year.

Reminder #2: Male readers MUST submit a photo of their bare arse (hello Beast and Manuel). Photos will be published on this blog unless you request discretion. Shy fellas may rest assured that I’ll keep them for my personal viewing only.