Friday, November 16, 2012

The SMEG

ANNOUNCEMENT: All ELEVEN of your recipes have been posted for the Kitchen Queen Contest.

Miss Scarlet has kindly lent us her SMEG to store your cakes, casseroles and assorted goodies whilst we await the judging portion of the competition…



Mistress MJ must take a few days off do do this, that, and the other thing…mostly the other thing.

She will return as soon as possible (sometime next week) so that we may arrange a voting day for your magnificent recipe entries.

See you Bitches soon!

58 comments:

  1. Room for some cranberries?

    Did I win yet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The judging will not commence until next week at the earliest.

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  2. I'm already stuffing (the ballot box and other things).

    Off to buy a new broom, MJ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spring for the one that is comfortable for your unruly bush.

      Delete
  3. "Smeg is nothing to be ashamed of. Its benefits are numerous in amount. Its very presence is widely believed to have been a decisive factor in almost every notable historical event. The addictive qualities of Smeg have yet to be scientifically proven."

    Apparently.
    Jx

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    Replies
    1. Fascinating, Jon.

      And they’re right…I can totally see smeg in Leonardo Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man.

      I’d like to know what our token Jews (Norma and Cookie) have to say about this…

      Most notable in this era is the single most detrimental occurrence against smeg, namely the emergence of the Jewish religion. In regions of dense Jew populations, smeg levels dropped to record lows, and to this day, have never risen to pre-Moses levels.

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. My! That certainly is a big, white, SHINY Smeg you've got there. It's much taller than it is wide. I like that. I'd just love to...buff the handle for you. Yeeeeeah. Put a real spit-shine on that rascal.


    btw Jon: Lots of good smeg information for the smegnorant out there. I knew there had to be a reasonable explanation out there somewhere for France. Of course, Smeg! It was so obvious!!

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    Replies
    1. NATIONS: Must you Americans blame the French for EVERYTHING?

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    2. The way you say that...it's like you think I'm making a joke or something...?

      *runs*

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  6. It'll make a change for the Smeg to have some proper food inside it... I have hardware, but I'm rubbish at software.
    Sx

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    Replies
    1. Hardware?

      You keep your hand tools in your SMEG, Miss Scarlet?

      And what's in that bag on the floor?

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    2. Er... More plastic carrier bags that are awaiting re-cycling, if I put them under the stairs I forget about them and thus they tend to multiply at a rapid rate.
      Sx

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    3. Is that a Waitrose bag, Miss Scarlet?

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    4. Yes, they deliver food parcels every Wednesday morning, which is very kind of them.
      Sx

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    5. Are you a "shut-in" Miss Scarlet?

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    6. It's a long way to the shops.
      Sx

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  7. It's a lovely fridge, but if I was to own one I'll be forever thinking 'smegma' pungent knob cheese, I couldn't have the gamey aroma of an unwashed penis in my kitchen thank you very much and I would prefer it if Grandma Ermintrude's Jammy Rings were stored in a biscuit tin.

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  8. I imagine that Grandma Ermintrude's Jammy Rings would be best off stored outside... perhaps neatly placed beneath an abundantly leafy bush.
    Sx

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    Replies
    1. MISS SCARLET: And by "abundantly leafy" do you mean an unruly bush?

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    2. A twiggy stickery bush filled with old bits of trash and grocery bags.

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    3. ...a sort of ratty holiday camp...
      Sx

      Delete
  9. Indeed, positively bursting forth across the public highway and ensnaring all that cross its path.
    Sx

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  10. the instructions that came with mine said
    to pull back something before cleaning.

    i ended up trading it in for a kelvinator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it the Kelvinator Foodarama, Norma?

      Mistress MJ loves anything that uses the suffix “a-rama.”

      Delete
    2. The Chuck-A-Rama locations appear to be quite Utah-centric.

      Is this where Mormons eat?

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    3. Yes! Load up the wives and kids and head on down!

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    4. Did you know the word "chuck" over here means "puke"? I somehow doubt this brand would be a success if it tried to cross the pond... Jx

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    5. "Chuck" means “puke” over here too as in "to up-chuck."

      But I thought that “chuck” was a term of endearment in England…as in, “Hello there, Chuck!”

      Don’t tell me otherwise. I’m still trying to get my head around “diddy.”

      Delete
    6. You can say alright Chuck if you live up t'north.... southerners are more likely to chuck up.
      Sx

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    7. I still reckon "Chuck-A-Rama" would be doomed as a food outlet, even oop North, Chuck! Jx

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    8. So it’s alright to say “Chuck” if you live oop North?

      Isn’t it obvious I’ve been watching too much Coronation Street?

      They also use the word “cock” as a term of endearment too from what I see and hear.

      And “hen” if you’re speaking to a woman.

      Delete
    9. And "Barmcake" can either mean a bread roll with fruit in it or a mad person. Jx

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    10. Can you be mad about barmcakes?

      I shall try not to confuse these with Eccles cakes.

      Or "baps."

      Or "sarnies."

      Or "butties."

      I COULD go on.

      Delete
    11. I misread that as "bumcakes." Sorry.

      Big bottom, big bottom
      Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em

      Delete
    12. Did someone mention CAKE?

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    13. you people certainly know how to construct a tangent!

      foolishly, when i read "chuck-o-rama" i thought of
      chuck at bike-o-rama. youtube's not complying at the moment.

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    14. NORMA: Been there, got the t-shirt!

      From my favourite movie of all time, of course.

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    15. Is it me or is Norma always thinking it says to pull somthing??????

      Delete
  11. Whamma-Hamma do the Ramma
    Roll on down to Chuck-a-Rama
    Way down south in Alabama
    Got to scramma
    grab the camera
    something about a bad mamma jamma
    git youself a Ham-a-sanna!
    *do si do a wun a two*

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    Replies
    1. Is it Jack'n'Coke time already? (And you thought "Doo-wah-diddy-diddy-dum-diddy-doo" was incomprehensible...) Jx

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    2. And we’re back to diddy.

      Full circle.

      Doesn’t that tickle you just an ickle bit?

      Delete
  12. I used to know a drag queen who, at the least provocation, whould scream "I was SMEGMATIZED!"

    Not sure what it meant but we all found it quite charming. Thanks for reminding me.

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    Replies
    1. THOM: I’m pretty sure that SMEGMATIZED means you have the mark of the smegmata upon you.

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    2. You win the Golden Blowjob award for best comment thus far. Kinda wasted on you, isnt it.

      Delete
    3. NATIONS: What can I say?

      Thom inspires me.

      Delete
  13. Voting? Didn't von LX already win?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PEENEE: I’d forgotten about LX’s award.

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  14. And how many sex conventions can one attend in a year? The judging is bound to be a stiff under taking for you, may I be of help?

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    Replies
    1. MAybe she's in LA this evening.

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    2. I blame Mistress Maddie for encouraging Mago.

      Air sex, indeed.

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  15. Still cracking up over 'Mark of the Smegmata'. I'll never be able to do a novena to Padre Pio in quite the same spirit of reverence. THANKS NOW I'M GOING TO HELL.

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    Replies
    1. NATIONS: All hope is not lost.

      Finger your rosary vigorously.

      Delete
  16. What delightful entry from Miss Scarlet.
    Her Smeg seems the perfect recipe to prepare but I must say I found it a little difficult to chew...

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    Replies
    1. PRINNY: Perhaps you’ll have to spit instead of swallowing.

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