By now you’ve each selected one of our exciting package deals and you’re ready for your next purchase.
Call NOW and receive this jumbo wine glass...
[via]
Holds a full bottle of wine! (wine not included).
Act now! Only$12.99!
Discontinue use of Jumbo Wine Glass if any of the following occurs:
Itching
Vertigo
Dizziness
Tingling in extremities
Loss of balance or coordination
Slurred speech
Temporary blindness
Profuse sweating
Heart palpitations
*thanks to Hayward for naming our new service the “Infomaniac Shopping Network”. Hayward will receive a free jumbo wine glass, a bottle of
Good gods, I'm first!
ReplyDeleteI think it must've been the promise of a massive glass of wine that got me here before the slavering hoards.
ReplyDeleteA full bottle of wine you say?
ReplyDeleteMmm Hayward.
Exactly what I need!
ReplyDeleteSloppy fifth!
ReplyDeleteIf you're going to drink an entire bottle of wine on your own...what do you need the glass for?
ReplyDelete"Video online" ... oh?
ReplyDeleteAn instructional video maybe:
"Jumbo - how to use it and what to do not". Other titles could include:
The Wild Women of Merlot.
Red Billy tells the Truth.
Jumbo - Hold me Tight!
It actually IS glass, yes? I think it goes only with these sissy 0,75 liter bottles. This Jumbo is not jumbo enough for true Franconian Jumboness. And by the way how does it sound, when chinked with another "jumbo" or glass? On the other hand the designer could have neglected this special topic, it seems to be more of a single drinker's device; a one-hand-glass, so to speak.
R u telling me that there are bitches who still use a glass to drink their wine??
ReplyDeleteGood gravy wenches - it COMES in a **glass** bottle- what more the fuck do you want??
Get lazy and miss the pouring bit ya pack of ho's!!!
***wipes brow*** oh my... where did THAT come from??
(Looks down at 6 empty red wine bottles next to computer chair)
*chuckles self-consciously before placing a single chaste kiss on Mistress's feet as is proper*
Shalom ..................... *belch*
IVD: Good gods, I'm first!
ReplyDeleteI think it must've been the promise of a massive glass of wine that got me here before the slavering hoards.
And a bonus manticore just for you if you act now.
AYEM8Y: A full bottle of wine you say?
Mmm Hayward.
I’m sending you to Hayward C.O.D….
Cock On Delivery.
XL: Exactly what I need!
Brut Imperial…sounds so butch.
MICHAEL GUY: Sloppy fifth!
Spooge rags are next week’s sale item.
KAPI: If you're going to drink an entire bottle of wine on your own...what do you need the glass for?
You want to look klassy, don’t you?
MAGO: "Video online" ... oh?
An instructional video maybe:
"Jumbo - how to use it and what to do not". Other titles could include:
The Wild Women of Merlot.
Red Billy tells the Truth.
Jumbo - Hold me Tight!
It actually IS glass, yes? I think it goes only with these sissy 0,75 liter bottles. This Jumbo is not jumbo enough for true Franconian Jumboness. And by the way how does it sound, when chinked with another "jumbo" or glass? On the other hand the designer could have neglected this special topic, it seems to be more of a single drinker's device; a one-hand-glass, so to speak.
Please email us a photo of your “Franconian Jumboness”.
Is one-handed drinking the same as one-handed typing?
DAMIEN: R u telling me that there are bitches who still use a glass to drink their wine??
Good gravy wenches - it COMES in a **glass** bottle- what more the fuck do you want??
Get lazy and miss the pouring bit ya pack of ho's!!!
***wipes brow*** oh my... where did THAT come from??
(Looks down at 6 empty red wine bottles next to computer chair)
*chuckles self-consciously before placing a single chaste kiss on Mistress's feet as is proper*
Shalom ..................... *belch*
For an extra $2.99 you’ll receive a bottle of kosher wine.
And Mr. Nude Infomaniac 2010 to wipe the brow of Mr. Nude Infomaniac 2009.
I'm overwhelmed!
ReplyDeleteHAYWARD: I'm overwhelmed!
ReplyDeleteQuick! Somebody get Hayward a cold compress!
The poor delicate hothouse flower has fainted!
i need to upgrade my cable so that i too can receive ISN.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Kapitano. If you're gonna drink a fuckin' bottle's worth, SAVE THE 12 BUCKS !
ReplyDeleteNORMADESMOND: i need to upgrade my cable so that i too can receive ISN.
ReplyDeleteI can see that your current entertainment centre isn’t working.
HEFF: I'm with Kapitano. If you're gonna drink a fuckin' bottle's worth, SAVE THE 12 BUCKS !
You’re a tough customer, Heff.
I’m going to have to stick a pic of a Playboy bunny on all our products to make a sale with you.
The woman in the pic is smiling because she is recalling the events of the previous evening of a woman with no blouse on singing "These Boots Are Made For Walking" at the karaoke night in a rough, back street pub where the prozzies hang out. What she doesn't realise is, that drunken trollop was her.
ReplyDelete“I’m going to have to stick a pic of a Playboy bunny on all our products to make a sale with you. “
ReplyDeleteHow about a picture of Mistress in the Playboy Bunny ears and cocktail costume?
MITZI: The woman in the pic is smiling because she is recalling the events of the previous evening of a woman with no blouse on singing "These Boots Are Made For Walking" at the karaoke night in a rough, back street pub where the prozzies hang out. What she doesn't realise is, that drunken trollop was her.
ReplyDeleteI can’t wait ‘til you write your memoirs.
AYEM8Y: “I’m going to have to stick a pic of a Playboy bunny on all our products to make a sale with you. “
How about a picture of Mistress in the Playboy Bunny ears and cocktail costume?
How about your ass sculpted in butter?
(Visit Hayward’s blog)
Oooh,
ReplyDeleteJust what i need to make my hands look smaller.
Send me a matching pair...
PRINCESS: Oooh,
ReplyDeleteJust what i need to make my hands look smaller.
Send me a matching pair...
Make sure you’re not sitting there starkers if it makes body parts appear smaller.