The salesman (below) is helpful yet Mistress MJ is befuddled by all the choices.
(insert your own caption here, if you must)
Mistress MJ will now ask her Infomaniac Bitches to assist her in the decision making process.
Everybody join Mistress MJ in mattress hopping, er, shopping!
Is everybody ready?
Get (s)hopping!
Well done, everyone!
Now report in the comments section on which type of mattress you prefer.
Mistress MJ (who only likes shopping for shoes, booze and lingerie) has consumer decisions to make and is counting on your opinion!
Coils? Intellicoils? (eh?) Latex? Foam? Memory foam? Ticking? Hand tufting?
What does it all MEAN?
What’s the best choice?
I need to make an informed decision!
Beast (following an unfortunate estrogen overdose) test drives an adjustable bed.
And finally…
What happens if I remove this tag? …
1st
ReplyDeleteI should think that The Mistress would be more than familiar with mattresses!
I'm not certain I like your tone, XL!
ReplyDelete"Madam, when you asked me if you could try it out, I didn't mean with me, too! Now, get up as you're staining the mattress."
ReplyDeleteThe only advice I can give is go with the most comfortable.
"That's right, take the weight off your feet, you lazy bitch!"
ReplyDeleteI'm not keen on a soft mattress, it has to be firm and at a 30 degree angle, as the actress said to the bishop.
My mattress is 'firm' with a 'pillow top.'
ReplyDeleteI think when I heard 'firm' and 'top' I handed over the charge card...
Oh. One more thing. This is what will happen if you remove the mattress tag:
ReplyDeletehttp://tinyurl.com/27j2wse
"What happens if I remove this tag?"
ReplyDeleteDire things Mistress!
arrrggghhhhhh.
ReplyDelete7th?
on a saturday?
i.give.up.
xoxoxox
(now i'll read the post)
Caption: Hard enough for you?
ReplyDeleteGood luck finding a good mattress. I'm partial to firm ones that offer good support. I don't like it when the bed sinks in the middle, making it hard to turn.
Tempur-Pedic! get the best memory foam y'all can afford. they are heavenly! and besides, when your *cough* partner gets up, y'all won't be disturbed.. xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteWell, the answer is obviously a Magic Fingers Vibrating Mattress the kind you find in a cheap roadside motel. So your customers don’t have to do all the work. It comes with a vending slot to keep your quarters safe, now you don’t have to worry about the other bitches stealing your coins or having to keep them safe in your mouth while you work.
ReplyDelete*Bedbugs cost extra*
"Its portable and enhances total relaxation".
ReplyDeletePromising.
"Excuse me Miss, that's not what we meant by lay-away."
ReplyDeleteGroan...I know.
I'm seeing a round rotating bed on a platform with spotlights and commentators.
My current mattress which I've been very pleased with is a Simmons Beautyrest with pocketed coils and has a pillow top. I've had it about 4 years now and I love it.
Perhaps you can combine your shopping exploits
ReplyDeleteI thought someting like this or This might help...and it must be Athletically Pleasing ...
I like a mattress that is firm but comfortable and must be stain repelling...
IVD: "Madam, when you asked me if you could try it out, I didn't mean with me, too! Now, get up as you're staining the mattress."
ReplyDeleteThe only advice I can give is go with the most comfortable.
I’ll overlook your cheeky caption as for once you’ve made sense with your advice.
GEOFF: "That's right, take the weight off your feet, you lazy bitch!"
I'm not keen on a soft mattress, it has to be firm and at a 30 degree angle, as the actress said to the bishop.
I’d need a mathematician to install it!
MICHAEL GUY: My mattress is 'firm' with a 'pillow top.'
I think when I heard 'firm' and 'top' I handed over the charge card...
Slut.
MICHAEL GUY: Oh. One more thing. This is what will happen if you remove the mattress tag:
http://tinyurl.com/27j2wse
Don’t you DARE walk away and leave me here, dammit!
Great scene, Michael.
XL: "What happens if I remove this tag?"
Dire things Mistress!
You’re an outlaw, XL!
I wondered where I’d read that post before.
EROS: Caption: Hard enough for you?
Good luck finding a good mattress. I'm partial to firm ones that offer good support. I don't like it when the bed sinks in the middle, making it hard to turn.
Perhaps if you were signalling properly, you wouldn’t have problems turning.
SAVANNAH: Tempur-Pedic! get the best memory foam y'all can afford. they are heavenly! and besides, when your *cough* partner gets up, y'all won't be disturbed.
Maybe I like being disturbed when my partner “gets up”.
AYEM8Y: Well, the answer is obviously a Magic Fingers Vibrating Mattress the kind you find in a cheap roadside motel. So your customers don’t have to do all the work. It comes with a vending slot to keep your quarters safe, now you don’t have to worry about the other bitches stealing your coins or having to keep them safe in your mouth while you work.
*Bedbugs cost extra*
Vibrating fingers?
It’s no WONDER you work from your bed!
MAGO: "Its portable and enhances total relaxation".
Promising.
What ARE you suggesting?
HAYWARD: "Excuse me Miss, that's not what we meant by lay-away."
Groan...I know.
I'm seeing a round rotating bed on a platform with spotlights and commentators.
My current mattress which I've been very pleased with is a Simmons Beautyrest with pocketed coils and has a pillow top. I've had it about 4 years now and I love it.
Well we ALL need our beauty rest, don’t we?
I’m diggin’ the rotating bed on a platform with spotlights and commentors.
Would you mind being suspended on wires over the bed, throwing handfuls of glitter at appropriate intervals?
PRINCESS: Perhaps you can combine your shopping exploits
I thought someting like this or This might help...and it must be Athletically Pleasing ...
I like a mattress that is firm but comfortable and must be stain repelling...
I’ll take choice number four, please.
CyberPete will be all over that Cinderella coach.
The cheap option is a well blown lilo, but the best option is a moderate memory foam.
ReplyDeleteSx
Hello!!! I am back!!!
Mistress, get the most expensive one. You can deduct it as a professional business expense!
ReplyDeleteOh Hai Miss Scarlet!!!
Hello Mr XL!!!
ReplyDeleteSx
Mine is a regular firm mattress. None of that newfangled foamy latex stuffing. I tried one of those and it was just horrible.
ReplyDeleteMy advise is to get the one you are most comfortable in. Maybe bring your 13 cats with you?
Oh and if I were you I'd get one of those elevation beds Miss Beastie was trying out. The one with the motor. Super awesome although they don't rotate or vibrate.
SCARLET: The cheap option is a well blown lilo, but the best option is a moderate memory foam.
ReplyDeleteSx
Hello!!! I am back!!!
WELCOME BACK, MISS SCARLET!
Oh, how we’ve missed you.
Beast, as you can see, has taken to dressing in laydeez clothing. But without making an effort at glamour. A frump, if you will.
I could go on.
XL: Mistress, get the most expensive one. You can deduct it as a professional business expense!
You are getting on Mistress MJ’s last good nerve.
SCARLET: Hello Mr XL!!!
XL has become quite cheeky in your absence, Miss Scarlet.
As you can see, everything is topsy turvy around here.
CYBERPOOF: Mine is a regular firm mattress. None of that newfangled foamy latex stuffing. I tried one of those and it was just horrible.
My advise is to get the one you are most comfortable in. Maybe bring your 13 cats with you?
Oh and if I were you I'd get one of those elevation beds Miss Beastie was trying out. The one with the motor. Super awesome although they don't rotate or vibrate.
Where can I get a mattress that elevates, rotates AND vibrates?
It MUST be out there SOMEWHERE!
You might want to call one of those hotels that rent by the hour.
ReplyDeleteThey might know.
I suggest looking into one of the handy new strap-onto-the-back models.
ReplyDeleteCYBERPOOF: You might want to call one of those hotels that rent by the hour.
ReplyDeleteThey might know.
You might want to duck as I throw my shoe at your head.
JASON: I suggest looking into one of the handy new strap-onto-the-back models.
And you’re not too big to put across my knee!
Hey! Is that a Christian Lacroix?
ReplyDeleteNice.
Just stay away from the double pillow-top shit. After less than a year, it ends up encasing you like a tomb !
ReplyDeletePalliasse? Hammock? Pappe - the last one is wrong you want no bed from cardboard, sorry. A coil is not always comfortable, as I was told. Latex is not something I would prefer, but some people need the natural rubber. And a hand tufting gun - in bed? Ich muss mich sehr wundern, junge Dame!
ReplyDeleteMy mattress is nameless, the poor thing. But there's always Fat Mattress ...
this answer is serious because i think you are.
ReplyDeletemy suggestion is try to buy from someone who makes 'em locally. you'll get a better product for less money.
everyone likes something different. i sold furniture/mattresses for years. i'm a latex foam kinda gal.
CYBERPOOF: Hey! Is that a Christian Lacroix?
ReplyDeleteNice.
Are you out of your mind?
I’m not throwing my best shoes at you!
HEFF: Just stay away from the double pillow-top shit. After less than a year, it ends up encasing you like a tomb!
Speaking as an insomniac, maybe I’d finally get a good night’s sleep.
MAGO: Palliasse? Hammock? Pappe - the last one is wrong you want no bed from cardboard, sorry. A coil is not always comfortable, as I was told. Latex is not something I would prefer, but some people need the natural rubber. And a hand tufting gun - in bed? Ich muss mich sehr wundern, junge Dame!
My mattress is nameless, the poor thing. But there's always Fat Mattress ...
Have you seen Noel Redding lately?
He looks like he needs a new mattress to get some beauty rest.
NORMADESMOND: this answer is serious because i think you are.
my suggestion is try to buy from someone who makes 'em locally. you'll get a better product for less money.
everyone likes something different. i sold furniture/mattresses for years. i'm a latex foam kinda gal.
Yes, I am truly interested what you bitches have to say as I am seriously considering a new mattress.
After considerable research, the latex foam is looking good to me.
"latex foam is looking good to me"
ReplyDelete[resists urge to put up several snarky remarks and links]
Oh Hai Mistress MJ!
I'm just in shock that everyone in this post has their clothes on.
ReplyDeleteXL & BOXER: Would you bitches keep it down?
ReplyDeleteI'm working on the new post.
What about a water bed? I once had a fun afternoon on a water bed, nice and bouncy!
ReplyDeletewow. and they're uncircumcised.
ReplyDeleteSorry, Redding died May 2003, you must update your rock calendar :)
ReplyDeleteMITZI: What about a water bed? I once had a fun afternoon on a water bed, nice and bouncy!
ReplyDeleteAs I recall, you also had a fun afternoon on a bouncy castle but I wouldn’t want to sleep on one.
NORMADESMOND: wow. and they're uncircumcised.
Who are uncircumcised?
Keep in mind it’s not yet 6:00 am and I haven’t had my coffee.
MAGO: Sorry, Redding died May 2003, you must update your rock calendar :)
No wonder he looks like shit!
Savvy's recommendation is the one to go for. So give that memory matress something to remember.
ReplyDeleteIf it's not too late MJ, Hypnos is what you want, fit for a queen.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Istvanski and David!
ReplyDeleteAnd everyone else!
We're all forgetting the most important thing: That first photo is indisputable evidence that Humphrey Bogart really DID get Judy Davis into bed.
ReplyDeleteI don't see why you can't just lounge atop the backs of your slave boys as usual. Has there been a strike?
STACIA: We're all forgetting the most important thing: That first photo is indisputable evidence that Humphrey Bogart really DID get Judy Davis into bed.
ReplyDeleteI don't see why you can't just lounge atop the backs of your slave boys as usual. Has there been a strike?
They’re all doing time in the oubliette.
It’s hard to get good help.
Firstly - XL sent me.
ReplyDeleteHi XL [waves]
My mattress has a tag that say it should be replaced after ten years...
How often do you replace the thing you lay on ?
Oh Hai Stephen! You are going to like it here. It is a tradition for newbies to ask Mistress MJ for a cake!
ReplyDeleteUNIQUE STEPHEN: Firstly - XL sent me.
ReplyDeleteHi XL [waves]
My mattress has a tag that say it should be replaced after ten years...
How often do you replace the thing you lay on ?
By “the thing you lay on” I assume you mean my mattress and not one of my Houseboys?
I’ll give you an answer if you ask for cake.
(see comment from XL, below).
XL: Oh Hai Stephen! You are going to like it here. It is a tradition for newbies to ask Mistress MJ for a cake!
Unique Stephen commented here once about two years ago.
He must have mislaid his map to Infomaniac since then.
Infomaniac was in my blogroll for years. So I'm not sure I should ask for cake.
ReplyDeleteI must have deleted when I was in a moment deleting anybody with a more interesting sex life than me.
Perhaps I should beg for crumbs.
UNIQUE STEPHEN: Infomaniac was in my blogroll for years. So I'm not sure I should ask for cake.
ReplyDeleteI must have deleted when I was in a moment deleting anybody with a more interesting sex life than me.
Perhaps I should beg for crumbs.
Mistress MJ is disappointed in your extended absence but all will be forgiven if you beg for crumbs.
She is retiring to her boudoir early but will return in the morning to check up on you.
By the way, you haven't aged a day.
I moisturise.
ReplyDelete