Monday, September 20, 2010

Public Service Announcement #8

Hand Don’ts

Just as there are certain hand positions that will enhance your appearance and heighten your beauty, so there are things you should avoid doing with your hands, because they detract. Here are five:


(Click to enlarge or read text below)

1. Do not let the hands hang like dead fish at the sides. This detracts from the silhouette of the figure and looks lifeless.

2. Do not fidget. The more quiet the hands, the more poise there is expressed.

3. Do not squeeze the hands together. This screams of tension.

4. Do not hold both hands interlocked at the waistline. It adds weight to the figure.

5. Do not fold the arms and hide the hands. It drags the bustline down, makes the shoulders sag and adds weight to the waistline.
Exception: If you are tall and thin, you may fold your arms if you keep your hands exposed and watch your posture.

This has been an Infomaniac Public Service Announcement.

Note: Mistress MJ forgets where she found this image but there are more in the series to come at a later date. So practice what’s set out before you. We here at Infomaniac expect you to look your best at all times and always act like the laydeez that you are. And by “laydeez” you know we mean all of you.

31 comments:

  1. Do not place hands inside pants and scratch crotch.

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  2. You raise an interesting topic of etiquette, Ayem8y…

    What should one do if ones genitals itch whilst in public?

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  3. i knew what to do with my hands by the piano, didn't i?

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  4. Rub your crotch on the nearest person but do so while placing your hands on them ever so elegantly

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  5. NORMADESMOND: i knew what to do with my hands by the piano, didn't i?

    Yes, well you were mad about the boy, weren’t you?

    AYEM8Y: Rub your crotch on the nearest person but do so while placing your hands on them ever so elegantly

    We were discussing frottage just the other day.

    Only it involved our friend Beast and a scone.

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  6. I say "Dead Fish" is doing alright for herself. Someone gave her a pearl necklace!

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  7. Feodorowna Komsomolskaya was ready for the next tire change.
    In no time!

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  8. she needed an handbag, sugar, and a fag (hat)! xoxoxoxox

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  9. I'm alright then. My hands are either holding a fag, or food. Or both.

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  10. This gives me anxiety! All these rules!!

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  11. I always keep my hands in the "Wave Yo Hands in the Air Like You Just Don't Care." position. Because I am Super Funky.

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  12. That poor woman needs better shoes.

    Also, remember that open arms are never what they seem.

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  13. XL: I say "Dead Fish" is doing alright for herself. Someone gave her a pearl necklace!

    Trust YOU to notice!

    MAGO: Feodorowna Komsomolskaya was ready for the next tire change.
    In no time!


    Russia’s answer to Rosie the Riveter.

    SAVANNAH: she needed an handbag, sugar, and a fag (hat)!

    I’m wearing my fag hat as we speak.

    UTE: I'm alright then. My hands are either holding a fag, or food. Or both.

    Mistress MJ is a two-fisted drinker.

    Would you mind popping a canapé in my mouth?

    My hands are full.

    MICHAEL RIVERS: This gives me anxiety! All these rules!!

    What would Tim Gunn do?

    You need to consult your copy of "Gunn's Golden Rules: Life's Little Lessons for Making It Work".

    PEENEE: I always keep my hands in the "Wave Yo Hands in the Air Like You Just Don't Care." position. Because I am Super Funky.

    You’re a Super Freak.

    The kind you don’t take home to mother.

    CYBERPOOF: That poor woman needs better shoes.
    Also, remember that open arms are never what they seem.


    Oh my…have we gone all philosophical?

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  14. I always have one hand on my hip. I need the other free for the nicotteine.

    Also useful in remonstrating the recaltriciant.

    The second hand comes into play for wine, cider and stroking RDJ's picture (his lawyers still are writing me nasty letters. Apparently, they don't like scones).

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  15. Jamming my hands into the waistline of my Sansabelt slacks always works for me.

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  16. No problem... mine are usually tied to the bedpost.
    Sx

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  17. ROSES: I always have one hand on my hip. I need the other free for the nicotteine.
    Also useful in remonstrating the recaltriciant.
    The second hand comes into play for wine, cider and stroking RDJ's picture (his lawyers still are writing me nasty letters. Apparently, they don't like scones).


    Hard to believe there are people who don’t fancy a nice scone and a lovely cream tea.

    STACIA: Jamming my hands into the waistline of my Sansabelt slacks always works for me.

    Got any spare change in there?

    SCARLET: No problem... mine are usually tied to the bedpost.

    Is Beast force-feeding you scones again?

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  18. The women in the picture was just born to hand jive.

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  19. As I once heard from another famous Canadian laydee, I keep one hand in my pocket. And the other one is giving a high five.

    Or something.

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  20. Dead fish? That smile on her face says someone's been eating her fish!

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  21. There is nothing about flapping ones hands about...So i guess that's alright then...(I tend to do this alot)

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  22. No hand had more poise than Thing on the Adams Family.

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  23. Mistress saysYou raise an interesting topic of etiquette, Ayem8y…

    What should one do if ones genitals itch whilst in public?


    For both men and women, if one bathes regularly, this should not be a problem. However, in the event that the unthinkable happens, find the nearest cloak room, Mens or Ladies Lounge where one can scratch ones self silly.

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  24. What a silly post , everyone knows ladies should have their hands firmly thrust in the sink doing the washing up or cooking dinner

    ***runs out dodging the hail of shoes***

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  25. She's a handsome lady. Perhaps those pearls are camouflage.

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  26. Miss J assumes the picking she does at her cuticles is also frowned upon. No wonder people keep calling her "Stupid finger-picking whore".

    What about jazz-hands? Are they OK?

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  27. I thought you'd appreciate philosophy rather than my other option which was to remind you that Celine Dingdong always throws her arms around like a lunatic.

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  28. MITZI: The women in the picture was just born to hand jive.

    Or do the Funky Chicken…I can’t be sure.

    JASON: As I once heard from another famous Canadian laydee, I keep one hand in my pocket. And the other one is giving a high five.
    Or something.


    I believe she was flicking a fag as well.

    Although she didn’t mention wearing a fag hat so I lost interest in the lyrics.

    EROS: Dead fish? That smile on her face says someone's been eating her fish!

    The Tuna Surprise?

    PRINCESS: There is nothing about flapping ones hands about...So i guess that's alright then...(I tend to do this alot)

    Princess wouldn’t be Princess without excessive hand-flappery.

    *sniggers behind Princess’s back at fey display*

    MR. COOKIE: No hand had more poise than Thing on the Adams Family.

    Absolutely, Cara Mia…let’s give him a hand!

    MR. COOKIE: Mistress saysYou raise an interesting topic of etiquette, Ayem8y…

    What should one do if ones genitals itch whilst in public?

    For both men and women, if one bathes regularly, this should not be a problem. However, in the event that the unthinkable happens, find the nearest cloak room, Mens or Ladies Lounge where one can scratch ones self silly.


    Remembering, of course, to use hand sanitizer liberally following the scratch fest.

    BEAST: What a silly post , everyone knows ladies should have their hands firmly thrust in the sink doing the washing up or cooking dinner
    ***runs out dodging the hail of shoes***


    *firmly thrusts stiletto heel up Beast’s arse*

    HAYWARD: She's a handsome lady. Perhaps those pearls are camouflage.

    Are those pearls covering a bulging Adam’s apple?

    MISS JANEY: Miss J assumes the picking she does at her cuticles is also frowned upon. No wonder people keep calling her "Stupid finger-picking whore".
    What about jazz-hands? Are they OK?


    Mistress MJ picked at her cuticles in public today but from now on the words “Stupid finger-picking whore” will remind her not to do so.

    Not only are jazz-hands okay, jazz-hands are encouraged.

    CYBERPOOF: I thought you'd appreciate philosophy rather than my other option which was to remind you that Celine Dingdong always throws her arms around like a lunatic.

    Celine should throw her hands up to her face and give herself a good slap.

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  29. kabuki frequently uses both hands to 'remind' the paparazzi about personal space. Someday soon, kabuki will demonstrate the 'art slap' - a use of hands kabuki mastered in the 80's - i am actually quite looking forwardto it. any volunteers?

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  30. kabuki: kabuki frequently uses both hands to 'remind' the paparazzi about personal space. Someday soon, kabuki will demonstrate the 'art slap' - a use of hands kabuki mastered in the 80's - i am actually quite looking forwardto it. any volunteers?

    The cameras are rolling as Mistress MJ films “Art Slap: kabuki-style”.

    Coming to an international film festival near you.

    ReplyDelete