And we say fine. Each to his own. Who amongst us is without quirks? A show of hands will suffice. (Follow the rules laid out in “Hand Don'ts”)
But the line must be drawn somewhere and Beast has overstepped the boundaries of good taste and decency by force-feeding poor Miss Scarlet from a “gently used” fruit platter collected from the grimy back kitchen of Café C…
[via]
While we’re on the subject of food-related crimes, it’s no secret that Beast was recently discovered rubbing himself vigorously with a scone. We were enjoying a lovely cream tea only to find Beast committing the previously unheard of and undocumented act of “scone frottage.” We have no further comment at this time.
A cold fruit assortment for Miss Scarlet? Some Like It Hot...
ReplyDeleteOh, my. I hope those bananas were given suitable warning.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I've always like peanut butter on my bananas.
ReplyDeleteI was once frottaged on a very crowdwd tram. I think the gentleman must have had a pineapple down his trousers...
ReplyDeleteAs all I felt was a very small prick...Such a dissapointment...
XL: A cold fruit assortment for Miss Scarlet? Some Like It Hot...
ReplyDeleteNote that “Josephine” (sans drag disguise) is your server tonight.
THOMBEAU: Oh, my. I hope those bananas were given suitable warning.
If not, I shall “a-peel” on their behalf.
MICHAEL RIVERS: Personally, I've always like peanut butter on my bananas.
Add bacon and smoosh between bread slices and you have the Elvis sandwich.
PRINCESS: I was once frottaged on a very crowdwd tram. I think the gentleman must have had a pineapple down his trousers...
As all I felt was a very small prick...Such a dissapointment...
The publication ban regarding Beast and a pineapple has not been lifted.
Note to self: Don't order the pupu platter. And no fruit salad either.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about stepping over the good taste boundaries, I'm sure I saw Beast running across them at full pelt!
ReplyDeleteOh MR - that was DREADFUL - that image is gonna take some burning to get out of my memory.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile - I hope he washed those bananas....
***Places single chaste kiss on each of Mistress' feet as is proper***
EROS: Note to self: Don't order the pupu platter. And no fruit salad either.
ReplyDeleteStandards at Café C have hit rock bottom.
IVD: I don't know about stepping over the good taste boundaries, I'm sure I saw Beast running across them at full pelt!
Full pelt is more of a trot as Beast’s little legs really aren’t up to a good fast clip.
DAMIEN: Oh MR - that was DREADFUL - that image is gonna take some burning to get out of my memory.
Meanwhile - I hope he washed those bananas....
***Places single chaste kiss on each of Mistress' feet as is proper***
We tried to ignore it with an Elvis sandwich but you had to bring it up.
So long as he doesn't force feed me any of his prawn cocktail... or toad in the hole. If he does, then he'll be in a lot of trouble.
ReplyDeleteI'd retaliate with my sausage surprise with extra stuffing.
Sx
Some people, and this is true, pronounce scone as skon. The great skon v's scone debate. From Lands End to John o' Groats people have been up in arms over the correct pronouncement. If said correctly it should rhyme with stone.
ReplyDeleteWhile we are on the subject of fruit never buy your fruit and veg from Morrisons it goes manky after only a couple of days.
SCARLET: So long as he doesn't force feed me any of his prawn cocktail... or toad in the hole. If he does, then he'll be in a lot of trouble.
ReplyDeleteI'd retaliate with my sausage surprise with extra stuffing.
I’ll step in if he force-feeds you his Spotted Dick.
MITZI: Some people, and this is true, pronounce scone as skon. The great skon v's scone debate. From Lands End to John o' Groats people have been up in arms over the correct pronouncement. If said correctly it should rhyme with stone.
While we are on the subject of fruit never buy your fruit and veg from Morrisons it goes manky after only a couple of days.
We here in The Colonies are engaged in the same skon versus scone debate.
Vigorously rub a scone up against your personage anytime you hear someone mispronouncing it.
We may as well promote scone frottage in a show of support for Beast should they press charges against him.
As for fruit, are Tescos or Sainsbury’s any better?
Beast was recently discovered rubbing himself vigorously with a scone
ReplyDeleteAND he used all the napkins, which was completely unacceptable.
Unless you live somewhere ghastly and have a wardrobe choc a block with unatural fibres its a S C O N E.
ReplyDeleteAt Cafe C we take health , hygeine and saftey very seriously . No frottage of any stripe is allowed on the premises.
What our customers get up to in the privacy of their own home is not a matter for our concern . You can frot yourselves into a frenzy for all we at Cafe C care . We are far too busy maintaining our standards of excellence and hygeine.
Anyone wishing to dispute this can have a personal interview with Mr C....and may god have mercy on your sorry soul :-)
STACIA: Beast was recently discovered rubbing himself vigorously with a scone
ReplyDeleteAND he used all the napkins, which was completely unacceptable.
Clearly he doesn’t give a toss about anyone but himself.
BEAST: Unless you live somewhere ghastly and have a wardrobe choc a block with unatural fibres its a S C O N E.
At Cafe C we take health , hygeine and saftey very seriously . No frottage of any stripe is allowed on the premises.
What our customers get up to in the privacy of their own home is not a matter for our concern . You can frot yourselves into a frenzy for all we at Cafe C care . We are far too busy maintaining our standards of excellence and hygeine.
Anyone wishing to dispute this can have a personal interview with Mr C....and may god have mercy on your sorry soul :-)
I am surprised you could tear yourself away from your frottage frenzy to write so prolifically on health and hygiene standards at Café C.
I’m sure that Mr. C forced your hand…
Not in the frottage (unless Mr. C is a scone perv too) but rather in writing about the café’s standards of excellence.
Fromage Frottage in Upper Canada, eh? (Asking for a friend.)
ReplyDeleteXL: Fromage Frottage in Upper Canada, eh? (Asking for a friend.)
ReplyDeleteTell your “friend” that that sort of thing doesn’t go on in Upper Canada.
Miss J is seriously rethinking that banana she had for breakfast.
ReplyDeleteMISS JANEY: Miss J is seriously rethinking that banana she had for breakfast.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn’t bother buttering that scone either, Miss J.
Is fromage frottage the sticky end product of a successful act of scone frottering or "Sconing" as it's known in certain catering establishments.
ReplyDeleteI prefer Tesco and Asda's baking potatoes they crisp up nicely, Morrisons potatoes they just mush up to nothing and they have a nasty taste to them.
MITZI: Is fromage frottage the sticky end product of a successful act of scone frottering or "Sconing" as it's known in certain catering establishments.
ReplyDeleteI prefer Tesco and Asda's baking potatoes they crisp up nicely, Morrisons potatoes they just mush up to nothing and they have a nasty taste to them.
Would frottage with cottage cheese be cottage fromage frottage?
In any case, yes, fromage frottage is the sticky end product of “Sconing”.
Has “sconing” hit Betty of Yorks yet?
I wouldn't put it passed them god knows what they get up to behind the counter.
ReplyDeleteI have witnessed the mucky cup collector (not at Betty's) scratch her fanny and then discretly sniffed her fingers, when she thought no one was looking.
MITZI: I wouldn't put it passed them god knows what they get up to behind the counter.
ReplyDeleteI have witnessed the mucky cup collector (not at Betty's) scratch her fanny and then discretly sniffed her fingers, when she thought no one was looking.
Have you met waiter/Infomaniac Bitch/Infomaniac Hero Manuel?
Although he does have a rather bountiful arse, he would NEVER scratch it in public.