Monday, September 27, 2010

That Agonizing Itch

Last week, in the comments section of this post, I posed the following question to AyeM8y aka Mean Dirty Pirate aka Mr. Nude Infomaniac…

You raise an interesting topic of etiquette, Ayem8y…
What should one do if ones genitals itch whilst in public?



He responded with…

Rub your crotch on the nearest person but do so while placing your hands on them ever so elegantly.

Later, Ask the Cool Cookie chimed in with his take on the situation…

For both men and women, if one bathes regularly, this should not be a problem. However, in the event that the unthinkable happens, find the nearest cloak room, Mens or Ladies Lounge where one can scratch ones self silly.

[via]

We here at Infomaniac want to know your opinion.

What is the proper etiquette for scratching one’s private bits in public?

48 comments:

  1. Well I always carry a hair brush with me just for such emergencies.

    I still like to rub myself on the nearest unsuspecting person. Preferably a waspy church type lady.

    Incidentally I knew a drag queen named Lana Cane..."The girl you're all itching to see..."

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  2. Lanacane is as stainless as Steely Dan. And Mr. Armstrong helps the itching ladies too.

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  3. XL: Proper ventilation is essential!

    Before you say anything this time, I get the reference!

    AYEM8Y: Well I always carry a hair brush with me just for such emergencies.
    I still like to rub myself on the nearest unsuspecting person. Preferably a waspy church type lady.
    Incidentally I knew a drag queen named Lana Cane..."The girl you're all itching to see..."


    As a Hair Hall of Fame beautician, I would expect no less from you than to always be armed with your styling tools.

    But how unhygienic!

    I’ve every reason to report you to the salon inspector.

    Lana Cane…ha!

    MAGO: Lanacane is as stainless as Steely Dan. And Mr. Armstrong helps the itching ladies too.

    Mr. Armstrong?

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  4. MICHAEL RIVERS: Nothing worse than that itch!!

    Nothing worse than a bitch with an itch!!

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  5. Proper etiquette?
    Well, of course a sandal wood, ivory handled public pubic scratcher is needed. Check out the flea markets.

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  6. JASON: Proper etiquette?
    Well, of course a sandal wood, ivory handled public pubic scratcher is needed. Check out the flea markets.


    Coincidentally, the term Flea market comes from the French “marché aux puces”…a name originally given to a market in Paris which specialized in shabby second-hand goods of the kind that might contain fleas.

    Makes me itchy just thinking about it.

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  7. Robert Armstrong and Robert Clarke help Kathy Marlowe, the Girl with an Itch ... isn't there a story with pulce in the decamerone: A poor small flea was forced to hide in the shrubbery on the hill?

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  9. pulce in the decamerone....my dear! this place is getting too fancy schmancy for me!

    here's what i always do: i tell whoever i'm with,"hey, my enormous cock is itchy, so i'm gonna scratch it now, okay?" they always nod and say, "sure."

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  10. For blokes, it's easier I believe. Hubby is always, 'readjusting' himself with a quick hand movement in his nether regions.

    Me, however.... I try to walk funny. So my flaps rub together. Sort of like doing a Mae West kinda saunter... not that it happens often. Srsly.

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  11. I go and look at an interesting wall or tree and indulge in a good scratch...sometimes I don't even bother with the wall or tree.

    It makes walking on a crowded sidewalk easier, especially if I'm enjoying the scratch.

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  13. Aaarrgh!

    Effing Blogger. Told me 'service unavailable', so I wrote the comment out again and it posted it. Twice.

    Grrrr.

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  14. um, I'm going to go with don't scratch yourself in public. If your a guy, do it through your (hopefully) deep pant pocket.

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  15. Scratch and sniff!
    Might as well make a proper spectacle of yourself.
    Sx

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  16. MAGO: Robert Armstrong and Robert Clarke help Kathy Marlowe, the Girl with an Itch ... isn't there a story with pulce in the decamerone: A poor small flea was forced to hide in the shrubbery on the hill?

    Thank you for the explanation about Armstrong…you had me scratching my head for a minute.

    I don’t recollect a flea in the shrubbery.

    But fleas carry the Black Death which is mentioned in The Decameron.

    NORMADESMOND: pulce in the decamerone....my dear! this place is getting too fancy schmancy for me!
    here's what i always do: i tell whoever i'm with,"hey, my enormous cock is itchy, so i'm gonna scratch it now, okay?" they always nod and say, "sure."


    Infomaniac is a highbrow blog, I’ll have you know.

    As for your so-called itchy *enormous cock, don’t you suppose they’re just being polite?

    *Please send pictures.

    UTE: For blokes, it's easier I believe. Hubby is always, 'readjusting' himself with a quick hand movement in his nether regions.
    Me, however.... I try to walk funny. So my flaps rub together. Sort of like doing a Mae West kinda saunter... not that it happens often. Srsly.


    Like this?

    ROSES: I go and look at an interesting wall or tree and indulge in a good scratch...sometimes I don't even bother with the wall or tree.
    It makes walking on a crowded sidewalk easier, especially if I'm enjoying the scratch.


    As a so-called lady, you could be a little more discreet.

    Look and learn as Megan Fox genteely covers her crotch with her iPhone.

    ROSES: Aaarrgh!
    Effing Blogger. Told me 'service unavailable', so I wrote the comment out again and it posted it. Twice.
    Grrrr.


    Spoken in rage…like someone who needs a good scratch.

    ALPHA ZA: um, I'm going to go with don't scratch yourself in public. If your a guy, do it through your (hopefully) deep pant pocket.

    As the newcomer here, we hope you are finding this blog educational.

    Note: The Decameron is required reading here on Infomaniac.

    SCARLET: Scratch and sniff!
    Might as well make a proper spectacle of yourself.


    Did you read about that in The Decameron?

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  17. Ok, especially for you...

    ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXkMuoHEA2o&feature=youtube_gdata_player

    I don't know all this newfangled linkylinkydinky but this'll teach you about anal itches. It's a commercial on Danish tv. They have it in Sweden too, or Norway.. I'm not good with those northern languages.

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  18. CYBERPOOF: Ok, especially for you...

    ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXkMuoHEA2o&feature=youtube_gdata_player

    I don't know all this newfangled linkylinkydinky but this'll teach you about anal itches. It's a commercial on Danish tv. They have it in Sweden too, or Norway.. I'm not good with those northern languages.


    This gives new meaning to the term “treehugger”.

    MAGO: Toblerone comes in sticks too.

    But is Toblerone mentioned in The Decameron?

    I don’t think so.

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  19. It is a delightful nugget isn't it.

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  20. A middle age woman is in the checkout line of the market when she spots the bag boy, a strapping high school youth, and is overcome with a flush feeling and a tingling in her loins. When asked if she needs assistance with her cart and bags to her car, she eagerly says yes as the youth will follow her out and to the car.

    As they leave the store, she stops, turns to the "yute" and says, in her most seductive voice: "I want you to know," she says, furtivly looking at him, then to the parking lot, "that I have an itchy pussy."

    The youth - who has taken one too many football hits to the head - looks at her and says: "Then you'll have to lead on M'am. Those Toyotas and Hondas and them Itchipussi cars all look alike to me."

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  21. I do what dogs do when they get an itch, drag my arse along the ground with my tongue lolling out.

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  22. CYBERPOOF: It is a delightful nugget isn't it.

    Delightfully Danish…like you.

    Oh what am I saying?!

    MR. COOKIE: A middle age woman is in the checkout line of the market when she spots the bag boy, a strapping high school youth, and is overcome with a flush feeling and a tingling in her loins. When asked if she needs assistance with her cart and bags to her car, she eagerly says yes as the youth will follow her out and to the car.
    As they leave the store, she stops, turns to the "yute" and says, in her most seductive voice: "I want you to know," she says, furtivly looking at him, then to the parking lot, "that I have an itchy pussy."
    The youth - who has taken one too many football hits to the head - looks at her and says: "Then you'll have to lead on M'am. Those Toyotas and Hondas and them Itchipussi cars all look alike to me."


    And he continued…

    “Them damn foreign cars. Nothing beats a Ford.”

    Clueless yute.

    MITZI: I do what dogs do when they get an itch, drag my arse along the ground with my tongue lolling out.

    Arse-dragging could also be an indication of intestinal worms.

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  23. cookie: someone i loved very much told that joke years ago and she loved it! thanks doll!

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  24. NORMADESMOND: cookie: someone i loved very much told that joke years ago and she loved it! thanks doll!

    That Cookie spins a good yarn.

    CYBERPOOF: Wait, was that an insult?

    Would we insult you so close to your birthday?

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  25. You can adjust yourself once, subtly in the presence of company. Twice when you change positions. But when you keep grabbing your privates more than three times in less than five minutes, well, now that means you're either in heat or you need some rash cream!

    The only excuse for grabbing your crotch multiple times is if you happen to be doing a Michael Jackson impersonation!

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  26. I'm supposed to be a lady?

    Next you're going to insist I be subtle?

    You're so demanding. No wonder the houseboys look so exhausted all the time.

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  27. The secret of a happy life Miss MJ is if it itches , just scratch it . If you in polite company they will just cover for you by gesticulating widly in a random direction and shouting oh look and getting all embarassed :-)

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  28. EROS: You can adjust yourself once, subtly in the presence of company. Twice when you change positions. But when you keep grabbing your privates more than three times in less than five minutes, well, now that means you're either in heat or you need some rash cream!
    The only excuse for grabbing your crotch multiple times is if you happen to be doing a Michael Jackson impersonation!


    Would you suggest we wear a white glove to scratch?

    ROSES: I'm supposed to be a lady?
    Next you're going to insist I be subtle?
    You're so demanding. No wonder the houseboys look so exhausted all the time.


    Go ahead and scratch yer arse off for all I care.

    One tries to maintain some standards on this blog and this is the thanks I get!

    BEAST: The secret of a happy life Miss MJ is if it itches , just scratch it . If you in polite company they will just cover for you by gesticulating widly in a random direction and shouting oh look and getting all embarassed :-)

    Then you must be the happiest man alive.

    Oh, and welcome back from whatever rock I upturned to find you squiggling and scratching away with wild abandon.

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  29. Firstly, Miss J recommends not allowing yourself to be nearly itched to death for 7 1/2 years. Otherwise, you will have to face the ugly truth about yourself: you are one dumb-assed whore, Mrs. P Ramsey.

    Miss J likes to turn away form the crowds if she must scratch her coochie.

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  30. MISS JANEY: Firstly, Miss J recommends not allowing yourself to be nearly itched to death for 7 1/2 years. Otherwise, you will have to face the ugly truth about yourself: you are one dumb-assed whore, Mrs. P Ramsey.
    Miss J likes to turn away form the crowds if she must scratch her coochie.


    I say if you’re itching for 7 ½ years, you should contact the folk at Guinness World Records.

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  31. 7 1/2 Year Itch?

    Sounds like a sequel, if you get my drift Mistress MJ!

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  32. Infomaniac moves to Upper Canada, then this news item pops up. Coincidence?

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  33. True, you'll wait until it's my ACTUAL birthday to do that.

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  34. I don't have bits but sometimes my underwear goes up my arse. When I'm in public, I just retrieve it promptly. If someone catches me I always respond with, "Oh, you do it too!"

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  35. I just poke around in my pant's pockets looking for quarters for the parking meters.

    Which is odd of late cuz they don't take quarters anymore nor do I own a car or drive.

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  36. Michael Guy's got the answer. Always dig for change or car keys, AND HAVE A BALL !

    (Not that I would know anything about this issue personally)

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  37. won't you go blind if you itch?

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  38. Itchy genitals? Why do you think I ride Broom?

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  39. I think that's hairy palms Miss Boxer

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  40. XL: 7 1/2 Year Itch?
    Sounds like a sequel, if you get my drift Mistress MJ!


    Alright, alright already!

    XL: Infomaniac moves to Upper Canada, then this news item pops up. Coincidence?

    I don’t know WHAT you’re getting at, XL.

    But that Terri-Jean Bedford (Madame de Sade) is an interesting woman who runs “Madam's House”, a Bondage Hotel and Bed and Breakfast in Toronto.

    CYBERPOOF: True, you'll wait until it's my ACTUAL birthday to do that.

    And it’s not your birthday HERE ‘til midnight my time…which is 6 am YOUR time.

    Stop by here again say, oh…around noon your time on Wednesday, if not earlier.

    RANDOM CHICK: I don't have bits but sometimes my underwear goes up my arse. When I'm in public, I just retrieve it promptly. If someone catches me I always respond with, "Oh, you do it too!"

    Wedgie!

    MICHAEL GUY: I just poke around in my pant's pockets looking for quarters for the parking meters.
    Which is odd of late cuz they don't take quarters anymore nor do I own a car or drive.


    When I see men rummaging around in their pants pockets for change it always reminds me of pervs.

    This is based on Mistress MJ’s personal experience and is no reflection on your upstanding character.

    HEFF: Michael Guy's got the answer. Always dig for change or car keys, AND HAVE A BALL !
    (Not that I would know anything about this issue personally)


    Like I said…I am reminded of pervs when I see men digging for change.

    BOXER: won't you go blind if you itch?

    See response from CyberPete.

    IVD: Itchy genitals? Why do you think I ride Broom?

    Don’t you get splinters?

    Or dry rot?

    CYBERPOOF: I think that's hairy palms Miss Boxer

    You speak as though it’s happened to you.

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  41. @Cyber Pete - thank you. I've been quite worried.

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  42. Five days later and I'm still laughing at "Mrs. P. Ramsay." If only she had been from Boulder instead of LA...

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  43. STACIA: Five days later and I'm still laughing at "Mrs. P. Ramsay." If only she had been from Boulder instead of LA...

    Teehee.

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