Saturday, November 14, 2009

Ugly Brits

Brits are the ugliest people in the world. (Full story here.)

Or so says a dating site, BeautifulPeople.com that only allows “beautiful” people to join.

Let’s turn it over to you, bitches. You be the judge as you size up these Brits for their eye candy appeal ...


Pete Doherty, musician




Ann Widdecombe (left), politician




Lembit Öpik, politician




Jade Goody, dead reality TV star / celebri-whore




Wayne Rooney, footballer




Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall




Amy Winehouse, singer




UPDATE: Susan Boyle, singer (as suggested by Random Chick)


Did we miss anyone? Or are we being too harsh?

If it’s any consolation to you Brits just remember …

At least you’re better lovers than the Germans!

55 comments:

  1. i'd hope that ann widdecombe, politician, might (in the future) be more aware of her constituents or at least her constitiuents' penis'.

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  2. Oooh second! I hate wayne rooney he's sooo minging! i hope his child gets its mothers looks. He makes me wanna go wash myself

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  3. I always forget Susan Boyle. I've trained myself to do so.

    In the meantime I got two words for you baby: Daniel Craig. Actually three words: Daniel Craig boner.

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  4. NORMADESMOND: i'd hope that ann widdecombe, politician, might (in the future) be more aware of her constituents or at least her constitiuents' penis'.

    Looks like she’s got HIS vote!

    JELLY MONSTER: Oooh second! I hate wayne rooney he's sooo minging! i hope his child gets its mothers looks. He makes me wanna go wash myself

    I didn’t want to say but you really could use a wash.

    I blame your close proximity to Maxi Cane.

    RANDOM: You forgot Susan Boyle.

    Proof that fame is fleeting!

    I’ll rectify the situation with an update immediately.

    MR. PEENEE: I always forget Susan Boyle. I've trained myself to do so.
    In the meantime I got two words for you baby: Daniel Craig. Actually three words: Daniel Craig boner.


    Daniel Craig boner, you say?

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  5. Separated at birth: Susan Boyle and Micky Dolenz.

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  6. That Susan Boyle pic was taken out of context, they asked her to do her famous De Niro impression. If Brits are so ugly then explain me.

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  7. I thought we expelled all the real Uggo's to the colonies....

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  8. Fammy's not ugly! His arse... I mean he is my favourite Brit. :-)

    Beast - I think you must mean Australia...

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  9. What are you talking about? We have Phil Tufnell. And Mr Beastie.
    Sx

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  10. Oh gods, it's true!

    * sobs *

    We Brits truly are hideous (excepting myselves and the other Brit-Bloggers who frequent Infomaniac. Oh, and this fine specimen. Awwww... Isn't he cute?).

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  11. "The UK attitude is a bit more about kicking back and relaxing, and having a few drinks in the pub after work."

    I don't call having to socialise with work colleagues in your own time very relaxing. In fact it sounds like hell on earth.

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  12. There are those who have long suspected that the 5 members of the Royal Dental Society of England are negligent in their duties? Perhaps?

    Personally, one can lay blame on the Dickensian environmental and dietary factors;
    newsprint-ink laced haddock, watery warm beer, and a dank, solar-free climate that would kill mushrooms are enough to challenge even microbial lifeforms.

    Their most popular breakfast cereal, Scurvy-O's, prolly isn't helping any either.

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  13. The Germans may not be the best touchy-feely-romantic lovers, but structurally they are engineered for high performance and dependibility.

    You can't have everything.

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  14. Best Lovers?
    1. Spain O-lay that's Bullsh*t!
    2. Brazil if you're a soccer ball
    3. Italy too cheesy
    4. France *holds up baby finger
    5. Ireland *folds baby finger in half!
    6. South Africa what the?
    7. Australia if you don't mind having your legs jammed in their wellies
    8. New Zealand see previous remark and add rain
    9. Denmark as long as you have your hair in braided in handle-bars, then yes, this is prolly true
    10. Canada that's because it takes us 35 minutes of snuggling to warm up and it is often misconstrued as foreplay :)

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  15. Those Brits are positively hideous!

    I've met quite a few cute Brits though.

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  16. XL: Separated at birth: Susan Boyle and Micky Dolenz.

    So they are!

    I’m a believer!

    KNUDSEN: That Susan Boyle pic was taken out of context, they asked her to do her famous De Niro impression. If Brits are so ugly then explain me.

    You must get your good looks from your Da’s Danish viking/bacon side.

    Of course that also makes you a killing machine.

    BEAST: I thought we expelled all the real Uggo's to the colonies....

    I’m not sure I like your tone.

    *fires potato cannon at Beast*

    PONITA: Fammy's not ugly! His arse... I mean he is my favourite Brit. :-)
    Beast - I think you must mean Australia...


    I’m not certain Beast DOES mean Australia.

    *lobs rancid rutabaga at Beast*

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  17. SCARLET: What are you talking about? We have Phil Tufnell. And Mr Beastie.

    I’m not talking to Beast since he made those inferences about The Colonies.

    I’ll take Nigel Tufnel over Phil Tufnell any day.

    IVD: Oh gods, it's true!
    * sobs *
    We Brits truly are hideous (excepting myselves and the other Brit-Bloggers who frequent Infomaniac. Oh, and this fine specimen. Awwww... Isn't he cute?).


    Honestly, how long are you going to carry this flame for Tim?

    He won’t even share his dark cherry mocha with you let alone let you insert your stinger!

    Oh, and yes it is inferred that any Brit bitches of Infomaniac are absolutely lovely and are the exceptions to the Ugly Brits rule.

    *crosses fingers behind back*

    GEOFF: "The UK attitude is a bit more about kicking back and relaxing, and having a few drinks in the pub after work."
    I don't call having to socialise with work colleagues in your own time very relaxing. In fact it sounds like hell on earth.


    Just catch that train and get the hell out before it’s too late!

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  18. DONN: There are those who have long suspected that the 5 members of the Royal Dental Society of England are negligent in their duties? Perhaps?
    Personally, one can lay blame on the Dickensian environmental and dietary factors;
    newsprint-ink laced haddock, watery warm beer, and a dank, solar-free climate that would kill mushrooms are enough to challenge even microbial lifeforms.
    Their most popular breakfast cereal, Scurvy-O's, prolly isn't helping any either.


    I am of the firm belief that Brits should NOT be flossing with screwdrivers.

    DONN: The Germans may not be the best touchy-feely-romantic lovers, but structurally they are engineered for high performance and dependibility.
    You can't have everything.


    Perhaps I should take one for a test drive.

    DONN: Best Lovers?
    1. Spain O-lay that's Bullsh*t!
    2. Brazil if you're a soccer ball
    3. Italy too cheesy
    4. France *holds up baby finger
    5. Ireland *folds baby finger in half!
    6. South Africa what the?
    7. Australia if you don't mind having your legs jammed in their wellies
    8. New Zealand see previous remark and add rain
    9. Denmark as long as you have your hair in braided in handle-bars, then yes, this is prolly true
    10. Canada that's because it takes us 35 minutes of snuggling to warm up and it is often misconstrued as foreplay :)


    Well if THAT’S how you feel, I’ll get my OWN Snuggie!

    SAVANNAH: *speechless*

    Shhh…not so loud!

    CYBERPOOF: Those Brits are positively hideous!
    I've met quite a few cute Brits though.


    Oh. Are the Danish tea rooms of full of cute Brits?

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  19. Jade Goody? Is that the woman who studies chimpanzees? I can see how they'd be able to relate to her.

    And shouldn't Prince Chuck, the horse whisperer, be on this list, too?

    Speaking of horses, why the hell is Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall? Have the Cornish people not suffered enough? Free Cornwall!

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  20. Brits?!? Doherty is Irish. Rooney is Irish. As for Jade Goody she died of cancer leaving 2 young kids behind.

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  21. I will have my passport confiscated for this. But how about Stephen Fry - National Treasure.

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  22. No, but attending High Tea at the Ritz is always a pleasure

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  23. Mj - we're so proud our looks that we've made ugly into an Olympic sport it's called gurning

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  24. Well, I feel I have to complain in respect of the picture of Ann Widdecombe. She's much uglier than that.

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  25. Okay, maybe you should've said the 'English' and the Oirish are the ugliest cunts on the planet, rather than 'Brits'.

    Apart from Germans, of course - who just mostly happen to be miserable, sour-faced cunts at the best of times.

    And all the Kraut wimmin look like dirty rug-munching lesbo's with haircuts that look like they were done by a butcher. With a blunt pair of shears. And whilst wearing those big thick asbestos padded gloves that steelworkers use.

    Anyway... Jade Goody - the cause of my huge falling out with a few people on Facebook a few months back. If you didn't see it, it was all because I thought she was a talentless, ugly fucking mong.

    Yes, she may have died, but then again so did MY parents and so will everyone else.

    Yes, she left behind a couple of kids. So do most other people. Fortunately for hers though, they've ended up very rich kids, which will ease their passage through life.

    And her family are doing rather well out of cashing in on everything to do with their association with her.

    She might be dead now (and that's quite sad - as it always is when someone loses their life at a young age), but she was still ugly in my opinion - with an even uglier personality - and I'll never understand quite why there were to many bleating, wailing, adoring fans (other than the 12 year olds that long to follow her path).

    I destested her only slightly less than I detest those that seem to think I'm not allowed my opinion.

    Maybe it'll be Jordan's turn next.

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  26. "high performance and dependibility", Donnn is up to something there.
    And there is nothing to add to what Piggy and Tazzy saied.

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  27. Ewwww! I just noticed that the dog in the pic with Ann Widdecombe (both dogs, I know - I mean the one with the most fur) has his lipstick on show!

    Not that I was looking closely, or anything. Honest.

    I'm quite surprised at not seeing Erosthing attached to it.

    Dirty, dirty doggie.

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  28. You've got Brian 'Crater Face' Adams, big noses like Celine Dione and Leonard Cohen, and a bird with horses teeth called Joni Mitchell.

    The Scots are by far the handsomest. Apart from Susan Doyle, which is probably why Scottish men like to emigrate.

    There's a lot of them about.

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  29. I was outraged until I discovered the website was founded in Denmark. The Danes are a bunch of miserable sods who commit suicide at 40, they also eat reindeer meat, have sallow complexions and have no sense of humour what so ever. I would rather have both my nipples pierced with rusty nails than set foot in that miserable hole again.

    I've had a fetish for Scottish men ever since I saw the film Red Road with Tony Curran.

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  30. I bet Mitzi has loads of perverted fetishes.

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  31. Mitzi couldn't be more wrong about us Danes.

    We don't eat reindeer meat. That's what the Finns do. I mean really. Do your fucking research properly. Cunt.

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  32. As for a sense of humour? It really must be the other way around. I pity the country Mitzi lives in. Must be fucking miserable.

    Bless Piggy for saying the truth about the Goody chick.

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  33. EROS: Jade Goody? Is that the woman who studies chimpanzees? I can see how they'd be able to relate to her.
    And shouldn't Prince Chuck, the horse whisperer, be on this list, too?
    Speaking of horses, why the hell is Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall? Have the Cornish people not suffered enough? Free Cornwall!


    Speaking of The Royals, let’s not forget Princess Anne.

    ANONYMOUS: Brits?!? Doherty is Irish. Rooney is Irish. As for Jade Goody she died of cancer leaving 2 young kids behind.

    Please state your name next time you visit if you want a proper response.

    All I can say is that Jade didn’t quite live up to the expression, 'Live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse'

    KAZ: I will have my passport confiscated for this. But how about Stephen Fry - National Treasure.

    Are you suggesting he has a face made for radio?

    CYBERPOOF: No, but attending High Tea at the Ritz is always a pleasure

    Because of the champagne cocktail, n'est-ce pas?

    LULU: Mj - we're so proud our looks that we've made ugly into an Olympic sport it's called gurning

    This is even more exciting than your Cheese Rolling and your Bog Snorkelling!

    NOT TWITTER: Well, I feel I have to complain in respect of the picture of Ann Widdecombe. She's much uglier than that.

    Oooo…it’s been ages since we’ve seen you, BBB.

    And you have a spanking new blog!

    That’s an old pic of Ann Widdecombe but we just had to use it because the dog seems so pleased to see her.

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  34. PIGGY: Okay, maybe you should've said the 'English' and the Oirish are the ugliest cunts on the planet, rather than 'Brits'.
    Apart from Germans, of course - who just mostly happen to be miserable, sour-faced cunts at the best of times.
    And all the Kraut wimmin look like dirty rug-munching lesbo's with haircuts that look like they were done by a butcher. With a blunt pair of shears. And whilst wearing those big thick asbestos padded gloves that steelworkers use.
    Anyway... Jade Goody - the cause of my huge falling out with a few people on Facebook a few months back. If you didn't see it, it was all because I thought she was a talentless, ugly fucking mong.
    Yes, she may have died, but then again so did MY parents and so will everyone else.
    Yes, she left behind a couple of kids. So do most other people. Fortunately for hers though, they've ended up very rich kids, which will ease their passage through life.
    And her family are doing rather well out of cashing in on everything to do with their association with her.
    She might be dead now (and that's quite sad - as it always is when someone loses their life at a young age), but she was still ugly in my opinion - with an even uglier personality - and I'll never understand quite why there were to many bleating, wailing, adoring fans (other than the 12 year olds that long to follow her path).
    I destested her only slightly less than I detest those that seem to think I'm not allowed my opinion.
    Maybe it'll be Jordan's turn next.


    I regret that I missed your Facebook fracas but have to agree that she was a “talentless, ugly fucking mong” as you say.

    Jade’s mother seems to have bounced back from this national tragedy rather well.

    MAGO: "high performance and dependibility", Donnn is up to something there.
    And there is nothing to add to what Piggy and Tazzy saied.


    *starts ignition*

    PIGGY: Ewwww! I just noticed that the dog in the pic with Ann Widdecombe (both dogs, I know - I mean the one with the most fur) has his lipstick on show!
    Not that I was looking closely, or anything. Honest.
    I'm quite surprised at not seeing Erosthing attached to it.


    At first I thought it was Photoshopped but it isn’t!

    I nicked the pic from The Guardian.

    GARFY: You've got Brian 'Crater Face' Adams, big noses like Celine Dione and Leonard Cohen, and a bird with horses teeth called Joni Mitchell.
    The Scots are by far the handsomest. Apart from Susan Doyle, which is probably why Scottish men like to emigrate.
    There's a lot of them about.


    *pushes Garfer's face down into Celine Dion’s Petri dish*

    MITZI: I was outraged until I discovered the website was founded in Denmark. The Danes are a bunch of miserable sods who commit suicide at 40, they also eat reindeer meat, have sallow complexions and have no sense of humour what so ever. I would rather have both my nipples pierced with rusty nails than set foot in that miserable hole again.
    I've had a fetish for Scottish men ever since I saw the film Red Road with Tony Curran.


    Tony Curran?

    Eeeek! He’s a ginger!

    PIGGY: I bet Mitzi has loads of perverted fetishes.

    I have it on good authority that Mitzi can show you a trick using a Cadbury's creme egg.

    CYBERPOOF: That’s quite enough of your sass, young man.

    Behave yourself, Kipper Breath, or I’ll smack you with a frozen herring.

    *secretly hopes for catfight in which CyberPoof’s wig is ripped off his head by Mitzi*

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  35. Ooooh! Is this the start of a romance between Mitzi and Cyberpete?

    They all start off like that, don't they?

    *goes off to buy a new hat*

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  36. And I might as well use this opportunity to slap Cyberpete with a few rashers of that nasty bacon they flog to the rest of the world. It's a traditional thing the English do to welcome Danes upon their arrival into the UK, I'm told.

    *wonders if it'd be considered 'art' if I caringly laid some of it across his bare rump and took pics*

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  37. Anyway..

    What I want to know is why Jade Goody's mother wasn't in that line-up?

    You missed a corker there!

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  38. Okay, I got that wrong. Six people died.

    At sea.

    In a fishing boat.

    In up to 100mph gales that had been WIDELY predicted.

    The words "stupid" and "hardly surprising" spring to mind.

    Not exactly what I'd consider 'news' - more like 'confirmation of what was to be expected'.

    A bit like hearing reports of stupid twats who decide to go climbing to the tops of mountains in the middle of December, then find themselves stuck in snowdrifts, etc.

    Our world is populated by fucking lunatics.

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  39. Damn.

    Commented on wrong post.

    That'll teach me for multi-tasking.

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  40. I don't blog so I dont need a regular name. All i am saying is that you used the word Brit without realing that it is insulting to those who are not English. It is only the English and the population of Northern Ireland who are truly British.

    The United Kingdom has four seperate identities within it. Scotland is a seperate country from England. Wales has a seperate border from England, the ROI has a seperate border from Northern Ireland.
    You continue to offend many people with your constant misuse of the word Brits.

    No need to reply, i'm not that interested.

    comment left by Dai Hughes - Welsh(not British)

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  41. Oh, Welsh. That explains things then.

    They feel a bit left out because they're nobodies that everyone ignores.

    I'm Scottish, but I'm not offended by the word 'Brits'. Other than the Welsh, I don't think many others would be offended.

    Only pedantic cunts with seriously sad and uninteresting lives would be offended - which probably describes the Welsh quite accurately.

    Oh and the talk funny. Which just about seals their fate.

    Just out of interest - do many people still live in Wales? I expect most of the 'new' Welsh are natives of Poland.

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  42. Anyway...

    How on Earth could anyone come visiting this vile, filth ridden blog, be confronted by all manner of sick depravity and with the knowledge that it's run by a low-life Canuck... then complain not about any of the content but the misuse of the word 'Brit'?

    The Welsh get more strange by the moment.

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  43. I know the solution!

    The rest of the UK should just take Welshland from them. It wouldn't be much of a fight, nor would there be much force needed.

    It could then be shared out between Scotland and England.

    I think that's a grand idea.

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  44. I also forgot to comment back on Mitzi's trick with the Cream Egg.

    Let it be known that I can outdo her with a pretty spectacular trick of my own with a Mars Bar.

    Much better value for money and kinder on the teeth.

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  45. ANONYMOUS WELSHMAN: I don't blog so I dont need a regular name. All i am saying is that you used the word Brit without realing that it is insulting to those who are not English. It is only the English and the population of Northern Ireland who are truly British.
    The United Kingdom has four seperate identities within it. Scotland is a seperate country from England. Wales has a seperate border from England, the ROI has a seperate border from Northern Ireland.
    You continue to offend many people with your constant misuse of the word Brits.
    No need to reply, i'm not that interested.
    comment left by Dai Hughes - Welsh(not British)


    I shall refrain from replying, at your request.

    However, I wish to thank you for identifying yourself.

    Why DO you come here?

    PIGGY: I’m simply too hungry for breakfast to respond to all your comments but I am curious about a couple of things you mentioned…

    1. Why does the Welsh fella come here?
    Is it strictly for the pics of old men?

    2. Are CyberPoof and Mitzi having a lover’s tiff?

    Will hair-pulling ensue?

    Or are they having a secret tryst… their passion enflamed from their quarrel?

    And yes, I’m sure you’d love to see Mitzi’s trick with the crème egg.

    As would I!

    p.s. I had blissfully forgotten your trick with the Mars Bar.

    Now I’ll have nightmares.

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  46. It's Ms Cunt to you! After consulting my holiday diary, it was indeed a weekend break to Helsinki several years ago I was thinking of when I wrote the above piece. I was very complementary in my diary about Copenhagen. Easy mistake to make especially when you're all so very clique, when it comes to the predictable block voting, during the Eurovision Song Contest. I know when to eat humble pie (though it pains me to swallow)I apologise.

    I won't let you know what I thought of Madeira in 2004. Ye Gods!

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  47. MITZI: It's Ms Cunt to you! After consulting my holiday diary, it was indeed a weekend break to Helsinki several years ago I was thinking of when I wrote the above piece. I was very complementary in my diary about Copenhagen. Easy mistake to make especially when you're all so very clique, when it comes to the predictable block voting, during the Eurovision Song Contest. I know when to eat humble pie (though it pains me to swallow)I apologise.
    I won't let you know what I thought of Madeira in 2004. Ye Gods!


    You are so gracious, darling.

    I would have slapped CyberPoof in the mouth with a rancid kipper.

    Just between the pair of us, I think CyberPete’s having his period.

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  48. Oh mitzi!

    You could've at least force-fed him some of that fucking nasty chemical filled Bacon they make before apologising. Just to make it worthwhile.

    If we have to suffer, so should they!

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  49. Bugger - that last comment was me.

    I fucking hate browsing on a phone.

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  50. A pickled herring, MJ. Pickled herring.

    Or, as I've said already, nasty streaky Bacon. Like the stuff the have in Canada, if memory serves me right.

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  51. PIGGY: Oh mitzi!
    You could've at least force-fed him some of that fucking nasty chemical filled Bacon they make before apologising. Just to make it worthwhile.
    If we have to suffer, so should they!
    Bugger - that last comment was me.
    I fucking hate browsing on a phone.
    A pickled herring, MJ. Pickled herring.
    Or, as I've said already, nasty streaky Bacon. Like the stuff the have in Canada, if memory serves me right.


    Oooh, when you went all Anonymous I thought our Welshman was back.

    *slaps Piggy with a rasher of Canadian bacon*

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  52. You leave our Wayne alone.....

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  53. MANUEL: You leave our Wayne alone.....

    You can have him!

    ReplyDelete