Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Be My Bitch

After all the work Mistress MJ did for you in the previous post, she has decided to put you lazy bitches to work for her.

It’s time for each of you to decide how you could best serve Mistress MJ.



A few coveted Houseboy positions have already been filled as follows:

XL: Official Pillow Fluffer.

MAGO: Foot Massuer.

MEAN DIRTY PIRATE (aka Ayem8y): Ambassador for Special Sexual Needs.
(We should qualify that this does NOT mean that he is servicing Mistress MJ sexually but rather that he is …. Perhaps we should let Mean Dirty Pirate explain it himself.)

There are vacancies to be had chez Infomaniac for both men and women.



Decide what position you want (bonus points for creativity) and we’ll agree to hire you.

Or not.

35 comments:

  1. Everyone, male or female, needs their own private nurse.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Cocktail shaker and eyebrow plucker.

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  3. PONITA: Everyone, male or female, needs their own private nurse.

    Unlike the men around here who drop at the slightest hint of MANFLU, Mistress MJ is a healthy specimen apart from the odd hangover.

    Or migraine induced by one of you lot.


    KAZ: Cocktail shaker and eyebrow plucker.

    Mistress MJ’s eyebrows are professionally groomed on a regular basis, thank you nonetheless.

    Re: the cocktail shaker…

    Do you shimmy when you shake?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh this is easy. When I review my skill set, I realize that I am really bloody fantastic.

    The best thing I can do for you is to sit right at your side and use my exemplary supervisory skills to ensure that all these bitches are working as efficiently as possible.

    That's all.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mr Beastie and I could dress up as a pantomime cow. Obviously he would be the back end - I'm not going stick my nose up his arse... And now I will quit whilst I'm ahead...
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  6. KEVIN: Oh this is easy. When I review my skill set, I realize that I am really bloody fantastic.

    The best thing I can do for you is to sit right at your side and use my exemplary supervisory skills to ensure that all these bitches are working as efficiently as possible.

    That's all.


    Will you require special tools for the job?

    SCARLET: Mr Beastie and I could dress up as a pantomime cow. Obviously he would be the back end - I'm not going stick my nose up his arse... And now I will quit whilst I'm ahead...

    Beast was born to play the arse end of a pantomime cow.

    You, obviously, would lead the way.

    Where is Beast, anyway?

    Has he been struck down with the MANFLU again?

    ReplyDelete
  7. well, sugar, i should be y'alls driver because, lord knows, i have the perfect skillset for that! besides driving miss daisy, i have other getaway skills that come in very handy, if y'all know what i mean! xoxox

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  8. SAVANNAH: well, sugar, i should be y'alls driver because, lord knows, i have the perfect skillset for that! besides driving miss daisy, i have other getaway skills that come in very handy, if y'all know what i mean! xoxox

    Please elaborate as no one has applied for the position of MINDREADER.

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  9. I'm going to stand naked in a window frame in various sexually charged poses and call myself "art".

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  10. I think Mr Beastie has locked himself in a room and is delighting himself with his tropicals.
    He may have piglet snuffles.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  11. ManJ - I'll shave your back, and BamaTrav will "Nair" your testicles.

    ReplyDelete
  12. MIKEY: I'm going to stand naked in a window frame in various sexually charged poses and call myself "art".

    I don’t know why we should call you “Art” when “Mikey” is a perfectly nice name.

    SCARLET: I think Mr Beastie has locked himself in a room and is delighting himself with his tropicals.
    He may have piglet snuffles.


    This just in! Beast left a comment on his blog that says…

    “I am still alive
    Just!!!
    But havnt had time to do ANYTHING .
    Hopefully will be back to normal on Sunday”

    Do you suppose Mr C has chained Beast to a sink full of dirty dishes in the caf?

    HEFF: ManJ - I'll shave your back, and BamaTrav will "Nair" your testicles.

    Both you AND BamaTranny could use a good manscaping yourselves.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sounds like it!! Either that or Beastie has got lost in a love mitten.
    Sx

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  14. SCARLET: Sounds like it!! Either that or Beastie has got lost in a love mitten.

    It’s possible that he’s having an enema.

    I suppose we won’t know ‘til he surfaces on Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
  15. what position would i like to be in?!?!?

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  16. VOICES: what position would i like to be in?!?!?

    Just answer the question, Mr. Voices.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Saucy secretary in charge of outside correspondence? I take dictation.

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  18. PEEVISH: Saucy secretary in charge of outside correspondence? I take dictation.

    I bet you DO take DICKtation!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'll be your alibi when the Law comes lookin!

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  20. Mistress has a voracious sexual appetite and must feed on a constant basis as Ambassador for Special Sexual Needs I help procure her victims, like an Igor. She goes through a lot of them and it’s getting harder to dispatch the bodies. I need an assistant so I nominate to suggest a new title be created that of, Imperial Mortician.

    I also organize Mistress’s do-good charity, The Special Sexual Olympics Once Mistress has decided which events she wants to win feel free to sign up for all the rest.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Prime Minister of Anal Foreplay and Foreign Affairs.

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  22. EROS: I'll be your alibi when the Law comes lookin!

    And what is it, exactly, that you’ll say we were up to?

    AYEM8Y: Mistress has a voracious sexual appetite and must feed on a constant basis as Ambassador for Special Sexual Needs I help procure her victims, like an Igor. She goes through a lot of them and it’s getting harder to dispatch the bodies. I need an assistant so I nominate to suggest a new title be created that of, Imperial Mortician.

    I also organize Mistress’s do-good charity, The Special Sexual Olympics Once Mistress has decided which events she wants to win feel free to sign up for all the rest.


    While it’s true that Mistress MJ does have certain appetites, she does not need anyone to do her “procuring,” as you call it.

    We would rather that you arrange to find more male bare bottoms to be photographed and posted on Infomaniac. What about that Mr. Peenee, for starters? Or that Louisiana hussy, Jason? I’d love to see Thombeau’s ass and I bet TJB has a lovely, pert little behind.

    But as Ambassador for Special Sexual Needs you need something to do, so yes, help us arrange The Special Sexual Olympics. You’re a shoe-in for the job, having excelled in water sports, yourself.

    FENG: Prime Minister of Anal Foreplay and Foreign Affairs.

    We didn’t realize that we need someone to manage anal foreplay but if it pleases you, so be it.

    But we’re definitely interested in Foreign Affairs so the job is yours.

    ReplyDelete
  23. "Will you require special tools for the job?"

    No, just a clipboard and a fine point, black ink pen. preferably a uni-ball or onyx brand.

    ReplyDelete
  24. KEVIN: "Will you require special tools for the job?"

    No, just a clipboard and a fine point, black ink pen. preferably a uni-ball or onyx brand.


    How about one of those pens that when you tip it upside down, the guy’s boxer shorts fall off?

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  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  26. I'd like to apply for the rôle of your ultra faggy decorator, s'il vous plait.

    I'll whip out my swatches now.

    ReplyDelete
  27. JASON: I'd like to apply for the rôle of your ultra faggy decorator, s'il vous plait.
    I'll whip out my swatches now.


    Are you sure that’s all you’d like to whip out?

    We know about your wild ways, you Louisiana hussy. We are not fooled by the faux French accent.

    Anyway, back to your job title.

    Ultra faggy decorator?

    You’re hired!

    I hereby declare you my “Furniture Fairy!”

    ReplyDelete
  28. MJ's furniture fairy1:18 AM, June 18, 2009

    merci!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I'll be your cocktail waitress.

    I'll create quite a stir or shimmy and shake - whatever the drink or Mistress MJ requires

    ReplyDelete
  30. MJ’s FURNITURE FAIRY: merci!

    Don’t let it go to your head.

    We don’t want to see you courting HGTV for your own show.

    Or becoming a regular guest on Oprah a la Nate Berkus.

    CYBERPOOF: I'll be your cocktail waitress.
    I'll create quite a stir or shimmy and shake - whatever the drink or Mistress MJ requires


    Will you put those colourful little cocktail umbrellas in the glasses?

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  31. Not only that, but I'll wear one of those cute little outfits with a nice pair of pumps to match.

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  32. CYBERPOOF: Not only that, but I'll wear one of those cute little outfits with a nice pair of pumps to match.

    Well THAT seals the deal!

    ReplyDelete
  33. I could take care of your garden ...

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  34. MAGO: The bush needs trimming, for starters.

    ReplyDelete