Thursday, June 25, 2009

A Queen is Crowned

The winner of The Effing Queen Competition will be announced in a moment.

But first we would like to thank the many bitches who participated, thinking they were the Effing Queen.

Naturally, our first choice (one would think) was CyberPete as really; you can’t find a bigger Queen than that, can you?

But the crown jewels, or rather, the cocktail napkins go to…

Drum roll please…

The winner of The Effing Queen Competition is…

GEOFF in Kent, England!

Hip hip!

Geoff won with this entry…

As a matter of fact I am the effing Queen because all you'll get out of me on Christmas Day is five minutes of shit.

For those of you outside The Colonies who are not privy to Royal goings-on, Geoff is referring to the Royal Christmas Message broadcast annually by Queen Elizabeth II to the Commonwealth at Christmas.

Anyway, we’re not sure how Geoff will react to his prize of the Effing Queen cocktail napkins pictured here…

Afterall, he and his wife Betty don’t entertain nor do they partake of cocktails of an evening.

Nonetheless, perhaps they’ll use them to catch the crumbs as they nibble HobNobs with their tea whilst viewing Coronation Street.

Congratulations, Geoff!


  1. Congratulations, Geoff!

    Does this mean we'll hear from him on Xmas for 5 minutes? And will he be wearing one of those fancy hats British Queens love to wear in public?

  2. in my best Faith Hill impersonation:


  3. Congratulations Queenie!

  4. Come on CyberPete: Trag' es wie ein Mann!

  5. Well - who'da thought it?
    Congratulations Geoff - now you'll have to start living up to your title and queening it a bit.

  6. SOB. *Throws hissy fit*
    Congrats Geoff!
    *Storms out in a Scarlet huff*

  7. what does that make Betty??

  8. A 5 minute shit is nothing why I once shat from lands end to John'O'groats while riding a pennyshilling.

  9. I'm choked. Do I get a crown to wear on my throne?

    I feel so good I'm gonna knight some fucker.

  10. As always, my ball sack gets me nowhere....

  11. In me best Royal Intonations:
    Wee ere ohwl delighted thet Geoffrey has won. I should hope thet Betty shawll shamelessly display those quaint napkins and scatter them about before Dame Edna Everage and I arrive on Saturday.

    I am looking forward to the Tequila shooters and watching a Genesis DVD something-or-other?

    Ew yes, don't tell Geoffrey but I'm bringing that pudgy little Collins chap with us...apparently he was all "emo" even back in the 80s?

  12. BITCHES: As far as we’re concerned, you’re ALL a bunch of queens so quit your kvetching and accept the fact that Geoff is Queen for a day.

    *presents Queen Geoffrey with coronation garments, sceptre and orb, and reminds the rest of you about the Tower of London*

  13. TA - the throne founded on the scaffold!

    Allors mes enfants! Go chopping!

  14. Well done, Geoff. I think we've all learned a very lesson here.

  15. Coronation chicken for me.

  16. BITCHES: Don’t make me get out the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch again.

    Did someone mention cake?

  17. Isn't there a gay cake fart site?

  18. Humpf.


    congrats Geoff.

  19. hellooo

    loveee your blog!
    im following :)
    please visit my blog,
    its our anniversary today

  20. BITCHES: How strange. We thought we left a comment here hours ago explaining that we had work to do and couldn’t look for gay cake fart sites all day and that if anyone should know where to find such a site, it would be CyberPoof.

    Uh oh. It appears we left it on the wrong post and have now deleted it. Oops.

    Anyway, it appears we have a newcomer…

    ANTHONY: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    And happy blogiversary!

  21. all these cherry popping readers, how do you do it?

  22. 5 minutes of shit on Christmas day?
    Is that before or after gobbling a turkey?