foto via [Fabulon]
But in the meantime, we have something special for you.
In the spirit of giving, Mistress MJ has arranged for all of you to swap skills.
This means that if you have volunteered to be Mistress MJ’s cocktail waitress, for example, that one of our other bitches may ask for your services for the day.
Perhaps one of you bitches is gagging for a foot massage. Just call Mago!
Here, so far, is the list of skills on offer :
PONITA: Private nurse.
KAZ: Cocktail shaker.
KEVIN: Right hand man and Overseer/Supervisor.
SCARLET: Front end of a pantomime cow.
BEAST: Arse end of a pantomime cow.
SAVANNAH: Driver … with getaway skills.
HEFF: Hair removal expert.
PEEVISH: Saucy secretary in charge of outside correspondence… DICKtation a specialty!
EROS: Alibi when The Law comes lookin’.
FENG: Prime Minister of Anal Foreplay and Foreign Affairs.
JASON: Furniture Fairy, i.e. ultra faggy decorator.
CYBERPETE: Cocktail waitress.
XL: Official Pillow Fluffer.
MAGO: Foot masseur.
MEAN DIRTY PIRATE (aka Ayem8y): Ambassador for Special Sexual Needs. We have not worked out the details of Mean Dirty Pirate’s job title but we have ascertained that it will involve organizing The Special Sexual Olympics. AND he is already asking for an assistant. What a diva!
BITCHES: You are instructed to decide which of the above skills would be most beneficial to you, and tell us why. Whomever holds those special skills will be yours for the day!
This is your opportunity to spread your talent around…
So long as you are available when Mistress MJ snaps her fingers, of course.
Anything you say, Mistress MJ
If I take the cocktail shaker and waiter plus the furniture fairy, I may open a bar.
ReplyDeleteThrow in the hair remover, foot masseur, pillow fluffer, and anal affairs minister, and I can open a spa!
I am the Macabre Magician
ReplyDeleteI make people disappear - permanently.
Miss Scarlet, in the Lounge, with a Wrench!
ReplyDeleteWhat's that Kaz offering - cockatoo shaking? - our neighbour's got a cockatoo that's driving me mad, I could use her.
ReplyDeleteAnd the front end of a pantomime cow could be a stand-in for our doorman when he goes on holiday - send Scarlet over
damn, i need a handyman! xoxox
ReplyDeleteNo one yet has claimed this skill set but sometimes I’m possessed and channel the future, a Soothsayer. Occasionally making dire predictions and gloomy forecasts especially when drunk and I’ve taken too many pills and acid.
ReplyDeleteMost predictions come true once I eventually commit them!
Remember I can channel your mother-in-law and that husband that presumably went missing.
Or I could always be Furniture Fairy as that is my real occupation and can do it in my sleep and sometimes do...
Either job is fine.
I suppose now that I’ve been demoted to Official Cum Guzzling Gutter Slut
Right so I leave for a day or two and someone robs my position of foot massager?
ReplyDeleteHow about Camel Toe Caretaker?
I'm confused. I thought we usually came to Mistress MJ's place to swap spit, not skills!
ReplyDeleteEROS: If I take the cocktail shaker and waiter plus the furniture fairy, I may open a bar.
ReplyDeleteThrow in the hair remover, foot masseur, pillow fluffer, and anal affairs minister, and I can open a spa!
You are truly a Renaissance man, Eros.
DAMIEN: I am the Macabre Magician
I make people disappear - permanently.
Egad! Are you responsible for the disappearance of our friend BEAST?
XL: Miss Scarlet, in the Lounge, with a Wrench!
Do you need your nuts tightened?
LULU: What's that Kaz offering - cockatoo shaking? - our neighbour's got a cockatoo that's driving me mad, I could use her.
And the front end of a pantomime cow could be a stand-in for our doorman when he goes on holiday - send Scarlet over
KAZ shortened it to “cock shaking” whatever that means.
As for MISS SCARLET’S turn as a pantomime cow doorman, is it union scale?
SAVANNAH: damn, i need a handyman!
ReplyDeleteIs your plumbing backed up?
Do you need a drain declogged?
AYEM8Y: No one yet has claimed this skill set but sometimes I’m possessed and channel the future, a Soothsayer. Occasionally making dire predictions and gloomy forecasts especially when drunk and I’ve taken too many pills and acid.
Most predictions come true once I eventually commit them!
Remember I can channel your mother-in-law and that husband that presumably went missing.
Or I could always be Furniture Fairy as that is my real occupation and can do it in my sleep and sometimes do...
Either job is fine.
I suppose now that I’ve been demoted to Official Cum Guzzling Gutter Slut
Official Cum Guzzling Gutter Slut?
That has a nice ring to it!
Soothsayer is a possibility but MISS SCARLET was doing tarot readings or some such over at her blog so there may be a conflict there. I’ll have a word with her.
If we awarded you the position of Furniture Fairy, JASON would be on you like a rash. Imagine the bitch fight that would ensue! Swatches of fabric flying around the room and paint chips scattered hither and yon!
Mistress MJ knew that placing you would be difficult as you are, after all, a troublemaking Mean Dirty Pirate.
Together we shall work this through.
MAXI: Right so I leave for a day or two and someone robs my position of foot massager?
How about Camel Toe Caretaker?
How about managing the moose knuckles of the Houseboys?
TJB: I'm confused. I thought we usually came to Mistress MJ's place to swap spit, not skills!
Mistress MJ is in a rare, giving mood. Thus the radical departure.
We wonder if you have read Mistress MJ’s response to Mean Dirty Pirate in Wednesday’s post where she asks him to obtain a photo of your lovely, pert little behind.
Need a Wet Boy?
ReplyDeleteThe Secret Service agents who make problems go away are called Wet Boys.
I've always wanted to have Wet Boy on my Business Card..along with Eisenhower's title of Supreme Allied Commander, that has a nice ring to it.
DONN: Need a Wet Boy?
ReplyDeleteThe Secret Service agents who make problems go away are called Wet Boys.
I've always wanted to have Wet Boy on my Business Card..along with Eisenhower's title of Supreme Allied Commander, that has a nice ring to it.
Mistress MJ would like to see you in a wet t-shirt paired with wet boxer shorts.
Is that the same thing?
You're too prolific a blogger for me to catch up, but I'll willingly trade on my fingering versatility on an ebony board for a dentist at the moment.
ReplyDeleteISTVANSKI: You're too prolific a blogger for me to catch up, but I'll willingly trade on my fingering versatility on an ebony board for a dentist at the moment.
ReplyDeleteHow are you on an emery board?
Mistress MJ has chipped a nail.
And don’t ALL Brits need dental work?
I'll go with Peevish. I need some dicktation.
ReplyDeleteHEFF: I'll go with Peevish. I need some dicktation.
ReplyDeleteShorthand or longhand?
Well obviously I shall need Pete to deliver the cocktails and do all that shimmying stuff! We'll make a great team.
ReplyDeleteBut for me - some faggy decorating from Jason will be the answer to my prayers.
I'm ready for kitsch heaven or minimalist paradise.
Since Kaz already asked for me, I'd shimmy and shake for her. I myself will pick Mean Dirrty Pirate for obvious reasons.
ReplyDeleteWhat, pray tell, are you instructing ayem8y to do to me in order to seal the deal?
ReplyDeleteKAZ: Well obviously I shall need Pete to deliver the cocktails and do all that shimmying stuff! We'll make a great team.
ReplyDeleteBut for me - some faggy decorating from Jason will be the answer to my prayers.
I'm ready for kitsch heaven or minimalist paradise.
CyberPoof has already laid claim to the cocktail waitress outfit with matching pumps.
You’ll have to buy your own ensemble.
PAGING JASON THE FURNITURE FAIRY! DESIGN CRISIS IN AISLE 4!
CYBERPOOF: Since Kaz already asked for me, I'd shimmy and shake for her. I myself will pick Mean Dirrty Pirate for obvious reasons.
Other than Mistress MJ, only the likes of KAZ could appreciate your good taste in footwear.
Do you realize that you’ll be forced to hand wash, fold and iron MEAN DIRTY PIRATE'S butt bras in return for his services?
TJB: What, pray tell, are you instructing ayem8y to do to me in order to seal the deal?
How about an AYEM8Y/TJB/JASON Spamwich?
With you as the filling?
Not a problem. None at all
ReplyDeleteSorry it's a little late, but I too would like to offer services.
ReplyDeleteIf it were to involve cleavage, I would be even more honoured, but if not I'm sure that I can still perform a useful task or two...
CYBERPOOF: Not a problem. None at all
ReplyDeleteDon’t forget that when you’re finished with MEAN DIRTY PIRATE’S butt bras, you can launder my smalls.
ELY: Sorry it's a little late, but I too would like to offer services.
If it were to involve cleavage, I would be even more honoured, but if not I'm sure that I can still perform a useful task or two...
You’ll need to remove that helmet, for starters.
I was here yesterday, here today, and am very impressed with the incredible range of services.
ReplyDeleteI am a pharmaceuticals specialist--I am unerringly successful at creating elegant pairings of alcohol and psychopharmaceuticals.
And I could definitely use a Wet Boy!
You already know what is under the helmet, MJ...
ReplyDeleteIt's the not so reserved version of this...
LEAH: I was here yesterday, here today, and am very impressed with the incredible range of services.
ReplyDeleteI am a pharmaceuticals specialist--I am unerringly successful at creating elegant pairings of alcohol and psychopharmaceuticals.
And I could definitely use a Wet Boy!
Mix Mistress MJ a psychopharmaceutical slinger at once!
There’s more pics of Alan Rickman in it for you!
And 24/7 access to DONN the wet boy!
ELY: You already know what is under the helmet, MJ...
It's the not so reserved version of this...
Why Mr. Gubbins! Could it be that?...
No, I told you I'd shimmy and shake my bootay whilst serving you cocktails.
ReplyDeleteI'm not your laundrette.
CYBERPOOF: No, I told you I'd shimmy and shake my bootay whilst serving you cocktails.
ReplyDeleteI'm not your laundrette.
Ooooo…look who’s got his butt bra in a knot.
I didn't any offer any services, so I guess I get stuck with the polishing the silver... again.
ReplyDeleteBOXER: I didn't any offer any services, so I guess I get stuck with the polishing the silver... again.
ReplyDeleteOr you could polish Old Knudsen’s knob.
bwahahaha - you know what I almost said?
ReplyDeletecan I have Old K to polish off??
MJ - Well, Jason was in a dream I had the other night. Of course, so was Liza Minnelli.
ReplyDeleteBOXER: bwahahaha - you know what I almost said?
ReplyDeletecan I have Old K to polish off??
Save his cap for me.
TJB: MJ - Well, Jason was in a dream I had the other night. Of course, so was Liza Minnelli.
Which one was in the Halston halter-mini?
Jason?
Or Liza?
Liza was in the halter. Jason was in the harness.
ReplyDeletei am late, again .. but can i ice your cupcakes?
ReplyDeleteTJB: Liza was in the halter. Jason was in the harness.
ReplyDeleteAnd TJB was in the saddle!
CARNALIS: i am late, again .. but can i ice your cupcakes?
You can ice my cupcakes AND lick my bowl!