Sunday, April 19, 2009

Rehab Reality TV

Mistress MJ getting her 15 minutes of fame

We know we said we wouldn’t post for several months but the rehab centre wants the free P.R. on this one.

As you can see in the photo above, a film crew has been sent to document Mistress MJ’s harrowing journey to sobriety in a new reality TV show.

Here’s a sneak preview as we watch a devoted Infomaniac bitch attempting to smuggle booze and pills into Mistress MJ’s private room…

Any other ideas for captivating plot lines?

They’re going to need extras on the set so if you think there’s a role that you could play, let us know.

Oh, and don’t expect another update for a long time.

*adds ‘blogging’ to list of addictions that need treatment*

Acknowledgement: Special thanks to Mistress MJ’s Official Pillow Fluffer and Blogger Troubleshooter, XL, who solved my wonky italicized comments problems.



  1. I can play Addicted to Prescription Tranquilizers quite handily.

  2. Well, seeing as how I am a real nurse, I am sure I could be cast as a rehab hospital staff member.... maybe even the head nurse!

    And just how did XL fix your italicized issues????

    Is Scarlet there too? I seem to remember something about an addiction to cream eggs or something, and now that she has closed down shop too, I'm just trying to figure out if she's your roomie in rehab.

  3. HELLO BITCHES: Mistress MJ is surprised yet pleased to see that someone has shown up after I vowed not to return for a long time.

    LEAH: Describe your symptoms.

    They have to look good for the cameras.

    PONITA: Are you playing the Nurse Ratched role from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest'?

    XL will explain if you offer him sweets.

    Speaking of sweets, I'll see if Miss Scarlet is having her stomach pumped for cream egg overdose.

  4. I suppose I could play Nurse Ratched, but I prefer to be a little nicer than that. I'd have to polish my acting skills for that role.

    Tell XL I have Cadbury micro mini eggs on my desk right at this moment... and I just might share with him if he will share with me! ;-)

    Even just one cream egg gives me an overdose... bleurgh!

  5. I can be disoriented with good hair.

    Also relaxed clothing coverage.

  6. PONITA: How are you at polishing knobs?

    LEAH: Are you saying my hair's a mess?

    Well? ARE you?

    Relaxed clothing coverage eh?

    I'll get you one of those open-backed hospital gowns.

  7. typng wif noz,strait jackit

    o hi ponita

  8. XL: You have claws.

    For gawds sake use them!

  9. that looks suprisingly like neely o'hara!

  10. if you have facebook, you could see my clip of neely o'hara singing...

  11. LARRY: Why don’t you recreate that moment for us here?

    I’m sure you can imitate the vocal stylings of Miss O’Hara yourself.

    No. Scratch that.

    I want to see you down on your knees (we KNOW you’re good at THAT, Larry) performing the melodramatic final scene in the theatre alley, shouting “NEELY O’HARA!”

    And don’t get me started on the wig-pulling, bitch.

  12. this is where she is singing for the disease marathon...

  13. LARRY: Alas, I’m not on Facebook.

    But tell you what…

    Let’s recreate that magical moment when Neely starts singing Come Live With Me in the nuthouse.

    Suddenly, a man in a wheelchair appears, and joins in the song.

    It’s Tony Polar!

    Let’s you and I be Neely and Tony, Larry, and we’ll sing that duet!

    All we need now is a piano and sax player.

    And remember…you have to pass out at the end of the duet.

  14. i'm passing out! time for bed! sleep tight...

  15. All we need now is a ... sax playerSend out a search party for Miss Scarlet. She plays sax!

  16. LARRY: Gimme those sleeping pills!

    XL: GAH!

    The return of the wonky formatted comment!

  17. GAH!

    I wasn't intentionally being a smart ass on that last comment's format. It looked OK in preview, then went wonky when posted!

  18. Obviously XL doesn't have all the kinks worked out...

    And whose knob am I supposed to be polishing, MJ???

  19. Geez, I forgot my manners...

    Oh Hai XL!

  20. Reality Shows Rock! Can I be the "friend" that sneaks the scnizz (and that includes laptops) into family group?

  21. Obviously XL doesn't have all the kinks worked out
    Is too kinky!

    Oh Hai Ponita!

  22. Or, if one prefers...

    Obviously XL doesn't have all the kinks worked out

    Is too kinky!

    Oh Hai Ponita!

  23. Show off!

    sticks tongue out at XLAre you saying you like kinky then, XL????

  24. Crap! I even did shift and enter to get the spacings and it didn't work... blogger is all fucked up I think.

    Oh well... I am off to bed as it is way late and I have been up for 21 hours already. I am almost seeing double... =\

  25. Maybe it's time for reverend mago to drop by with his special bible, the carved out edition.

  26. I'll be there for sure. I'd probably be best as alcoholic ex boyfriend of Josh Duhamel # 2

    But I could also stand in as nurse of cute addicted to sex guy # 1

  27. @ Ponita's "Are you saying you like kinky then, XL????"

    Uh, why, what have you heard?

  28. mj - Are you are giving birth in the top photo.
    Why didn't you just come out with it and tell us the truth?

  29. Christ, it looks like Shock Corridor. You've got to get out of there and quick!

  30. PONITA: Polish the knob of your choice!

    BOXER: You sneak the scnizz and Old Knudsen will sneak the jizz.

    XL: Kinky kitteh.

    MAGO: Reverend Mago with his carved-out Bible?

    Would you consider playing the role of a priest instead?

    (It’s dirtier if it’s Catholic).

    CYBERPOOF: You would be PERFECT as nurse of cute addicted to sex guy # 1.

    Tell us more about your character and what he gets up to.

    KAZ: You know I’d rather shoot myself in the foot than give birth.

    Unless…is it possible that you’re all members of a Satanic cult like in ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ and I’m carrying the spawn of Satan?

    GEOFF: Shock Corridor it is and we’re all criminally insane!

  31. He secretly supplies cute addicted to sex guy # 1 with exactly what he needs.

    He is always up for a good time. All cheek and cash up front.

  32. Oh this is fabulous! You'll be a star LIKE ME! And we can be the new Hilton/Ritcie friends/foes as we bear witness to your endless struggles for sobriety/fall aparts and sinkings back into a boozey pill hell gives ample sequels to your rehab reality nightmare!

  33. *Not that I'm not totally worried about your well being and health,mind*

  34. CYBERPOOF: He secretly supplies cute addicted to sex guy # 1 with exactly what he needs.
    A mobile phone to call a sex chat line?

    UBERMOUTH: The new Hilton/Richie friends?

    As long as we’re not the new Hilton Sisters.

  35. All this fuss and nonsense
    Just take up knitting and al will be well

  36. BEAST: Don’t you remember what happened when we last took up knitting?

  37. As a young "Edelmensch" I thought about conversion, joining an order and becoming a monk and a priest, preferably ordo Sct.Francisci or Sct.Dominici. Today I'd prefer "Augustiner Chorherren", they have better cuisine and don't take the idea of poverty too serious ... let me be your good sheperd, my little lamb ...

  38. I want to play the shrink that leads the group sessions. I'll show up tanked, and cry during all the stories.

  39. I was all set to kill the fatted calf because the prodigal daughter had returned and now you're going to bugger off again?

    I've granted a stay of execution for the calf until you come to your senses.

    Sheesh kapeesh!

  40. MAGO: *bleats*

    HOODCHICK: How about a group grope?

    DONN: I feel another post coming on.

  41. KNUDSEN: What's that?

    I can't read your handwriting.

  42. I'd like to play the one of the orderlies, particularly if it involves searching rooms for contraband and making sure the inmat--er, patients don't get a hold of sharp objects.

  43. EROS: I'd like to play the one of the orderlies, particularly if it involves searching rooms for contraband and making sure the inmat--er, patients don't get a hold of sharp objects.

    How about cavity searches?