Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Out on a Day Pass

Mistress MJ has been released from rehab on a day pass.

First stop? The pub...


Do you have a problem with that?


But what they don’t know at the rehab centre is that I’m never going back!

So, bitches, on my first day of freedom … where should I go and what should I do?


48 comments:

  1. Thank God I'm not first.

    As for what you should do, perhaps you should go buy some special wristlets for your certain carpal tunnel syndrome...

    With those strapped on, you need never deny your blogging addiction again...

    And I should know...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Go to the next restaurant and eat something good.
    Have a good wine.
    Skip the benzedrine.
    Sleep.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, darlin' - after all you've been through, you need to follow in the footsteps of Dawn Davenport and get yourself down to the Lipstick Beauty Salon for a total glamour makeover.

    Just remember: the higher the hair, the closer to God.

    ReplyDelete
  4. XL: 1st!

    You’ve made Leah a happy woman.


    LEAH: Thank God I'm not first.
    As for what you should do, perhaps you should go buy some special wristlets for your certain carpal tunnel syndrome...
    With those strapped on, you need never deny your blogging addiction again...
    And I should know...


    I’m sure that Old Knudsen has those and refers to them as Wanking Wristlets.



    MAGO: Go to the next restaurant and eat something good.
    Have a good wine.
    Skip the benzedrine.
    Sleep.


    I’ve had 2 glasses of wine already.

    Sleep? What‘s that?



    MUSCATO: Oh, darlin' - after all you've been through, you need to follow in the footsteps of Dawn Davenport and get yourself down to the Lipstick Beauty Salon for a total glamour makeover.
    Just remember: the higher the hair, the closer to God.


    I’ll slip into my cha-cha heels and hurry down there right now!

    Don’t be jealous when I tell you this but I have a can of Aqua Net Hairspray autographed by John Waters.

    ReplyDelete
  5. A Snuggie.

    You need a Snuggie.

    ReplyDelete
  6. How about a shower? I'm not sure if they have those at rehab.

    Then maybe a clothing store. The straight jacket only looks good on second rate magicians.

    And stop off at the liquor store to stock up; that way, you don't need to leave the house to get a drink! Hell, you don't even need clothes to drink in your own home!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Go to Las Vegas and take a ride in the rollercoasters on New York New York and The Stratosphere.

    Then spend the rest of the day with the 5 dollar sluts, oh I mean slots.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Come wayyyyyyy north and go skiing or dog sledding or just plain drinking with us - you'd fit right in with this crowd up here!

    I'd love to road trip with ya (or someone else!) too though - I've thought about a cross-Canada bike tour....

    Thoughts?

    ReplyDelete
  9. "So, bitches, on my first day of freedom … where should I go and what should I do?"

    The vet?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Boxer's Snuggie brought me to this place:

    http://www.infomercial-hell.com/blog/2008/09/16/snuggie-blanket-with-sleeves-another-candidate-for-the-stupid-products-hall-of-fame/

    And see, there are even BETTER products!

    ReplyDelete
  11. You could join a snuggie-pub-crawl ...

    ReplyDelete
  12. XL: Critique the poetry of Robert Burns!

    I clicked on your link and realize (ACHHHH!) that you’re trying to get me to say that Burn’s poetry is shite.



    BOXER: A Snuggie.
    You need a Snuggie.


    How about a snuggle instead?

    And we’ll let Old Knudsen watch.



    EROS: How about a shower? I'm not sure if they have those at rehab.

    Mistress MJ is a paragon of cleanliness. I think you are confusing me with that stinky Brit BEAST.

    Then maybe a clothing store. The straight jacket only looks good on second rate magicians.

    I have my eye on a lovely robe polonaise en satin de soie.

    And stop off at the liquor store to stock up; that way, you don't need to leave the house to get a drink! Hell, you don't even need clothes to drink in your own home!

    I’m off to the “Liquor Supermarket” across the border. Miles of aisles of liquid temptation.

    ReplyDelete
  13. CYBERPOOF: Go to Las Vegas and take a ride in the rollercoasters on New York New York and The Stratosphere.
    Then spend the rest of the day with the 5 dollar sluts, oh I mean slots.


    Vegas?

    Been there, done that.



    FAMULUS: Road Trip!

    Revving up my engine as we speak.



    NWT: Come wayyyyyyy north and go skiing or dog sledding or just plain drinking with us - you'd fit right in with this crowd up here!
    I'd love to road trip with ya (or someone else!) too though - I've thought about a cross-Canada bike tour....
    Thoughts?


    Is there room for one more in your igloo?

    ReplyDelete
  14. PIGGY: "So, bitches, on my first day of freedom … where should I go and what should I do?"
    The vet?


    I’ve had my shots, thank you.

    Perhaps you should book an appointment with a specialist to have your liver spots bleached.



    MAGO: Boxer's Snuggie brought me to this place:
    http://www.infomercial-hell.com/blog/2008/09/16/snuggie-blanket-with-sleeves-another-candidate-for-the-stupid-products-hall-of-fame/
    And see, there are even BETTER products!


    Why do I need a Snuggie when you could just lie on top of me?

    You could join a snuggie-pub-crawl ...

    May I remind you that YOU are the one who does the crawling…to Mistress MJ.

    ReplyDelete
  15. How about a moratorium on "Male on Male photos" for Filthy Friday ?

    ReplyDelete
  16. HEFF: No male-on-male tomorrow yet I advise you to come back on the weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ok, then try Atlantic City, Laughlin or how about Blackpool!

    Viva Blackpool!

    ReplyDelete
  18. CYBERPOOF: I’ve been to Atlantic City including the over-the-top Trump Taj Majal.

    A trip to Blackpool would mean bringing back a suitcase full of sticks of rock for PIGGY.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Sad but true, you're addictive. You'll receive the special crawl.

    ReplyDelete
  20. MAGO: In recognition of your devotion, Mistress MJ is providing you with knee pads.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Nothing wrong with a few rocks and sticks. Maybe you can deliver those in person.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Not first? no justice! I have carpal tunnel syndrome from serving in the war and it isn't a joke ya know. I didn't fight the Spaniards in Maine just to be mocked, no I did it for the killing of Spaniards.

    After yer done and need a place to pass out cum over to my villa, you can thrust me.

    ReplyDelete
  23. CYBERPOOF: Nothing wrong with a few rocks and sticks. Maybe you can deliver those in person.

    Perhaps you would like to bankroll my trip?



    KNUDSEN: Not first? no justice! I have carpal tunnel syndrome from serving in the war and it isn't a joke ya know. I didn't fight the Spaniards in Maine just to be mocked, no I did it for the killing of Spaniards.
    After yer done and need a place to pass out cum over to my villa, you can thrust me.
    I meant trust me of course.


    Mistress MJ asks you to bend over.

    You can trust her to be gentle.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Jeez, I'm away for a few days because of work and crap... and everyone is planning a trip!

    Can I come too... please? I really need a vacation... road trips are great!

    Glad you've escaped the asylum, MJ!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Nah, I am sure you have plenty of sugar daddies to do that as it is.

    I'm pretty skint

    ReplyDelete
  26. Liposuction followed by three hours on the psychiatrist's couch and then a bout of naked mud wrestling with Old Knudsen's bastard dwarf offspring.

    Either that or have a nice cup of tea and a Hobnob.

    ReplyDelete
  27. PONITA: Jeez, I'm away for a few days because of work and crap... and everyone is planning a trip!
    Can I come too... please? I really need a vacation... road trips are great!
    Glad you've escaped the asylum, MJ!


    How about we saddle up a couple of horses instead?



    CYBERPOOF: Nah, I am sure you have plenty of sugar daddies to do that as it is.
    I'm pretty skint


    Maybe if you pawned your iPhone.




    GARFY: Liposuction followed by three hours on the psychiatrist's couch and then a bout of naked mud wrestling with Old Knudsen's bastard dwarf offspring.
    Either that or have a nice cup of tea and a Hobnob.


    Damn you. You KNOW of my HobNob addiction!

    They’ll put me back in rehab if they find out about it!

    ReplyDelete
  28. What have you done with the houseboys?
    Are they still in the rehab centre?
    If not - you can bring them over to mine for a spot of spring cleaning while thee and me hit the cocktails.

    ReplyDelete
  29. KAZ: The Houseboys, The Infomaniac Dancers AND The Infomaniac Orchestra were successful in dealing with their demons.

    They are on a well-deserved vacation.

    I suppose I could spare one or two of them to do your bidding and I’ll make Mago work extra hard to make up for the staff shortage.

    Just don’t spoil them.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I came by because of what Anonymous boxer said about Knudsen's butt.
    I figured to see, well, I dunno.
    Anything from an old chair in the corner to a dumpster raider.
    Kept scrolling down the page when suddenly gay guys are flashing all over the place.
    Knudsen?
    but then the one that got me.
    True love, though I'm sure it was taken too long ago for the likes of me.
    The gal in the refridgerator.
    Now, that's sexy!
    A fine rump and probably one in the fridge, too.

    But, without a doubt, I sure didn't expect to see so much sausage.

    HA!
    Serves me right for not having an invite, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  31. BONEMAN: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    We were referring to a link I posted in Old Knudsen’s comment box.

    But since you’re desperate to see Old Knudsen’s arse, here it is!

    p.s. You don’t need an invitation.

    We do have a lot of pork sausage but there are occasional servings of rump roast and fish tacos.

    One can never tell!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Come to Brighton. All sorts of things happen on the beaches... lots of cockle but not much muscle.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  33. SCARLET: Yay! Miss Scarlet is back!

    Were you in rehab too? We didn’t see you there.

    Or were you arrested for displaying your cockles? They were well concealed, I must say.

    In any event, we’re glad you’re back.

    Can you go round to Beast’s as soon as possible and sort him out?

    He’s being most disagreeable.

    I think his ovaries are acting up again.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Can I suggest shoplifting
    Most fresh from rehab celebs endorse this method of therapy .

    I am not being disagreeable , I am being bitter
    There's a diference you know

    ReplyDelete
  35. BEAST: I suspect your malfunctioning ovaries are at the root of your bitterness.

    I suggest you book an appointment with your gynecologist immediately.

    And don’t steal any of the magazines in her waiting room on the way out.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I think Mr Beastie got his pubes caught in the velcro on his spandex catsuit.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  37. SCARLET: I think Mr Beastie got his pubes caught in the velcro on his spandex catsuit.

    Well THAT would explain his stroppiness.

    Do you suppose we should return his collection of Lurex posing pouches?

    I’m not sure I can take this attitude from him for another day.

    ReplyDelete
  38. 'air-cut. Everyone feels grand after a trim.

    ReplyDelete
  39. slap knudsen....drink gin.......repeat til bored......

    ReplyDelete
  40. EMERSON: 'air-cut. Everyone feels grand after a trim.

    Obviously you don’t recall Miss Scarlet’s bush-trimming debacle.


    MANUEL: slap knudsen....drink gin.......repeat til bored......

    Gin is the only liquor that never touches my lips.

    Make it an Irish whiskey, please, waiter.

    Slap Knudsen, you say?

    Tell you what…

    I’d love to turn the pair of ya over my knee and give you both a good smacking.

    ReplyDelete
  41. You need to go straight to Walmart and buy yourself a new bra. How old is that one you're wearing!

    ReplyDelete
  42. OOOOOO.... drink cheap american beer until you pee you striped stockings, thats always were i start when ive just recently jumped off the wagon...
    *wonders why all his striped stockings are missing*




    missed ya beeotch!!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. RANDOM: You need to go straight to Walmart and buy yourself a new bra. How old is that one you're wearing!

    Mistress MJ spends almost as much money on her lingerie as she does on her alcohol.

    And she would NEVER buy a bra from Walmart!

    That’s like buying shoes at Payless.




    VOICES: OOOOOO.... drink cheap american beer until you pee you striped stockings, thats always were i start when ive just recently jumped off the wagon...
    *wonders why all his striped stockings are missing*
    missed ya beeotch!!!


    Where the hell have YOU been?

    Did you know that Ms. Nations is on hiatus?

    Now that you’re back, I suppose I’ll have to come round later to see what trouble you’ve been getting yourself into THIS time.

    ReplyDelete
  44. You're on, girl!

    I've got Thunder saddled and bridled. I am sure I can borrow a horse for you to ride... there are lots of good ones at the barn.

    Supposed to be a warmish day tomorrow with no rain... perfect for a spring trail ride!

    Grab your boots and hat, honey...

    *tosses MJ the reins*

    ReplyDelete