I know you'll find this hard to believe but The Mistress can be critical.
I think we all agree that a little snark is a wonderful thing. But what if your attitude is petty or just plain wrong?
Allow me to give you an example.
Location: The express lane of a grocery store.
The Mistress notices that the customer in front of her has at least THIRTY items in her shopping cart. The express lane limit is TEN items.
The following brief conversation ensues:
The Mistress: (snarkily) It looks like this express lane is no longer limited to 10 or fewer items. Did they forget to change the signage?
Customer: None of the other lanes were open so this cashier said I could use the express lane.
Embarrassed by her faux pas, The Mistress feigns interest in a sale in the
[via]
It was early in the morning, there were few shoppers in the store, and the cashier was being kind by offering express lane services to the customer. Had The Mistress not jumped to the conclusion that the customer was trying to pull a fast one by sneaking into the express lane with a full cart, she could have saved herself embarrassment.
The above scenario illustrates The Mistress's tendency to open her mouth before thinking through a situation.
The Mistress has been trying to be less critical of others (with the exception of striking down anyone wearing Crocs) but unfortunately, instead of improving, she's getting worse! The more she tries to hold her tongue, the more she can't resist opening her mouth and saying something she may regret.
How can The Mistress be more tactful in situations of all sorts? Your suggestions are welcome.
earlier this year, i found myself in the inner city market that i usually buy my saturday powerball ticket at. i reached into my pocket and discovered i had no money, no wallet, nothing. moments before, a hideous man had brushed by me & in that horror filled moment, i thought i'd been pick-pocketed. i started yelling, making a scene. i even called 911 (my first time ever) but thought better of having a cop come & visit me. after doing quite an actor's studio audition, i took a breath & zoomed home. though quite rare, it was a day when i had been running late & left the house without cash or wallet & had had no reason notice until powerball time arrived. though humiliated, i got back in the car, went back into that market & found every person i'd screamed at and talked to. i apologized up & down & mea culpa-ed myself blue in the face. everyone just laughed it off. i was now one of the plethora of freaks that visit that store. i continue to shop there and always hold my head high.
ReplyDeletetelling people that you're an asshole
is quite freeing and they seem to love it!
NORMA: And the Oscar goes to Miss Normadesmond!
DeleteJames Lipton would have applauded your performance.
The Mistress applauds the chutzpah it took for you to apologize in the face of humiliation.
Thankfully, your audience loved you for it!
does this mean i have to thank the little people?
DeleteNORMA: Yes, all those you had to step on to get where you are today.
DeleteI refuse to believe that The Mistress is anything but polite at all times!
ReplyDeleteLX: Note to those considering slipping illegally into Canada…
DeleteIf you say “sorry” a lot, everyone will think you’re one of us.
Welcome to the Foot in Mouth Club.
ReplyDeleteDINAHMOW: It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
DeleteI find gaffer taping my mouth shur before leaving the house helps remarkably....
ReplyDeletePRINNY: Gaffer tape: is there anything it can’t do?
Delete"The more she tries to hold her tongue, the more she can't resist " It's called getting old dear.
ReplyDeleteMISTRESS MADDIE: Perhaps you’re right.
Delete*returns to incontinence aisle*
*purchases "Get Off My Lawn!" sign on the way out.
Remember the express line fiasco the next time the need to snark arises.
ReplyDeleteJEFFERY: Good advice!
DeleteAnd I’m hoping I never run into that customer again lest she give me the stink eye. Unfortunately, like Norma, it happened in a store that I often frequent.
It's a natural, normal progression. The more we mature, the more freely we speak and call out people. We ain't got time to waste on stupidity and jerks. I call it the Golden Girls syndrome, when age and experience has given you the insight and right not to give a damn.
ReplyDeleteI was raised to say nothing if I had nothing nice to say. But my tongue is faster than my sense of decorum, and I've a twisted, wicked sense of humor that takes things a bit outside acceptable, polite, proper society. And I've unintentionally offended people.
A friend dragged me to a baby shower for her work friend. I didn't know this work friend. And I mistook the hostess as the work friend, congratulating her on her pregnancy, asking when she was due. The hostess looked stunned. Turns out, she wasn't the work friend. She wasn't pregnant, just fat. I apologized.
I also apologized when I realized that the older mustachioed, monobrowed man I had been addressing as "Sir" for the first five minutes at a BBQ was actually a deep voiced, obese, camouflaged hunting gear wearing woman with a mullet! And I wasn't the only one to mistake her for a man!
DeleteHere is how I handle these commonly occurring situations:
I deal with faux pas by apologizing sincerely if I've unintentionally offended anyone. If I've misread the situation and put my foot in my mouth, I redirect and focus on something positive. In your case, I'd've praised the cashier for being so helpful and cite that helpfulness as a reason you enjoy shopping at this store.
In the South, the ubiquitous use of the phrase "Bless his [her, their] heart[s]" covers a multitude of sins and dresses up an insult into a polite, accepted form of critique and concern. Southerners like to appear civil when sniping at each other.
When having to correct/address a fault/mistake someone made, I use a compliment sandwich: Begin with praising the person on something they're doing great. Then tell them what you noticed could be improved, offering alternatives. Then end by praising them for some positive trait or other skill they posses. And if all else fails, just shake it off and move on. What's done is done and over with. Can't change the past. So keep moving forward.
EROS: May I take you shopping with me next time?
Delete"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." - Lily Tomlin
ReplyDeleteJx
JON: I love a good whinge, me.
DeleteIf as Norma did so well, I apologized for every time I was a complete a-hole, that is all I'd ever have time to say.
ReplyDeleteCome to think of it, that would probably serve to keep me out of trouble.
CARLNEPA: Could someone please teach your so-called President to apologize?
DeleteDon't you have those self service checkouts where you are? They're such a boon. Expensive loose Medjool dates can be put through as bananas for 59p.
ReplyDeleteI feel your shame. On our return home from the airport, we needed some milk so I got the maid to drop me off at Morrison's supermarket, I told her to stay and wait in the drop off point as I'll only be a couple of ticks, I returned a few minutes later, plonked myself in the car and said in an authoritative voice not unlike Mary Poppins 'come along chop-chop, home!' soon after I said it, I noticed a bejewelled tissue box on the dash board, I looked up and saw an Indian man in his 50s wearing a turban with two adult children sat on the back seats. Oh, I'm ever so sorry, I said, I've got into the wrong car. At least they had the courtesy to wait until I had shut the car door before guffawing. Oh the shame.
MITZI: Yes, we do have those self-checkouts but I’m thick when it comes to operating the simplest of machines. It’s my secret shame.
DeleteI hope you tipped the Indian man a few tuppence for his time. Ask yourself, “What would Mary Poppins do?”
p.s. Welcome back!
I'm another who has to tape myself up with gaffer tape. Seriously, I am a creature of extremes, I am usually quiet and polite.... but if I complain, or shut out about something then every other word begins with 'f' or 'c'. At least you didn't do that! It shocks people because I seem so quiet and sweet.... but I have an inner fish wife.
ReplyDeleteSx
MISS SCARLET: I use the f and c words silently as cartoon dialogue balloons, floating above my head.
DeleteAnd yes, I AM shocked, Miss Scarlet. I think we ALL are.
I'm having the vapors at Miss Scarlet's revelation as we speak!
DeleteLX: Well, you know what they say...
DeleteIt's always the quiet ones.
Thankfully I can think before I type on the Internet and can cover my Tourette's.
DeleteSx
Hmmm! I'm firmly in the snarky category now that it's Orange President approved. I've become comfortable telling people to Fuck Off. Occasionally I've flipped someone the bird only to encounter them later, like at the DMV or say a job interview. Chalk it up to rambunctiousness. In the Florida panhandle it's assumed we all carry guns so I haven't run into any problems...yet. Although your grocery store does remind me that I have to avoid a certain cashier because I once told her to DRINK MY PISS!
ReplyDeleteHope that's helpful,
Whew, I feel better
AYEM8Y: I feel purged.
Deletea snappy cashier would've
Deleteordered you to aisle 7 for a mixer.