Peenee’s Penpals

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Respond in the comments box if you would like to be Mr. Peenee’s penpal.

All Dogs Go to Heaven

The “prettiest ballerina in the world”…yes, I’m talking about kabuki zero, is in mourning.

Kabuki’s four-footed friend Elmo died last night in kabuki’s kimono-clad arms.

We’re sure you would agree that little Elmo died in the arms of an angel.

We know that many of you have pussies and bitches of your own and understand kabuki’s loss.

Note: Obviously that is not Elmo’s collar in the photo. Kabuki is much more stylish than that.

Gay Homes

[via]

Click pic to enlarge...

Gay homes need Gay(e) Males.

Gardening With Mr. Mutley

Before we get started, a reminder to submit photos of your garden for our upcoming gardening photos event in August. Click here to see last year’s submissions.

Right. Where were we? Oh yes.

Long-time Infomaniac Bitches will fondly remember our bloggy friend Mutley the Dog (aka Rob Chambers.) …

Sadly, Mr. Mutley shuffled off to that Great Allotment in the Sky back in 2010.

Luckily for us, his memory lives on through his lovely partner Kate (aka Merry Weather.)

Last week, on the second anniversary of his death, Kate posted this beautiful “first rose of summer in my garden” for her beloved Rob…

It’s no secret that Mr. Mutley was a passionate gardener and loved puttering about in his allotment.

And it’s with that thought in mind that we here at Infomaniac are republishing a post from one of Mr. Mutley’s old blogs.

We hope you enjoy reading it.

Allotmenting! by Mutley the Dog

With the passing of the yard deep snow and the end of the gale force winds it has been my week to re-start the allotment. I mainly grow vegetables and a few flowers to cut for the pot as they say. A giant mechanised man holds the allotment on my left. He can replace his normal 'human hands' with garden tools with a few swift moves and some terrifying crunching noises. On my right is a 'Fuss Beast' a rare delight - a flurry of pink lace, taffeta and silk carrying no less than seventeen parasols in its multitudinous arms. In front of me is a very ancient man - a reincarnation apparently. And on the last side Billy the Kid - a cowboy six shooter holds his plot. Billy likes to bring unfeasibly large farm machines onto his plot and dug the whole thing in 11 seconds. Mechanical man managed to clear the whole lot as well - unfortunately including his asparagus bed, in 13 seconds, but the Fuss Beast spent the entire day worrying and only pulled up a small clump of talking couch grass - Devon's dreadful genetic mistake.

As I watched this the reincarnation came over and said in perfect English - "Looks like rain". How odd.

I decided it was best to ignore all this showing off and instead concentrate on getting my own patch ready. I wanted to plant cheese and beans on toast, poached eggs, mixed kinds of soup, noodles, pasta and chocolate. It would supplement my lard based diet admirably. However, my 'companion' - ahem - pointed out that none of these things actually are possible to grow on a British allotment. Instead I am growing tar macadam, cement, wood and aluminium to trade for the desirable food items. Allotments are great!"

I also noticed the wildlife we are already attracting including bears, wolves and sea monsters.

---------------------------------------------------

Thank you, Kate, for kindly allowing Mistress MJ to post the photo of your rose and to take the time to reminisce with me about Mr. Mutley.

Of course no post about Mr. Mutley would be complete without a nekkid lady, so here you go. This is for you, Mr. Mutley, wherever you are…

[via]

We miss you.

And don’t forget to submit your garden photos, Bitches!

The Plaid Room Renovations

You’re all familiar with The Plaid Room, aren’t you?

Good. Because we’ve added a few subtle touches of tartan…

Click pic to enlarge...

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Of course, The Plaid Room wouldn't be complete without...

Get Moving, Bitches!

Mistress MJ recommends that everyone get a little exercise today.

Let’s look in on the Infomaniac Gymnasium, shall we?

It appears that the Infomaniac Drinking Team got Mistress MJ’s memo.

Everyone Into the Therapy Pool!

Meanwhile, back at the Infomaniac Villa of Queens Old Homosexuals' Haven Retirement Home, in the Therapy Pool…

(click pic to embigulate)


Deck chairs and towels available from Miss Normadesmond…

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Meanwhile, Back at the Infomaniac Villa of Queens Old Homosexuals' Haven Retirement Home…

Are you an aging homosexualist?

Reserve a room TODAY at the Infomaniac Villa of Queens Old Homosexuals' Haven Retirement Home.

All your friends are here, Bitches!

Fare Thee Well (Done Fillet) Manuel

We are gathered here to bid farewell to Belfast’s finest waiter (and recovering Goth,) Manuel…an Infomaniac Bitch since 2007 and creator of Well Done Fillet.

Take a good look at this arse…

This is the arse that saved Infomaniac.

That’s right.

Mistress MJ lost her blogging mojo way back when and was ready to throw in the towel.

And then I received this message from Manuel…

“What the fuckity fuck is this? I'll send an arse picture if you come back.......honest I will.”

And because of Manuel’s arse, Mistress MJ is still with you today.

Get down on your knees and thank him, Bitches.

But now Manuel has lost his mojo and is calling it a day.

So who is Manuel? (for those of you who haven't met him.)

In his own words, “Manuel exposed the psychotic tendencies of chefs, the petty foibles and rudeness of restaurant diners and the heroic undertakings of those magnificent bastards, the Waiters. He also whinged, a lot.”

We here at Infomaniac will miss you and we hope you write that book.

Thanks for all the laughs, Manuel.

Bitches: Remember to tip the waiter.

Norma's Autobiography

The autobiography of Miss Normadesmond…

[via Zenfancy]

Where is kabuki?

Is kabuki ashamed of what he did at his birthday party?

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Kabuki Birthday Party Aftermath

kabuki zero said, “Apparently we can only discuss kabuki's birthday the one day. oh damn.”

Mistress MJ is under court order not to breathe a word about kabuki's birthday party…

Draw your own conclusions about what happened that night, Bitches.

Quilting Queen

Princess shows off another one of her quilts…

He's Back!

Click here.

Note: Please refer to him from now on as Burt Weston. He killed himself to be born again.

Beauty and the Beast

Happy birthday to kabuki zero; our beauty…

And happy birthday to Mr. Beastie; our beast…

How is it possible these two were born on the same day?

Bitch on a Break

[via]

Mistress MJ will return after a brief hiatus.

Norma's Dental Issues

What they’re saying about Normadesmond...

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It’s a shame about that dry socket of hers.

It's Monday

Back to the grind...

Once again, we have Cookie to thank for Monday’s photo submission.

Of Mothers and Muscato

Happy Mother’s Day…

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…to all the rest of you, that is.

*sobs into pillow*

On a more uplifting note, today is Muscato’s birthday!

An honour he shares with the late Bea Arthur…

In honour of Mother’s Day, Muscato’s birthday, and missing Bea Arthur, let’s drag out our Golden Girls Nesting Dolls once again, shall we?...

Tea, anyone?

Girls Gone Wild

The door swings open on another wacky weekend full of amusing antics with the Infomaniac Drinking Team…

Get Your Tits Out!

Mistress MJ is ready for the weekend…

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Will the Infomaniac Drinking Team be joining me?

Filthy Friday

Thanks to Cookie for this week’s Filthy Friday submission.

(click to enlarge)

"I don't know what offends me more" (says Cookie) - "that his sheets don't match, or that he's eating in bed. Who keeps "salt" on the bed side table?"

Broken Down Bitches (Part Two)

Yesterday we covered your physical health.

Today we turn to your tenuous mental health.

It has come to Mistress MJ’s attention that Infomaniac Bitch Hayward believes he needs therapy.

This leads Mistress MJ to wonder how the rest of you are getting on in the mental health department.

Are you finding what you need? Try aisle four. Or just follow Wally over to the prescription meds counter...

[via]

A few years ago, Mistress MJ asked you to name the five simple things a day that you do to stay sane.

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Since so many new Bitches have joined us since then, let’s do it again, shall we?

What are the five simple things a day that you do to stay sane?

Broken Down Bitches

Norma’s got dry socket and Cookie’s feeling phlegmish.

How are the rest of you Bitches doing?

Does Mistress MJ need to send you to the Infomaniac Medical Clinic?

Titty Tuesday Meets Wenis Wednesday

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Happy Hour

Featuring Miss Normadesmond...

[source]

Gardening Hoes

Remember last year when we published your gardening photos?

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This is a reminder to take photos of your garden when it reaches its height of beauty this spring or summer.

No deadline YET.

Send your photos to Mistress MJ whenever they’re ready and we’ll do a big gardening post sometime in the summer.

The Peenee Diaries

Once again, we turn another page in The Peenee Diaries.

[via]

What is Mr. Peenee scribbling in his diary today?

Art Exhibition – Infomaniac Bitches Got Talent

Welcome to our art exhibition (with complimentary wine and cheese and crudités) featuring the works of twelve talented Infomaniac Bitches.

Let's get started. And remember that some images can be enlarged by clicking.

MISS SCARLET…
"I just love calligraphy... there is something quite sublime about watching fresh ink flowing from a pointed nib across virgin snow white paper.... and then having a bit of a flounce and a flourish."

Bitches: Scarlet’s calligraphy services are available simply by CLICKING HERE. After perusing her gallery, you’ll want to order something special!


WALLY…
"When I am not busy Cooking-

and Canning-

Building Furniture-

Or Covering a Floor or Wall with Strange Objects-

I enjoy to smear Paint on a Canvas"...

MISTRESS MADDIE…
"Contrary to popular belief the Mistress has more more talents then making a coke bottle disappear down my throat, pleasing the Lad, and downing gins, and well.....we'll leave the rest go. The first three pictures are some examples of my visual styling work from my day job. Everything from windows, to mannequins, to special shop designs I love working on it all. I have also recently gotten back into interior design freelancing with two jobs already lined up."

"Another of my talents was back in my drag days!!!! Many don't think of it as a talent, but the hair, make-up, and wardrobe has always brought me lots of joy, not to mention the shows! The transformation always was neat to watch. And of course the talent of boys also overlaps into this as well. I have since resigned from drag after 18 years, except for the occasional appearance."

BOXER...
"This is my shell gazing ball, made with a 10” diameter Styrofoam ball. The drab concrete pedestal that held the old gazing ball was painted a very bright turquoise (think Miami Vice.) It took 8 hours, 40 mini glue sticks and did not make a dent in the pile of shells I STILL have after nearly five years. These are shells that I bought online after a few drinkees and didn’t realize just how many shells are in a pound. I think it’s very cheery and is now occupying a previous dark corner in my yard."

KEVIN/KDNA (The Lisp)…
"Madonna has always been a source of inspiration for me. I've done several of these digital portraits, based on popular iconic images of La Reine."

MS. FIRST NATIONS...
"It's collage madness here at Rancho FirstNations! I covered one wall of my dining room in old sheet music that I tore and applied using the age and the music as shades of color. The framed thing is another collage I done did using handlaid paper, old leaves, a potato, tempera, coffee, cornstarch and hide glue."

TOPHER...

"These are Christmas stockings I needle-pointed for two of my nieces and one for a nephew. The first (with the dog) is from a kit I purchased. The stocking with the sport figures on it was one that I created, painted on canvas, stitched and sewed until the wee hours of the holiday's eve. This depicts the "3 Wisemen" as a Baseball, Football and Basketball player on the field pointing to the Christmas star. The knots in the background are meant to represent people in the stands and one of them (and I won't tell you where this person is) is giving head to a peanut vendor. The Choir Angel is one I also created. The picture isn't detailed enough, but there are tiny teensy weensy lil seed pearlettes sewn with loving care, on the sleeves."

MISS ROSES...
"Proof of my talent for drinking coffee and wafting around in the pink fluffy dressing gown. Both of which I am champion at. Shame it's not a skill which leads to economic remuneration, but hey ho. Can't have everything. Unfortunately."

MITZI...
"Flange Dynasty Vase: I made this pot with my own fair hands when I was just a nipper at junior school. The lid was inspired by something I saw poking out of an elderly gentleman's rain-mac whilst playing in the park, all the other children screamed and ran away, I stayed and gave him marks out of ten."

"Cross-stitch pictures: I made these 12 years ago, when I gave up smoking, I found it very difficult coping with the withdrawal symptoms and I needed to do something with my hands, it took the tension away but I gained 2 stone sat on my arse, sewing and eating boiled sweets all day long."

PRINCESS…
"The first photo is an old one from the "Alice in Wonderland" production which were cast shots that appeared in the programme. I made many of the costumes pictured last year for the show in December. If anyone missed the course of their production, they are welcome to visit “The Palais” and troll though the archives."

"The second one (below) is of my current work. They are of the boy and girl poppy chorus costumes for the "Wizard of Oz" which goes on in August. They were on display in the foyer of the auditorium on audition night as a preview.

I’m flat out daily with getting the costumes made. All six of the guy costumes are completed and I have six of the twenty four girl poppy outfits done which means I’m quarter the way through! YaY!"

Bitches: And that’s not ALL from the golden fingers of Princess! Visit his Stitch’n Steve blog to see his…

Handbags and totes…

Quilts…

And scarves…

CHICKORY (Ande)...
"I used to draw these raunchy cartoons back in college. I'm all tame now."

Bitches: To see more of Chickory’s folk art, drawings, paintings and illustrations, click here. And be sure to visit her Stuff You Can Buy page and her Etsy Shop.


THOM…
Bitches: Mistress MJ has taken the liberty of writing Thom’s blurb as he isn’t one to “blow his own horn” and, in my opinion he is an incredibly gifted man as you’ll find out for yourself by listening here…



Thom’s music induces a state of rapture in Mistress MJ and I’ve enjoyed hours of listening pleasure from his CD. You can experience that same elation by purchasing a CD directly from Thom. It’s cheaper than drugs and gets you just as high! Click here for his email address.

You can also purchase a download-only compilation of Thom’s music here.

And did I mention Thom’s also an accomplished photographer?

See more of Thom’s creative output on his Flickr page and visit his online shop to purchase a beautiful print.

We hope you’ll stay and mingle with our artistes.

We encourage you to become a patron of the arts and support those Bitches who market their works.

And don’t you agree that Infomaniac Bitches Got Talent?