Infomaniac: August 2009

Mistress MJ adores each one of you and there is room ~~beneath her frock~~ in her heart for all of you.

You’ve seen their arses, now read their bios!

We are gathered here today to celebrate the incredible Men of Infomaniac: those men who kiss the hem of Mistress MJ’s garment whilst at the same time spreading love, happiness and unidentified bodily fluids all over her blog.

Wondering about that funny smell? That’s what happens when they’re all gathered together here in one place.

We’ve divided them up into chronological categories by the year they became Mistress MJ’s bitches. Now let’s get started and meet them, shall we?

2006

PIGGY:

Piggy.

From Blighty.

I'm a cunt.

Correction: An adorable cunt.

I'll never worship at the feet of ANY fucking Canucks, let alone that MJ creature.

Not even if said feet have been steeped in bleach overnight.

I enjoy scratching my arse.

Not as much as I enjoy that lovely tickly feeling I get when I rub my starfish enough. It might explain why I enjoy wiping my arse so much following a really satisfying big steaming dump.

Visit Piggy at Taz and Pig.

[Ed note: My head spins when I think about how long I’ve been putting up with this whingeing wee ginger bastard’s shite.]

TAZZY:

Name: Tazzy (Martin in real life)

Age: 41 *giggles*

Marital status: Living in glorious sin with Piggy

Location: South Yorkshire, UK (for the geographically thick, it's 175 miles north of London. Sort of near Manchester/Sheffield/Leeds)

Interests: Music, DJ'ing, theme-parks

Why I love Infomaniac: Because she's a right dirty cunt and I know that if ever there was a woman that deserved to have a hidden cock under her frock, she'd be the one.

Why do I worship at her feet? : I don't. I've passed out with the stench.

My pic: *attached*

Cock size: Big enough to bring tears to the eyes.

Shoe size: 10 (that's a UK 10, which is a European 44.5 and an American 10.5)

Hand size : Big, with sausage sized fingers and a grip like a vice.

My nails are: Clean, if ever so slightly chewed.

My underpants are: Fresh on this morning with only the slightest little poo streak so far. Hardly noticeable, in fact. Still good enough for tomorrow.

Visit Tazzy at Taz and Pig.

GEOFF:

I'm 47 and live with the lovely Betty in South-East London/Kent. My interests include everything I do outside of working hours. I have impeccable taste in music, films, books and tv. And of course, football. I am West Ham United's most anti-social armchair supporter. It's me, the screen, the manager, and the team. Nurse, the screen!

I have followed MJ's every move since day one of Infomaniac, like some crazed stalker.

People's naughty bits make me blush and old men's cocks remind me of our mortality. Infomaniac is a great blog and MJ is an outstanding campaigner against the biggest evil of this century. Yes, I'm talking about the Croc.

Visit Geoff at (Contains Mild Peril).

[Ed note: Geoff has been with us since Day One. Can you imagine the damage to his psyche?]

INEXPLICABLE DEVICE (IVD):

“Ever heard the phrase 'Friend of Dorothy'? Well, meet Dorothy. As queer as they come. A fully qualified, professional, mincing machine. Complete with neurotic split personality and everything.” Actually, ignore those words from Piggy & Tazzy, this is who I am:

I'm a very reluctant witch. Well, four witches to be precise: two of the genuine article and the other two by proxy. We live in the fine city of Norwich in Norfolk, England along with a significant other (not a witch) and a Moom (also not a witch). We also enjoy a 'stab in the dark' on occasion...

Our interests include piloting Broom, getting wrapped up in fairy tales, devouring small children (as long as they're not fat - fat kids are full of cholesterol) and stalking Tim.

We worship Mistress MJ because of her uncanny ability to navigate in tornados without a single farmhouse ever landing on her. Oh, and she loathes Crocs as much as we do.

Visit IVD at Inexplicable DeVice.

TICKERSOID:

Born - 1953 Hanover, Germany. Youngest of three.
Formative years - Watford, Hertfordshire.
Fell for my first love, Jacqueline Earl. at the age of 8. I thought her beautiful. She gave me my first STD, Herpes simplex.
Educated at Queen Victoria School, Dunblane, Scotland. (yes, the place that had the school shootings but not my school) QVS is a military boarding school. They taught me how to shoot a WWII 303 Enfield rifle.
Moved to Cardiff during the early '70's. Loved the night life and have stayed in South Wales ever since.
Got married to a local psychopath in 1980 joined the steel industry and lived my wilderness years, stagnating until 2002.
Divorced at huge personal expense.
Re-emerged as a butterfly, moved to Pontypool, had the best time of my life culminating in meeting my beloved Betty Boop.
I hope to reach semi retirement next financial year and spend my remaining active days making custom vehicles.

Visit Tickers at Away With The Fairies.

KAPITANO:

At least one of the people in this photo is not me.

Ten Things About Me

* I stayed at school till age 32. But I was always a dropout.

* For the first half of puberty I was bisexual. Then my parents sent me to an all-boys school. For which I thank them greatly.

* I like East European people. But hate the food.

* I now have so many films and TV shows recorded, it would probably take the rest of my life to watch them. I haven't seen most of them yet.

* I remember the moment, when I was four years old, I realised my father was an idiot.

* Last week I invented a way to make porridge in a kettle. It works, but comes out lumpy.

* The week before I invented a way to make curried shaghetti in the kettle. It works, but also comes out lumpy.

* I have an unhealthy interest in the mental processes of crazy people.

* I find the best way to get things done is to ignore the advice of anyone who gives it without asking, and ask advice from those who don't.

* I like Infomaniac for the same reasons I like chocolate. Party because it's irresponsibly sexy, partly because it's sexily irresponsible, but mainly because I really really shouldn't.

Visit Kapitano at Kapitano.

DONN:

Hi I'm Donn
I'm a 21st Century Homo Escapeon trapped on Earth
I'm a Male, Bipedal, Mammallian, Urbaneite,
I'm currently 51, Married, 4 kids, Sagittarian & a Classic Winter!

I'm interested in Paleo-Psychology, Evolution, Politics, Pop Culture
I have a global restraining order from Monica Bellucci's legal team
My Biggest Goal in Life is to die quickly and painlessly in my sleep.

Favorite Quote: "It is absurd to judge people as good or bad. People are either charming or tedious." Oscar Wilde

My only Quote; "If you are overtly DIAGNOSTIC about Life, you will prolly DIE Agnostic!"

My 4th or 5th favorite thing in Life is Blogging.
The most common side effects of reading my blog include;

Racing thoughts, behavior problems, distraction, excessive cheerfulness, increased sexual urges, unmanageable fear, sleeplessness, irritability, anger, delusions, hyper-irreligiosity, buying sprees, worsening of tics, difficulty reaching multiple orgasms, frequent urination, reduced thinking ability, mental clarity, paranoid reactions, delusions of being persecuted, exaggerated sense of well-being and grandiose plans!

I simply adore Mistress MJ because she is hilarious, outrageous, smokin' hot, AND despite continuous threats from the CRTC of being imprisoned indefinitely in the Canadian Ladies Prison in Moosejaw, Sasquatchewan, MJ is still not-a-feared to overexpose unretouched and I can only assume rarely touched retro photographs of naughty, sagging, bits of old, unlovable, buggers who otherwise ain't gettin' any action with other live human beings.

Ya gotta love it eh?

Visit Donn at Homo Escapeons.

BEAST:

Beast with camel toe

Beast
A collosal presence with insuficient buttresses
A towering intellect with hidden shallows
A swirling maelstrom of drives and juices
A magnificent slab of prime British Beef
Beast just IS

Visit Beast at Beastliness.

OLD KNUDSEN:

My name is Soren 'old' Knudsen, you may call me The Colonel. I have served many kings and a few queens I'm ex MI6, 5, 7 and 9 also special farces, MFI and TGFI.

I enjoy bowel movements and blotting out my painful existence with drink and drugs.

I once had a painful 4 hour long erection which I varnished and sold on e-bay.

I worship MJ because she has a crack between her legs and as long as I have me cap there is a chance. Oh and she is very intelligent ,funny and caring .......... women like to hear that stuff.

I am not ginger and still have me own teeth, saving orphans, puppies and kittens is my second favourite thing to do, the first is to bring clean water and lots of food to Africa because the world needs more useless Africans.

Visit Old Knudsen at Old Bitter Balls.

2007

CYBERPETE:

Kylie Minogue attempts to break free of CyberPoof’s clutches

NATIONALITY: Danish.

OCCUPATION: Being fabulous.

LOVES: Sparkles, sequins, glitter, fairy dust, feather boas, discoballs, girly cocktails with tiny umbrellas, Kylie Minogue, The Sims, Starbucks, my iPhone, London’s Russell Square, Dynasty, gossiping, shopping, shoes, shopping for shoes, shoes. Did I mention shoes?

MOTTO: “When in doubt, apply more glitter.”

Visit CyberPete at Sayhey.

TONY:

Im a man, yes I am and I cant help but love you so
Im a man, yes I am and I cant help but love you so

To hear Tony’s musical bio in its entirety, click here.

Visit Tony at Bench.

MAGO:

White Caucasian male in his forties
ca. 180 cm, ca. 100 kg
Hair: mouse, thin, vanishing, no beard
Eyes: green(ish), needs glasses (myopic)
Marks: none, no tattoos, no piercing, no visible scars
wears: black shoes, three peace suit (if affordable), cap or hat in winter, mechanical wrist watch, sometimes a ring on the left small finger
Education: Yes. Academic degree, so ne real profession
Actual Source of Income: Security Assistant
Charakter: Some. Tendency to stubborness, bears grudges, independent
drinks: white wine
likes: hide and seek, Duft
dislikes/hates: arrogance, brutality, vanity - and all other sorts of hurtful stupidities
respects: professionality
needs: harmony, silence

Visit Mago at 63mago.

GARFER:

I am the reincarnation of Janis Joplin's left tonsil, and I once advised Leonard Cohen on the best nose job specialist. I am also a bin man, a flaneur, and a trainee Jack Kerouac deadbeat beat Aristo.

When I'm not being Elvis that is, which I usually am.

Visit Garfer at Tunnocks Teacakes Forever.

EROSWINGS:

Howdy, from the great state of Texas, where everything's bigger (and better)!

I am Eroswings, and my interests are fairly diverse. I'm big fan of the arts (including architecture) and sciences--I could spend days just wandering around a museum or exploring ancient ruins. I luv to travel and experience new cultures and try out new things. I also enjoy nature--hiking in the woods, climbing mountains, chilling with some surf, sun, and sand, watching shooting stars. I like watching tv--anything funny or unique is always good--I'm big fan of sci-fi and low brow humor. And of course, I luv the Olympics (Vancouver 2010!). I enjoy music and singing and dancing. I like making new friends and trying new things.

I'm in the service industry, where the customer comes first! I employ a hands on approach to ensure my handling of the client results in a happy ending. I want to make sure the client has a thoroughly enjoyable experience that they'll come back for more. I take pride in my work.

To relieve stress, I enjoy exercise--some running, some swimming, some yoga, some calisthenics. I also drink--I prefer liquor but am not opposed to other alcoholic beverages. It also helps me fall asleep if I need to be up early the next morning (I'm a night owl by nature). I also cook--not a chef, but I do like making the basics and trying out new things to take my mind off stress. I find doing laundry to be a most pleasing experience--I luv the smell of clean, dry clothes, that warm feeling over my hands as I fold the clothes, and I like ironing out the wrinkles and hanging up the freshly pressed shirts and pants.

Though I'm a fan of the modern, independent woman, I'm also a relic of a bygone era--I still hold doors open for women, give up my seat to the elderly and mothers and ladies, pick up the bill after spending an enjoyable time with a woman's company. I'm going green and trying to save money. I try not to be wasteful. For example, it's so hot and dry in my part of the country, that I've taken to wearing just my underwear (or nothing) to keep down cooling costs and reduce laundry, saving water and electricity.

I'm a big fan of Infomaniac, because Infomaniac is beautiful, funny, and smart. She's a goddess on the bloggersphere, and many come to worship her style and wit and seek out her fashion wisdom and find sanctuary from the horror that is reality of a normal, boring life. And also, where else are you going to find old people nekkid and filthy recreational activities that seem so normal and alien at the same time? The woman is a genius and is living proof that Canadians are a brilliant and hilarious people!

Visit Eroswings at Eros Den.

MANUEL:

you have my arse.....what more do you want or need.....the arse says it all.

Visit Manuel at Crikey.

[Ed.note: Manuel, your arse will always be my hero.]

2008

INNER VOICES:

i is what i is and i am what i am...
so there is that....

Visit Inner Voices at What Do The Voices Mean.

XL:

xl hopes to take early retirement in a couple of years and move someplace cooler, wetter, and near the ocean to escape from his current hellish existence in Texas. In the interim, he remains the loyal and dedicated Official Infomaniac Pillow Fluffer and Personal I.T. Consultant to Mistress MJ.

Visit XL at XL-ENTROPY.

MAXI CANE:

Attached is my avatar. My mother is trawling the net looking for where I visit, so you're not getting my arse. Yes she's seen it all but it's hairier than she would have remembered.

I'm currently living in Kilbeggan in County Westmeath, Ireland with my loverly girlfriend the Jelly Monster, with whom you're also familiar. I work in a high class hotel and my low brow demeaner means I fit in as well as a fart in a spacesuit.

Let's do this like a Playmate of the month's bio:

Turn ons:
• Red hair
• Perfectly dainty pedicured tootsies of the female variety
• Lesbians with the above qualities
• Chicks who laugh at my jokes, genuinely or not
• Chicks who make me sandwiches
• Chicks, except Celine Dion

Visit Maxi Cane at Maxi Cane.

GINRO:

I am the father of one daughter, my Ginro-ette, I love puppies and kittens and if I win the contest I would like to use the opportunity travelling to help bring world peace. I think I used that line before when you had me do that 'cunt of the week' or whatever it was. I live in The Seychelles, England. I call my house 'The Seychelles'.

I am actually a secret agent with MI6, code name Brooke Bond 003.5, and love my bonsai trees. I also like a woman in tights and high heels. No concealed weapons you see. Visitors to my house will be greeted by me with a white cat draped across my lap (nothing like a nice warm pussy for making you feel better) as I stroke it and chuckle menacingly. Well I am an INTJ after all, so one must maintain an image. My worst enemy villain was the notorious Brown Finger from the criminal organisation SPHINCTRE. I still have flashbacks, particularly about the episode involving those satellites around Uranus, and can sometimes be found sitting in a corner gibbering (or leaving comments on Infomaniac.)

Last week I became the first person to circumnavigate the globe by dog-sled, but didn't make the news as I was pipped to the post by the news of Jude Law's indiscretions *hem hem* and a woman claiming thousands per month in maintenance. A similar thing happened in 1969 when my Mars landing was over-shadowed by some guy on the moon making sound-bites. Oh well, such is life.

I've never had sex before, life can be a bit difficult when you are a 98 year old virgin, so visit Infomaniac with the hope that one day Mistress MJ will be too drunk to notice what she's doing and volunteer to give me the time of my life. I worship at the feet of Mistress MJ because she's a brunette hotty with attitude. Nuff said.

Visit Ginro at Oh Bugger.

2009

AYEM8Y:

“Hello my name is ayem8y aka Mean Dirty Pirate. I’m an Aquarius, I like trannies and collecting dildos and leather fetish whips. I’m a zookeeper that conducts safaris in the deepest reaches of the Dark Continent. But in my spare time I enjoy rolling around and licking trash at truck stops. (Really) I’m 44, single, salt-n-pepper, blue eyes, 42” chest, 32” waist, tan, with a thick 8” penis that needs lots of attention but what I really like is taking strange men into my anus. Sometimes single and yes I have had long term relationships. I’m looking for Mr. Right and sometimes Mr. Right Now!”

Visit ayem8y at Mean Dirty Pirate.

TJB:

I am TJB. My photo and blog tell you absolutely everything there is to know about me.

Visit TJB at Stirred, Straight Up, With A Twist.

THOMBEAU:

I am Thombeau, of Fabulon, and I am powerless and insane. Which is why I'm here!

Visit Thombeau at Fabulon.

MR. PEENEE:

Mr. Peenee (left) and his fabulous buttchops

Mrpeenee is a highly respectable civil servant who has a long, long (long) history as a big slut. It is the inevitable outcome of combining a very large penis and a fairly small conscience. I adore the Mistress for the cheerful attitude she brings to promiscuity. Isn’t that the way it should be?

The only picture I can find of my ass has a portion of it concealed (barely) in a Merry Widow, but there is at least a glimpse of buttchop. For those interested in fashion details, the seat was covered in black marabou.

Visit Mr. Peenee at MRPEENEE.

DAMIEN:

I am Mr Nude Infomaniac 2009 - although I want it on the record I was willing to concede to the other guy. I am a 37 year old Australia living in NZ with my American partner. I love food, wine, men, porn, and Infomaniac. I am currently continuing my jewish journey to becoming a full member of the Tribe. I have an ongoing battle of the bulge but am winning - suck that fat cells!! Although, it is currently the Cocktail and Pills diet though whilst surprisingly effective for losing weight - my liver emailed me the other day and said if I didnt change my ways he and my pancreas were eloping. Other than that - Im your average man of Infomaniac. I also have a serious inability to keep my mouth shut and tend to comment inappropriately at all times. I am also having a long distance dirty get down fuckfest casual fling with Seth Rogen - he blows the pipe - I blow his. Shhhh don't tell him, I don't want him to get scared and run away.

Visit Damien at 2 cents worth Down Under.

JASON:

Jason is a former international teenage singing sensation of the post-disco era.
After a tragic fall from grace (*allegedly* involving a diet coke bottle and Brooke Shields) found himself dissolute and overfed, earning dimes by teaching young women how to "shake it, but not break it."
He returned to his trailer on the bayou to live out his sad, lonely life, hunting squirrel and alligator.
Here he is in his overfed and dissolute middle age, still drinking diet coke and lamenting the past, clasping that pillow like it was Brooke Shield's pretty head.

Visit Jason at Night Is Half Gone.

HOSTILE 17:

Hostile 17 (blonde) meeting with Spike Lee, Old Knudsen and Barack Obama

I'm the Kevlar Rooster I like to drink the blood of the innocent or the skanky.
I like moonlight strolls up back alley ways and am the big bad round these parts.

I live in Southern California as most vamps do but will be returning to the UK for health care as I am anemic and don't like the sun here.

I worship MJ because though she smells like stale cum and cheap perfume she tastes like strawberries covered in baby blood.

Visit Hostile 17 at The Kevlar Rooster.

WOW, THAT WAS AWKWARD:

Ok, I probably don't deserve to play along since I don't come by every day. But MJ, and I mean this only in the most complimentary kind of way, you are better than a giant car crash. I know I shouldn't look and I often don't want to look (particularly on Fridays), but I just can't help it. You post pictures that are often very disturbing. But your writing and the comments make it worth the shock. Most of the time. Well, sometimes anyway.

Oh wait, I'm supposed to blurb about myself. That sounds naughty. I live in Colorado but I'm from outer space. I'm interested in the elimination of mimes, seeing the real identity of Scarlet Blue, juggling midgets, not taking myself or anyone else too seriously, traveling to strange places to meet strange people, nonsense, and anything covered in hot fudge.

You are still not getting a picture of my ass.

Visit Wow, That Was Awkward at It Was Dark, Stormy and I Lost My Serial Comma.

KEVIN:

I'm Kevin, the big 'mo responsible for the goings on at The Lisp. The Lisp headquarters are located in beautiful downtown Toronto, and is created on an ancient PC that is begging to be replaced. The Lisp is somewhat of a sequel to my previous blog, Shirley Heezgay!, which is why many longtime readers still call me Shirley. I share personal stories and observations, commentary on pop culture, the occasional hubba hubba and lots of silliness and sarcasm on multiple levels. Come up and see me sometime!

Visit Kevin at The Lisp.

GIVE THE MEN OF INFOMANIAC A STANDING OVATION, EVERYBODY!

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!...

Mistress MJ wishes to thank each one of you fabulous men for being the treasured Infomaniac bitches that you are.

You really are the crème de la crème.

REMINDER: The Men of Infomaniac is NOT a dating service. If you require that sort of thing, please go through the appropriate channels, i.e. the Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service.

NOTE: No new post for the rest of the week as Mistress MJ artfully reclines on her chaise. If you need something to do in the meantime, why not visit The Men of Infomaniac’s alluring arses?

Long-time Infomaniac bitches will recognize this long, lean fellow as Inexplicable DeVice aka IVD …

(click for biggery)

We ask that you take a good long, hard look at IVD’s photo, above.

Why, you ask?

Because Infomaniac has uncovered scandalous film footage of IVD during his misspent youth!

Yes, we here at Infomaniac believe the bloke in the clip is Inexplicable DeVice and if you compare and contrast with his current photo, you’ll have to agree.

Click and watch … if you dare!

Note: Sensitive readers who are unaccustomed to viewing gaping manginas should EXIT NOW.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW!

Oh what the hell. You've scrolled down this far, you may as well watch it.

Bonus points to anyone who makes it to the end of the clip.

Note to IVD: Blame Piggy.

Note to everyone else: The clip seems to have disappeared! Well, if you think you're getting anything else out of us today, you're sadly mistaken.

UPDATE: Oh all right then. Since the video clip's not working, here's a photo of IVD's warty wand...