Monday, August 10, 2009

Now Hiring

Several houseboys have been sent for punishment to the Plaid Room and as a result, we must hire new staff as replacements.

Mistress MJ does not have time to interview each potential houseboy individually so she’ll need help from you bitches.


[Photo via]

Apply now, stating your credentials if YOU would like to test drive a houseboy.

37 comments:

  1. My credentials:

    * Official Infomaniac Pillow Fluffer * Personal I.T. Consultant to Mistress MJ

    Do I get a company car?

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  2. My credentials are very limited and in German.
    I can not compete (Pete?) with the official fluffer of Infomaniac. I only could supervise them on their rubbing duties but would like to limit myself to serving the Mistress.

    (It's becoming a little bycantine ...
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Book_of_the_Courtier

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prince)

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  3. would I get an expense account?

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  4. Are they the ones styling your hair? Because we must discuss.

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  5. Alpecin forte could be recommended?

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  6. XL: My credentials:
    * Official Infomaniac Pillow Fluffer * Personal I.T. Consultant to Mistress MJ
    Do I get a company car?


    We would be lost without your fluffing services and many’s the time you’ve got us out of an I.T. pickle.

    As for the company car, yes, of course you may have one.

    But as you can see, it’s a stick shift.

    MAGO: My credentials are very limited and in German.
    I can not compete (Pete?) with the official fluffer of Infomaniac. I only could supervise them on their rubbing duties but would like to limit myself to serving the Mistress.


    Continue to massage Mistress MJ’s feet and speak to her in a language she does not understand.

    (It's becoming a little bycantine ...
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Book_of_the_Courtier
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prince)


    That reminds me … we seem to have misplaced our sceptre.

    BOXER: would I get an expense account?

    There aren’t enough gold pieces to keep you in vodka.

    MS. LETHAL: Are they the ones styling your hair? Because we must discuss.

    Welcome to Infomaniac … again!

    Mistress MJ has her hair styled at the Infomaniac House of Beauty.

    I believe you’re already familiar with Mr. Teazie Weazie?

    MAGO: Alpecin forte could be recommended?

    On which part of our body?

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  7. health club membership?

    Discount?

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  8. BOXER: health club membership?
    Discount?


    We can arrange half-price Fridays at the Infomaniac Gymnasium.

    Take it or leave it.

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  9. As you know, I have extensive experience in such matters, and enough credentials to fill a credenza.
    It would, therefore, be my pleasure to "interview" a new batch of houseboys. I know SP would be only too happy to oblige as well.
    I'll even give them a little bit of training here at Castle DeVice, if you'd like? After all, there's nothing worse than a cack-handed houseboy who doesn't know his arse from your elbow!

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  10. IVD: Your years of experience trawling, er, working down at the docks (where you’re known as ‘The Catch of the Day’) is all the proof we need that you can man-handle the job.

    Speaking of not knowing your arse from your elbow, you might want to warn them about your “front bottom”.

    And your multiple personalities.

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  11. I would like to test-drive a house-boy just to give poor Sarge a break. He would really thank you.

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  12. Is that a painting? Just curious.
    Sx

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  13. "But as you can see, it’s a stick shift"

    I can also see that The Mistress is ambidextrous and a multi-tasker as well!

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  14. LEAH: I would like to test-drive a house-boy just to give poor Sarge a break. He would really thank you.

    You’re insatiable.

    And you’re hired.

    SCARLET: Is that a painting? Just curious.

    You’re not spending enough time at the Tate if you have to ask.

    XL: "But as you can see, it’s a stick shift"
    I can also see that The Mistress is ambidextrous and a multi-tasker as well!


    One apparently must do everything around here!

    Aside from one’s own pillow-fluffing, of course.

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  15. Clearly, you're also in need of a gardener! The rose bush seems to need a little trimming to show off the petals in the best light possible.

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  16. I have a few useless temps I'd love to send you. I think you're just the person to whip them into shape.

    I'll have them cleaned and sent right away. Now to find their passports......... and some duct tape.

    ReplyDelete
  17. EROS: Clearly, you're also in need of a gardener! The rose bush seems to need a little trimming to show off the petals in the best light possible.

    Can you do something about the aphids while you’re at it?

    BOXER: I have a few useless temps I'd love to send you. I think you're just the person to whip them into shape.
    I'll have them cleaned and sent right away. Now to find their passports......... and some duct tape.


    We are not interested in your sloppy seconds.

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  18. My proud testimonials are always on display.

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  19. I hope they are fully insured , if one of them gets rear ended while out on a trail they could be a total write off

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  20. I would love to offer my services, however 'rosebud' needs a well earned rest. I could ship over my sissy maid Carmen, she's not much to look at but she is a trained silver service waitress who will take great pleasure in conjuring up all manner of fine English fare and she's also an enthusiastic fellatrix.

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  21. Nah, but what do I have to do to get sent to the plaid room ?

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  22. KAPI: My proud testimonials are always on display.

    Careful you don’t bruise them, what with them swinging so freely.

    BEAST: I hope they are fully insured , if one of them gets rear ended while out on a trail they could be a total write off

    There is no danger of that happening as we do not let the houseboys out of the house.

    That is why they are called HOUSEboys, silly.

    MITZI: I would love to offer my services, however 'rosebud' needs a well earned rest. I could ship over my sissy maid Carmen, she's not much to look at but she is a trained silver service waitress who will take great pleasure in conjuring up all manner of fine English fare and she's also an enthusiastic fellatrix.

    A tired rosebud? Well aren’t you a delicate hothouse flower!

    Carmen sounds lovely. Send her over with a tray.

    I can hear her now …“Tea and Jammie Dodger with your todger, sir?”

    No ginger nuts, thank you.

    HEFF: Nah, but what do I have to do to get sent to the plaid room ?

    If you eat all the cake, we shall have no choice but to send you to the Plaid Room!

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  23. Ah darling, your site never fails to surprise me on a Monday morn as I laugh and snort coffee out me nose!!!

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  24. LA DIVA CUCINA: While we encourage you to have a good time on our blog, perhaps you aren’t aware of our ‘No Bodily Fluids’ policy here at Infomaniac.

    Please refrain from snorting, squirting, spurting or otherwise leaving a mess behind.

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  25. LA DIVA CUCINA: Ooops! ParDONE!

    And see that it doesn’t happen again!

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  26. You need a houseboy to clean up those bodily fluids! Why don't you advertise for one?

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  27. Indeed. Because La Diva is just not sure she can contain herself when visiting this site....(think more Michael Palin's drool bucket!)

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  28. KAPI: You need a houseboy to clean up those bodily fluids! Why don't you advertise for one?

    You’re volunteering, are you?


    LA DIVA CUCINA: Indeed. Because La Diva is just not sure she can contain herself when visiting this site....(think more Michael Palin's drool bucket!)

    If you cannot CONTAIN yourself
    We’ll see to it that you RESTRAIN yourself

    *readies straitjacket*

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  29. a houseboy is just a fancy waiter.....with less clothes on.....now, you have seen what's need to be seen so you'll just have to trust me when I tell you I'm an aces waiter.....I want this job.....I needs it.....

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  30. MANUEL: a houseboy is just a fancy waiter.....with less clothes on.....now, you have seen what's need to be seen so you'll just have to trust me when I tell you I'm an aces waiter.....I want this job.....I needs it.....

    Since you are my hero, your wish is granted.

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  31. credentials? .. you have seen the rest of me, MJ .. now can i ride one, please?

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  32. CARNALIS: Go for it!

    Vroom vroom!

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  33. I believe this is one of the floor routines, “Copulation & Coiffures” in Mistress’s “Special Sexual Olympics” and as Chairman of the Committee I insist that all applications must be submitted in sign language or with native tongues and all auditions must be conducted in full view of the Panel of Pervs.

    ReplyDelete
  34. AYEM8Y: I believe this is one of the floor routines, “Copulation & Coiffures” in Mistress’s “Special Sexual Olympics” and as Chairman of the Committee I insist that all applications must be submitted in sign language or with native tongues and all auditions must be conducted in full view of the Panel of Pervs.

    We refuse to participate if the “Coiffures” portion of the Olympics involves an appointment at Rose Steven’s Curl & Style Salon.

    ReplyDelete