Memo to the UK from Canada

Memo to the UK from Canada regarding your recent “snowfall”:

WE LAUGH AT YOUR SNOW!


Beast shoveling a light dusting of snowflakes


You know nothing of snow. Try a winter in Canada, why don’t you?

Did you know that Canadians learn how to snowshoe before they learn how to walk? It’s true!


Photo of snowshoes provided for ignorant Brits who have never seen nor heard of such a thing. You strap them onto your feet and can actually walk effortlessly on top of gigantic Canadian snowdrifts.

In fact, babies born in Canada during the winter are strapped into tiny snowshoes on their way home from the hospital lest they fall out of their mother’s arms and into a snowbank on the journey.


Meanwhile, in the UK, you tremble at the sight of ever-so-frightening GIANT SNOWBALLS...


Highways officials were called to remove this giant snowball. It is believed it was the head of a giant snowman.


And who could miss THIS headline from the BBC?...

Snowballs prompt 500 calls to 999

Incidents involving snowballs prompted members of the public to make more than 500 emergency 999 calls to police in Nottinghamshire.

A force spokeswoman said some of the snowball-related calls were genuine emergencies and incidents.

However she said some were of a trivial nature that did not warrant the use of an emergency call to police.

Officers have reminded members of the public to only dial 999 for genuine emergencies.


You poor shivering, slip-sliding British personages.

So Who Ya Gonna Call?

On Monday afternoon, BBC Radio 4 called up Winnipeg Mayor Sam Katz to ask how Manitoba's capital manages to clear snow when London can't.

Yes, you British toffs had to turn to the professionals…CANADIANS, THAT’S WHO!



Ms. Nations (in Washington State) having a laugh at the Brits expense…and rightly so, we might add

Let’s ask Ms. Nations (An American but nonetheless wise in the ways of snow…she’s Aborignalish after all) what SHE thinks of snow in the UK, shall we?...

HA I say. You think that is snow? That was BULLSHIT!!! That was WEAK!! That was buttercream fricken' frosting! Away with your so called snow which has the brain of a duck you know! HA UPON YOUR GARDEN SNOWINGS I HAVING LAUGH!!!! you get 7 ft. snowdrifts and winos frozen to the pavement in their own piss then I'll grant you some damn snow. until then go boil your bottom you silly englisher person.

...yes. I have JEERED YOUR SNOW.

yes I have.

...I did.

your snow is pathetic.



British Infomaniac readers (names withheld) keeping their spirits (and their man boobs) up

In closing, we, the people of Canada would like to say:

Get a grip, UK. It’ll all be over soon.