Sunday, March 01, 2009

Life Skills 101



Could you have survived in days of yore?

Can you throw a battleax, milk a cow and make a fire without matches?

Reading the book “Back in the Day: 101 Things Everyone Used to Know How to Do” made me realize how few life skills I really have. 17 out of 101 to be exact.

Of course some of the 101 things are not exactly essential for survival. However, they are skills that were common knowledge back in the good old days.

So I’ve highlighted all things I know how to do in red.

G’won. You check them off and tell us how you fared.

Do you have any other skills to include in the list?

1. Use a bow and arrow
2. Load and fire a musket
3. Duel with pistol
4. Joust
5. Throw a battleax
6. Forge a sword
7. Fight with a rapier and dagger
8. Besiege a castle
9. Defend a castle
10. Make and smoke a peace pipe
11. Make a flint cutting tool
12. Brew mead
13. Make bread
14. Roast chestnuts on an open fire
15. Make hard cheese
16. Make butter
17. Make ice cream
18. Keep bees and harvest honey
19. Tap and make maple syrup
20. Find berries in the wild
21. Can food
22. Archery fish
23. Gut and clean fish
24. Keep chickens
25. Pluck a chicken
26. Roast a wild boar
27. Cook on a range
28. Dig and use a pit oven
29. Make a fire without matches
30. Track animals
31. Forecast the weather
32. Tease, card, & spin wool
33. Make natural dye from plants
34. Weave a chair seat
35. Weave a basket
36. Make soap
37. Make a broom
38. Sweep a chimney
39. Chop down a tree with an ax
40. Carve a totem pole
41. Carve a canoe
42. Make a barrel
43. Thatch a roof
44. Build a wall with wattle and daub
45. Build a dry stone wall
46. Dig a well
47. Plow a field
48. Build a log bridge
49. Build a log cabin
50. Build a pyramid
51. Embalm a body
52. Treat a battle wound
53. Set broken bones
54. Groom a horse
55. Shoe a horse
56. Mount and dismount a horse
57. Make and throw a lasso
58. Milk a cow
59. Hunt deer safely in woodlands
60. Mount a stag’s head
61. Shear a sheep
62. Care for rope
63. Tie a hangman’s noose
64. Read Roman numerals
65. Use an abacus
66. Operate a telegraph machine
67. Send smoke signals
68. Cure people with leeches and maggots
69. Read palms
70. Behave at a medieval banquet
71. Read a coat of arms
72. Address royalty
73. Grow herbs
74. Use herbs in your personal grooming
75. Care for leather boots
76. Wear opera gloves
77. Wear a Roman toga
78. Wash clothes by hand
79. Care for your period wig
80. Play hopscotch
81. Play jacks
82. Use a hoola hoop
83. Play marbles
84. Play real tennis
85. Play stickball
86. Make a pair of shoes
87. Make a hammock
88. Make a quill pen
89. Make papyrus
90. Write a sonnet
91. Write calligraphy
92. Understand opera
93. Make a corn husk doll
94. Make and play a didgeridoo
95. Ride a penny-farthing
96. Make a cave painting
97. Make a Roman mosaic
98. Pan for gold
99. Clean and polish silver
100. Blow glass
101. Make a stained-glass window.




Note: No new posting ‘til Tuesday. Mistress MJ is busy learning how to care for her period wig.

53 comments:

  1. #19 -- Is Mistress MJ really Canadian?

    I see no listing of the essential skill of pillow fluffing...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Maple trees used for syrup don't exist in her part of Canada. It ain't cold enough.

    Here in Winterpeg and Manisnowba, we are experts in all things maple.

    I can or have the know-how to do 41 of the things on that list.

    Ha! How's them for survival skills?!

    *polishes Viking battle axe, mounts horse and rides off into the sunset*

    And technically speaking, I am second. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can do 21 of the things on that list. I'm awesome!

    Can I join your how to care for a period wig course, please?

    ReplyDelete
  4. XL & PONITA: We interrupt this conversation to say thar Mistress MJ did not always live in this crap, rain-soaked region and did in fact grow up midst maple trees (and woodland faerie folk!)

    AND she was taught how to tap a tree and make maple syrup...ONCE...when she was a child. That doesn't count as I don't remember the exact process.

    CYBERPOOF: You may wash my period wig.

    And kiss the hem of my garment.

    ReplyDelete
  5. CYBERPOOF: HAND wash my period wig, I should specify.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You have a special wig for when your having a period ???
    Well doesnt suprise me , y'all macke SUCH a fuss .

    I can do loads of things on the list

    Storm a castle pfffffffffft piece of piss
    ***Runs off maruading with Miss First Nations ***

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have 20 of these odd skills/abilities. I'm going to poll Sarge, 'cause he can definitely pick up the slack for me on these. I suspect that as a couple we could get along in our time travel if we pooled our job lot of abilities.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Are you sure that you just mounted that horse?

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can make soap from lard and caustic soda.
    I am a whizz with a hula hoop - a star at hopscotch and marbles and won the annual North West opera gloves wearing championship last year.
    Can you really milk a cow?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Well I Could milk a cow if i wanted too.it's just that i'd feel a right tit doing it........

    ReplyDelete
  11. BEAST: You have a special wig for when your having a period ???
    Well doesnt suprise me , y'all macke SUCH a fuss .


    Well you have a MERKIN!

    I can do loads of things on the list

    Name ONE.

    Storm a castle pfffffffffft piece of piss
    ***Runs off maruading with Miss First Nations ***


    Nations can probably do EVERYTHING on this list.


    LEAH: I have 20 of these odd skills/abilities.

    Including the cow milking?

    What have you got that’s different from my selections? Just in case we’re ever stranded in the wild together.


    MAXI: Are you sure that you just mounted that horse?

    Well it wasn’t the other way around.

    ReplyDelete
  12. KAZ: I can make soap from lard and caustic soda.

    Whatever for? Don’t you have a Tesco?

    I am a whizz with a hula hoop - a star at hopscotch and marbles and won the annual North West opera gloves wearing championship last year.

    Hopscotch was considered a girl’s game and I was a tomboy. My little gay friend (well, he didn’t know he was gay yet) played hopscotch while I played games with the boys.

    Mistress MJ challenges you to an International opera gloves wearing championship.

    Can you really milk a cow?

    Blindfolded!

    I grew up in a farming community. Everyone in my class could milk a cow.


    TONY: Well I Could milk a cow if i wanted too.it's just that i'd feel a right tit doing it........

    Udderly understandable.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yes, I can milk a cow. And I won't say that it's somewhat horrifyingly not unlike milking one's self. Now, I won't say that. Not out loud anyway.

    I have a few you don't have--for instance, tying a noose and reading an abacus, roasting chestnuts on an open fire, and making butter. Could those help us when we're stranded?

    ReplyDelete
  14. LEAH: Yes, I can milk a cow. And I won't say that it's somewhat horrifyingly not unlike milking one's self. Now, I won't say that. Not out loud anyway.

    GAH!

    You have fewer teats than a cow though, I would imagine.

    Don’t you?

    I have a few you don't have--for instance, tying a noose and reading an abacus, roasting chestnuts on an open fire, and making butter. Could those help us when we're stranded?

    Tying a noose is a handy skill if Beast just happens to be stranded with us and we need to threaten him to shut him up from his incessant yak yak yakking. And to threaten to roast his chestnuts on an open fire.

    Butter could be a lube substitute, I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I can make a stained glass window.

    And pick up the phone to order take out.

    Color me, 21st CENTURY GAL and lovin' it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Yes - we do have a Tesco's and it calls itself a 24 hour Tesco. However this does not include Sunday evening when I have my weekly wash.
    (Throws down gauntlet for contest)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Not sure this list is that useful these days. I mean how many people thatch roofs? I would say you only need two skills as a lady after say a nuclear war:

    1. strong stomach to be able to kill other people and eat them.

    2. sexual skills to stimulate the gentlemen so they will do all the stick rubbing and wattling and daubing.

    I think I have both skills. Do you?

    ReplyDelete
  18. I can do 18 things out of that list, throwing a Francisca included - that's where the Francs got their name from. I simply knew that you come from the woods!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I can make ice cream - and cake

    what more do I need?

    ReplyDelete
  20. SAVANNAH: i know enough.

    So we’ve heard!


    BOXER: I can make a stained glass window.

    Handy if Old K throws a bottle through the Diocese of Leeds window.

    And pick up the phone to order take out.
    Color me, 21st CENTURY GAL and lovin' it.


    Speed dial and take-out…inventions of the century.


    KAZ: Yes - we do have a Tesco's and it calls itself a 24 hour Tesco. However this does not include Sunday evening when I have my weekly wash.

    And may I say that you scrub up well for a Manc?

    (Throws down gauntlet for contest)

    Your kidskin gauntlet remains stationary whereas my satin opera gloves have slid into first base and beyond.

    Home run!

    ReplyDelete
  21. EMMA: Not sure this list is that useful these days. I mean how many people thatch roofs?

    Someone I know in The Cotswolds, for one.

    I would say you only need two skills as a lady after say a nuclear war:

    1. strong stomach to be able to kill other people and eat them.

    2. sexual skills to stimulate the gentlemen so they will do all the stick rubbing and wattling and daubing.

    I think I have both skills. Do you?


    Unfortunately I suffer from a sensitive stomach due to ingesting a dodgy curry…Ma Beastie’s Chickpea Curry to be exact. Deadly stuff.

    I simple dangle my dainty foot seductively to stimulate the gentlemen. Works a charm.

    As does holding a roast chicken in front of them on a stick whilst balancing a pint of ale on ones bosom.


    MAGO: I can do 18 things out of that list, throwing a Francisca included - that's where the Francs got their name from.

    Please elaborate regarding your quaint Franconian customs.

    I simply knew that you come from the woods!

    Mistress MJ is a backwoods babe in the big city.

    Because of her rural upbringing she should know how to do more than 17 things on this list but she always preferred to have others to the work for her.

    *notes that Mago’s hands are idle at the moment*


    LULU: I can make ice cream - and cake
    what more do I need?


    Did someone mention cake?

    ReplyDelete
  22. As soon as I will return from my nightly folly ...

    ReplyDelete
  23. So what- could THEY e-mail, fax, copy & paste ,and snip and crop?

    ReplyDelete
  24. whatever have you heard, sugar? ;) xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  25. I can open a bottle of wine without a corkscrew.....just need a hammer and a nail/screw......

    ReplyDelete
  26. Gosh, you wear a wig for your period?
    Nice.

    I scored only 20...but a few I had to stretch.

    ReplyDelete
  27. MAGO: As soon as I will return from my nightly folly ...

    Don’t keep Mistress MJ waiting.


    UBERMOUTH: So what- could THEY e-mail, fax, copy & paste ,and snip and crop?

    If you had something good to stuff in your #10 peace pipe, would it matter to you?


    SAVANNAH: whatever have you heard, sugar?

    Word gets around about what goes on at the Plantation while the MITM’s away.

    Oh Leah’s gonna jump on me for using that acronym!


    MANUEL: I can open a bottle of wine without a corkscrew.....just need a hammer and a nail/screw......

    You’re not just a waiter with a sweet sugarloaf, are you?


    JASON: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    Gosh, you wear a wig for your period?
    Nice.


    Any excuse to dress up.

    One of our male readers (name withheld) wears a Bree Van de Kamp wig.

    If you’re interested, help yourself to a wig from Mistress MJ’s Dolly Parton Collection.

    I scored only 20...but a few I had to stretch.

    Is it #77? Wear a Roman toga?

    Y’all are from the land of Mardi Gras, after all.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I can understand not knowing how to throw a pyramid, er build a pyramid, but surely you can clean and gut a fish. I digress, you're not *really* Canadian are you?

    I can do a rather embarassing amount of things on that list. Sadly my disfunction is living in this existing modern world.

    Making hard cheese requires calf gut enzymes. I try not to think about that when I'm eating it. eew

    Prx


    P.S.
    I came here because I see you posting on Mago's blog. Just remember, I had him first. (smiles wickedly)

    ReplyDelete
  29. I admit I can only do a couple of those things right now ... but ... If I had to ... I would be able to accomplish every one of those items thanks to google, wikapaedia and reader's digest do-it-yourself manuals.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I have no essential skills, but I do have a double jointed thumb.

    Will that do?

    ReplyDelete
  31. I can't help but feel that not only were many of these taken from entirely different periods, but some are almost mutually exclusive.

    I would suggest that the hands that can throw a battle axe don't often wear opera gloves...

    Even on this blog...

    ReplyDelete
  32. @ garfer: I have two. pffff!

    @ Fammy: Perhaps wearing opera gloves (fine kidskin ones so you have grip) while throwing a battle axe is what the 'new' self sufficient woman does. I bet I could do both at the same time. *grins knowingly*

    You can do just about anything with proper fitting gloves, you know.

    ReplyDelete
  33. PROXIMA: Welcome to Infomaniac!

    I can understand not knowing how to throw a pyramid, er build a pyramid, but surely you can clean and gut a fish. I digress, you're not *really* Canadian are you?

    I was instructed how to clean and gut a fish and did it once. Once does not count if you intend never to do it again, leaving it instead for the menfolk to perform.

    All Mistress MJ’s houseboys are skilled in the art of food preparation if you should ever require a lesson yourself.

    I came here because I see you posting on Mago's blog. Just remember, I had him first. (smiles wickedly)

    Are you referring to my comment about wanting to get my hands on his Brötchen?

    Because honestly, everyone’s had a feel of Mago’s Brötchen.

    Even Old Knudsen.

    I’m surprised there’s not bread crumbs in his path.


    JOE: I admit I can only do a couple of those things right now ... but ... If I had to ... I would be able to accomplish every one of those items thanks to google, wikapaedia and reader's digest do-it-yourself manuals.

    We applaud your ability to use reference resources.

    But can you follow instructions?


    GARFY: I have no essential skills, but I do have a double jointed thumb.
    Will that do?


    IVD has two freakishly bendy thumbs so we’re covered.

    I suggest you stick yours up your arse if you have nothing further to contribute.


    FAMULUS: I can't help but feel that not only were many of these taken from entirely different periods, but some are almost mutually exclusive.

    I would suggest that the hands that can throw a battle axe don't often wear opera gloves...

    Even on this blog...


    See Ponita’s comment.

    And we’re quite certain Ms. Nations could handle both blindfolded.


    PONITA: You can do just about anything with proper fitting gloves, you know.

    *snaps rubber gloves and asks next commenter to bend over*

    ReplyDelete
  34. NEVER!
    And put away that speculum!

    And nobody had a feel of my Brötchen - la donna e mobile: Gestern noch auf stolzen Rossen, heute durch die Brust geschossen! - Bread crumps - tz! From riches to rugs in one post!

    ReplyDelete
  35. MAGO: NEVER!
    And put away that speculum!


    You’re the next commenter.

    Bend over.

    *snaps rubber gloves*

    And nobody had a feel of my Brötchen - la donna e mobile: Gestern noch auf stolzen Rossen, heute durch die Brust geschossen! - Bread crumps - tz! From riches to rugs in one post!

    Funny, I was singing La Donna e Mobile yesterday as I was walking down the street.

    Now stand still as I examine your crusty Brötchen.

    ReplyDelete
  36. NEVER!

    *Grabs speculum* - terz, quarte:

    EN GARDE!
    Protect your - exceptional fine and promising - bonesack!

    ReplyDelete
  37. I'm sorry to sound so snobish, but shouldn't the title be 101 things SERVANTS used to know how to do it?

    It's so hard to find goood help nowadays...

    ReplyDelete
  38. ...you'll have to excuse me, i was off marauding and storming castles with Beast.
    mj may not live in mapley regions now, but she does live where alder and birch grow, and tapping them for sap is the same as tapping maples. *imagines mj in her period wig scampering around amidst the deciduous*

    FIFTY-TWO, ladies and gentlemen. have done, dig...not just know about. Frontier Muk! That's me!

    ReplyDelete
  39. ....incidental weird note: the person who taught me how to tie a noose?

    my mom.

    no shitskies.

    ReplyDelete
  40. MAGO: Touché!

    That is a French fencing term for “I just copped a handful of both your Brötchen AND your bonesack.”

    NATIONS: FIFTY-TWO, ladies and gentlemen. have done, dig...not just know about. Frontier Muk! That's me!

    See bitches?

    What did I tell you?

    Not only can Nations do 52 of the things on the list (and she’s being modest about that number) she can do them blindfolded and on horseback!

    Just curious, Ms. Nations…

    While you were off marauding and storming castles with Beast, did you leave him behind in the turret? A la Rapunzel?

    ReplyDelete
  41. FABULASTIC: Oops. Missed you when Ms. Nations butted in.

    I'm sorry to sound so snobish, but shouldn't the title be 101 things SERVANTS used to know how to do it?

    It's so hard to find goood help nowadays...


    Shall I send a couple of my Houseboys round?

    ReplyDelete
  42. I am wounded, bleeding ... shrivelling and die ... did prince Hamlet of Denmark care for your rapier? arrgg

    52 is impressive. So it's of no use to let her left alone in the wood blindfolded ...

    ReplyDelete
  43. Everytime I have to see that stupid photo:
    Number 102 - prepare napkins for slobbering milkmaids.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Geez, I think I would die if I got vaulted back in time and had to do any of that stuff on the list.

    How the hell do you "care for rope?" Do I even want to know??

    ReplyDelete
  45. Shit, I can barely milk MYSELF.

    ReplyDelete
  46. I can make and smoke a peace pipe. I'm glad some of the rest of you can make cake and ice cream, because we're going to need it.

    ReplyDelete
  47. @ HoodChick's "cake." Usually not a good word to say around here...

    ReplyDelete
  48. If we all stick together, we have just about everything on that list covered.

    Is this the start of Mistress MJ's Infomaniac Commune?

    ReplyDelete
  49. MAGO: You could sop up the milk with your Brötchen.

    RANDOM: How should I know how to care for rope?

    I’m too busy modeling my opera gloves.

    HEFF: Are you a milkman?

    HOODCHICK: Did someone mention cake AGAIN?

    XL: Good advice.

    PONITA: Do I look like a hippie?

    ReplyDelete
  50. I can do 21! 22 if I have someone with an arthritic knee with me (for #31--Forecast the weather)!

    ReplyDelete