“I’m A Filthy Fucker”

So says our Mr. Cookie on his new blog “I’m A Filthy Fucker.”

Check it out because you know what?

He is!

Click here, bitches.

Party Glasses

Just in time for our next party, it’s the Swinger Party Glass!...

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Hangs around your neck to keep your hands free…for better things!

Buy one now from the Infomaniac Shopping Network and we’ll throw in a free Wine Glass Holder Necklace!...

(click to enlarge)
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“There are few products on the market today that combine the sophistication of oenophilia with the practicality of a lanyard but this product marries the two deftly. Before owning this product, I couldn’t count the number of times I found myself at parties thinking, ‘Argh, I like drinking but this glass of wine is really cutting down on my grabbing efficiency. I could be grabbing at least twice as much stuff without this glass.’

As though hearing my silent pleas, SkyMall provided the wine glass holder necklace. It allows me the freedom to do everything necessary to be the life of the party (save leaning, bending over, jumping, twisting or walking briskly).

Things I have grabbed with ease since owning the Wine Glass Holder Necklace:
Cheese!
Toilet Seats!
Other Glasses of Wine!
Steering Wheels!
Breasts!
Nunchucks!

It isn’t just a fashionable and functional necklace, it is $25 worth of life enhancement. I recommend this product to everyone except those with irregularly shaped chests or hearts born on the outside of their bodies.”


Act now, Bitches!
There’s a party soon!

Cocktail Clothesline

Mistress MJ has installed a magical cocktail clothesline in the yard…

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Enjoy!

The Perfect Hostess

Mistress MJ was not born with a silver serving spoon in her mouth.

In other words, she is NOT the perfect hostess.

Above: Somebody else, not Mistress MJ

Below: Mistress MJ…

Source: Betty Crocker’s Picture Cook Book
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You will not find Mistress MJ busy in the kitchen preparing goodies for her guests…

Never going to happen.
Source: Betty Crocker’s Picture Cook Book
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Except, perhaps, a nice cake…

Cake anyone?...

Mistress MJ loves her friends. She just doesn’t enjoy entertaining. Especially for guests who stay more than a night or two.

She is, however, a lovely house guest but more on that another time.

My friends put me to shame as they are all excellent hosts and hostesses. One couple, I’ll call them “Him and Him,” are such good hosts that the moment I sweep through the door, they’ve placed a martini in my hand.

Does anyone have tips for making the entertaining process more enjoyable and less stressful?

Mistress MJ is expecting a revolving door of guests this summer and would appreciate your input.

Oh sure, there’s help from the houseboys but occasionally Mistress MJ likes to manage things on her own.

In the meantime, I’m listening to Gaynor and Dorothy Maddox’s instructions on how to plan the perfect dinner party…

You too, can listen here.

Things I need, according to Gaynor and Dorothy:

- a coffee table (I don’t have one)
- canned artichoke hearts
- red caviar
- radish roses
- bitter escarole (assuming there isn’t enough bitterness in the kitchen as provided by Mistress MJ)
- a macaroni casserole (layer this “dream dish” with wide slices of Cheddar cheese, like a “golden awning”)
- a well-ventilated, smoke-free room
- a butcher with a sharp knife.
- “and no fat. No fat. I can’t repeat that warning too many times.”
- congenial friends.

*makes shopping list*

Flirting 101

Flirting can be fun!

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Study the proper techniques…

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Tell us your success stories.

Or are you a bitter drop-out?...

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Thanks for this photo, XL!

Stacia’s Favourite Post

Bitches, have you met Stacia of She Blogged By Night?

Stacia is my go-to-gal for all things related to classic films.

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And today, Stacia’s sharing her favourite post with us.

CLICK HERE to read “Atlantis: The Lost Continent (1961)” and enjoy!
Warning: Post may contain exciting hats! And sessy mens.


p.s. If you like what you see on Stacia’s blog, why not visit She Blogged By Night regularly and join Stacia on her “journey through films and culture, focusing on lesser-known and hard to find films.” You’ll be glad you did!

Note: Do you have a favourite post you’d like to share with us? Send it along. Details here.

Dental Delight

We are pleased to report that Miss Scarlet has returned from her dental appointment.

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Filthy Friday

Mistress MJ finds this part of her day so tiresome...

(click pic to enlarge)
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Dental Distress

Sending good vibes to Miss Scarlet who has an unpleasant dental appointment on Friday.

Although apparently, she has found a way to cope with the pain…

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In Memory of Mr. Mutley

To honour the memory of blogger Mutley the Dog who died a year ago, May 21st, 2010, Infomaniac presents one of his old blog posts.

Entitled “Coming Soon!” and dated July 17, 2009, it’s shorter than most of his posts but sums up his many and varied blog topics quite nicely, I think.

Mr. Mutley (Robert Chambers)

Coming Soon!

- " Pies, boobs, social accidents, embarrassing sex, beer with weird names, perverted teens, Masons, pop stars, corrupt policemen, holidays in hell, monsters, prison ships, gratuitous nudity, talking vegetables, rubber gloves, flesh eating gulls, politics, celebrities, steam trains, philosophers, famous friends, Paul Weller, trips, the mooing phone, rotting genitals, pies, Icelandic sex perverts, wildlife reports, the West country, abattoirs, west bay, push-me-pull yous, pickles, mothers porcelain, pagan ceremonies, beetroot,and best of all radioactive howler monkeys!"

Note from Mistress MJ: I’d add “allotments” and “lime green boxer shorts” to this list. Oh yes, and “sniffing the crotch of a latex catsuit.” Any other Mutley memories you’d like to share?

Wenis Wednesday

Your Favourite Post

Back in 2008, Infomaniac ran a series entitled “Your Favourite Post.”

We here at Infomaniac think it’s high time to continue the series.

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Here’s how it works…

Once upon a time, you must have written a post that you like above all the others.

Rummage about in your blog archives for your favourite post.

Then email the link to that post to Mistress MJ. (Email address is in my Blogger Profile.)

From time to time, we’ll shine the spotlight on an Infomaniac reader’s fave blog post so that all of us may be blessed in reading your creative output.

Now go and dig through your archives.

The first of these posts will appear this Saturday, May 28th so quit stalling and send me your links NOW.

Infomaniac Trailer Park

We Canadians are enjoying our annual long May Two-Four Weekend aka Victoria Day.

You’ll find us enjoying the great outdoors in campgrounds and trailer parks (known in the U.K. as caravan parks).

So that you Infomaniac Bitches can enjoy the May Two-Four Weekend along with us, Mistress MJ has created the Infomaniac Trailer Park.

Choose a trailer (caravan) from the list below. (Photos are numbered for your convenience.)

Are you ready?

Let’s go caravan shopping!

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9

#10

#11

#12

#13

#14

We’ve also included trailers for your feathered friends and four-legged friends and we'll throw those in for free!

Choose just ONE and, if you wish, tell us how you'll enjoy your new caravan in the Infomaniac Trailer Park.

Note: A reminder that some photos can be enlarged by clicking on them.

Photos pilfered from various sources, hither and yon.

The Rapture

If The Rapture comes on Saturday, I thought that while you're waiting for the end of the world, you’d like to be looking at Mr. Nude Infomaniac…

(click it, Bitches)

NOM NOM NOM

DOUBLE Birthday Happiness!

Mistress MJ is thrilled to host a double birthday party as both Beast and kabuki zero celebrate their birthdays on May 20th.

Let’s get started by wishing Beast a happy FIFTIETH birthday!..

He’s still young at heart as you can see from the photo above.

As you know, Beast loves bananas so we couldn’t think of a better 50th birthday gift than a mountain of bananas…

Enjoy them, Beast!

They’re much more nutritious than your usual diet…

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Not only is Beast celebrating his 50th birthday, Beast is also the current winner of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

We’ll let you know when he hosts the next big Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition so that you, too, can be a winner.

In fact, I think he’s working on a post right now!...

Oh no, it turns out he’s just working on his memoir.

Random Beast quotation from his upcoming autobiography…

“I once had to pee in a plastic cup when stuck in a hidious traffic jam in a tunnel for 4 hours on the M25.I had to keep stopping and emptying the steaming contents out the window so we didnt have an overflow situation.”

We’ll have more from this exciting page-turner at a later date.

But now we shine the spotlight upon that Goddess of the Desert Empire, our blooming Desert Rose…kabuki zero…

Happy birthday, kabooks!

Of course, you remember kabuki as the winner of the How Not to Decorate Competition.

I want to leave that chapter of my life behind me

And so you shall, kabuki, now that we present you with a beautiful Herculon La-Z-Boy Reclina-Rocker with built-in stain release…

We here at Infomaniac have included a few words from the kabuki Book of Life (sixteen weeks on the bestseller list); words that may help you in your journey…

“i have tossed off my melancholy, and am ready to kick lifes' ass. Put a prince cd in the boombox, hand me something wet (in a glass, please) and step back. Or step off, just move out of the way. Cuz if you don't - there will be serious windburns on your ass. I said ass twice already, must be ass season. and don't make me break my foot off in your ass. especially if i am wearing my silver snake-skin cha-cha pumps.”

Wasn’t that inspirational? Who needs Oprah?

“Don’t hate me because I’m blessed with looks, brains and talent. some people are fabulous, and others have fabulous thrust upon them. kabuki has both. TA-DA!”

And there you have it, Bitches.

Two incredible Infomaniac bitches born on the same day.

Fate has delivered them to our doorstep on a silver cake server…

Happy Birthday Beast and kabuki zero!!!

Now everybody help yourselves to the vodka fountain! And CAKE!

Note: For more Beast birthday fun, visit Inexplicable DeVice and Miss Scarlet.