Filthy Friday

UPDATE:

Thanks to Leah who sent us this remarkable likeness…

Blogging Tips and Tricks

Ever wondered how to add a blogroll to your blog?

Or how to increase the size of the font?

Or change the colour of the font?

Or how to add assorted gadgets and widgets?

Months ago I wanted to add an avatar to my Profile but didn’t know how. Everybody had an avatar but me!

So I put the question to you bitches and the result is the stripey legs you see everytime I leave a comment…



You taught me how to do it! (Special thanks to Old Knudsen).

Yesterday, Eroswings taught us how to italicize a comment. Try it yourself if it’s something new to you…

1. TYPE <>
(DO NOT HIT SPACE BAR! Just follow next step)
4. TYPE word(s) to be italicized (AND DO NOT HIT SPACE BAR! There should be NO SPACE after the last word you want italicized. Just follow next step)
5. TYPE <>
9. CLICK Preview button to see if it worked. CLICK Publish if happy.
10. If you want to use bold, just follow the same steps, except replace i with b.

Eroswings has more basic HTML tagging tips here, if you’re interested.


So what can the rest of you teach us?

Tell us about some of your fave blogging tips or tricks.

Or feel free to ask questions and see if someone can answer your query.

Banter back and forth here throughout the day about what tricks you’ve employed successfully or what you’d like to learn.

Share your knowledge and make us all better blogging bitches!

Meet Hot Bloggers!

Looking for Mrs. or Mr. Right? Or maybe just Mr. RIGHT NOW?

Then fill out the application form pictured below for the Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service.


(click if you’re old and can’t read it)


MEN: Just tell us the kind of women you wish to meet.

If you’re a gay man or maybe just a bit poofy, tell us the kind of men you wish to meet.

WOMEN: We regret that we here at Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service are operating on a shoestring budget.

Therefore, we can’t afford to create separate application forms for the ladies.

We ask you to cross out “Men! Men! Men! Men!” and replace it with “Women! Women! Women! Women!” and then fill out the application form telling us what kind of MEN you wish to meet.

It’s really that simple!

The staff here at at Fag, Hag and the Odd Slag Dating Service are standing by, waiting to review your applications...




Note: Boring election post beneath this one.

Canadian Election Snooze

Canada (Mistress MJ excluded) has opted for another four years of this…


Prime Minister Stephen Harper

*rolls back over to sleep*

I can’t be arsed to link to the news item and I doubt any of you can either.

Good night.

Intermission

Happy Thanksgiving to our 3.5 Canadian readers.

Infomaniac is recuperating from a Thanksgiving-dinner-induced coma.

We’ll be back on Wednesday.

Fall Fashion Trends

Mistress MJ senses an ill wind blowing in from the Fall fashion collections.

Or it could just be a particularly foul odour emanating from the likes of any of you bitches.

Here’s a look we won’t be sporting anytime soon: The mini bowler hat…



Yours for only £35.00 ($70.00 Canadian or $60 U.S.)... stay tuned as markets fluctuate.

My ego is far too big to be contained in such a petite chapeau.


We’re simply NOT mad about plaid…



It’s a look that only Jimmy Bastard and Old Knudsen could pull off…




You KNOW how we at Infomaniac feel about ugly footwear!

We’re not a fan of the peeptoe high-heeled Oxford at the best of times…



But combine it with PLAID and this is the resulting fugliness…





We’ve seen enough.

What’s your look for Fall, bitches?

Filthy Friday

(click pic to inflate personal flotation devices)

Battle of the Sexes

Infomaniac offers you this unique opportunity to vent your spleen about the opposite sex.

But don’t think you can just spew and walk away.

Say your piece but then tell us how you would fix the problem!

How can we live together in peace and harmony?



(click to enlarge)


*visualizes healing violet light entering sacral chakra and inserts crystal suppository up Beast’s arse*

Your Pussies and Bitches

This post is dedicated in loving memory of OPIE: beloved tater dog of Ms. Nations…



Now digging spuds in that Great Garden in the Sky.



BEAST

Here we have Alfie and Lloyd, two hounds belonging to the mad Mr C yet occasionally under the care of Beast…


Alfie: a Pharoah hound

Alfie looks like he’s just caught site of a buck naked Beast. Fright night!



Lloyd: A pit bull cross

Beast, what is that blue plastic thingy by Lloyd’s head? An inflatable device to resuscitate him after he’s smelled your stinky duvet?



The Hounds of Hell


Look carefully as this is the only time you’ll find bitches in Beast’s tiny bedsit.

In fact, both hounds look as though they’re sharing his bed, don’t they?

Lloyd looks as if he’s about to barf on that dreadful fireside carpet, which could only be an improvement to the design.

Honestly, Beast. Call in a decorator.



Inexplicable DeVice (IVD)

Aside from a gigantic spider that IVD found in his bath, Beaky the blackbird is as close to a pet as he gets…


Beaky feasting on sultanas

I should explain to newcomers that our IVD is a witch and Beaky is actually his familiar.

IVD describes Beaky as a “selfish, snobbish, imperialist, stuck up blackbird” who “doesn’t like fingers, children, clean cars, greasy hair and that high-pitched squeal that babies make”.



RANDOM CHICK




“His name is Rhett, as in Rhett Butler. He is crafty and can catch lizards like nobody's business. I have found several lizard carcasses lying about the house due to his hunting skills. He also has an annoying habit of running across my head in the while I'm sleeping because he is freaking out about something that goes bump in the night. The hubby thinks it's funny because he only runs across my head. I do not.”

Should we ask Random Chick to explain the pose? Is he imitating mommy?



INNER VOICES


Beau (left) and Charlie (right)


“My dogs have been without female contact of there own species for so long they have reverted to a prison style love affair... both taking turns being top and bottoms... they clean each other and sleep in one dog bed even though we have two.

Beau a.k.a., beautard, shitlips, meathead, etc... is a bit accident prone as some of you may have read in the past most recently we found out that the neighbors animals were being attacked by a massive bob cat and not a mountain lion... explains why we still have beau around and why we are not looking for him hanging in the trees.

Charlie a.k.a. chucky, chuckstick, fucking dog, etc... likes to steal anything and everything off the kitchen counter, dining room table, coffee table, etc... anything he can get his fucking paws up on.. he likes eating sandals, socks and cheeses leggings occasionally, including crotch but not exclusively.

Charlie once ate a rotting deer leg when we were staying at a friends house and unloaded five gallons of doggie ass water into cheeses subaru dashboard, seats, center console, door pockets... the joys of dog ownership eh?”


CYBERPETE

CyberPoof tells us, “I'll send you a photo of my parent’s dog. I'm not allowed to have pets.”

One wonders what THAT means but anyway, here’s Herman the German…




Herman the German's puppies



CECILE

Cecile hails from Arkansas and as befits the backwoods Ozark hillybilly image, here we see her brother and sister’s dogs mating…


Sadie and Gabe, the two little dogs that could and did


And now we’re treated to Cecile’s own three mutts…


Java Dog, the new waterless dishwasher system that is not only environmentally friendly but fuel efficient too.



Java (left) and Apollo (right) "Take a picture of my good side."


XL

Note to XL: Lola and RJ want to live with Mistress MJ.


Lola (too Siamese for her own good) and RJ (favorite cologne: Old Mice)

Lola and RJ are occasional guest bloggers on XL’s blog and I look forward to the day they take control of the keyboard and demand their own blog. And demand to move to Canada.



DAISY



Let’s hear what Daisy has to say about the bitch in her bed…

“I got up and got coffee early (3am) one morning...came back and Cosmo had gotten herself covered like this in my bed...she is terribly demanding as you can tell and takes the middle of the bed forcing me to sleep on the edge, little bitch that she is.”

But wait! There’s more!

Two more dogs in Daisy’s household…


Peaches the beagle


Daisy the Maltese

Miss Daisy, will you be taking your dogs to visit Alfie and Lloyd in England?



PRUNELLA JONES


Sassy Shirley the Easter Beagle



Jackie Waffles the world's naughtiest kitten (that's Pru’s bra he's chewing on)



Jorge the spider. Jorge is Pru’s favorite because he never poops.



LEAH

Next up: The elder statesman of our group…

Pippin

“Here's a picture of my dog, Pippin. Some might call him homely; I find him intoxicatingly handsome. He's portly, geriatric, and will definitely bite those who come too near.”


AND FINALLY…


BOLLIX (JIMMY BASTARD)


“Finley” the Cocker Spaniel

I cannot reveal my sources but I’m told that Jimmy Bastard cuddles Finley when they’re watching telly and that the pair resembles Beauty and the Beast.


“Jimmy” the Jack Russell

My spies also inform me that “Jimmy sleeps on the floor next to Jimmy Bastard’s side of the bed. He goes to work with Jimmy Bastard, he gets walked, fed, spoiled, bathed, brushed, not to mention sleeps on the dashboard of his van when they are on site.”

Does anyone else find it odd that Mr. Bollix’ Jack Russell shares not only HIS first name, but the name of his pleasure piston as well?

Mr. Bollix has taken me aside to whisper that he wishes he could lick his own balls like a wee doggie.



And with that we conclude our pictorial presentation of your precious pussies and bitches.

Infomaniac asks all of you to always treat your animal friends with kindness and affection and to give generously, if you can, to the animal charity of your choice.

Now bark like a dog, bitches!

What Should I Cock?

A reminder that on Wednesday, Infomaniac will be posting pics of your furry friends.




I won’t be around much today but in my absence, I’m leaving something for you to ponder.

This Google search arrived via London, England and is begging for an answer…

iam bored and hungry what should i cock?

Can anyone help?

See you Wednesday!

Create Farts

I’m planning a sickie today so I have plenty of time to fart around afterall.

I’m certain the rest of you would love to be farting around too so let’s make a game of it, shall we?

Create farts.

Go on!

Stay Tuned

Stay tuned as I'm still contagious so will have to take the day off work and will have time to blog, comment, etc. after all...

come back soon

Blogging from My Sick Bed

Mistress MJ is rallying around briefly from her sick bed to thank you for your "get well soon" wishes upon hearing of her illness.

Lord Tennisanyone has been hired as her court jester and XL is official pillow fluffer.

What about the rest of you? What services can you volunteer to aid in Mistress MJ's speedy recovery?



VOLUNTEER NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!


Reminder: Monday is the final day to submit pics of your animal pals. If you missed that posting, read all about it here.

Reading Weekend

It’s pouring rain, I’ve come down with a sore throat, and I’m taking to my bed with a shot of Jamesons and a book…



What are you doing this weekend?

Filthy Friday

Nurse MJ will see you now.

Who’s next?

Anonymous Rants and Raves

Occasionally, Infomaniac receives anonymous comments in response to our postings.

We tend to receive more rants than raves as typified in our item about White People Dreadlocks…


Anonymous said: You're a fucking idiot.
Dreadlocks are clean, they get washed, and they're no different than normal hair. By telling people that it's not okay to have dreads because of race you're only propagating discrimination. Some people have dreadlocks because they like them, some people have dreadlocks because they have hair that's hard to deal with so that's the easiest way to keep their hair.
I think you're just not comfortable with yourself and feel the need to hate on everyone. Go fuck yourself, cocksucker.




Anonymous said: "Dreads are not only fashion faux pas but they are also disgusting."
- Honest religious people, black or white, who have dreadlocks, are not concerned with your concept of fashion. It is also not disgusting, unless you're ignorant.

"Apparently, you don't wash your hair with shampoo and you treat the hair a special wax."
I've had them for four years. I'm white. I wash my hair every other day with a shampoo bar. I do not treat my hair with any kind of wax, gel, beeswax, bullshit, only simple thread to secure loose new hair and thats it.

Your conception of dreadlocks is negative. It shows disregard for the religious, historical and cultural reasonings behind the hair style.

This whole comment thread reeks of racism, stupidity, insanity, mythmaking, get a life.

Oh, and before you go off on me, I'm a college student with a degree, I've held a job for five years, and I am a productive intelligent member of society.





Anonymous said: As usual, Eurocentric people are misinformed. First off let me tell you that dreads are not unsanitary. If you knew anything about hair and skin care you would know that there are a wide range of products that one can use to maintain their hygiene. Some of which I make myself. All the negative comments you make lets me know that you're ignorant or very smart. I hope that you're using this blog to call attention to issues and not just hosting a bunch of stupid people with stupid comments. Damn people did you receive any attention growing up? What about as an adult? Some of you need help. I feel bad for you. Here's a hug!




But “Anonymous” is not always ranting. Sometimes Anonymous gives us positive feedback as exemplified by this response to our Armpit Sex posting…

Anonymous said: I love armpit sex anfd this picture made me cum. I did that to a girl pit and it was great.




Over to you now, bitches.

Tell us about some of the more memorable rants and raves you’ve received on your blogs.