Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a whole shitload of Infomaniac’s readers.

Let's get started with a visit to those filthy Yorkshire poofs...

TAZZY AND PIGGY:


Tazzy and Piggy give Portland Bill a hand job


We pick up where we left off last week as Tazzy and Piggy experience Easter in SmuntyLand aka the Dorset coastline.

Taz and Pig join Stevey (Smunty The Cabin Boy) and his fag hag wife Carly (Mong-Smunt) in climbing the Portland Bill lighthouse.

A brave Carly Mong-Smunt leads the timid girlie boys up the steep stairs of the lighthouse. This is a woman with cojones. And a lovely arse which we'll get to in a moment.



Carly Mong-Smunt: A woman with big balls (and big tits!)


Previous to the outing to the coast, back in the hotel, we were subjected to pics of Tazzy and Piggy’s turds. Explore at your own risk.





STEVE AND CARLY (THE SMUNTS):


The Smunts relate their twisted fantasy version of Tazzy and Piggy’s trip to the Dorset cuntryside.



Steve goes down on Portland Bill (practicing for later that night when he'll become Taz and Pig's cabin boy)


TWISTED LIE NUMBER ONE: Steve claims he’s not giving head to Portland Bill but rather “getting all Godzilla” on its ass. LIES!



Full moon over the English Channel (Carly's Arse)


If you can’t be bothered reading their excessively long account of the visit, just play the brief YouTube video of the group descending the stone steps of “The Cobb” harbour wall. Here’s your chance to hear the voices of The Smunts, making them just that little bit more frighteningly real. Listen to that posh bitch Carly’s accent. “Don’t make me lahhhhhff.” Which, coincidentally, is the same thing she says everytime Stevey gets nekkid.

TWISTED LIE NUMBER TWO: Stevey claims the homosexuals were trying to grab his legs on the way down but see for yourself. It didn’t happen.

Read Taz & Pig’s account, then The Smunts' account. Decide for yourselves.




AWAITING:

Awa clicks a pic of this chick with a dick…



Lady Piggy of Barnsley





FROBI:

Frobi reports on Snoop Dog’s court appearance.



Snoop Dog: The bitch who stole Frobi’s wig





WW (SNIPPETS FROM SPACESHIP ORION):

WinterPeg’s WW is having an avatar competition.




May I make a suggestion?…






HE (HOMO ESCAPEONS):

HE posts a loving tribute to his wife...



Just before she crushed his head with her mighty thighs





FIRST NATIONS:




FN is snowed under by an avalanche of vintage douche advertisements.

“The only thing strong enough to combat the foetid stench of a stanky cooter is the same thing mechanics use to clean out the grease pit: CONCENTRATED PINE SCENTED AMMONIA!”





MAIDY:

Maidy finally succumbs to public pressure to replace this stupid orange baseball cap.





Proving yet again how much she loves Canadians, Maidy decides to replace it with a Toronto Blue jays cap.




Maidy takes offence when I suggest she forget the cap and just cover her head with a paper bag.




GEO:



Canada’s famous Wawa Goose statue


And proving how much he loves Canadians (doesn’t everyone?) Geo goes out shooting with his camera and takes a pic of a Canada Goose. In Massachusetts!

No long border crossings for them, eh?





DIRTY TONY:





Tony’s been to see His Bobness in Sheffield.

He’s been there and got the t-shirt.





OLD KNUDSEN:

The usual busy week on Old Bitter Balls as, amongst other pursuits, Knudsen plays Spin the Bottle.







RICH:



Rich the snitch


Rich blows the whistle on Old Knudsen, who, it seems, has been soliciting sex in Beantown.



Knudsen: Offering sex for a tenner






EDDIE WARING:





This week on Leatherette Beanbag: Lady boys and puking midgets.

Or “Eddie Waring: A Day at the Office.”




SID (STUPID IRISH DADDY):





Manflu gone! But slowness in posting still there!

SID, post something new you lazy Irish cunt.




CONVICT:




Vet loses hand to crocodile.

Surgeons in Taiwan have reattached a vet's arm, after it was bitten off by a crocodile as he tried to give it an anaesthetic injection.




TICKERS:





Tickers compares driving to anal sex.





PRUNELLA DE VILLE:


“What's pink and cute and can travel at 600 mph?”





Extreme cuteness alert as Pru informs us about Helly Kitty Airlines.





GEOFF:

Jim Carrey gets on Geoff’s tits.








BETTY:

Betty’s listening to “any music which is the antithesis of Snow Fucking Fucking Patrol.”




IVF (INEXPLICABLE DeVICE):

IVF put us on hold while he was out on maneuvers (Manhoovers).

But the wait was worth it as we finally get to see the winsome witch himself…



This witch is a sexy bitch





CHELLY (HOWEVER):


Chelly claims she’s posted this Nigel Harman fan montage for me but that little minx wants him bad.

KAV:





Kav puts his foot in his mouth (and pencils up his nostrils) and asks us to relate our foot-in-mouth incidents.





KAZ:


Kaz and her oral fixations.




This time it’s ice cream.




BOCK THE ROBBER:




I just like to quote random bits of dialogue from Bock the Robber…

Fuckin bastard. I'll find out where you live and I'll pour a nest of ants through your letterbox.

Fuck you, you fat prick!!

Well fuck me sideways

You fucking fool.

Was that the finest piece of satire ever to appear on Irish television, or the worst example of scum-sucking obsequious arse-licking you've seen in your life?

Scunthorpe won 2-0. They're promoted. Wooo hoooo!!




SPIKEY:





Spikey finds a mouse in his recycling “blue box.”





MUTLEY THE DOG:





Mutley resolves to be a kinder person.

“As I have no colleagues working with me in the partly converted toilet which serves as my office (still the gents!) I decided to be kind to strangers instead . Believe me this is not as easy as it sounds!”




BILLY (¡OYE BILLY!):


Billy’s given up on ever learning to drive and would prefer to spend the money for driving lessons on booze instead.




HARDHOUSE:




Bournemouth’s Hardhouse is back!

He’s been gone so long I was tempted to make him a “New Cunt of the Week” but you old-timers will remember him.




And finally…



NEW CUNT OF THE WEEK


Another Brit joins Infomaniac. Welcome GLENDA of Flaming Nora!



“She writes. She blogs. What's she on about now?”


Glenda lives in London but she’s a displaced Mackem from Sunderland on the North East coast.

Not only does she amuse us with her blog Flaming Nora, Glenda writes and edits Corrie Blog; a blog for Coronation Street fans. AND she provides weekly Coronation Street updates over here. And she’s on the writing team of Dollymix.



Corrie's Jack Duckworth: “Flaming Nora!”


All this and she’s a Sunderland AFC supporter.

Everyone join me in clasping Glenda to your bosom and making her feel at home here on Infomaniac.

Sinful Sunday

I hope you’re having a sinsational weekend.

Join me tomorrow for your Blogging Roundup.

Airbag Department of Security Blog Advisory System

We all know that Infomaniac could use some kind of NSFW label since being told in no uncertain terms by a disgruntled reader that this is a “porno site.”

Good news! Now Infomaniac can alert readers to off-colour content.

If you use naughty words and phrases on your blog like, oh, say, “Steve, you useless cocksucking cunt,” or “SID, you fucking Irish hooer,” then you too should consider the Airbag Blog Advisory System.




We wouldn’t want to offend anyone now would we?

I hereby declare Infomaniac to have reached Asshat Level.




Consider yourself warned.



[Thanks for the link, Frosti.]

This Space For Rent

Maidy is offering space for rent on her pregnant belly.

So go ahead. Suggest a slogan you’d like to see emblazoned on her big bump.

Make it as long as you like. There's plenty of room!

She'll also be renting it out as storage after the baby's born. Got anything you'd like to stash in there?

Caption This!

So I’m browsing the “man-on-man” section at the video store and…





Oh come on. You do it too.

And lo and behold if a familiar face doesn’t appear on one of the DVD covers!



TRUCKSTOP DADDY GEO





It’s GEO!!!

Geo, if you don’t already know, is a trucker. Hauls ass (arse) all over the good ole U.S. of A. Including his own, apparently!

Geo, I know it gets lonely out there on the open road without your wife Maidy but I didn’t know you had a secret life as a gay porn star.

Anyway, I’m opening this up to the rest of you. Now that Geo’s dirty little secret is out, this DVD cover needs a caption.

Leave a caption or comment. Go for it.

Blog Housekeeping

Infomaniac needs to do a bit of housekeeping.

I’ll ask the fellas to put on your French maid’s outfits to assit me.

Ladies, just come as you are. You’re perfect. It’s the “men” around here who need to work it.


First Order of Business: The Blogroll






I’ve had a request from someone (not one of our regulars) to remove their link from my Blogroll due to the objectionable content on Infomaniac. In fact, they referred to Infomaniac as a “porno site.”

So while we’re on the subject…

Is there anyone else who wishes to be removed from my Blogroll? Speak now. Either tell me in the comments section or send me an email. My email address is on my Blogger Profile.




Infomaniac: Down with this sort of thing!



Second Order of Business: Word Verification

To use word verification or not to use word verification?

I’ve had a complaint from someone (no names mentioned… rhymes with “Leo”) that they often have to enter the word verification letters TWICE before they can leave a comment.

Is anyone else having this problem?

If so, how do I fix it?

And do I really need WV?

Show of hands, please.

Right. Your work here is done. You can doff your aprons now and leave them folded neatly for the next shift.


UPDATE: Word Verification stays.
Thanks, everyone, for contributing your opinions on WV. I’ve decided to leave word verification in place for now. I’ll be pleased if you continue to leave comments despite the hassle. When WV acts up, repeat after me… “You fucking cunt!” It won’t get your comment loaded any faster but you’ll feel better for saying it.

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with (more than) a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

If you didn’t make the Roundup list this week, stop your whining. This is all I have to say to you…






And now let’s move on to those whose blogs I lingered longer on this week.



MAIDY:





Thanks to inspiration from SID and Charlie on the PA Turnpike, Maidy changes her tagline to ‘Illegitimi Non Carborundum.’

Translation: Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

And to Maidy I say, “Vescere bracis meis.”

Translation: "Eat my shorts."




GEO:


Geo debates whether or not to head the big rig north to Canada. Mostly to see if we have the Maple Leaf on the bottom of our national bikinis. I think you’ll find that we do indeed…







The fool also tries to tell us Canucks (me and Spikey, specifically) that he’s been to a Tim Hortons to stock up on donuts when it fact it was the lesser and inferior Dunkin’ Donuts.

I’ll get you for that little white lie, Geo. Stay tuned later this week.



FROBI:





Frobi extols the virtues of melon balling.





TONY THE FILTHY YORKSHIREMAN:




I needn’t have bothered praying to St. Isidore, the patron saint of computers.

Turns out that “it was fluff wot done it.”

Tony hadn’t cleaned the air vents (ever, no doubt) so his PC was clogged with fluff and it overheated.

You don’t want to know what he found behind his PC tower.





OLD KNUDSEN:






Old Knudsen has the cheek to post about my obsessive hand washing!


And we find out how he spends his Thursday afternoons…



Penis Enlargement Club





SID (Stupid Irish Daddy):

SID’s come down with the manflu.

I took this pic of him whilst his guard was down…





Get well soon, Mucker.




TAZZY AND PIGGY:


Tazzy and Piggy jump into the TazzyAndPiggyMobile and drive the “5 and a half fucking hours” to visit The Smunts in Dorset.



The “fucking hovel” in Dorset with the “piss-stained sheets, mice in the biscuit tray, carpets that would more appropriately have been called 'velcro' and powdered milk for our coffee.”





STEVE AND CARLY:

The Smunts welcome Tazzy and Piggy to Dubious Dorset but are too lazy to get a posting and pics up.

UPDATE: The Smunts have finally posted.


Pic of Stevey in Yorkshire flat-cap via Tazzy and Piggy






AWAITING:

And speaking of Steve, Awa celebrates Easter with a disturbingly cuddly Stevey bunny…







GEOFF:





Geoff tucks into a Simnel Cake.

Once again, an ignorant Canuck MJ must consult Wikipedia to find that Simnel cake is a light fruit cake, similar to Christmas cake, covered in marzipan and eaten at Easter in England and Ireland.



BETTY:





Betty is overcome with joy to watch BBC’s Val Doonican Evening.

And yet again, MJ consults Wikipedia to uncover the phenomenon that is Val Doonican.




FARMER GILES’ COCK BLOG:

At last! The long-awaited climax to The Woman Who Only Wanted Me For My Cock.




BILLY (¡Oye Billy!):


Billy scares the bejesus out of us all by posting Celine Dion singing AC/DC’s ‘You Shook Me All Night Long.”





I am ashamed to be a Canadian.




EDDIE WARING:





Horses with knob cheese, Black Power condoms, free donuts from a crotch-ogling waitress, and a trip to the dentist where he finds out his prostate is fine.

A typical week in the life of Eddie Waring.





BOCK THE ROBBER:





When in need of a good rant I visit Bock the Robber.

Highlights from recent postings include:

You'll what? No floggings? No keel-hauling? No hanging up by their thumbs?

Ah for fuck's sake, Jesus. If ye cannae tak a joke, what's the world comin' tae? Surely we can work somethin' out? I mean, you're probably pissed off, what wi' bein' crucified an' all, but -

And we all fuck off, back to the Hotel Bland, for more mescaline, Bourbon Whiskey and brown acid.




KAZ:





For even more ranting, let’s turn it over to Kaz.

Kaz takes on the Tories, specifically David Cameron.






FIRST NATIONS:






FN warns against getting your tattoo done by very dirty, very old drunks with gonorrhea.




HE (Homo Escapeons):





It’s science fair time with HE.

Try this at home…

“Einstein said that TIME slows down the faster that you travel. I can prove that this also happens the faster that you try to pee.”



WW (Snippets from Spaceship Orion):





*Ignores WW ‘til he stops blogging about hockey*

*Waits for hell to freeze over*



TICKERS:





Tickers celebrates David Thomas Day in Wales.








MUTLEY THE DOG:





Mutley goes home with a transvestite female gnome.




PRUNELLA DE VILLE:





Britney Spears shows up at Evil Pru’s garage sale.



CHELLY:


Making plans for Nigel


*ignores Chelly ‘til she quenches my Brit soap star cravings with the Nigel Harmon video she promised me*

*even though she did a perfectly good Sam Robertson video*




SPIKEY:






Spikey “rolls up the rim” and wins a free Tim Hortons coffee!

You must be Canadian to understand the hard-on-inducing thrill of rolling up the rim.

Intermission

Infomaniac returns on Tuesday with your weekly Blogging Roundup.

I hope you filthy bitches are enjoying your long weekend.

Dirty Dentist

British dentist Alan Hutchinson was found guilty of using his surgery sink as a toilet.

His dental nurse is quoted as saying, “Dirty bastard. He has peed in the sink. He has. I can smell it. It stinks.”




Alan Hutchinson



The dirty dentist is also accused of using surgical equipment to clean his ears and fingernails, then placing the equipment back on trays to use on patients.

Hutchinson has been suspended from practicing in his Batley, West Yorkshire dental office.

Update Your Link to the Smunts

That stupid southern cunt Stevey and his fag hag wife Carly have changed their URL so update now to:

www.kellysmunt.co.uk/blog

Filthy Friday

The Dildo Song




[Link via my good buddy Mikey in Ontario.]

Happy Birthday, Piggy!

He’s cute.


He’s wee.




He’s our Cute Wee Pigster and today is his birthday!

Happy Birthday, Piggy luv.

And congratulations on being eligible now for the Old Age Pension.

Takin’ it Easy

I’m takin’ it easy while the new Back-Up Bitch is in training.

Don’t just stand there with your mouth open. Put the kettle on.

My Back-Up Bitch

Thanks to all you wannabe bitches who volunteered following yesterday’s request to become my back-up slave when Slave Numero Uno (SID) is unavailable.



THE WINNER!

My New Back-Up Bitch:





Old Knudsen

Tarty yet tantalizing. Crusty yet comely. Knudsen’s likely to be disobedient but Mistress MJ enjoys a challenge.



RUNNER-UP:

Should Old Knudsen be unable to fulfill his duties, the first runner-up, Tony, will take his place.

Caveat: Tony is required to provide Spotted Dick and Polish Sausage when summoned.

HONOURABLE MENTION:

The tag team/husband/wife team of Geo and Maidy. But with Geo on the road so often and Maidy a hormone-fueled psycho bitch, it just isn’t worth the headache.




THE LOSER:




Stevey

Carly is welcome to this, the dregs of Dorset society. Just knowing that she has him down on all fours scrubbing the kitchen floor as we speak (in her pinny) is comeuppance enough for me.

My Bitch is Back

My man slave SID (Stupid Irish Daddy) is back so I’m taking the day off, putting my feet up …







…and ordering the filthy Irish slut about.







I regret to inform you that the Blogging Roundup will not be published today.

Blame SID.

I have to spend all day whipping him back into shape after his absence...







It’s time to mend his disobedient ways.







Perhaps I should consider enlisting the aide of a back-up slave.

Any volunteers?

Qualifications: Must be able to take DICK-tation.

Apply in the comments section to Mistress MJ.