Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Shopping Germs


If you’re like Mistress MJ and you

a.) Carry not one, not two, but THREE different types of anti-bacterial products in your handbag.
b.) Flush public toilets with your foot.
c.) Wash new clothes before you wear them.

Read on…


Planning a shopping excursion this holiday season?

Protect yourself from the 8 GERMIEST PLACES in the mall …

1. Restroom sinks
2. Food court tables
3. Escalator handrails
4. ATM handpads
5. Toy stores
6. Fitting rooms
7. Gadget shops
8. Makeup samples

Read the full story here for the sickening details.

[via]

*dons hazmat suit before heading out the door*

Wenis Wednesday

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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Big Zip

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“Because one is enough, when it’s you. Show where you’re headed in the ultimate fashion climax. Fits so tight it shows all you’ve got…you’re a walking turn-on. And treats your body as well as she does. Easy on, easy off, quick as a flick of her tongue. Sexy cool crinkle cloth for those hot nights to come. Designed with your desires in mind…she’ll eat you alive in it. The Big Zip in 50% polyester/50% cotton. Long-sleeved in rust, blue or black. Short-sleeved in natural, blue or camel. Are you enough man to fill it? $45″

Monday, November 28, 2011

While You’re Waiting

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Watch this 48-second video clip while you’re waiting for your handmade Christmas card from Mistress MJ…



The clip contains footage of a special place that Mistress MJ visits regularly and it will explain the image on your soon-to-arrive Christmas card!

I chose this clip knowing that you wouldn’t sit still long enough for this four minute video clip that contains more information.

[via]

Enjoy!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Cocktails, Anyone?

While you're waiting for Mistress MJ to lovingly hand-create your Christmas cards, enjoy a beverage at the Infomaniac Cocktail Lounge ...


Be sure to let Mistress MJ know if your mailing address has changed since this time last year.

*resumes licking envelopes*

She's Making a List

Mistress MJ is making a list
And checking it twice


She knows you're all naughty
But thinks that's quite nice.

And that's why she needs to update her mailing list.

If you Bitches have moved since this time LAST year, email Mistress MJ your updated mailing address pronto as there is a deadline for popping cards in the post to foreign destinations.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Let the Weekend Begin

Infomaniac Bitches waste no time in kicking it off in style...

[via]

Won't you join us?

Filthy Friday Fruit Platter

(Click pic to enlarge!)
[via]

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving Gay

Happy Thanksgiving Gay, er Day, to all our American Infomaniac Bitches!

[via]

And thanks to the ever fabulous THOMBEAU, we have a little quiz to take today.

Check to see if you meet any of the qualifications listed below OR …

Why not make up your OWN gay quiz?!

The following passage is taken from Marilyn Manson’s autobiography, “The Long Hard Road Out of Hell.”…

My philosophy about sexuality is that I don't have a problem with anything anyone does in any way. All I ask is that you know the rules. I've sucked the dicks of several men, which a lot of straight guys won't admit to having done or wanting to do. But just like kissing a girl can't get her pregnant, sucking a guy's dick doesn't make you gay (Unless you break rule #3). It's not that i'm against being gay - I just want to clarify what makes you gay. Please note this list only pertains to guys: All women are by nature lesbians. So let's get things straight (no pun intended) - if you meet any of the qualifications below, you are gay.

1. IF YOU GET SOMEONE ELSE'S SPERM ON YOU.

2. IF YOU'VE EVER OWNED A SMITHS ALBUM.

3. IF YOU GET HARD WHILE SUCKING ANOTHER GUY'S DICK. IF YOU DON'T, YOU'RE STRAIGHT - UNLESS HE GETS SPERM ON YOU.

4. IF MICHAEL STIPE IS IN THE ROOM WITH YOU AND YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH A WOMAN, YOU'RE BISEXUAL.

5. IF YOU'RE AT A GAY BAR, YOU'RE NOT GAY. BUT IF YOU'RE AT A STRAIGHT BAR AND YOU TALK TO ANOTHER GUY LONGER THAN YOU TALK TO A GIRL, YOU'RE GAY.

6. IF YOU TAP YOUR FEET TO A SMITHS SONG.

7. IF YOU DISCUSS ART FOR MORE THAN 45 MINUTES.

8. IF YOU'VE EVER WORN A BERET.

9. IF YOU KISS A GUY AND HE HAS A HARD-ON, YOU'RE NOT GAY UNLESS YOU HAVE A HARD-ON TOO.

10. IF YOU HAVE ANY KIND OF SEX - WITH A MALE OR A FEMALE - TO THE SMITHS, YOU'RE GAY.

11. IF YOUR ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO GET GIRLS PREGNANT SO THEY CAN HAVE MORE GIRLS TO HAVE LESBIAN SEX TOGETHER.

12. IF YOU JACK OFF AND GET CUM ON YOURSELF.

13. IF YOU GET A BONER WATCHING GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.

14. IF YOU DON'T GET A BONER WATCHING BEWITCHED.

15. IF THERE'S A SMITHS SONG ON IN A BAR AND YOU'RE IN THE BATHROOM WITH YOUR DICK IN YOUR HAND.

16. IF YOUR NAME IS RICHARD AND YOU GO BY DICK.

17. IF YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH ANYONE NAMED DICK.

18. IF YOU DON'T CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, YOU'RE ONLY USING HER AS A PROP TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE NOT GAY.

19. IF YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH A MODEL.

20. IF YOU FUCK A GIRL WHO LIKES THE SMITHS.

21. IF YOU DON'T EAT MEAT BECAUSE THE SMITHS ALBUM MEAT IS MURDER HAD AN IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE.

22. IF YOU DO ANYTHING SPIRITUAL.

23. IF YOU FUCK A PREGNANT WOMAN AND SHE'S CARRYING A BOY, YOU'RE GAY. IF YOU GET SPERM ON THE AMNIOTIC SAC, THE BABY WILL GROW UP TO BE GAY TOO.

24. IF YOU'VE EVER HAD A HAIRCUT LIKE MORRISSEY.

25. IF YOU'VE EVER HAS A HAIRCUT WHILE A MORRISSEY OR SMITHS ALBUM WAS PLAYING IN THE ROOM.

26. IF YOU'VE EVER TALKED ABOUT OF OWNED A CRYSTAL - ESPECIALLY IF IT'S CRYSTAL METH.

27. IF YOU'VE EVER PUT BAND AIDS ON YOUR NIPPLES AS A FASHION STATEMENT.

28. IF YOU'VE EVER SPENT MORE THAN A WEEK ON SOUTH BEACH.

29. IF YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT TITS RIGHT NOW.

30. IF YOU STILL LIKED JUDAS PRIEST AFTER YOU HEARD THE RUMOUR THAT ROB HALFORD WAS GAY.

31. IF YOU GET A HARD-ON WHILE TAKING A SHIT.

32. IF YOU KNOW WHAT SPERM TASTES LIKE (ESPECIALLY IF IT'S YOUR OWN).

33. IF YOU KISS A GIRL WITH TONGUE AFTER SHE'S SWALLOWED YOUR CUM.

34. IF YOU GET HARD WHILE READING THIS.

35. IF YOU KNOW THE NAMES OF ANYONE WHO'S EVER BEEN IN THE SMITHS BESIDES MORRISSEY OR JOHNNY MARR.

36. IF YOU'RE A MALE MODEL.

37. IF YOU GET CHOKED UP LISTENING TO BOYS DON'T CRY BY THE CURE.

38. IF YOU'RE A CLOTHING DESIGNER.

39. IF YOUR FIRST, LAST, OR MIDDLE OR ONLY NAME IS MORRISSEY.


That’s it, Bitches!

According to MM, I’m a lesbian so I won’t bother taking the test.

*grabs Ms. Nations by the drumstick and slathers her in cranberry sauce*

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Balls

Speaking of cocks in frocks, it takes balls for a boy to wear a skirt to school but that’s exactly what happened in England.


A 13-year-old boy wore his sister’s black skirt to class. He was later shortlisted for a human rights prize for taking a stand against a rule which allowed girls to change into skirts during hot weather, while boys had to swelter in long trousers.

Now if only we could lift the ball ban on Canadian playgrounds.

Wenis Wednesday

[via]

Where was this photo when I needed it for the Miss Cocks in Frocks Competition?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Ten Sex Mistakes You’ll Always Regret

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Name at least ONE of yours, Bitches.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Meanwhile, Back in the Infomaniac Games Room

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Junk in the Trunk

You too can achieve this “ghetto booty” look simply by injecting a mixture of "cement, 'Fix-a-Flat,' mineral oil and super glue" into your arse…


Oneal Ron Morris, a fake doctor in Florida, has been arrested for allegedly giving women bad buttock injections.

“Morris, who police say is a man but appears to look like a woman and sports an apparently enhanced rear herself in arrest photos, was being held on $7,500 bond. It was unknown whether she has an attorney.”

If you want a bigger booty, the Infomaniac Medical Clinic recommends just eating a lot of ice cream rather than injecting your arse full of poison.

Read more here.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Gifts for the Games Room

Mistress MJ went shopping with YOU in mind, Bitches and here’s what she purchased…

[via]
(Thanks, Zenfancy!)


Anyone up for some fun?

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Pull Up a Chair

While you're waiting for Mistress MJ to return, pull up a chair...

[via]

One of a kind...only one chair in stock.

Available at the Infomaniac Thrift Shop.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Gone Shopping

(click pic to enlarge)
[via]

Back on Sunday.

In the meantime, based on the illustration above, try to identify the objects Mistress MJ is purchasing.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Queer Little Device

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Ascot Instructions

With a “deft flick of your fingers,” you too can be fashionable.








[via]

Monday, November 14, 2011

Pill Party Aftermath

Thanks to everyone who made Designing Wally’s birthday party a roaring success!

Pill Party!


*sung to the tune of White Rabbit*...

♫One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones Mistress MJ gives you
Make you say Oh fuck it all♫...


♫Go ask Wally
When he's swallowed a DOLL♫...

[via]

In celebration of Designing Wally’s birthday, Mistress MJ is hosting a pill party!
[via]

Grab a handful at the door!

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Von LX is on hand to fluff your PILLows...


You can keep your socks on...

[via]

But try not to lose your head!...

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BOING!!!...

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The house blend...


YAY! HAPPY PILLS!...


Reach into the jars and enjoy, Bitches!...

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Alcoholic Test

Bitches, please humour Mistress MJ by taking one more test of her new monitor.

Observe the photo below…

[via]

Can you clearly read the text without squinting? (A reminder to Mr. Peenee and Normadesmond to put on their reading glasses.)

Is the entire photo visible without clicking to enlarge?

Can you see the image labelled “Started drinking 20” straight across to the image labelled “Loss of control 42 years of age” without clicking on it to enlarge? Or is a portion of the photo cut off?

Thank you for your assistance.

Regular programming will resume later today.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Happy Hour Test

Mistress MJ requires your assistance.

Observe the photo below…


Can you read the print on the image without clicking to enlarge the photo? i.e. the part that says, “Happy Hour Mixology. 44 Drink Recipes.”

Also, can you see the images of the astrological signs on the left and right columns of the photo or do you have to click to enlarge to see them? Is either the right column or the left column cut off so that you can’t see all the astrological signs?

You see, I’m using a larger computer monitor now which makes all my photos look big…just the way I’ve always wanted them!

No longer do I have to “click to enlarge” after I’ve posted to see the details in my photos.

But the question is … do YOU have to click to enlarge to see my photos clearly now?

p.s. I’ll catch up with all of you asap. The flu took the wind out of my sails.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Bleurgh


Mistress MJ is indisposed and hopes to be back with you as soon as possible.