Happy Thanksgiving Gay, er Day, to all our American Infomaniac Bitches!
[via]
And thanks to the ever fabulous
THOMBEAU, we have a little quiz to take today.
Check to see if you meet any of the qualifications listed below OR …
Why not make up your OWN gay quiz?!
The following passage is taken from Marilyn Manson’s autobiography, “The Long Hard Road Out of Hell.”…
My philosophy about sexuality is that I don't have a problem with anything anyone does in any way. All I ask is that you know the rules. I've sucked the dicks of several men, which a lot of straight guys won't admit to having done or wanting to do. But just like kissing a girl can't get her pregnant, sucking a guy's dick doesn't make you gay (Unless you break rule #3). It's not that i'm against being gay - I just want to clarify what makes you gay. Please note this list only pertains to guys: All women are by nature lesbians. So let's get things straight (no pun intended) -
if you meet any of the qualifications below, you are gay.
1. IF YOU GET SOMEONE ELSE'S SPERM ON YOU.
2. IF YOU'VE EVER OWNED A SMITHS ALBUM.
3. IF YOU GET HARD WHILE SUCKING ANOTHER GUY'S DICK. IF YOU DON'T, YOU'RE STRAIGHT - UNLESS HE GETS SPERM ON YOU.
4. IF MICHAEL STIPE IS IN THE ROOM WITH YOU AND YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH A WOMAN, YOU'RE BISEXUAL.
5. IF YOU'RE AT A GAY BAR, YOU'RE NOT GAY. BUT IF YOU'RE AT A STRAIGHT BAR AND YOU TALK TO ANOTHER GUY LONGER THAN YOU TALK TO A GIRL, YOU'RE GAY.
6. IF YOU TAP YOUR FEET TO A SMITHS SONG.
7. IF YOU DISCUSS ART FOR MORE THAN 45 MINUTES.
8. IF YOU'VE EVER WORN A BERET.
9. IF YOU KISS A GUY AND HE HAS A HARD-ON, YOU'RE NOT GAY UNLESS YOU HAVE A HARD-ON TOO.
10. IF YOU HAVE ANY KIND OF SEX - WITH A MALE OR A FEMALE - TO THE SMITHS, YOU'RE GAY.
11. IF YOUR ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS TO GET GIRLS PREGNANT SO THEY CAN HAVE MORE GIRLS TO HAVE LESBIAN SEX TOGETHER.
12. IF YOU JACK OFF AND GET CUM ON YOURSELF.
13. IF YOU GET A BONER WATCHING GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.
14. IF YOU DON'T GET A BONER WATCHING BEWITCHED.
15. IF THERE'S A SMITHS SONG ON IN A BAR AND YOU'RE IN THE BATHROOM WITH YOUR DICK IN YOUR HAND.
16. IF YOUR NAME IS RICHARD AND YOU GO BY DICK.
17. IF YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH ANYONE NAMED DICK.
18. IF YOU DON'T CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, YOU'RE ONLY USING HER AS A PROP TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE NOT GAY.
19. IF YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH A MODEL.
20. IF YOU FUCK A GIRL WHO LIKES THE SMITHS.
21. IF YOU DON'T EAT MEAT BECAUSE THE SMITHS ALBUM MEAT IS MURDER HAD AN IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE.
22. IF YOU DO ANYTHING SPIRITUAL.
23. IF YOU FUCK A PREGNANT WOMAN AND SHE'S CARRYING A BOY, YOU'RE GAY. IF YOU GET SPERM ON THE AMNIOTIC SAC, THE BABY WILL GROW UP TO BE GAY TOO.
24. IF YOU'VE EVER HAD A HAIRCUT LIKE MORRISSEY.
25. IF YOU'VE EVER HAS A HAIRCUT WHILE A MORRISSEY OR SMITHS ALBUM WAS PLAYING IN THE ROOM.
26. IF YOU'VE EVER TALKED ABOUT OF OWNED A CRYSTAL - ESPECIALLY IF IT'S CRYSTAL METH.
27. IF YOU'VE EVER PUT BAND AIDS ON YOUR NIPPLES AS A FASHION STATEMENT.
28. IF YOU'VE EVER SPENT MORE THAN A WEEK ON SOUTH BEACH.
29. IF YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT TITS RIGHT NOW.
30. IF YOU STILL LIKED JUDAS PRIEST AFTER YOU HEARD THE RUMOUR THAT ROB HALFORD WAS GAY.
31. IF YOU GET A HARD-ON WHILE TAKING A SHIT.
32. IF YOU KNOW WHAT SPERM TASTES LIKE (ESPECIALLY IF IT'S YOUR OWN).
33. IF YOU KISS A GIRL WITH TONGUE AFTER SHE'S SWALLOWED YOUR CUM.
34. IF YOU GET HARD WHILE READING THIS.
35. IF YOU KNOW THE NAMES OF ANYONE WHO'S EVER BEEN IN THE SMITHS BESIDES MORRISSEY OR JOHNNY MARR.
36. IF YOU'RE A MALE MODEL.
37. IF YOU GET CHOKED UP LISTENING TO BOYS DON'T CRY BY THE CURE.
38. IF YOU'RE A CLOTHING DESIGNER.
39. IF YOUR FIRST, LAST, OR MIDDLE OR ONLY NAME IS MORRISSEY.
That’s it, Bitches!
According to MM, I’m a lesbian so I won’t bother taking the test.
*grabs
Ms. Nations by the drumstick and slathers her in cranberry sauce*
