MJ's Pussy

I’ve been overwhelmed by the number of bloggers who’ve emailed me asking for pics of my pussy.

Here are just a few of the emails I’ve received on this topic:


From Smunty the Cabin Boy…

I bid one box of Twinkies for pics of your pussy.


From Maidy…

Geo knows of my insatiable desire for pussy and he’s okay with it so send me your pic. I’ll be envious when I see yours and I’ll wish mine were as fine.I can’t get enough pussy. I’m gagging for it. Hurry, bitch.


From Old Knudsen…

I must go doon to the seas again. And though you’ve spurned me, I’ll keep a pic of your pussy as a reminder of what might have been.


From Tazzy…

Piggy mustn’t find out about this. It's our little secret. Don’t send the pic to our joint email account. Here’s my private email address.


From SID…

I’ve started lucid dreaming, as you know. So if only I had a pic of your magikal pussy, I could gaze upon it 'til I fall asleep, perchance to dream of its beauty. It might keep me “up” at night though. Tee hee.



Well, bitches, I’ve kept you waiting long enough. At last, the big reveal. Here it is. My pussy…







And now over to you. Email me pics of your pussies or other critters that share your household.

Pics will appear here next Sunday, August 26th.

Fill in the Blank

MJ is (fill in the blank.)

Dick Tricks

Penises should be fun, not just functional!



Fellas, you’ve had fun here on Infomaniac before with your willies, haven’t you?

I’m thinking of the day you learned how to scan your nobs.

And who can forget when you all sent me pics of your pricks?

Good times.

So knowing how much you boys enjoy playing pocket pool, why not explore the art of genital origami at Dick Tricks?

No time like the present. Whip it out right now, try a few moves, and let us know your faves.

Note: The Dick Tricks site is trying to gather all the dick tricks in the world. So if you have a unique dick trick of your own, send it to them.

Ladies (and I use that term loosely): I haven’t forgotten you. If you have a special trick you can do with your snatch, tell us all about it. I’m sure, for instance, that FN can blow smoke rings and Maidy can make hers whine.



Maidy’s endless vagina monologue: “It only took about a month, but I will be finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows tonight.”

Results of the British Biscuit Trial

It’s not been all fun in the sun with me, you know. I’ve been busy putting your British biccies to the test.

Without going far afield, I tracked down both McVitie's HobNobs and McVitie's Ginger Nuts in my neighbourhood.

Both biscuits proved excellent dunkers. They withstood crumbling and distentegrating in both tea and milk. A couple of “tough cookies” you might say.

The ginger nuts became even more gingery when immersed in tea and the HobNobs even oatier.

One drawback, however, was that the tea took on a ginger flavour following the ginger nut dunking.

I’m gloating over the fact that I’ve mastered the art of the dunk. Just a few seconds of immersion does the trick. No lingering! The biccies held their shape yet still maintained a slight crunch following dunking. And not a single crumb of residue left over in the cup.

Just when I was reveling in my newly acquired dunking skill, I read that a tearoom in Brighton has outlawed biscuit dunking. If you dunk your biscuit, you’ll be invited to leave the establishment. The tearoom owner is nothing short of a tea Nazi! He said: "People have to obey the rules and if not they are asked to leave. It is the art of tea drinking - this is not going to Starbucks with a mug of coffee."



Left to right: HobNob and Ginger Nut.


Which biscuit did I prefer? In the final crunch, I’ll be purchasing more packets of HobNobs and sharing them with other ignorant Canucks to show them what they’re missing out on over here.

In future, I’ll have to make a sidetrip to the British specialty shops to find any other kind of British biccies as this was all my neighbourhood had to offer.

Thanks, all of you, for your biccie suggestions from last week. It’s been a treat.

A Bitch at the Beach with a Book

If that bitch Maidy can take loads of time off to read, then surely I can take a day off with a book at the beach?

See you tomorrow.

Blogging Roundup

A peek at ‘the week that was’ with a handful of Infomaniac’s readers.

I’ve been getting emails asking, “Whatever happened to the Blogging Roundup?” It’s been months since the last one so today marks a return of the Blogging Roundup, documenting what you lot have been up to over the past week or so. It’s a condensed version as time didn’t allow me to get ‘round to everyone. Besides, half of you are either on hols or too lazy to post.

Let’s get started this week with Yorkshire’s finest poofs and Dorset’s finest fag hag and her sexually-confused husband…

TAZZY & PIGGY & THE SMUNTS:


Left to right: Carly, Tazzy and Piggy (somewhere in Dorset) on their way to the trough. Note that Tazzy’s massive package extends down his right trouserleg and into his pocket, which explains why he's leaning a little. Impressive.



Left to right: Piggy, Smunty, and unidentified dwarf.
Bizarre ancient Doresetian three-way sex ritual being played out.


Tazzy and Piggy and The Smunts are getting lumped together in this week’s Blogging Roundup. Why? Because they’ve been holed up together all week in a cabin in what has become known as “The Smuntyville Horror 2.”

Once again we are faced with a choice of believing Tazzy and Piggy’s version of events or The Smunts version.

Steve (Smunty) says of Piggy, “I have never known such a demanding drama queen in my entire life.” That quote alone is enough to convince me that Smunty’s version is the truth.

In fairness though, Smunty doesn’t come off looking the hero as he scratches his bollocks for the umpteenth time…




You be the judge. Many more pics on their blogs if you can stomach them.

And is it just me or do Smunty and Tazzy and Piggy grow to look more and more alike with each passing day?...



Can I get a witness?




IVD (INEXPLICABLE DeVICE):



Don’t break your wrist, hon.

IVD demonstrates his manly (snigger) manual labour skills and attempts (here) to bury The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts in the backyard.




FN (FIRST NATIONS):



FN relates “heart-stoppingly fabulous vacation tales” where she rides a vibrating 'Magic Fingers' massage bed.



FROBI:



A state of emergency has been declared in Dorset as the blight has claimed Frobi’s tomatoes.

*collective gasp*



KAZ:



Kaz returns home safely to Manchester and gets caught up in-flight on ancient episodes of 'Vicar of Dibley' and 'My Family'.



MAIDY:

Everyone’s favourite psycho bitch took her nose out of her Harry Potter book long enough to return to posting after giving birth to a son…


And baby makes four




HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GoBETTY!

Sending out birthday wishes today to Canuckistan’s GoBetty.

Happy birthday, gal!




NEW CUNT OF THE WEEK





He’s been commenting here for a few months so he’s not so “new” anymore but he deserves an introduction nonetheless.

LOVES: Kylie Minogue (bordering on an obsession), David Beckham (he wants to have Becks’ baby), SHOES, observing people and bitching about them to his friends, Dynasty, Desperate Housewives, Ab Fab (basically all telly involving catty, fashion-conscious bitches ) and colourful girlie cocktails. Oh, did I mention shoes?





Let’s give a big Infomaniac welcome to Denmark’s Cyberpete!

Incriminating Pic of the Week

(click to enlarge)

Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac: Incriminating Pic of the Week, in which you guess which blogger is pictured in the photo above.

No, no, no. This concept couldn’t possibly have been inspired by a bitchy Kylie-loving queen who called me a cunt in yesterday’s comments.

Dunk Piggy!

Demented Yorkshire poof Piggy


In yesterday’s “Dunking: Naff or Not?” posting, Piggy asked in the comments, “MJ dunks 'Bonio' doesn't she?”

I thought I was free of that nasty little poof this week while he’s in Dorset, making the Smunts miserable. But no, there he is suggesting I eat dog biscuits.

So I’m out for revenge and reposting a game from last summer.

I ask all of you to join me in a game of DUNK PIGGY!

DUNKING : Naff or Not?

As I’m about to embark on my British biscuit trial, I’ve noticed that some of you mentioned biscuit-dunking in the comments.

Dunking was discouraged in the Infomaniac childhood homestead as it was considered naff. Of course I dunked the minute my mother’s back was turned.

So, how about you? Are you dunkers?

Do you have a preferred method of dunking? A certain level of sogginess you must attain? How do you prevent the biscuit from disintegrating into a sludgy mess at the bottom of your cup? How much of the biccie do you dunk? A little at a time? Or the entire biscuit in one go? And for how long should the biscuit be submerged? Does dunking improve the flavour of certain biscuits? Are certain types of biccies more dunkable than others?

I’ve so much to learn.

And look at this clever bit of design. A dunk mug with a compartment to store your biscuits…

A Peek in MJ’s Drawers

HOW YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR REVEALS YOUR PERSONALITY




A Peek in MJ’s Drawers is a new series on Infomaniac in which, from time to time, we’ll examine the contents of MJ’s file cabinet drawers.

While weeding my collection of important archival newspaper clippings, I’ve found a number of culturally rich gems that I’ll share with you, my loyal bitches.

Let’s begin with this profound study…




(click to enlarge)



So. Which category defines you? Or are you in a category of your own?

Pick Me A Biccie

HobNobs, Penguins, Tunnocks Tea Cakes.

They’re common in the UK but what about here in Canada? Either we can order UK biscuits online or overpay at British specialty shops.

So I want you to pick me a biccie. Many of them I haven’t tried including the few listed above so I have no idea which biscuits are worth shelling out for.

Tell me your fave and I’ll give it a trial chew.

Taste test results to follow in the weeks to come after purchase.



Note: Spelling corrected from “bikkies” to “biccies” to appease the pedants.

Happy Birthday, Tazzy!

He’s very butch…



But a little camp…




Looking at him

Makes me damp.

Happy birthday, Tazzy Bear!

As for the rest of you, if you wish to be publicly humiliated in the style of Tazzy and Geo on your birthdays, tell me your birthdate and I’ll make it happen.

(Or if you would like to be humiliated period, whether or not it’s your birthday, that can be arranged too.)

I already know the birthdays of Piggy, SID, Maidy, IVD, Connie, Geoff, Betty, Frobi, HE, and Awaiting. But if anyone else wants to leave their birthdate in the comments or email it to me, I’ll arrange for cake and a party here.

Happy Birthday, Geo!

Happy birthday to Geo, a man of many talents.

Trucker porn star…





Manny…





And, the most challenging position of all, husband to that psycho bitch Maidy.

Let’s not forget that our Geo’s a military man. And with that in mind, here’s your pressie…






Keep on truckin’ Geo.

Your friends at Infomaniac.

Proud To Be A Knudsenite

I have joined the Knudsen Nation. See my entry here.

In helping with creating the world and designing weemen's tits God gave Old Knudsen, Knudsen Nation which contains the most fair of all the people, well the most deluded at least… One day the spaceship from Bitorian shall cum and beam us up and we shall be immortal.
-- Old Knudsen

Three-Way Bitch Fight!

MJ vs MAIDY & FIRST NATIONS!

THE CLEAN CANUCK vs THE DIRTY AMERICAN BITCHES!



Ringside seats still available!

You’ve witnessed bitch fights here before between that American Psycho Bitch Maidy and me.

But now, those TWO filthy American bitches, Maidy AND First Nations have declared war on me… separately. But I’m bringing them here together under one roof for a showdown.


This is how it looks when Maidy and I get down and dirty…



brutal


Really, the only reason Maidy wants to fight me is so she has an excuse to feel me up. Horny bitch that she is. To appease her, I pretend to like it.

Maidy’s just popped a sprog and she’s back in fighting form. But now she has a secret weapon that she can use against me….

CAUTION...


NSFW pic coming up…






If she squirts me in the eye, I don’t stand a chance.



As for First Nations (FN), she’s a tough-talkin’ motorcycle mama and I can only imagine the mayhem that will ensue when she tries to take me on. I’m guessing this will be the scene…









FN and I have issues over fellow blogger Old Knudsen. You see, both FN and I are hardcore Knudsenites.



FN wants to hump him. I just want him to bring me my tea. I told her there’s enough Knudsen for everybody but will she listen? So it’s time to take a swing at her if I can dodge her big tits and even bigger gob.

Don’t expect her ‘round here right away. She sleeps ‘til noon Pacific Standard Time and then it takes her a couple of hours to put her slap on.

Right! Let the action begin!

All 3 bitches in this fight reside in North America so don’t expect the first swing ‘til later.

And the rest of you? Feel free to jump in and referee any time. Or just cheer me on.

Are you ready to rrrrumble?

Results of the World’s Biggest Underpants Competition

After a piss poor effort on the part of all of you, I have declared the winner of the World’s Biggest Underpants Competition to be me!

I’m going to keep the giant knickers for myself. I’ll sit around and eat packets of crisps and drink endless pints of Guinness ‘til my arse fits into them.

World’s Biggest Underpants Competition

One of you lucky bitches could win the World’s Largest Underpants!




These 100% cotton, 100" (254 cm) waist underpants stretch the definition of briefs. Each high-quality undergarment has a convenient double flap in the front and a sturdy elastic band to fit around the waist for maximum comfort. They come in the traditional white only and will shrink a bit after washing. Clear acetate box with illustrated insert.


Unlike The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts, the World’s Biggest Underpants have not been worn by dozens of other bloggers. In fact, they’re mint in the box!







How to Enter: Tell me why YOU should be the recipient of the World’s Biggest Underpants and tell me what you'll do with them once you win them. Enter as often as you wish until contest closes.

Deadline: Tuesday, July 31, 2007. 10 p.m. PST. (For you lot in the UK, that’s 6:00 a.m. Wednesday, August 1. The rest of you in other time zones, figure it out for yourselves.)

Winner to be Announced: Shortly after the deadline.

Don’t get your knickers in a twist. Enter now!

MJ Does Seattle

Bitches, I’m back from Seattle.

Yes, Frobi, you were right. I’d “fucked off on hols again.”

First of all, I visited Mecca … the Archie McPhee store.




And you know what that means, don’t you? That I stocked up on fabulous prizes to award to you in future competitions!

Then on to the Kwik-E-Mart for snacks…






This Kwik-E-Mart is one of 12 7-Eleven stores in North America to be transformed into the convenience store made famous on The Simpsons TV show. The stores will revert to their normal appearance at the end of July but in the meantime, here’s what it looks like inside…











And just when I thought the day couldn’t get any better, I bumped into none other than our Piggy!…






All photographs © MJ, Infomaniac