Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah, Bitches!

Christmas tree trimmed?...



Check.

Menorah and kosher seasonal spirits in hand?...



Check.

Hanukkah is celebrated, in part, by the lighting of a menorah each night.

And no doubt, some of you will "get lit" each night.

This year, Hanukkah/Chanukah overlaps with Christmas -- an occurrence that hasn’t happened since 1978 and won’t take place again until 2027. The Jewish festival begins this year on Dec. 24th and lasts eight days until Jan. 1st.

Mistletoe Belt Buckle fastened? (or unfastened, in some cases)...



Check.

Since everything's in check, it's time to proceed to that magical time of year when we gather 'round the tree, menorah, or festive accoutrement of your choice.

We here at Infomaniac wish you a happy holiday season.

Try, for a moment, to forget the year that was, and find delight in your friends, (some) family members, and the fact that there is still good news in this world.

Grab Your Packages

Grab your packages, whether they're big or small.


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Only two more days 'til Christmas.

There will be a post tomorrow (December 24th) followed by a couple of days off whilst The Mistress recuperates.

The Gift of Reading

A reminder.



The final installment of The 2016 Infomaniac Book Challenge will take place in early January. That's when we'll be asking you which books you read during the months of November and December.

We hope you find a good book under your tree this holiday season.

Or why not give the gift of reading? Donate to or enroll a child at no cost in Dolly Parton's Imagination Library; a book gifting program for children from birth to age five.


She'd rather be remembered for books than boobs.

Dolly's nonprofit, early childhood literacy program sends an age-appropriate, free book each month to children from newborn to age 5 in the U.S., Canada, the U.K., and Australia. Dolly created this program to foster a love of reading and learning among preschool children and their families. With your help, every child in every community can be given this precious gift of reading that continues to give throughout their entire life.

Or considering volunteering or donating money to any of these many literacy and book charities.

The consequences of illiteracy are harmful so let's help transform lives and build a world where everyone can read.

The Infomaniac Christmas Office Party

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If you can remember it, you weren't there.

Let it Snow

Phoebe Snow, that is...



Released as a single in late 1974, "Poetry Man" became Snow's first charting hit.

Why are we playing this now, here on Infomaniac? Because we could use a break from Christmas carols. And we could all use a gentle time-out from all the madness of 2016, if only for these next few minutes...

The Infomaniac Christmas Pageant

The Infomaniac Dancers performing in the Infomaniac Christmas Pageant...


(The Mistress makes final costume adjustments)

Festive Gloryhole

[thanks, Jeffery]

An Homage to Petula Clark

♫Don't sleep in the subway, darlin'♫...


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♫Don't stand in the pouring rain♫...


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Sing along, Bitches...

Tan Line Tuesday

For those of you missing summer...


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Filthy Friday - Christmas Decorating Edition

Have any of you Bitches started decorating for the holidays yet?

Infomaniac Employment Agency

Looking for work?

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Your résumé is one of the most important tools you have. 

Submit yours today to the Infomaniac Employment Agency.

Socks Appeal

Inspired by a photo of men wearing nothing but socks and smiles on Mistress Maddie's recent post, we here at Infomaniac are here to inform you that wearing socks in bed could improve your sex life.



A University of Groningen study found that 80% of people provided with socks to put on were able to orgasm during sex.

That’s compared to just 50% who could achieve orgasm without socks.

Further investigation shows that the people in question were women.

Let's take an informal poll and ask Infomaniac Bitches what you think. Could wearing socks in bed improve your sex life or has it improved your sex life?

Holiday Shopping

Filthy Friday – Oral Health Edition

Poor dental hygiene may hinder your ability to get an erection.



A study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine has shown that men with Erectile dysfunction are three times more likely to have gum disease than men who do not have Erectile dysfunction.

Brush your teeth, floss, and schedule routine visits to the dentist, Bitches.

The Fondoodler

The Fondoodler. It's like a hot glue gun for cheese.



The Fondoodler is a reloadable hot gun that melts most types of string, shredded, block or sheet-style cheese in a cylindrical canister, just like a hot glue gun.

Stuff the cheese into the barrel. Then squeeze the trigger and out comes gooey cheese.

What you do with it is your business.

Now available through the Infomaniac Shopping Network or here.

Crimes Against Cheese

If you need a reason to avoid deep-fried fast food or McDonald's or Wisconsin, look no further.

Shitting Gold Bricks

A Royal Canadian Mint employee is guilty of smuggling 22 gold nuggets called "pucks" in his rectum over a period of several months.

The gold pucks are “about the diameter of an Oreo cookie, and about two-and-a-half times as thick.



The pucks are worth a total of $165,000 Cdn.

The thief set off the metal detector more than other employees. Each time it happened, he was given a manual search with a hand-held wand. He passed the search every time. Apparently, the handheld detectors are less sensitive than the walk-through detectors and do not detect metal in body cavities.



Ontario Court Justice, Peter Doody said of the thief:

"His locker contained Vaseline and latex gloves, which could have been used to insert a puck into his rectum."

He added that there were no cameras in the locker room. Since the arrest, security measures have been upgraded at the facility.



Note: We here at Infomaniac do not recommend using your rectum as a carryall.

Tied Up

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Back soon, Bitches. The Mistress has work to do.

NOTE: If you find yourselves at loose ends today, go on over and wish our Savannah a happy 10th blogging anniversary.

Sticky Fingers

This summer, in what may be the most Canadian crime ever, a storage facility near Montreal's Trudeau Airport was robbed of 20,000 litres of maple syrup.



This isn't the first crime of its kind in Canada. The Great Maple Syrup Heist of 2012 saw $18,000,000-worth of maple syrup stolen. Police recovered only about 70 per cent of the stolen syrup and say some syrup may have gone to the U.S.

BREAKING NEWS!

This just in...

Police have uncovered $30,000 worth of stolen Nutella as part of a major investigation into a crime syndicate linked to drug trafficking, car theft and a kidnapping plot in Canada.


[via]

An entire truckload of Nutella was discovered in a Canadian warehouse along with about $5 million of stolen goods, including luxury cars, car parts, e-cigarettes and alcohol, as well as drugs and weapons.

Arrests have been made.

Note: We hope this breaking news item has distracted you from that other thing that's being discussed in Canada right now.

Remote Control Revolution

1955: Eugene J. Polley invented the first wireless TV remote control:  
The Flash-Matic.


Mr. Polley with his Flash-Matic.

This ray-gun remote control came on the market just as television sets were becoming popular in North American households.

Mr. Polley's invention wasn't the first TV remote control. In 1950, Zenith released the Lazy Bones, a device tethered to the television by a long cord. The Lazy Bones allowed viewers to change channels and turn the set on and off from their seats, but the cord proved dangerous and inelegant.

The Flash-Matic used a light beam to send signals to four receptors in the corners of the TV set. The top corners received signals to change channels; the bottom corners received signals to mute or turn off the set.



The Flash-Matic was not without problems. People couldn't remember which corner of the screen controlled what. And worse...the light sensors sometimes mistook changes in light, including sunsets and ill-placed floor lamps, for commands. 

“Absolutely harmless to humans!” Flash-Matic advertisements promised. “You can even shut off annoying commercials while the picture remains on the screen!”



Looking back on his invention, Mr. Polley had mixed emotions...

“It makes me think maybe my life wasn’t wasted. Maybe I did something for humanity — like the guy who invented the flush toilet.”

“Everything has to be done remotely now or forget it. Nobody wants to get off their fat and flabby to control these electronic devices.”

2016: The Mistress test-drives the Flash-Matic and discovers she can make cocktails magically appear...



Anyone care to join me?