Happy New Year, Bitches!

Happy New Year to each and every Infomaniac Bitch!

Let’s take a moment to welcome those who left their first comment here on Infomaniac in 2011…

Absolute Johnnie, AJF, Bitter69UK, Blazng Scarlet, Canadian Girl, Cat, Charlotta Sheer, Chickory, CoreyJo, Deep Blue (Jon), Epic Fail, George W. Tush, Ilduce, Joe Corbati, Joka P., Memphis Steve, Mermaid Gallery, Mistress Maddie, Michelle, Miss Sno Cone, Mrs. Martha Smith-Standish, Peeper Beeper, Rafa, Rincewind, Rui Barros, She, Tatty Tiara, TB, Tigerchanter, Tiger Tsuki, Topher, Twunty McSlore, Unbearable Banishment and Zenfancy.

Did I miss anyone?

And thanks to those of you lurkers who never comment but who sent lovely emails to Mistress MJ to let me know you’re out there.

To 2012, Bitches!

And let’s not forget that not only is December 31st New Year’s Eve…it’s Savannah’s birthday!

Happy birthday, Miss Savannah!

Help yourself to CAKE!...

[via]

Mmm...doesn't it smell good?

Filthy Friday – New Year’s Eve Edition

Obviously it isn’t New Year’s Eve yet … this is a little premature.

Fasten Your Booze Bonnets

New Year's Eve special! Act now!

[via]

Free booze bonnets to members of the Infomaniac Drinking Team!

I Feel Naked Without My…

I feel naked without my (fill in the blank, Bitches)

Wenis Wednesday

[thanks, Ms. Nations]

Pejazzle Dazzle 'Em

[via]

[via]

Would YOU pejazzle?

Vajazzle Dazzle ‘Em

Following a holiday "brownie"-making session, Ms. Nations and Mistress MJ get out the Vajazzler …

Merry Christmas, Bitches!

On behalf of the staff here at Infomaniac (Mistress MJ, The Houseboys, The Infomaniac Dancers and The Infomaniac Orchestra) we wish you a Merry Christmas or (insert your choice of mid-winter festival here.)

[via Zenfancy]

And now it’s that magical time when Mistress MJ dons her Mistletoe Belt Buckle…



…and tucks all you naughty little children into your beds and sets out to swig eggnog and have her stocking stuffed.

A special thanks to all you fabulous Bitches who, with your comments, make Infomaniac the most fun a gal can have without getting horizontal.

The Candy Man

[via Zenfancy]

Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew
Cover it with choc'late and a miracle or two
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can
The Candy Man can 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good

Wenis Wednesday

[via]

I Say a Little Prayer

This is the version I listen to …



But THIS is the version I watch…



Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart.

The John Waters Advent Calendar

Check off all that apply to YOU, Bitches...

Day 1… Get naked and smoke.
Day 2… Ask a neighbour if they find it funny that every man in the neighborhood has a penis.
Day 3… Flash someone.
Day 4… Get your hair done.
Day 5. Go to a porn theatre (or rent a porno movie) and “pop a load”
Day 6… Whenever you hear someone say “shit” tell them you hate the brown word.
Day 7… Exclaim “What a day for an execution!” to strangers.
Day 8… Stomp on someones foot - laugh maniacally.
Day 9… Play “car accident.” (Be sure to have plenty of ketchup on hand.)
Day 10… Get a baby sitting job - throw wild destructive party. Trash everything.
Day 11… Admit to God that you are a whore.
Day 12… Tell your nephew (or other younger male relative) you’d be so happy if he turned nelly and found a nice beautician boyfriend.
Day 13… Seduce a bus driver.
Day 14… Refer to your daughter (or young female relative) as “that little MF”
Day 15… Write “I sniff jury underpants” (or other obscenity) in a bathroom stall.
Day 16… Have sloppy joes for dinner.
Day 17… Go to doctor and demand “a wang.”
Day 18… At the dinner table exclaim loudly “I’m so hungry I could eat cancer.”
Day 19… Tell someone that you’re a thief, a shit kicker and that you’d like to be famous.
Day 20… Condone first degree murder. Advocate cannibalism.
Day 21… Have sex with a midget in the back of a car.
Day 22… Be celibate for celluloid.
Day 23… Watch “Christmas Evil” with JW commentary.
Day 24… Send someone a bowel movement.
Bonus day - Return all your Christmas gifts for money because…. “you can do that you know.”

(john “meat thief” waters photographed by john russell)

Thanks, Thombeau!

We Three Queens

[thanks, Thombeau!]

Infomaniac House of Beauty

With her amazing Rejuvenique Anti-wrinkle Facial Toning Machine turned up to eleven, Mistress MJ is enjoying a much-deserved spa day at the Infomaniac House of Beauty…

[via]

Afterall, if it’s good enough for Linda Evans…



By delivering a light pulsation from a 9-volt battery (included), the 26 gold-plated contact points inside this facemask gradually tone the skin and reduce the appearance of wrinkling. The mask's control unit has a knob that adjusts the pulsation intensity to suit individual preference.

Couple of the Month

Welcome to a new series here on Infomaniac, entitled "Couple of the Month."

Below, we see our choice for December...

Filthy Friday

Throughout the month of December, Filthy Fridays will reflect a Christmas theme.

[via]

Friday Night on Thursday

The weekend has come early for Mistress MJ...

[via]

Will catch up with you Bitches soon.

And yes, there will be a Filthy Friday.

If You're Going to San Francisco

That tremor on the street that you're feeling may not be an earthquake.

[via]

Looks like Mr. Peenee's eaten one too many shortbread cookies during the festive season.

Wenis Wednesday - The BirkenCOCK

[via]

To Shave, or Not to Shave

That is the question.

[via]

Where do you stand on the issue, Bitches?

(This topic applies to any and all genders.)

Note: There's a birthday post below this one for Geoff!

Happy Birthday, Geoff!

Join Mistress MJ in wishing a happy birthday to Infomaniac’s oldest Bitch, GEOFF...

“Blimey! I’ve been reading this filthy blog for HOW long?”
[photo via]

And by “oldest” I mean “long-standing”…not “oldest” in the Mr. Peenee or Normadesmond sense of the word.

Man, I Feel Like a Woman

Can you remember the first milestone or incident or rite of passage that made you feel like you were transitioning from adolescence to adulthood?

Was it the first time you shaved?...

Your first cocktail?...

[via]


Your Bar Mitzvah?...

Your first period?...

[via]

Tell us about it, Bitches!

Bitch Slapping Bonanza

In Mistress MJ's absence, she has hired a team to bitch slap all of you...

Wassailing Weekend

Mistress MJ has a whirlwind weekend of a-wassailing ahead of her and will rejoin you on Monday.

[via]

Filthy Friday

Throughout the month of December, Filthy Fridays will reflect a Christmas theme.

[via]

Public Service Announcement #14

Just because you can reproduce doesn't mean you should.

This has been an Infomaniac Public Service Announcement.

Wenis Wednesday

[via]

Happy Birthday, Donn!

He grew up to be a ladies’ man but the little fella on the right, wearing the off-the-shoulder number, is Infomaniac Bitch Donn!...

Is Donn slipping the tongue to that little boy with the extended pinky finger?

Donn: If you’re reading this, please confirm if this is your earliest recollection of a tingling sensation in your “swimsuit area.”

And have a fabulous birthday!

Yay! She’s Back!

[photo by Mariano Vivanco]

Mistress MJ has returned and will catch up with all of you soon.

Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho

[thanks, Thombeau!]

Enjoy your weekend, Bitches.

Mistress MJ will return asap.

Filthy Friday

Throughout the month of December, Filthy Fridays will reflect a Christmas theme.

[via]

Festive enough for you, Bitches?

It’s December, Bitches

[via]

What are you going to do about it?

Shopping Germs

If you’re like Mistress MJ and you

a.) Carry not one, not two, but THREE different types of anti-bacterial products in your handbag.
b.) Flush public toilets with your foot.
c.) Wash new clothes before you wear them.

Read on…

Planning a shopping excursion this holiday season?

Protect yourself from the 8 GERMIEST PLACES in the mall …

1. Restroom sinks
2. Food court tables
3. Escalator handrails
4. ATM handpads
5. Toy stores
6. Fitting rooms
7. Gadget shops
8. Makeup samples

Read the full story here for the sickening details.

[via]

*dons hazmat suit before heading out the door*

Wenis Wednesday

[via]

The Big Zip

[via]

“Because one is enough, when it’s you. Show where you’re headed in the ultimate fashion climax. Fits so tight it shows all you’ve got…you’re a walking turn-on. And treats your body as well as she does. Easy on, easy off, quick as a flick of her tongue. Sexy cool crinkle cloth for those hot nights to come. Designed with your desires in mind…she’ll eat you alive in it. The Big Zip in 50% polyester/50% cotton. Long-sleeved in rust, blue or black. Short-sleeved in natural, blue or camel. Are you enough man to fill it? $45″

While You’re Waiting

[via]

Watch this 48-second video clip while you’re waiting for your handmade Christmas card from Mistress MJ…



The clip contains footage of a special place that Mistress MJ visits regularly and it will explain the image on your soon-to-arrive Christmas card!

I chose this clip knowing that you wouldn’t sit still long enough for this four minute video clip that contains more information.

[via]

Enjoy!

Cocktails, Anyone?

While you're waiting for Mistress MJ to lovingly hand-create your Christmas cards, enjoy a beverage at the Infomaniac Cocktail Lounge ...

Be sure to let Mistress MJ know if your mailing address has changed since this time last year.

*resumes licking envelopes*

She's Making a List

Mistress MJ is making a list
And checking it twice

She knows you're all naughty
But thinks that's quite nice.

And that's why she needs to update her mailing list.

If you Bitches have moved since this time LAST year, email Mistress MJ your updated mailing address pronto as there is a deadline for popping cards in the post to foreign destinations.

Let the Weekend Begin

Infomaniac Bitches waste no time in kicking it off in style...

[via]

Won't you join us?