Saturday, October 16, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Your Unusual Lifestyle
Do you have an unusual lifestyle that shocks your friends and family?
Tell us about it, bitches.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Public Service Announcement #10
Sitting Pretty Principles:
Click to enlarge pic or read text below photo.
Crossing the Ankles: Crossing the feet at the ankles is lovely, if you allow no dropping of the arches. The ankles must be controlled so that the entire length, from toe to knee, forms a straight line. Place the left foot behind and to the right of the right foot. Slide both feet to the right side. See that the right leg is making a straight line from the toe to the knee. This is a lovely asymmetrical position and is one of the best for the being-looked-at feeling.
Crossing Legs Above Knee: Shall you cross your legs above the knee? This is not considered good form when applying for a job, sitting on a platform, or when riding a public conveyance. Otherwise, it depends upon the shape of your legs and how gracefully you can cross them. Those of you who are overweight can discard this position without even giving it a try. The rest of you can try it by placing your right hand on your right knee to hold your skirt and smoothly crossing your right leg over the left. Place both feet slightly to the left. The right foot will rest by the left ankle. Remember to keep a straight line on both legs.
Sitting on a Low Chair or Stool: Whenever it is necessary for you to sit in a chair that is so low your knees come under your chin, it will be more flattering for you to put both feet to one side and thereby get your knees down. If you put your feet to the right, the right foot is just slightly in front of the left.
You mean I’ve been doing it wrong all this time?...
Click to enlarge pic or read text below photo.
Crossing the Ankles: Crossing the feet at the ankles is lovely, if you allow no dropping of the arches. The ankles must be controlled so that the entire length, from toe to knee, forms a straight line. Place the left foot behind and to the right of the right foot. Slide both feet to the right side. See that the right leg is making a straight line from the toe to the knee. This is a lovely asymmetrical position and is one of the best for the being-looked-at feeling.
Crossing Legs Above Knee: Shall you cross your legs above the knee? This is not considered good form when applying for a job, sitting on a platform, or when riding a public conveyance. Otherwise, it depends upon the shape of your legs and how gracefully you can cross them. Those of you who are overweight can discard this position without even giving it a try. The rest of you can try it by placing your right hand on your right knee to hold your skirt and smoothly crossing your right leg over the left. Place both feet slightly to the left. The right foot will rest by the left ankle. Remember to keep a straight line on both legs.
Sitting on a Low Chair or Stool: Whenever it is necessary for you to sit in a chair that is so low your knees come under your chin, it will be more flattering for you to put both feet to one side and thereby get your knees down. If you put your feet to the right, the right foot is just slightly in front of the left.
You mean I’ve been doing it wrong all this time?...
Infomaniac Bitch Quotes
Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac entitled “Infomaniac Bitch Quotes” in which we post a random quote from one of you and ask you to guess who said it.
Are you ready to start? This one’s easy and we’ll even give you a hint.
"I'll have you lot know that my poo's are slender and sleek, smell of Calvin Klein 1 and are carried down gently into the toilet water by dainty little butterflies."
Hint…
[via]
The answer will appear here in an update later.
UPDATE: The correct (and obvious) answer is PIGGY!
Come back again sometime to play Infomaniac Bitch Quotes.
Are you ready to start? This one’s easy and we’ll even give you a hint.
"I'll have you lot know that my poo's are slender and sleek, smell of Calvin Klein 1 and are carried down gently into the toilet water by dainty little butterflies."
Hint…
The answer will appear here in an update later.
UPDATE: The correct (and obvious) answer is PIGGY!
Come back again sometime to play Infomaniac Bitch Quotes.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Make Your Own Fun
Mistress MJ is too busy to entertain you for the next day or two.
She’s leaving you lot in charge to make your own fun.
[via]
*mutters something about the inmates running the asylum and flounces off*
She’s leaving you lot in charge to make your own fun.
*mutters something about the inmates running the asylum and flounces off*
Monday, October 11, 2010
Filthy Canadians
A peek inside Canadian women’s laundry hampers reveals that we’re a filthy bunch.
And we’re not referring to our penchant for riding out the rinse cycle…
Oh go on, we know you’ve all done this (above).
[via]
A recent poll reveals the following shocking statistics:
1. One per cent of women surveyed say they wait until their underwear is visibly dirty before laundering it.
2. One in five women admits to spraying on perfume or deodorant to mask the smell of clothes that weren't fresh.
3. A third of the women polled admit to leaving delicates and handwash items at the bottom of the hamper for months.
4. Nearly half of women admit to fishing clothes out of the laundry hamper to wear again.
5. 14 per cent of women have worn the same pair of socks for several days in a row.
6. More than a third of Canadian women admit to going a month without changing the bedsheets.
Mistress MJ admits to statistic #2. She keeps a travel-size bottle of Febreze for those emergency situations where she just can’t get home before dawn. Ahem.
But surely we Canadians are not alone on top of our heap of dirty laundry. Previously we blogged about the Brits and their filthy bedsheets.
So tell us which laundry crimes you’ve committed.
And we’re not referring to our penchant for riding out the rinse cycle…
[via]
A recent poll reveals the following shocking statistics:
1. One per cent of women surveyed say they wait until their underwear is visibly dirty before laundering it.
2. One in five women admits to spraying on perfume or deodorant to mask the smell of clothes that weren't fresh.
3. A third of the women polled admit to leaving delicates and handwash items at the bottom of the hamper for months.
4. Nearly half of women admit to fishing clothes out of the laundry hamper to wear again.
5. 14 per cent of women have worn the same pair of socks for several days in a row.
6. More than a third of Canadian women admit to going a month without changing the bedsheets.
Mistress MJ admits to statistic #2. She keeps a travel-size bottle of Febreze for those emergency situations where she just can’t get home before dawn. Ahem.
But surely we Canadians are not alone on top of our heap of dirty laundry. Previously we blogged about the Brits and their filthy bedsheets.
So tell us which laundry crimes you’ve committed.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Canadian Thanksgiving
It’s the Thanksgiving long weekend here in Canada and Mistress MJ is stuffing her pumpkin pie hole with turkey.
(Update: photo substitution from original)
She wishes to give thanks to you, the Infomaniac Bitches.
Specifically…
Thanks to all those Bitches who rallied ‘round when my blog and my comments disappeared in June. Thank you for supporting the “Free MJ!’ campaign as led by Eroswings. You came together as a community and your solidarity was a force to be reckoned with. I’ll never forget your valiant crusade to restore my blog and later, my missing comments.
Thanks to all veteran Infomaniac Bitches who returned to the fold to pay their condolences to the late, great Piggy and shared their memories of the wee ginger cunt. Without your presence, I would have considered throwing in the blogging towel after his passing.
Thanks to Tazzy and Piggy for the hours I spent enjoying your company on your blog, on the Poofter Cam and on Taz Radio. I’m thankful for your friendship and huge, loveable personalities.
Mistress MJ is truly blessed to be in the company of so many delightful bitches.
Now pass the Pope’s nose.
NEWS BULLETIN:
One more thing to be thankful for…
Pop over to visit fellow Canadian Donn where he’s preparing to host The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition SOON!
YOU could be the next winner!
She wishes to give thanks to you, the Infomaniac Bitches.
Specifically…
Thanks to all those Bitches who rallied ‘round when my blog and my comments disappeared in June. Thank you for supporting the “Free MJ!’ campaign as led by Eroswings. You came together as a community and your solidarity was a force to be reckoned with. I’ll never forget your valiant crusade to restore my blog and later, my missing comments.
Thanks to all veteran Infomaniac Bitches who returned to the fold to pay their condolences to the late, great Piggy and shared their memories of the wee ginger cunt. Without your presence, I would have considered throwing in the blogging towel after his passing.
Thanks to Tazzy and Piggy for the hours I spent enjoying your company on your blog, on the Poofter Cam and on Taz Radio. I’m thankful for your friendship and huge, loveable personalities.
Mistress MJ is truly blessed to be in the company of so many delightful bitches.
Now pass the Pope’s nose.
NEWS BULLETIN:
One more thing to be thankful for…
The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts are back in Canada!
Pop over to visit fellow Canadian Donn where he’s preparing to host The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Competition SOON!
YOU could be the next winner!
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Mistress MJ Awarded Coveted Coven Position
Mistress MJ has been awarded a most coveted position in Inexplicable DeVice’s (IVD’s) new Coven.
Infomaniac Bitches are advised that if you displease me, I might cast a spell on you.
Despite almost failing the Star Trek portion of the examination, I was elected to the New Coven primarily on the basis of my ability to travel through time and space in a Tardis.
And then there were five…
The Coven now consists of five members: original members IVD and Tim with the addition of Mistress MJ, CyberPete and Beast.
With a lineup like that, expect sparks to fly and endless bickering.
Working so closely with CyberPete and Beast as I’ll be expected to do, obviously you could say that Mistress MJ is the rose between two thorns.
I expect to be upgraded to an electric broom; specifically the Harry Potter Nimbus 2000…
[via]
I would also like to take this opportunity introduce the Coven Mobile…
As you can see, Beast will be my chauffeur.
And riding alongside me, my familiars…a cat and a bat.
My demands are few.
I await further instructions from IVD.
Wish me luck in my new position, bitches.
I’ll need it.
Note: Congratulations to IVD who is celebrating his 5th blogiversary. Long may your warty wand wave over us. Oh, and I promise to read a Star Trek book before year’s end as long as there aren’t many pages and it has lots of pictures.
Infomaniac Bitches are advised that if you displease me, I might cast a spell on you.
Despite almost failing the Star Trek portion of the examination, I was elected to the New Coven primarily on the basis of my ability to travel through time and space in a Tardis.
And then there were five…
The Coven now consists of five members: original members IVD and Tim with the addition of Mistress MJ, CyberPete and Beast.
With a lineup like that, expect sparks to fly and endless bickering.
Working so closely with CyberPete and Beast as I’ll be expected to do, obviously you could say that Mistress MJ is the rose between two thorns.
I expect to be upgraded to an electric broom; specifically the Harry Potter Nimbus 2000…
I would also like to take this opportunity introduce the Coven Mobile…
As you can see, Beast will be my chauffeur.
And riding alongside me, my familiars…a cat and a bat.
My demands are few.
I await further instructions from IVD.
Wish me luck in my new position, bitches.
I’ll need it.
Note: Congratulations to IVD who is celebrating his 5th blogiversary. Long may your warty wand wave over us. Oh, and I promise to read a Star Trek book before year’s end as long as there aren’t many pages and it has lots of pictures.
Friday, October 08, 2010
Piggy Week Wrap-Up: Tazzy and Piggy and Friends
As much as I’d like to blog about nothing else but our dearly departed Wee Piggy, it’s time to wrap up Piggy Week.
But we’re going out with a bang!
My fave Tazzy and Piggy photo. Thanks to Carly Smunt for emailing it to me.
All of this will probably be of interest only to veteran Infomaniac Bitches who were regulars both here on Infomaniac and on Tazzy and Piggy’s blog.
Rest assured that Mistress MJ has not forgotten about the rest of you bitches but Piggy was very dear to me and my focus this week has been directed only on him. The fact is, I don’t want to stop blogging about him so every now and again I’ll post a wee remembrance of him (most likely his arse).
And now, for your listening and viewing pleasure, we have two videos and a podcast.
Tazzy and Piggy were reknown for their humourous podcasts; a mix of slagging off their fellow bloggers and spinning a few tunes.
You can CLICK HERE to hear a Tazzy and Piggy podcast (mp3) from August, 2007.
Thanks ever so much to The Smunts who dug through their files to find this lost podcast.
NOTE: HEAR YOUR MISTRESS’S VOICE! That’s right, bitches. Mistress MJ gives the introduction to the podcast! Or as Piggy refers to me after the intro, “that stupid cocksucking bitch” and “that dirty old slag MJ”. How I’ll miss him.
Anyway (click here, bitches) … listen up. You’re not doing anything else for the next 45 minutes or so anyway, are you?
And when you’re finished listening to the podcast, enjoy watching the following video made a few years ago by Carly Smunt. She created it during one of the many times that Taz and Pig gave up blogging only to resurrect themselves again and again.
You might even recognize yourself in one of the pics!
Mistress MJ can be seen at approximately 1:37 with The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts over her head and her tits out. If you blink, you’ll miss it as I am upstaged in the next shot by that fat Oirish cunt SID who is also wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts. Who hasn’t worn The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts?
Thanks for that, Carly!
Carly’s tits
There are a few too many photos of Smunty Steve in that video for my liking but otherwise it’s an enjoyable trip down memory lane.
And speaking of Smunty, he’s put together a lovely montage of memories too…
And that, bitches, concludes Piggy Week here on Infomaniac.
Piggy, you were loved by so many of us and we’ll always keep your spirit alive in our hearts and on our blogs.
Thank you, Tazzy, for sharing that wee ginger whinger with the rest of the world.
Piggy signing off … for now.
UPDATE: The Smunts have found another lost Tazzy and Piggy podcast from July, 2008. You’ll hear tales of their visit to Inexplicable DeVice in Norwich (IVD gets the shits); another visit to The Smunts where they’re forced to stay in a motel that smells of pee and mold with a pedo watchman; hear Tazzy admit he wants to see Smunty’s willy; and a trip to Alton Towers. At the end, they realize they haven’t mentioned MJ as “Cunt-face MJ is on holidays and wouldn’t have time to listen to us anyway.” Enjoy! And thanks for finding this, Smunts! Click here to listen.
But we’re going out with a bang!
All of this will probably be of interest only to veteran Infomaniac Bitches who were regulars both here on Infomaniac and on Tazzy and Piggy’s blog.
Rest assured that Mistress MJ has not forgotten about the rest of you bitches but Piggy was very dear to me and my focus this week has been directed only on him. The fact is, I don’t want to stop blogging about him so every now and again I’ll post a wee remembrance of him (most likely his arse).
And now, for your listening and viewing pleasure, we have two videos and a podcast.
Tazzy and Piggy were reknown for their humourous podcasts; a mix of slagging off their fellow bloggers and spinning a few tunes.
You can CLICK HERE to hear a Tazzy and Piggy podcast (mp3) from August, 2007.
Thanks ever so much to The Smunts who dug through their files to find this lost podcast.
NOTE: HEAR YOUR MISTRESS’S VOICE! That’s right, bitches. Mistress MJ gives the introduction to the podcast! Or as Piggy refers to me after the intro, “that stupid cocksucking bitch” and “that dirty old slag MJ”. How I’ll miss him.
Anyway (click here, bitches) … listen up. You’re not doing anything else for the next 45 minutes or so anyway, are you?
And when you’re finished listening to the podcast, enjoy watching the following video made a few years ago by Carly Smunt. She created it during one of the many times that Taz and Pig gave up blogging only to resurrect themselves again and again.
You might even recognize yourself in one of the pics!
Mistress MJ can be seen at approximately 1:37 with The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts over her head and her tits out. If you blink, you’ll miss it as I am upstaged in the next shot by that fat Oirish cunt SID who is also wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts. Who hasn’t worn The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts?
Thanks for that, Carly!
There are a few too many photos of Smunty Steve in that video for my liking but otherwise it’s an enjoyable trip down memory lane.
And speaking of Smunty, he’s put together a lovely montage of memories too…
And that, bitches, concludes Piggy Week here on Infomaniac.
Piggy, you were loved by so many of us and we’ll always keep your spirit alive in our hearts and on our blogs.
Thank you, Tazzy, for sharing that wee ginger whinger with the rest of the world.
UPDATE: The Smunts have found another lost Tazzy and Piggy podcast from July, 2008. You’ll hear tales of their visit to Inexplicable DeVice in Norwich (IVD gets the shits); another visit to The Smunts where they’re forced to stay in a motel that smells of pee and mold with a pedo watchman; hear Tazzy admit he wants to see Smunty’s willy; and a trip to Alton Towers. At the end, they realize they haven’t mentioned MJ as “Cunt-face MJ is on holidays and wouldn’t have time to listen to us anyway.” Enjoy! And thanks for finding this, Smunts! Click here to listen.
Filthy Friday – Blame Piggy
I remember the day I innocently stumbled upon Tazzy and Piggy’s blog. They’d posted a photo of a giant turd in a toilet. I’ve forgotten the accompanying text they’d written but what I do recall is that it was side-splittingly hilarious. I was at once repulsed yet attracted to those two Yorkshire poofs and came back for more the next day. I got hooked on their marvelous mix of humour and naughtiness and they, in turn, began volleying my comments box with their own special brand of filth.
I blame Piggy and Tazzy for taking this from a charming little blog to the cesspool that is today’s Infomaniac.
In celebration of both Piggy Week and Filthy Friday, we present to you Piggy’s arse…
Piggy’s arse is so popular here on Infomaniac that it has its own label. (See below the post).
And straight from Piggy’s mouth, a description of the tattoo on his arse…
For those wondering, the tattoo reads 'Arsenal' under a pic of a cannon.
For the non-Brit's, Arsenal is my fave football team (that's soccer for those barmy yanks).
Thank you, Piggy, for the wonder that was your arse.
It will be immortalized here on Infomaniac.
Forever and ever.
Amen.
I blame Piggy and Tazzy for taking this from a charming little blog to the cesspool that is today’s Infomaniac.
In celebration of both Piggy Week and Filthy Friday, we present to you Piggy’s arse…
Piggy’s arse is so popular here on Infomaniac that it has its own label. (See below the post).
And straight from Piggy’s mouth, a description of the tattoo on his arse…
For those wondering, the tattoo reads 'Arsenal' under a pic of a cannon.
For the non-Brit's, Arsenal is my fave football team (that's soccer for those barmy yanks).
Thank you, Piggy, for the wonder that was your arse.
It will be immortalized here on Infomaniac.
Forever and ever.
Amen.
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
A Little Levity and a Whole Lotta Love
Piggy Week continues with a little levity as we pay tribute to our departed friend, the late (but great) Wee Piggy.
Do you fancy a giggle?
Infomaniac presents Tazzy and Piggy in The TNP Slasher Movie…
As you watch, note the mischievous, impish look on Piggy’s face. (A look I’ll miss, by the way).
And see Piggy poking Tazzy at the end of the clip with his magic pencil? Poor Tazzy always had to duck and cover to escape Piggy’s pokes and prods (that was not meant to sound as rude as it does).
Inexplicable DeVice saw this typical squabbling behaviour first-hand for himself and relates the following tale:
“I think I may have an explanation as to Piggy's tiny nipples. While at the bar in the Castle, the two of them began squabbling. Started by Piggy, of course. Anyway, nipple tweaking ensued (I did not get involved in it, I'm happy to say), but because of Tazzy's greater strength and normal-sized hands (relative to Piggy's elfin trotters), he was the victor, as he is every time I would imagine. So, it's no wonder Piggy's nipples are little more than nubbins now!”
And now, as promised, a whole lotta love.
The love of Piggy’s life… Tazzy.
Everyone on the count of three…ahhhhhhhhhhhh…
Raise your glasses, bitches.
To love and levity.
And to Tazzy and Piggy.
Do you fancy a giggle?
Infomaniac presents Tazzy and Piggy in The TNP Slasher Movie…
As you watch, note the mischievous, impish look on Piggy’s face. (A look I’ll miss, by the way).
And see Piggy poking Tazzy at the end of the clip with his magic pencil? Poor Tazzy always had to duck and cover to escape Piggy’s pokes and prods (that was not meant to sound as rude as it does).
Inexplicable DeVice saw this typical squabbling behaviour first-hand for himself and relates the following tale:
“I think I may have an explanation as to Piggy's tiny nipples. While at the bar in the Castle, the two of them began squabbling. Started by Piggy, of course. Anyway, nipple tweaking ensued (I did not get involved in it, I'm happy to say), but because of Tazzy's greater strength and normal-sized hands (relative to Piggy's elfin trotters), he was the victor, as he is every time I would imagine. So, it's no wonder Piggy's nipples are little more than nubbins now!”
And now, as promised, a whole lotta love.
The love of Piggy’s life… Tazzy.
Everyone on the count of three…ahhhhhhhhhhhh…
Raise your glasses, bitches.
To love and levity.
And to Tazzy and Piggy.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Cavalcade of Cunts
With so many of the old gang back to celebrate Piggy Week, we here at Infomaniac decided to publish photos of all the bitches who most often frequented Taz and Pig’s blog … in case your booze-sozzled minds have forgotten what each other look like.
Some of you old-timers have continued to visit Infomaniac but others fell to the wayside whether it was through the ravages of drink or incarceration or insanity…we’ll never know. Of course in SID’s case, his absence was due to a long stay at Fat Camp.
Let’s get started then, shall we?
CONVICT…
It’s a Convict sandwich! With Piggy and Tazzy as the bread!
TATAS…
THE SMUNTS (SMUNTY STEVE AND CARLY)…
AWAITING…
MAIDY…
GEO…
SID (STUPID IRISH DADDY)…
FIRST NATIONS…
Bitch will cut you.
TICKERSOID...
FROBISHER...
TAZZY AND INEXPLICABLE DEVICE…
BEAST…
EROSWINGS…
CYBERPETE…
KAPITANO…
And finally…YOUR HOSTESS, MISTRESS MJ…
It’s great to have you all here together again. You’ve eased my pain and made me laugh through this difficult time and for that I am grateful.
To you bitches who’ve been away from Infomaniac or the blogosphere in general for a long time…thank you so much for visiting in honour of Piggy’s memory. Whether you’re here just for Piggy Week or plan to stay awhile longer, you’re always welcome here on Infomaniac.
Cheers to a fantastic cavalcade of cunts!
Monday, October 04, 2010
A Message From Tazzy
Tonight our Tazzy stopped by Infomaniac and had this to say on the Wee Piggy post…
Phew!
Thank you so much to everyone!
Reading these comments has had me in floods of tears, the pain of losing John is immense, he was so full of fun, a 14yr kid in a 48yr old body you could say, and believe me I would not have had him any other way.
He made me laugh all the time, just a simple look from him would have me in a fit of giggles and these times I will cherish always.
I saw him on the Saturday afternoon before he died, I had a horrible feeling that he couldn't last much longer. He died 10.30pm on Saturday night, the phone rang, and I knew. Like most I didn't want to believe it... Piggy dead? No way... not my Piggy.
One of our family friends, Tina came through to take me down to see him, this has to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. When I was sat with John I still expected it to be some really sick joke that was being played on me... I'd have expected no less from John. I was waiting for him to jump up off the bed, frighten the life out of me, and shout 'Oink!'... it sadly didn't happen.
I will cherish all the memories, happy times and friends... some of who I would have never met if it wasn't for John.
It's comforting for me knowing the last thing we said to each other before the doctors sedated him was 'I Love You!'. Nobody will ever replace the massive space John has left in my heart. Until we meet again John... take care and PLEASE don't go calling the big man upstairs a cunt! xxxxx
John Piggy you were a LEGEND! :@)
A Note From MJ: Thank you, Tazzy, for sharing your loveable wee Piggy with us. He brightened our lives, even when he was being a cunt. The pair of you were not only Yorkshire’s finest poofs, you were also the most affable blog hosts and friends one could hope for. We love you and will always keep Piggy in our hearts. The door is always open here at Infomaniac whenever you want to drop in for a cuppa…out of one of those hideous Coronation Street mugs that you sent to me, of course.
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