Come Back on Monday

I’m preparing the Baby Pic Compo.

Come back tomorrow to play!

Born Again SID, My Arse

SID, pictured above in his misspent youth, claims to have learned his lesson and repented



Don’t let that Stupid Oirish Cunt try to tell you he’s been born again.

SID promises, and I quote, “to try and be really kind, good and angelic, doing deeds of love and charity.”

Well I’ve just returned from the video store and I found THIS on the shelf…







I’m listing here a few of the tamer storylines involving our SID…


Making a £1000 bet with his friend Baz that he can seduce a woman within a week. He attempts hypnosis on a nun, who kicks him in his genitals; buys another pheromone spray (Pig Piss) which only attracts a blind woman's guide dog; and makes a desperate approach to fat, bald, ugly uber-feminist Millie Tant, who repays him with yet another vicious kick. The final frame has Sid begging his mother for £1000 to pay off the grinning Baz.

Attempting to become a biker having read a book about biker chicks. After buying a naff old moped Sid walks into a biker pub and is instantly out of place. Before long he has been severely beaten up, and has had the word 'Twat' engraved on his forehead.

Going to Barcelona, Spain for his friend Joe's brother's bachelor party, because he knows bachelor parties generally involve at least one sex show. Even though Sid is the best man, all the other guys just want to booze themselves silly. Sid finally cracks and outright demands to go to a sex show, and pays all the entrance fees. At the show, a beautiful woman wants a volunteer for a 'strip' - Sid instantly jumps on the stage. The woman blindfolds him and asks him to bend over - and while everybody is watching, a man dressed in a gorilla suit bangs him from behind. Sid still didn't score, but everyone got a good laugh.

Sid and his friends travel to Bangkok after hearing that the prostitutes there will sell themselves for as little as a pound. Sid is robbed at gunpoint by one of these ladies of the night after being tied to the bedpost. The final scene shows Sid trying to earn his flight home by working as a homosexual prostitute. "Just ten more goes and I'll have earned the fare to the airport."



“Good and angelic,” my arse. Perhaps, Born Again SID, you would like to explain?

What Do You Smell Like?

Go on. Give yourself a whiff.

What do you smell like?




Stale fags? Chicken tikka masala? Wet nappies?


We all know that Dead SID smells like a funeral home…







But what do you think some other Infomaniac readers smell like?

Baby Pic Compo Reminder

For all you lazy cunts who haven’t yet sent in your baby/child pics, I’ve extended the deadline another day. Get them in by Saturday night. Oh all right then. Sunday morning.

Details on the Baby Pic Compo here.

SID’s Séance and Wake

SID’s final resting place in his beloved “Muggy”




Here at Infomaniac
We’ll give SID his final craic
So raise your glarse
To SID’s fat arse
And pour the Jamesons down his crack



Join me today as we celebrate the life of SID, our Stupid Irish Daddy.

Dear “Dead SID”: if you’re listening from beyond the grave, I apologize for making you dead but you had it coming to you after posting this.

Now back to our purpose for congregating. We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of SID.

Help yourselves to the enticing finger foods I’ve prepared …





…and imbibe copious amounts of alcohol (as SID would have requested we do, had I given him time before offing him.)





Please enjoy yourselves at this, SID’s Irish wake.

At some time over the course of the festivities, we’ll attempt, by conducting a séance, to contact the Jamesons-laden soul of our dear, departed friend.



Ectoplasmic fantastic


Feel free to converse with him just as you would normally if he were still alive. Or you may wish to ask him questions about the afterlife!



As you know, SID was a private man. For professional reasons, he was not able to reveal his secret identity or post photographs of himself.

All this time I have carefully guarded the personal photos he’s sent to me. But now that he’s dead, what’s to stop me from posting them on Infomaniac?! What’s Dead SID going to do about it? Haunt me? BOO! Ooooo, I’m so scared!

Are you ready?

Here’s a recent pic of our SID, taken just days before he purchased his magnetic cross trainer...






Who knows what fabulous shape he might have achieved had he lived to stick with his new exercise regime?

Why, even his stair climbing routine had taken pounds off his arse!…







Sadly, this is the most recent pic we have of SID…






I’ve lifted his hospital gown to reveal “Wee SID.”…




“Wee SID.” I’ll miss you, little buddy




As you know, SID was my bitch and a damn good wench he was. How I’ll miss our regular “sessions”…








But getting back to the wake...


It wouldn’t be a craic without music so let’s hear it for Garfy on banjo!…




That other Oirish cunt



And Piggy conducting the band…





And now, a toast to SID.


A toast to everyone’s favourite Paddy,
He’s our Stupid Irish Daddy!


Sláinte!

Infomaniac News

Here’s the latest on what’s going on in and around Infomaniac. Listen up, bitches, as there’s lot of news.



Baby Pic Compo


Photo removed.


The first ever Infomaniac Baby Pic Compo will be held on Monday, October 22nd. Deadline for submissions is this Friday, October 19th at midnight PST. (Saturday, October 20th at 8:00 am UK time.)

You can submit any photograph of yourself up to 10 years of age.

Thanks to all the bitches who’ve sent their pics in so far. The rest of you lazy bastards, get scanning and sending!





SID’s Séance and Wake






I regret to inform you that I’ve had to make SID dead after he posted this OBVIOUSLY PHOTOSHOPPED image of me on his blog…








SID’s combination wake and séance will be held this Thursday, October 18th. That’s TOMORROW for those of you who are too hung over to check the calendar.

“Spirits” will be provided. We shall attempt to contact the poor, Jamesons-laden soul of the Stupid Oirish Cunt who is now known as “Dead SID.”

Frankly, I have not been able to shut him up since his demise so chances are good we’ll be hearing from him at the wake/séance.

Fun for all.





Tatas Blogs!



Tatas and her pussy



That bawdy bitch Tatas finally has her own blog entitled Connie’s Bitch!

She makes ME look like a saint.

Imagine, for a moment, if Maidy and I got together and reproduced. The resulting bastard child would be Tatas. Now can you picture her?

For those of you who haven’t had the misfortune of meeting Tatas, she is the wife/plaything of Connie the Convict.

She's a Brit. A dirty, filthy Brit.

There is nothing more you need to know about her, really, other than that she’s as common as muck, has a filthy mouth and spends all her time telling us about the size of Connie’s supposedly huge todger.





How Geo Got His Blogging Groove Back



Manly man Geo likes to ride up the rear


Remember when Trucker Boy Geo decided (for reasons unknown) to abandon his old blog?

Well the bitch is back. Visit his new blog here.

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, Geo is the long-suffering husband of American Psycho Bitch Maidy.

When he’s not driving a big rig, Geo likes to shoot stuff and reenact scenes from World War II.

We like Geo.









That’s all for now, bitches.

Amuse yourselves as best you can as I won’t be around much today. I’m preparing the finger foods for SID’s wake/séance.

I ask only that you not throw up on my blog in my absence.

Baby Pic Compo

A long, long time ago, before you were the hideously deformed bitches that you are today…



Exhibit A: Piggy



… you were all cute wee babies and children.

So let’s have a look at you then, eh?

Infomaniac is pleased to announce our first ever Baby Pic Competition.

You have until midnight Pacific Standard Time on Friday, October 19th to email your baby pic(s) to me. (That’s 8:00 a.m. UK time on Saturday, October 20th.)

My email address is in my Blogger Profile.


Let’s make this easy for you…

It doesn’t have to be a baby picture, specifically. You can submit any photograph of yourself up to 10 years of age.

On Monday, October 22nd, I’ll post all your photographs. However, on that day I won’t be identifying which baby pic belongs to which Infomaniac reader. That’s up to you to determine. I’ll ask you on October 22nd to match the bloggers to their baby pics.

But that’s not all!

You’ll also be asked to vote on that same day for who you think is the cutest baby/child.

And best of all? There’s prizes!

Prizes will be awarded for:

1) Person who identifies the most Infomaniac readers to their pics correctly.

2) Infomaniac reader voted by you as cutest baby/child.

Obviously, the cutest child prize will NOT go to Piggy



Winners will be announced on either October 23rd or 24th. Don’t pressure me, bitches.

So get rummaging through your shoeboxes full of photos and send me your pics soon!


Note 1: Only frequent commenters (regulars) on this blog qualify to play. Ask me if you’re uncertain, by email.

Note 2: I won’t be posting tomorrow on Tuesday, October 16th so that everyone gets a chance to see this and so that you are forced to stare at cute wee MJ for as long as possible.

Piggy’s Trotters

You’ve seen Piggy’s scabby, flea-bitten legs…







Now take a look at his horribly misshapen trotters!…








On a repulsion scale of 1-10, 10 being the most hideous, rate Piggy’s trotters and comment further if you have any strength left in you.

Incriminating Pic of the Week

I can’t keep up with the many photographs that you bitches email to me anonymously. Like this one…






Who are these three Infomaniac readers?

The one in the centre is rather young so that rules out Piggy.

Where are they and what’s with the pony?

National Coming Out Day

Smunty gets into the spirit of National Coming Out Day



Smunty (aka Steve) has been struggling for years to come out of the closet. Will he? Or won’t he? Lately he’s been trying to convince us to call him “Viking Steve” in one last desperate grasp to maintain his testosterone-fueled breeder aura.

Observe his ongoing struggle…




“Someone, anyone. Take me.” Smunty wants bumsex and he wants it bad. He may have to make do with that bottle of beer at his elbow





Smunty sandwich. Smunty pictured (centre) between Piggy and Tazzy





Tazzy raises his leg to obscure Smunty’s raging hard-on caused by being in the presence of such delectable poofters





“Deflower me, Piggy!”





Smunty pouting because he can’t get any man-on-man action





“Where can I stick this thing?” Smunty asks no one in particular, surveying the landscape for clues…




‘Til he spots a willing sex partner on the horizon!…




Desperate in Dorset. Smunty going down on Portland Bill in lieu of a real cock.





“Carly who?” asks Steve.
If only Smunty’s long-suffering wife Carly had cut her fringe, she may have been able to see what was coming …





Smunty appears (far left) in a gay porno. The shame.





So there you have it, folks. Leave your words of encouragement here for Smunty and let’s hope he comes out of the closet on this, National Coming Out Day.


Note: Whatever you do, do NOT call him Viking Steve.

Tazzy and Piggy Do Hawaii

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!

Office Toys

Cubicle warfare! Based on the Warwolf from the 13th century, this mighty Trebuchet, when completed, is 26” long x 18” wide x 9” tall — it is capable of hurling a ball of soft modeling clay over 20 feet! In lieu of modeling clay, what would YOU put in it?




Everyone needs a break from their busy day at the office. So let’s have a look at a few time-wasting “productivity/creativity-boosting” workplace toys.

Here, for example, is a typical toy one might find on the desk of a stressed-out office employee…





Squeeze the base of the Popping Martian and his eyes, nose and ears pop out!

I have a similar squeeze toy called the Popping SID. Squeeze the base and a wee willie pops up. Good for about 30 seconds of fun. One minute if I’m lucky.



Now let’s have a look at some of the toys we might find on the desks of our very own Infomaniac readers.



Here’s an amusing little item you’ll find on Tazzy and Piggy’s desk. In fact, this toy was modeled on them!




Speeding Grandads!


Watch as OAP’s Tazzy and Piggy speed by on their way to Tesco’s to stock up on pork scratchings. Oink!




SID is none too pleased about having to purchase a magnetic cross trainer to work off his fat arse and bulging belly.


But while he’s at work, his USB Rat Race desk toy does all the work for him!…





Simply plug the USB Rat Race into a USB port, and as you type he pedals away. The faster you type, the faster he pedals. Not only does this rodent do all your exercise for you, but he also keeps count of how many words you've typed, and displays them on a little LCD screen.





It’s no surprise that IVD has a Staples Easy Button on his desk, is it?…




Reliable sources tell me he has an Easy Button on his bedside table as well.





Our resident Dane, CyberPete, can often be found clock-watching at work so he’s installed a Lifetimer on his desk…





The Lifetimer counts the days until your next holiday, lunch hour, home time, and the weekend.

The Lifetimer also times how long it has been since you started your job or last had sex.





England’s fave postie, Smunty, is usually on his feet traveling door-to-door to deliver the mail. But in those rare times when he can put his feet up, you’ll find a talking Postman Pat on his desk…




C’mon into the back of my van, fellas!




Smunty has carried the Postman Pat theme home with him and into his bedroom…








Now over to you, Infomaniac readers. Do you have a favourite desk toy? Tell us about it.




And on a related topic, be sure to visit Tazzy and Piggy as they invite you to post a pic of your desk in Desktop Time!

Thanksgiving Day

It's Thanksgiving Day here in Canuckistan so I'll be away for most of the day.

For which you can be thankful.

But while we're on the topic...

I'm thankful for your friendship and for all the laffs you lot have given me both here in the comments and on your own blogs.

Now don't make me get all emotional. This isn't Oprah for fuck's sake.