Sunday, June 29, 2014

Keeping Up Appearances

The challenges last week and for the week to come:



1. Entertaining, as guests continue to come and go through my revolving door of hospitality. Thanks to Eroswings for providing finger food and appetizer suggestions.

2. Battling carpenter ants. Get outta my house!

3. Dealing with annoying cell phone users. Can't a Bitch get a little peace and quiet anywhere these days?

4. Trying to find the time to construct a tinfoil hat for Mr. DeVice's competition.

How about you, Bitches?

30 comments:

  1. Doing nothin'!

    It's harder than you think, you know?

    ReplyDelete
  2. re #3: Robo calls? If so, record this signal, then your normal greeting. This tone will cause the robo callers to immediately remove your number from the junk call database.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LX: No, I mean the bitch who plonked down next to me in a quiet park and started yammering away on her cell phone.

      There were several other benches in the park and yet she chose to sit on the bench next to me where I was trying to read a book and enjoy the peace and quiet of the park.

      AND the bitch who yammered on her cell phone on the bed next to me while I was having therapy done on a minor injury…regardless of the sign that said, “Turn off your cell phone.”

      p.s. I do get robo calls to thanks for the suggestion.

      Delete
    2. There are ways to deal with that. If I may quote Richard Nixon: "but that would be wrong."

      Delete
    3. LX: Or I could just shove it up her arse.

      Delete
  3. I adore the name you gave your coochie " revolving door of hospitality". Probably more appropriate for my Mistress, but if the pump fits. Happy entertaining

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ANITIA MOORECOCK: Where did I leave my stickers?

      Delete
  4. 1. Going to work while Inexcuseable and her husband have the week off. Ugh.

    2. Clearing up unicorn poo. It seems one of the blighters has found it's way into the shed and doesn't want to leave.

    3. Trying to find a turquoise strapless frock and gold hostess trolley to replicate the scene above.

    4. Also trying to find time to buy and construct a tinfoil chapeau as my 2010 nodel is hideously out of date!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 2010 model (I don't know what a nodel is).

      Delete
    2. MR. DeVICE & MAGO: Could you be referring to “nodal?”

      Nodal is a secretory (ick) protein in humans.

      Unicorn poo is looking good in comparison.

      Delete
  5. Today is Gay Pride in San Francisco and I'm trying to hide from it. It's sort of overwhelming, and besides, I'm already gay enough.

    Thinking aluminum foil.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PEENEE: You’re gay enough?

      You said it, Mary.

      Delete
  6. 1. Survive.
    2. Pay.
    3. Website.
    4. Drink.
    5. Survive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The cats and I watched this version last night.

      Delete
    2. LX: Did you get up and dance?

      Delete
  7. My favorite cocktail food can be made again after a several year absence because RITZ now has Bacon flavored Ritz! 1) Empty one orange marmalade jar into a mixing bowl, and add two shots of tabasco, mix well. Add anymore and you will ruin this. 2) Take one package of Philadelphia Brand cream cheese and place it on the center of a flat bottom serving dish. 3) Scrap the marmalade from the bowl onto the cream cheese. Let it drip and fall down the block on its own. 3) Serve with bacon crackers. Seriously - this sound gross but it is to die for. I guarantee that your guests will gobble this up. You should only have the slightest essence of tabasco.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. COOKIE: What was it Dr. Frasier Crane once said? Oh yes…

      “Yes, I’ll have a non-fat, decaf latte, please. Oh, what the hell? Look, make it a full-fat mocha with extra whipped cream. What the hell, put a slice of bacon on it!”

      Do you serve these as an appetizer before you serve Cookie’s Momma Koblentz’s Sweet and Sour Brisket?

      Delete
  8. i think mistress' ass would fit on top of that cart,
    making it the perfect place to get plowed.

    who needs hor d'oeuvres!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NORMA: I’ll smear my arse with Cookie’s appetitzer and let the crowd go wild!

      Delete
    2. ... nno, I resist the temptation to comment on this ...

      Delete
    3. MAGO: You are lucky that Mistress MJ is not a mind reader.

      Delete
  9. 1. Thanks for the shout out!
    2. Pests suck! I wish you well in your war! I hope you (or a reputable pest controller) finds and annihilates all their nests.
    3. I've learned to put my bag and/or umbrella/walking stick and have even spilled some water/soda on the park bench to keep the bench all to myself! Selfish? Yes; but I'm free from the filthy, cell phoned, rude masses!
    4. I'm brainstorming ideas for IDV's tinfoil hat competition in between paperwork and chores and activities...luckily, I'm not entertaining any guests in the foreseeable future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EROS: The ants are under control, I’m pleased to report.

      Not only do you have good home entertaining tips, your park bench suggestions are tip-top too.

      May I send my guests over to your place whilst I contemplate my tinfoil hat creation?

      Delete
  10. See...I told you that yelling, "Get outta my house!" would come in handy.

    ReplyDelete