Sunday, June 15, 2014

Stuff Dads Teach You

Armpit farts, amongst other things.



[via]

For those of you who have not mastered this skill, there are dozens of video tutorials at your disposal. Google it yourselves, Bitches.

What did your dads teach you?

32 comments:

  1. When the power goes out, even the cheapest scotch taste better than any gin without ice.

    Firstliest.

    ReplyDelete
  2. All have to think about this one...

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  3. Actually, nothing. He never permitted ballet in his operas.

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    Replies
    1. COOKIE: What a shame.

      Your grand jeté is the stuff of legend.

      Delete
  4. Arm farts? He taught me the real kind! And the art of how to have sex with girls. Unfortunately I wasn't paying much attention.

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    Replies
    1. MISTRESS MADDIE: Did he teach you the ole “pull my finger” trick?

      Delete
  5. dad taught me what an asshole is.

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    Replies
    1. NORMA: Then you’ll be glad to know that Father’s Day is drawing to a close.

      Delete
    2. actually, father's day is just fine now. he did the best thing he ever could've done, he died!

      i love a happy ending.

      Delete
    3. NORMA: Who said anything about a massage?

      Delete
  6. Table-tennis and how to make concrete. And neither are hideous euphemisms for anything else, thankfully.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have you had much use for your concrete making skills?

      Delete
    2. You obviously don't remember this, do you? All those Krug bubbles must have gone to your brain, 'Petra.

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    3. Oh YES! Paysho!!!

      We really should be sipping Krug on that paysho

      Delete
    4. MR. DeVICE: Is your next project a concrete table tennis table?

      Delete
    5. I vote for a swimming pool. One in which we can float and sip Krug

      Delete
  7. My father never taught me these things but a friend from schools father once took me camping.

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    Replies
    1. But he told me that what happens in this tent by the lake stays in this tent by the lake.

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    2. CYBERPETE: Camping?

      You’ve been camp all your life!

      Delete
    3. I was young and didn't know any better.

      Camping life wasn't for me. Camp life was however.

      Delete
  8. My father, the man of a million maxims...

    "You're in trouble when you fall in love with the sound of your own voice"
    "Don't bend over, then you won't get screwed"
    "pick your nose and roll boogers"
    but the biggest one that has stayed with me and has helped: "Press on Regardless".

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    Replies
    1. WALLY: How quickly you forgot lesson #2.

      Delete
  9. My daddy taught me how to play Neko Funjatta on the piano forte, how to blow an egg from it's shell and he showed me how to blow bubbles in the bath by smearing my gob with shampoo, they was a lot of blowing going on.

    It was MJ who taught me how to embed a link in a comment box.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MITZI: I picture you at the piano performing à la Hinge and Bracket.

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. HUGGY JON: Would it help if I tossed you a banana?

      Delete