Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Infomaniac House of Beauty Closed

We regret to inform you that the Infomaniac House of Beauty is closed, pending further investigation due to a faulty electric face mask …



All clients will receive a full refund.

We regret any inconvenience this may cause and look forward to your patronage when we reopen for business.

Disclaimer: The Infomaniac House of Beauty is not responsible for allergic reactions, spotty skin appearance, burning sensations or unusual leakage following any treatments with our beautician Miss Scarlet.

38 comments:

  1. Well, if the client wanted all that hair off their face, then I'd say that the electrolysis was a success!

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  2. Wasn't it Miss Scarlets stick of butter treatment that caused it?

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  3. Isn't that the same disclaimer you trot out for your Bargain Rate STD Clinic?

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  4. Noooooooooooooo!!!
    In a month the burnt skin will drop off and it will be fine...
    Okay so you can't sit down... or walk and stuff... but this is a small price to pay for being beautiful. Heathens.
    Sx

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  5. Is Miss Scarlet available for private bookings?

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  6. ...I'm going on an embalming course soon, if anyone's interested?
    Sx

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  7. EROS: Well, if the client wanted all that hair off their face, then I'd say that the electrolysis was a success!

    Who says the customer is always right?

    Give the customer want they want and they turn around and bite you on the arse.

    CYBERPOOF: Wasn't it Miss Scarlets stick of butter treatment that caused it?

    Miss Scarlet hid the evidence, whereupon it promptly melted.

    MR. PEENEE: Isn't that the same disclaimer you trot out for your Bargain Rate STD Clinic?

    So you haven’t forgotten our special offer?

    It went something like this …

    Infomaniac Airlines gives discounts to anyone with an STD. If you have a sexually transmitted disease then fly free with Infomaniac Airlines to any destination in the world.
    Just sign up, providing proof of your STD, and you will receive your $10,000 dollar gift card.

    SCARLET: Noooooooooooooo!!!
    In a month the burnt skin will drop off and it will be fine...
    Okay so you can't sit down... or walk and stuff... but this is a small price to pay for being beautiful. Heathens.


    If the investigators click on the photo, they can clearly see (on the left) that your “Beauty Guard” was in place and operational.

    Evidence!

    XL: Is Miss Scarlet available for private bookings?

    That’s between you and Miss Scarlet.

    She has been known to moon, er, moonlight.

    SCARLET: ...I'm going on an embalming course soon, if anyone's interested?

    Just in time for your client in the chair.

    MAGO: Oh, invisible woman ...

    Too much vanishing cream.

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  8. That woman must have a face shaped like a carp!?
    I will forgo my own segue about any fishy smell jokes because I am a sensitive gentleman.
    Your welcome.

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  9. DONN: That woman must have a face shaped like a carp!?
    I will forgo my own segue about any fishy smell jokes because I am a sensitive gentleman.
    Your welcome.


    After this medical debacle, she’s going to need a sturgeon!

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  10. i had this treatment once, but the assholes gave me the wrong face.

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  11. NORMADESMOND: i had this treatment once, but the assholes gave me the wrong face.

    It could have been worse.

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  12. Nuts! I was so looking forward to that Winnie the Pooh party.

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  13. Just who was the unlucky blogger to receive the 'treatment' in question?

    By the looks of those shoulders and that bag, I'd say Beast.

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  14. KYKNOORD: Nuts! I was so looking forward to that Winnie the Pooh party.

    Welcome BACK to Infomaniac!

    It’s been over a year since we’ve heard from you!

    If I knew you were comin’, I’d have baked a cake.

    IVD: Just who was the unlucky blogger to receive the 'treatment' in question?
    By the looks of those shoulders and that bag, I'd say Beast.


    Of course it’s Beast.

    Why do you think he hasn’t commented yet?

    SCARLET: *sniggers*

    What are you sniggering at NOW, Miss Scarlet?

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  15. I tripped over Mr Beastie's 'man bag'.
    Sx

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  16. ***glares at IVD and Miss Scarlet***

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  17. Let me strap you down for your mud wrap, Mr Beastie.
    Sx

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  18. SCARLET: I tripped over Mr Beastie's 'man bag'.

    What on earth does Beast keep in his ‘manbag’ anyway?

    BEAST: ***glares at IVD and Miss Scarlet***

    See my question, above, to Miss Scarlet.

    Oh, and Miss Scarlet will see you now for your mud bath.

    SCARLET: Let me strap you down for your mud wrap, Mr Beastie.

    But he’s already mucky, Miss Scarlet.

    What is the point?

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  19. Because afterwards he get sprayed down with the 3000mph jet wash, steam cleaned and pressed.
    Sx

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  20. SCARLET: Because afterwards he get sprayed down with the 3000mph jet wash, steam cleaned and pressed.

    Is that why he’s carrying a fresh pair of hose in his ‘manbag’?

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  21. ...you mean the American tan tights in 40 denier?
    Sx

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  22. SCARLET: ...you mean the American tan tights in 40 denier?

    Yes, the Queen size.

    With absorbent gusset.

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  23. ...and a Tena Lady pad for extra protection...
    Where has he gone now...?
    Sx

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  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  25. I repeated myself...
    Anyhow, I have to go in for my tea now.
    Sx

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  26. SCARLET: ...and a Tena Lady pad for extra protection...
    Where has he gone now...?


    I believe he’s gone to pick up his pension cheque.

    SCARLET: I repeated myself...
    Anyhow, I have to go in for my tea now.


    You’re due back here in an hour for XL’s nose hair trim.

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  27. As you are well aware and have been informed by my legal team, I have recently been diagnosed with a stubborn, fatal and nasty rash as a result of visiting your so called, “House of Beauty“.

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  28. XL: Are piercings available?

    Good luck getting through Customs.

    AYEM8Y: As you are well aware and have been informed by my legal team, I have recently been diagnosed with a stubborn, fatal and nasty rash as a result of visiting your so called, “House of Beauty“.

    I’ll say it again…

    See you in court, bitch!

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  29. I hope "Little Pirate" is not involved in the litigation!

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  30. XL: Mistress MJ has been advised by her legal team not to comment.

    Please see new post.

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  31. Are anal bleachings available?? If so I would like to RSVP

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  32. TOY COUTURE: Yes. See previous post.

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  33. i would've been happy to get jocelyn's face.

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